Please help me with this guy...

[unspoken_wish]

Okay, I have a problem.

I am a 23 year old female, and my new man is 22. Where I have had a few sexual partners before, my guy is a virgin. I mean, completely. Before me he never even really made out with anyone before. Okay since we've been together, he will make out with me, touch and kiss my body and breasts, let me touch him, and let me give him head.... nothing else.

Then today, he wanted to have sex, so I said okay. So we were getting all into it and then right before he was about to enter me he just froze up, claiming he was too afraid to do anything else. So I said alright, and I asked him if he wanted to touch or see my vagina. After practically begging him, he finally did for a minute or two........ but I felt awful that I had to beg him to do that.

Now he is saying again that he wants to just make out and cuddle but nothing sexual whatsoever.... I'm not even allowed to touch his dick anymore, even through his clothes!!

So how do I fix this? This boy is extremely good looking, and he claims that it's simply that his awful childhood and his lack of experience is making him clam up when it comes to sex.... I like him and I want to be patient, but maybe there's something I can do to make him feel more comfortable with a naked girl?? Has anyone ever heard of this before?? (I mean, most guys would feel lucky to have a girl that wants them so much, wouldn't they? I've never had this happen before!) Any help is appreciated.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I don't have any experience with this, so I can only recommend communication. Until you know what his fears or other issues are, it's hard to know how to address them so he feels more comfortable with sex.

 

[human_male]

I can imagine how he feels. Despite the way guys are expected to be concerning sex, a lot are probably quite nervous or even scared about it the first time. Although it's odd that a really good looking guy would be so inexperienced, but anyway.

What I would do is completely back off from the whole thing. For a few weeks even. Don't mention it, and only do what he's said he's comfortable with for now. Hopefully, he will eventually feel comfortable enough with you to try again. When you get to that point, just do what you've been doing... be patient and understanding and don't push. If in a couple of months things aren't happening then you might want to gently broach the subject again. It might not be just nerves, he might have some serious issues and if that's the case you obviously can't just ignore it for ever. But until then I'd just act like it's not an issue at all.

One thing you might try if things do heat up eventually and he's ready to give it another go, is suggest he just lays back and you do the driving. That way he doesn't have to worry about getting it in and how hard to push and so forth. And if he cums really quick don't act disappointed or say something like "awww it's alright, we can try again later." Try to act like that's exactly what you wanted.

Hope that helps.

 

[RagingWillard]

I guess just be really supportive of him. Cuddle with him, ease him into it. Communicate with him about it, try different things with him like cuddling naked. Let him just get used to the female body. Basically try and make him as comfortable with the transition of practically celibate to sex all the time. If he really freezes up like that he is probably confused as to what to do, communicate with him, tell him what you like and guide him through it. You could potentially have alot of fun with this too. Teaching him exactly what you want definately has its rewards.

 

[Gypsy_Lis]

I've never had any experience in that area but I would suggest patience, time and communication. Hands off for the time being until he is ready.

Gypsy_Lis

 

[pleasehelp]

Being a virgin 20/m myself with no experience, I can explain to what it is... he really cares for you and is afraid sex will ruin the relationship... on top of already being scared and nervous about it, he feels as though since hes gone so long without sex and has been fine, he doesnt see the point in possibly hurting the rlationship by being too sexual... Hes probably looked around (as i have various times) and realizes that often sex causes more problems than it solves... if you look at relationships, unfortunately, a lot of the problems do come from sex and I feel hes scared of that on top of everything. Maybe hes also scared that since he has no experience but you do that youll compare him to others, and since he has no experience figures youll probably think hes pretty bad. This of course would put fear in his mind that you might leave him because of itfor someone who might be better able to please you in that way.....

Its not just women who worry about sex and their partner you know

 

[SweetErika]

How long have you been dating exclusively?

 

[TBKahuna123]

OK, I was like this in high school. My first girlfriend was more experienced than me, but not much. I will never forget the first few times we started getting physical, she was litterally begging me to make love to her. So here I am, fighting with my religious beliefs of not wanting to have full blown sex until I was married. But how do I tell her that? I was totally embarassed but this was how I felt. After the second encounter like this I did exactly what your boyfriend has done. Why doesn't he want to get physical? Because he's afraid he's going to get you hot and you are are going to push him once more into something he's not ready for. He feels guilty not being able to satisfy your desires, so he just wants to avoid the situation where he may have to.

Now, I'm not saying this makes you a bad person for wanting him, far from it. It just means that you need to be willing to wait until he is ready, really ready. Talk to him about it, tell him you want to know why he's not ready so you can understand it. Do it in a way that is caring and not accusatory. Believe me, this guy wants you, that's why it's so hard for him. I don't know what his reasons are for not being ready, but they could range from performance anxiety to religious beliefs to childhood sexual abuse! You never know unless you talk about it.

You have to have trust, and it sounds like right now he doesn't trust you to not push him, so he's avoiding the situation where he might ahave to say no. Talk about it, get him to trust that you'll accept him saying no when he does, and things will get better. Eventually he'll reach that point where he's ready, but not unless he trusts you. That's what you need to work on.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Okay, I have a problem.

I am a 23 year old female, and my new man is 22. Where I have had a few sexual partners before, my guy is a virgin. I mean, completely. Before me he never even really made out with anyone before. Okay since we've been together, he will make out with me, touch and kiss my body and breasts, let me touch him, and let me give him head.... nothing else.

Then today, he wanted to have sex, so I said okay. So we were getting all into it and then right before he was about to enter me he just froze up, claiming he was too afraid to do anything else. So I said alright, and I asked him if he wanted to touch or see my vagina. After practically begging him, he finally did for a minute or two........ but I felt awful that I had to beg him to do that.

Now he is saying again that he wants to just make out and cuddle but nothing sexual whatsoever.... I'm not even allowed to touch his dick anymore, even through his clothes!!

So how do I fix this? This boy is extremely good looking, and he claims that it's simply that his awful childhood and his lack of experience is making him clam up when it comes to sex.... I like him and I want to be patient, but maybe there's something I can do to make him feel more comfortable with a naked girl?? Has anyone ever heard of this before?? (I mean, most guys would feel lucky to have a girl that wants them so much, wouldn't they? I've never had this happen before!) Any help is appreciated.

I would first of all be happy for the opportunity. It isn;t often that one gets to show a man how to do things properly.
This would start with communication. See what he is afraid of. Let him get comfy with you enough to be able to tell you what he is feeling.
Then, do things to loosen him up. Maybe watch a porn with him or something. Have him go with you to find a sexy outfit you would wear just for him. Get him involved and thinking about you.
Then move slowly. Maybe show him how wonderful heavy kissing could be. Or have him watch you masturbate in front of him so he can learn what you are like when you cum.
Once you get him to this point, let him make the moves to help him. If he doesn;t, then reevaluate. It is possible this guy may be of a different orientation or maybe the stuff was so tramatic, he may need counseling. In any case, the initial move should be communication.

 

[unspoken_wish]

Being a virgin 20/m myself with no experience, I can explain to what it is... he really cares for you and is afraid sex will ruin the relationship... on top of already being scared and nervous about it, he feels as though since hes gone so long without sex and has been fine, he doesnt see the point in possibly hurting the rlationship by being too sexual... Hes probably looked around (as i have various times) and realizes that often sex causes more problems than it solves... if you look at relationships, unfortunately, a lot of the problems do come from sex and I feel hes scared of that on top of everything. Maybe hes also scared that since he has no experience but you do that youll compare him to others, and since he has no experience figures youll probably think hes pretty bad. This of course would put fear in his mind that you might leave him because of itfor someone who might be better able to please you in that way.....

Its not just women who worry about sex and their partner you know

Lol yes I know... I realize this is part of the problem, and due to him having some very negative connotations with sex because of his abusive childhood, he's just having a hard time with it. Thanks for your response

 

[unspoken_wish]

How long have you been dating exclusively?

Exclusively? Only a couple of weeks... which is why I'm willing to be patient because I know it's best not to rush into these things.

 

[unspoken_wish]

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the replies!! I am going to be patient because I really do like him. I know his issues stem from childhood tramas, so I will just ease him into it slowly. I know he wants me too, because I don't have any trouble getting him hard! He just clams up when I want to touch him, and he never wants to touch my vagina.... but he loves my breasts.... so I guess it will just take some time. Thank you again.

 

[fgarvb1]

If religious beliefs are not the problem then my friend I'd say there might be something to the old saying that liquor is quicker.

Don't get him drunk now...that would be wrong, just get him relaxed.

If you all smoke , why than ... fire up a joint.

 

[M's girl]

If religious beliefs are not the problem then my friend I'd say there might be something to the old saying that liquor is quicker.

Don't get him drunk now...that would be wrong, just get him relaxed.

If you all smoke , why than ... fire up a joint.

Weird....

...... 'cause if this would be advised to a man and he would take (your) advice he might end up being accused of (date) rape.... or is it just me thinking that way?

The guy is just not ready for whatever reason. Let him be. She just said she was OK with it and that's how it should be.... for the time being at least. This situation cannot last for years but I'm fairly sure it won't. They're only dating for a few weeks and she was (understandibly) a bit worried 'cause the majority of boys/men would be all over her from the first minute if they had the chance!

 

[SweetErika]

Exclusively? Only a couple of weeks... which is why I'm willing to be patient because I know it's best not to rush into these things.

A couple of weeks is way too soon for most people who have no sexual or emotional issues, so the fact that he's backing out doesn't surprise me at all. If, in many MONTHS, there's a lot of trust and love but you're still having the same issue, then there's probably some cause for concern.

It sounds like he would benefit from counselling as well.

 

[SweetErika]

Weird....

...... 'cause if this would be advised to a man and he would take (your) advice he might end up being accused of (date) rape.... or is it just me thinking that way?

No, it's not just you; I agree wholeheartedly plying anyone with drugs or alcohol is wrong and just a bad idea. It may lower inhibitions, but the regret and pain in the aftermath can be far worse than if it had occurred while completely sober. If a person can't/won't/is hesitant to do something sober, they shouldn't do it at all.

 

[rcuhljr]

Where are all the women plying me with drugs and alcohol?

 

[fgarvb1]

Oh yeah, my bad!

I said DON'T get him Drunk!

And by the way...

I had about every kind of ruse and tactic pulled on me by horny lunatics of the female gender known to mankind, including not taking no for an answer to get into my britches, so I don't want to hear the bullshit.

 

[static_pulse]

Okay, I have a problem.

I am a 23 year old female, and my new man is 22. Where I have had a few sexual partners before, my guy is a virgin. I mean, completely. Before me he never even really made out with anyone before. Okay since we've been together, he will make out with me, touch and kiss my body and breasts, let me touch him, and let me give him head.... nothing else.

Then today, he wanted to have sex, so I said okay. So we were getting all into it and then right before he was about to enter me he just froze up, claiming he was too afraid to do anything else. So I said alright, and I asked him if he wanted to touch or see my vagina. After practically begging him, he finally did for a minute or two........ but I felt awful that I had to beg him to do that.

Now he is saying again that he wants to just make out and cuddle but nothing sexual whatsoever.... I'm not even allowed to touch his dick anymore, even through his clothes!!

So how do I fix this? This boy is extremely good looking, and he claims that it's simply that his awful childhood and his lack of experience is making him clam up when it comes to sex.... I like him and I want to be patient, but maybe there's something I can do to make him feel more comfortable with a naked girl?? Has anyone ever heard of this before?? (I mean, most guys would feel lucky to have a girl that wants them so much, wouldn't they? I've never had this happen before!) Any help is appreciated.

wierd guy maybe that was why his still a virgin huh?

 

[Ahh_lex_A]

I can relate.....

........In a way, my boyfriend and i were virgins before we did it.=)

....Really cool and romantic actually. but yours is the opposite. Which is expected during the first months of getting into it. How long have you been before deciding on doing it?... It takes time and some familiarity. I suggest its what you both do. get familiar with each other. Gradually. and naturally, you'll know he'll get the hang of it. =)

Mine is based on what i believe works. Hope i'm helpful.