lucky-E-leven
Aphrodisiaddict
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- Jan 17, 2004
- Posts
- 17,241
perdita said:All the time.
LOL.
love ya, P.
~lucky
Politically incorrect jokes
- Thread starter Wildcard Ky
- Start date
LOL.
love ya, P.
~lucky
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
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- Mar 1, 2000
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- 23,768
perdita said:
I hav been known to respond to a child in the "Know what?" phase:
"Sure, but I'm having a little trouble with who, where, whn and how."
I do so enjoy making youngsters stop and think.
G
Guest
Guest
That's hard to buy, HaroldWeird Harold said:
. When I used to try it my sons would instinctively say, "Are you trickin' me? Don't trick me!"Perdita
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
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- 23,768
perdita said:That's hard to buy, Harold
Perdita
The most common response used to be "Daaaaad!"
Now it's "Grampa! You're being silly again."
I get that a lot, because I tend to answer questions with silliness:
"Dad, I've got a question for you."
"I've got an answer for you. Would you like to see if they match?"
lewdandlicentious
I AM THE ALTAR
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- Dec 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,992
Tatelou said:I don't get that one.
Katie-Lou
That speaks volumes!!!
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Guest
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lewdandlicentious said:
pop_54
The young Aviator LOL
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2003
- Posts
- 6,893
Little boy arrives late to school.
"Why are you late again Brian?" Snaps his teacher.
"Umm... my Granny got burned miss," He replies.
"Oh... sorry Brian, I didn't know... was she burned bad?" Teacher stammers in shock and embarrassment.
"Well they don't fuck about at that crematorium miss," The lad
answers.
pops
"Why are you late again Brian?" Snaps his teacher.
"Umm... my Granny got burned miss," He replies.
"Oh... sorry Brian, I didn't know... was she burned bad?" Teacher stammers in shock and embarrassment.
"Well they don't fuck about at that crematorium miss," The lad
answers.
pops
lewdandlicentious
I AM THE ALTAR
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- Dec 30, 2003
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- 1,992
Why did the Tatelou put Viagra drops in her eyes???
G
Guest
Guest
lewdandlicentious said:
Huh? I dunno, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me!
lewdandlicentious
I AM THE ALTAR
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- Dec 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,992
'Cos she wanted to look hard!!!!!!
G
Guest
Guest
lewdandlicentious said:
*GROAN*
lewdandlicentious
I AM THE ALTAR
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- Dec 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,992
It's better when told in person. Honest!!!
G
Guest
Guest
Ok, I'll have to trust you on that, Lew.
Lou
Lou
G
Guest
Guest
What did it say?
Ouch!
fifty5
Literotica Guru
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- Jul 20, 2003
- Posts
- 3,619
Even older than me!!!!
So there's this octagenarian...
Right?
Gets married to this gorgeous twenty-year-old...
Right?
Well...
Both families say, "It really won't work!"
Right?
No - wrong...
For nearly 5 years everything's hunky-dory.
But then...
The Octagenarian notices that his lady-love ain't quite so demanding (so to speak) as she used to be...
...
So ...
He goes home early from work...
(I forgot to say - he was self-employed, so was still working...)
And when he gets home, there's the lady -
Spread out on the couch -
Dressed in nothing but a flimsy negligé...
(Know what I mean?)
So...
The old man dodders around the place, pulling out furniture, looking in cupboards and closets, muttering, "I know what's been going on, but I'll find him. I'll find him!"
He gets to the kitchen...
Looks out of the window...
(Sorry, another omission: it was a penthouse flat at the top of the tower...)
Down there, 20 floors below, there's this guy.
Leaning on a flash car and smoking...
(A cigarette, you fool!)
"That's him!" mutters the husband.
"I'll get the sod!"
And with an incredible effort, he picks up the fridge....
...........
So...
There's St Peter, waiting at The Pearly Gates.
"Good day, sir" he says. <posh accent>
"I'm not sure what they told you down there, but basically we already have most of your details on file...
"All we need to know is the details of exactly how you died..."
And so the old man tells the story, much as I've told you above, finishing: "...and after I threw the fridge on him, I died of a heart attack!"
"... died of a heart attack" Peter notes on his clip-board. "OK, that seems satisfactory..." and nods the old man in through the gates.
And up comes the second man...
Peter: "Good day" <etc.>
"Well..." (second man - even posher voice!)
"Bought a new sports car today...
"Takes it out for a run...
"Stops for a smoke - Don't believe in smoking at the wheel, dontcha know?...
"Fucking great fridge comes down from nowhere and squashes me flat!"
(Peter writes on clip-board: "...squashes me flat!")
"OK," says Peter, "that seems satisfactory..."
And up comes the third chap...
Peter: "Good day" <etc.>
"Well....
"You see...
"I was in this fridge... ... ...
----------------------------------------------
f5: "I've been telling this joke for about 4 decades. Often face-to-face, once over a mic and tannoy system, but never before in 'print'. Just for my academic interest; did it work that way?
Luv-n-kisses
f5
So there's this octagenarian...
Right?
Gets married to this gorgeous twenty-year-old...
Right?
Well...
Both families say, "It really won't work!"
Right?
No - wrong...
For nearly 5 years everything's hunky-dory.
But then...
The Octagenarian notices that his lady-love ain't quite so demanding (so to speak) as she used to be...
...
So ...
He goes home early from work...
(I forgot to say - he was self-employed, so was still working...)
And when he gets home, there's the lady -
Spread out on the couch -
Dressed in nothing but a flimsy negligé...
(Know what I mean?)
So...
The old man dodders around the place, pulling out furniture, looking in cupboards and closets, muttering, "I know what's been going on, but I'll find him. I'll find him!"
He gets to the kitchen...
Looks out of the window...
(Sorry, another omission: it was a penthouse flat at the top of the tower...)
Down there, 20 floors below, there's this guy.
Leaning on a flash car and smoking...
(A cigarette, you fool!)
"That's him!" mutters the husband.
"I'll get the sod!"
And with an incredible effort, he picks up the fridge....
...........
So...
There's St Peter, waiting at The Pearly Gates.
"Good day, sir" he says. <posh accent>
"I'm not sure what they told you down there, but basically we already have most of your details on file...
"All we need to know is the details of exactly how you died..."
And so the old man tells the story, much as I've told you above, finishing: "...and after I threw the fridge on him, I died of a heart attack!"
"... died of a heart attack" Peter notes on his clip-board. "OK, that seems satisfactory..." and nods the old man in through the gates.
And up comes the second man...
Peter: "Good day" <etc.>
"Well..." (second man - even posher voice!)
"Bought a new sports car today...
"Takes it out for a run...
"Stops for a smoke - Don't believe in smoking at the wheel, dontcha know?...
"Fucking great fridge comes down from nowhere and squashes me flat!"
(Peter writes on clip-board: "...squashes me flat!")
"OK," says Peter, "that seems satisfactory..."
And up comes the third chap...
Peter: "Good day" <etc.>
"Well....
"You see...
"I was in this fridge... ... ...
----------------------------------------------
f5: "I've been telling this joke for about 4 decades. Often face-to-face, once over a mic and tannoy system, but never before in 'print'. Just for my academic interest; did it work that way?
Luv-n-kisses
f5
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Even older than me!!!!
Hahaha! YES! It most definitely worked for me. It's the way you tell it.
Very funny, with great narration!
Lou
fifty5 said:
Hahaha! YES! It most definitely worked for me. It's the way you tell it.
Very funny, with great narration!
Lou
G
Guest
Guest
G
Guest
Guest
HeidiManshankVA
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 27, 2002
- Posts
- 190
Whats the hardest part about eating vegetables?
Getting them out of the wheelchair.
Badumpum tsssss
Straight to hell with me, eh? haha
Getting them out of the wheelchair.
Badumpum tsssss
Straight to hell with me, eh? haha
Raging Whoremoans
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2004
- Posts
- 602
Cattle Call
When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:
Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."
Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."
~ R W
When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:
Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."
Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."
~ R W
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