Pleasure/Pain?

[Cleopatra]

Evening all.

I'm rather new to this board (but not to posting, as is evident by my post count ) but I have a question to pose. I've heard much about the Dom/sub relationship, the equality of it, the give and take of control and power, and the discipline required to have a successful and happy relationship. My question goes to the pleasure received from pain.

I'll admit freely that it's not my thing, because to me, pain is just that. I have a hard time seeing how one actually gets and pleasure from pain. Since that also seems to be a large part of the relationship, I'm interested to see how it works.

I'd love to hear your theories.

If this has been done to death, feel free to tell me that also. As I said - new.

Thanks.

 

[niteshade]

Hey Cleo...
I can not answer your question myself, except to say that I am NOT a pain slut, at all. Certified wimp. However, in the things I have tried lately, it seems to me that once you reach a certain point of arousal, it really just does not hurt. It is just one more sensation, and when you are that aroused, you crave the sensation, any sensation.

Have you ever been getting fucked, you know, down and dirty style, and you wanted it harder, more, deeper????

For me, it is the same thing. Admittedly, I am a baby to this stuff, but that is where I stand.

Also, I am going to try and post a link to the library... we have lots of threads about stuff like this all organized, thanks to Anelize. If my attempt doesn't work, it is the first thread in the main bdsm forum. Have fun!

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164633

 

[niteshade]

I thought I better add something... that is just the way it is for ME... there are many others here who do get pleasure from the pain itself, I think.

 

[Cleopatra]

Well, niteshade, thanks for the link. Obviously it *has* been done before. Ah, well, it's not the first time I've repeated an idea.

Thanks for your answer - I appreciate it. I also happen to use Melissa in my siglines too every now and then, but it's mostly from "Similar Features" or "Like I Do".

 

[niteshade]

Well, niteshade, thanks for the link. Obviously it *has* been done before. Ah, well, it's not the first time I've repeated an idea.

Thanks for your answer - I appreciate it. I also happen to use Melissa in my siglines too every now and then, but it's mostly from "Similar Features" or "Like I Do".

I love Similar Features. She is awesome in concert... have you seen her?
Don't worry about the post too much... we are nice, for the most part. I suggest you read some stuff there, and come back here with any questions you have about specific things.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Evening all.

I'm rather new to this board (but not to posting, as is evident by my post count ) but I have a question to pose. I've heard much about the Dom/sub relationship, the equality of it, the give and take of control and power, and the discipline required to have a successful and happy relationship. My question goes to the pleasure received from pain.

I'll admit freely that it's not my thing, because to me, pain is just that. I have a hard time seeing how one actually gets and pleasure from pain. Since that also seems to be a large part of the relationship, I'm interested to see how it works.

I'd love to hear your theories.

If this has been done to death, feel free to tell me that also. As I said - new.

Thanks.

Welcome to the Community Cleo, and thanks for the question. Also, thanks to Niteshade for posting the link to the Pain and Sensation category of the Library. Cleo, you said that you think that pain "seems to be a large part of the relationship". I'm going to beg to differ here. Yes, it is part and parcel of what I have with my Dominant, but it takes up a rather small part of the sum totality of the D/s relationship that we have. It is more related to actions and less to the actual meat of the relationship, which is the power exchange itself. Pain is means to an end, if you will, not the end itself.

That said, I will tell you that when we started our relationship I was one of those subs that had no interest in pain whatsoever. As time has gone on, however, I have found that I have changed. I crave the endorphin rush and the flight through subspace that pain brings me.

Am I a pain slut? I have no idea. Compared to some others, probably not. It doesn't really matter to me, as I don't compare myself to other people here, or anywhere else....I only know what I have done, and where I go, and have yet to go. I know that I trust Him to take me there, and I have gone places I never dreamed I would go.

I hope this gives you some of the insight you wished, feel free to PM me, if you'd like.

~anelize

 

[Cleopatra]

I love Similar Features. She is awesome in concert... have you seen her?
Don't worry about the post too much... we are nice, for the most part. I suggest you read some stuff there, and come back here with any questions you have about specific things.

Yes, I did see her in concert, in a little theater in New York about 10 years ago. I wish I had appreciated her more then, but it seems I'm only really starting to see the real stuff now.

Thanks for your help.


And thank you, Anelize. Endorphin rush, huh? Interesting. I never though about that as a result...

 

[niteshade]

Actually, Cleo, I want to thank you... I had not yet read those threads myself, being fairly new here, and now that you brought up the subject, I am reading them all, and learning quite a bit. Thanks

 

[cellis]

I think it is this pain thing that just gets everything all mixed up and gives us a bad rep....

After some pretty intense play in the last couple of weeks... and having my limits pushed more than they have been in a long while... I realize that I might feel the smack of a slapper on my ass but it is not the pain... it is the sensation that gets me going... and because I am wired a little differently than the nilla variety of people... it excites me... and the more sensations He creates the more excited and aroused I become... I cannot tell you why that it... I have a friend and putting clothes pins on her nipples does nothing for her.... but bite her on the back or ass and she is ready to come.... it is different for all of us... and for us that is maybe 2 or 3 hours of that kind of physical intensity a week... the rest of the time it is all mental... and sometimes that is more painful than the physical....

So I just don't even question why those clothes pins on my nipples turn me into a puddle of wanting, they just do...

 

[Cleopatra]

I think it is this pain thing that just gets everything all mixed up and gives us a bad rep....

Thank you cellis. I won't say I understand it, but then again, I've never experienced it.

Thanks again.

 

[bunny bondage]

for me there's a good hurt and a bad hurt. some pain is just crummy, like stubbing your toe or cutting your finger while making dinner, or getting hit in the face with a tire swing. some pain, for me and many others, doesn't just hurt, it's a pleasurable sensation. the only thing i can think of equating it too is when you get a really good backrub and it kinda hurts but in a good way. i guess it just feels different to different people! who can say why one person likes to eat fish and another wretches at the mere scent?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... or getting hit in the face with a tire swing ...

Ok, i have to ask. The curiosity is way into overdrive on this one.

Did you have your back turned, or did someone misjudge, or what?

Sorry for the hijack.

My two cents ... there's a point, different in all people, where the signal sent differs so little the brain says, "WTF, don't worry be happy."

i've no where near the pain tolerance of many, and i'd bet most women, and i approach it stubbornly. i'll break before i bend.

With that in mind, you'd think i'd prefer something other than an open hand to swat tail, but i don't. Not sure if it becomes a contest between either's pain receptors, or sheer bull headed determination. Then again, the cries and tears sound like music to my ears, and look like a masterpiece to my eyes. Amazing what a little rhythm, however choked it might be, can do to keep you going when the body whines it's had enough ... my hand, not her tail.

 

[Cleopatra]

for me there's a good hurt and a bad hurt. some pain is just crummy, like stubbing your toe or cutting your finger while making dinner, or getting hit in the face with a tire swing. some pain, for me and many others, doesn't just hurt, it's a pleasurable sensation. the only thing i can think of equating it too is when you get a really good backrub and it kinda hurts but in a good way. i guess it just feels different to different people! who can say why one person likes to eat fish and another wretches at the mere scent?

Thank you bunny bondage. I'm definitely seeing that this is a person-by-person issue.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Stab from the dark

Minds seek kinship.

i've had vanilla, tolerant, and the rare compatible relationships.

i've learned to mute certain desires in vanilla and tolerant relationships.

i've learned to glow in compatible relationships. The compatible seems hard to search for, hard to find, hard to return to, but oh so blissful when found.

This is my opinion, and only that. A submissive allows a Dominant/Top/Sadist to drive them thru pain into sub-space. It's a place of safety, floating, drifting, and peace. i'm sure the submissives and masochists can describe it better for you. The point, however, is they seek that place, whether for the "pick your label," or their own enjoyment.

The pain, at least in the beginning, where it truly is pain, does hurt. i think the transformation happens as a result of the sub's willingness to endure and please for their "pick your label." The sub holds onto that willingness as a mantra, and that breaks thru the barrier all of us have ... "it hurts, make it stop." When the body gets to a certain point, it compensates. They earn their reward as pleasure, and if they did it for a loved "pyl," the pleasure isn't linear.

Think geometric.

i'll get off the quantum theory soapbox now, and allow those that feel it try to explain.

 

[Cleopatra]

Re: Stab from the dark

The pain, at least in the beginning, where it truly is pain, does hurt. i think the transformation happens as a result of the sub's willingness to endure and please for their "pick your label." The sub holds onto that willingness as a mantra, and that breaks thru the barrier all of us have ... "it hurts, make it stop." When the body gets to a certain point, it compensates. They earn their reward as pleasure, and if they did it for a loved "pyl," the pleasure isn't linear.

Think geometric.

i'll get off the quantum theory soapbox now, and allow those that feel it try to explain.

Actually, that, I understand.

Breaking your own rules to please another, which in turn pleases yourself, but in both ways....

Thank you.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

it is the sensation that gets me going

I like that word, Cellis, "sensation", because honestly....when He's working the flogger over my back and ass, it doesn't hurt. It's a wonderful, thuddy, sort of semi-indescribable sensation, that I know I love. It's something that is a favorite "warm-up" kind of instrument. "Warm-Up" as in setting those endorphins to rushing, sending me off to subspace, etc. He generally doesn't start in with the heavy stuff right off.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

As bunny said, its a good hurt, much like a deep massage can produce.

There is nothing like it. The way the sensations build upon each other. The combination of thuds and stings, sharp and dull; generating heat deep within. The satisfaction of enduring through to the point that it transforms into intense pleasure. Submitting, riding the sensations, letting my mind free, losing contact with everything around me, aware only of Him and our connection; the trip to subspace is powerful, heady stuff.



OK. Enough of that for now. I've got to finish getting my stuff together. In a couple of hours, I'll be with Him and I don't need to work myself up any more. I've got to be able to drive. LOL

 

[WriterDom]

I have heard some describe it as almost separating from the body, as if they are viewing it from above. Not really feeling anything.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Pleasure/Pain?

snip..."seems to be a large part of the relationship". I'm going to beg to differ here.

I agree with you Anelize...

I think a more apt statement would be to say that pain seems to be a large part of SOME relationships.

You cannot lump all people into one slot.

 

[Quint]

Very rarely do I ever get into "good" pain, or "sensation" as it's being fondly referred to. Most of the pain I take is just that: pain. I don't like it. I wince and cry out for him to stop. But when he doesn't stop because he doesn't WANT to stop, I'm glad--I am able to do something for him that he wants me to do, namely, take it. He hurts me because he wants to; rarely is his goal my enjoyment of that sensation. And I'm happy for it.

Now THAT is probably pretty hard to understand!

 

[Cleopatra]

Very rarely do I ever get into "good" pain, or "sensation" as it's being fondly referred to. Most of the pain I take is just that: pain. I don't like it. I wince and cry out for him to stop. But when he doesn't stop because he doesn't WANT to stop, I'm glad--I am able to do something for him that he wants me to do, namely, take it. He hurts me because he wants to; rarely is his goal my enjoyment of that sensation. And I'm happy for it.

Now THAT is probably pretty hard to understand!

Logically, I understand what you're saying, and how it makes you feel. Thank you.

I keep forgetting the power aspect - which I'm seeing is more and more important. In letting him do what he wants to do, you're giving him the power to make himself happy, which in turn, makes you happy. The fact that it's pain to you really makes little difference, if I understand it....

 

[Quint]

Logically, I understand what you're saying, and how it makes you feel. Thank you.

I keep forgetting the power aspect - which I'm seeing is more and more important. In letting him do what he wants to do, you're giving him the power to make himself happy, which in turn, makes you happy. The fact that it's pain to you really makes little difference, if I understand it....

Yup, except that it feels more perverse to me, since he's doing such intrusive, difficult-to-bear things that push me so far. Challenging but definitely rewarding. Yay for being understood!

 

[cellis]

Very rarely do I ever get into "good" pain, or "sensation" as it's being fondly referred to. Most of the pain I take is just that: pain. I don't like it. I wince and cry out for him to stop. But when he doesn't stop because he doesn't WANT to stop, I'm glad--I am able to do something for him that he wants me to do, namely, take it. He hurts me because he wants to; rarely is his goal my enjoyment of that sensation. And I'm happy for it.

Now THAT is probably pretty hard to understand!

I do understand... I have been thinking alot about this whole thing in the last couple of days. I do cry out, I do move, I do try to pull away, unable to help myself, I do flinch and tighten up with anticipation... But there are those times when I am able to transcend... move beyond all of that... I am certain that I am probably in a dissociative state at the time... I have an awareness of what is happening... but it is like I am an observer as well as a participant... I don't know how else to describe it...

What AA said about His getting off to the screams and the tears... it made me wonder if that is what moves some Doms... Himself told me that He seeks to create an affect and He has no idea if it is working or not unless I react to what He is doing to me...

I love to feel it when He is excited... to feel the energy change... to know that part of His excitement is because of how I react to Him....

 

[FungiUg]

I think pleasure from pain can vary -- depending on the type of pain. For example, I know my submissive enjoys being spanked, largely because of the mental space it sends her to. But I doubt she would enjoy being cut or needle play. (Neither would I, so that's fine.)

 

[s'lara]

i had a thought earlier today after discussing this topic.

There is no masochistic secret to pain. i didn't have a technique i used in order to obtain the "it feels good to be hurt" sensation. What's tough to express is the motivation behind the need for pain. i think every masochist has their own pain blueprint wherein the way they need/eroticize pain is individual only to them. There may be masochists who hate the paddle, but adore the singletail and vice/versa. Again, the trigger is unique to each person.

As for pain and its place in the bedroom/outside the bedroom, i think the road to "this feels good, hurt me more" is transitional. Stages if you will. Those first feelings of pain are just that ... pain. Your body is processing the sensations and your head is trying to keep pace. Dependent upon whether the Dominant in question chooses to mix the pain with pleasure, the transition to eroticizing the pain seems to be easily attainable for some and difficult for others.

However, judging by the statements seen in this thread and others, there are quite a few approaches to pain and its place in a D/s relationship. The following are just a few:

- Some do not care for pain at all, sexualized or not.

- Some can endure sexualized pain if they are suffering at the hands of their Dominant. The pain doesn't necessarily turn them on, but serving their Dominant in this capacity does.

- Some welcome the pain and quite often need it. The pain can and does bring sexual satisfaction to those inclined in this direction.

- Some don't sexualize pain at all. Yet the need for it still exists. There is a rush from the pain ... a high. Sometimes the goal isn't about reaching sexual satisfaction ... sometimes its just about how it awakens your senses and makes you feel more alive.

i tend to agree with the majority of the responses here and in the other Pain threads with the exception of how pain "just feels good." There is always (to my way of thinking) some work involved prior to reaching the "feel good" level, but it is usually worth getting there.

lara