I am working on a story but am having a bit of a problem with it. As I re-read it over and over it starts to sound really cheesy and almost cliché. I am looking for outside opinions on it. Please be honest, I don't want to write cookie cutter stories or even worst boring ones. Thanks in advance.
Page 1:
Warm water ran over Hannah’s fingers, and soap coated her forearms. She had been doing dishes for over an hour now and was growing weary of the monotonous chore that haunted her love of entertaining. Her shoulder length straw colored locks fell loosely around her neck, and her bright green eyes fixed on her task. Tonight she had used just about every dish in the house, but it was well worth it. Chase had invited the branch manager over so it was paramount that she perform her role as the dutiful wife beyond reproach. She had spent weeks planning tonight's gathering, and had spent the day preparing little delicacies and deep cleaning every surface she had walked by.
Chase was outside sending off the last of their guests. He had really thrived tonight as the confident, intelligent man he truly was. His boss, Clark, had really taken a shine to him laughing and joking the whole night and had even let slip a half-serious little remark about the upcoming merger and Chase’s place within the new structure of the company. Hannah was proud of him. Proud of his hard work, proud to follow a man with such a clear head and the ambition and drive to make their dreams come true. Not follow in the traditional “Whatever you say goes honey” like her grandmother following her Grandad all over the country in a frivolous pursuit of “fame and fortune” that never quite panned out. She followed Chase because he was a worthy leader, a compassionate man who loved her and would do anything to provide for her. She followed him because she respected him, respected how he asked her opinion on a matter carefully considered her words then made a smart rational decision which more often than not brought them prosperity.
Lately, Chase had been stressed. Anxious about the merger and the potential of losing his job, he had begun to pull back from her. She knew his aloofness was deeply rooted in his insecurities surrounding his ability to provide for and protect his own; but, that didn’t help her feel any less empty. There was a fathomless longing for closeness building within her, a longing only Chase could satisfy. She closed her eyes and hung her head low taking a deep breath to calm herself and reconcile the emptiness she struggled with. She was aroused from her composure by the soft caress of two strong hands creeping under the brim of her shirt at the crest of her back and slithering around her waist to the front of her hips. She felt a warm body press against her as those familiar hands pulled her close. Chase leaned in and gently kissed the nape of her neck. Instantly Hannah’s head fell back on his shoulder and she melted into his embrace.
Chase stood behind his wife drinking in her beauty and wrapping his arms tight around her waist. As her head leaned against his shoulder her smell filled his nostrils and sent a chill through his spine. She smelt of jasmine and bamboo, and her body pressed against his could not have been more perfect. He leaned a cheek against her head and they stood there embracing each other, delighting in the silent conversation of loving embrace.
Page 1:
Warm water ran over Hannah’s fingers, and soap coated her forearms. She had been doing dishes for over an hour now and was growing weary of the monotonous chore that haunted her love of entertaining. Her shoulder length straw colored locks fell loosely around her neck, and her bright green eyes fixed on her task. Tonight she had used just about every dish in the house, but it was well worth it. Chase had invited the branch manager over so it was paramount that she perform her role as the dutiful wife beyond reproach. She had spent weeks planning tonight's gathering, and had spent the day preparing little delicacies and deep cleaning every surface she had walked by.
Chase was outside sending off the last of their guests. He had really thrived tonight as the confident, intelligent man he truly was. His boss, Clark, had really taken a shine to him laughing and joking the whole night and had even let slip a half-serious little remark about the upcoming merger and Chase’s place within the new structure of the company. Hannah was proud of him. Proud of his hard work, proud to follow a man with such a clear head and the ambition and drive to make their dreams come true. Not follow in the traditional “Whatever you say goes honey” like her grandmother following her Grandad all over the country in a frivolous pursuit of “fame and fortune” that never quite panned out. She followed Chase because he was a worthy leader, a compassionate man who loved her and would do anything to provide for her. She followed him because she respected him, respected how he asked her opinion on a matter carefully considered her words then made a smart rational decision which more often than not brought them prosperity.
Lately, Chase had been stressed. Anxious about the merger and the potential of losing his job, he had begun to pull back from her. She knew his aloofness was deeply rooted in his insecurities surrounding his ability to provide for and protect his own; but, that didn’t help her feel any less empty. There was a fathomless longing for closeness building within her, a longing only Chase could satisfy. She closed her eyes and hung her head low taking a deep breath to calm herself and reconcile the emptiness she struggled with. She was aroused from her composure by the soft caress of two strong hands creeping under the brim of her shirt at the crest of her back and slithering around her waist to the front of her hips. She felt a warm body press against her as those familiar hands pulled her close. Chase leaned in and gently kissed the nape of her neck. Instantly Hannah’s head fell back on his shoulder and she melted into his embrace.
Chase stood behind his wife drinking in her beauty and wrapping his arms tight around her waist. As her head leaned against his shoulder her smell filled his nostrils and sent a chill through his spine. She smelt of jasmine and bamboo, and her body pressed against his could not have been more perfect. He leaned a cheek against her head and they stood there embracing each other, delighting in the silent conversation of loving embrace.
