please explain

[hurtme]

hmm, maybe i am of the dying minority of subbies that likes to get to know a guy hand...after that...well, i probably wouldn't mind in the least if he grabbed me by the hair...if the attraction was mutual of course...its a nice idea...taking without asking, but in my reality, it isn't exactly the smart way to go about thigns...talking might kill the mood, but it will helps things in the end (usually)

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough ...

Sounds like the right reason to drop kick them to the throat ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif ... no, i never forgot that one.

A long silence with The Look usually works wonders.

 

[WriterDom]

What I find to be interesting when talking to new submissives, is when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough. That's what I get for trying to get to know a submissive first...

They are looking for something easy. Bottom feeding catfish wanting stinky bait. Try trout fishing. They are evasive and will test your skills, but I'd rather feed on trout with the chance of going hungry, then eating all you can eat catfish.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

i'd rather be Spencer Tracy with an attitude, and an auto-gauge.

 

[fille]

It really is amazing how often wannabe doms think they can just start out with an order. I only start feeling submissive after I get to know someone and his personality feels powerful and dominant to me. Dominant and pushy are not the same thing.

 

[ownedsubgal]

people make assumptions all the time (often false), that's a part of human nature. i've been guilty of it myself regarding some things. i don't think that alone automatically makes someone stupid, a jerk, a bumhole or any other such thing. the fact is that there are indeed Dominants out there who will and do express their inner natures blatantly and quickly, with no gentle getting to know you, leading up to things period. and it is also a fact that there are submissives out there who respond best to being used and commanded from the beginning, without that same getting to know you period. there's nothing wrong with that. personally, i have never responded well to a Dominant/Man who primarily wishes to use me/have me serve him asking me a million questions, trying to get me to "open up", wanting to "get inside my head". just tell me what is expected of me, what you desire, and i will do my best to serve. that is my purpose. all the intimate (and to me intimate means non-sexual, personal talk) discussion makes me extremely uncomfortable and definitely is not going to help anything. i'd never reject a Dominant because he went this route, but that is because i do not reject anyone, that is not my nature. but it probably wouldn't be difficult to see my unhappiness.

 

[Netzach]

What I find to be interesting when talking to new submissives, is when they tell me that I just don't seem 'Domly' enough. That's what I get for trying to get to know a submissive first...


Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Heh. The one girl who told me I seemed "too nice" later told me I was "really scary."

 

[SweetDommes]

people make assumptions all the time (often false), that's a part of human nature. i've been guilty of it myself regarding some things. i don't think that alone automatically makes someone stupid, a jerk, a bumhole or any other such thing. the fact is that there are indeed Dominants out there who will and do express their inner natures blatantly and quickly, with no gentle getting to know you, leading up to things period. and it is also a fact that there are submissives out there who respond best to being used and commanded from the beginning, without that same getting to know you period. there's nothing wrong with that. personally, i have never responded well to a Dominant/Man who primarily wishes to use me/have me serve him asking me a million questions, trying to get me to "open up", wanting to "get inside my head". just tell me what is expected of me, what you desire, and i will do my best to serve. that is my purpose. all the intimate (and to me intimate means non-sexual, personal talk) discussion makes me extremely uncomfortable and definitely is not going to help anything. i'd never reject a Dominant because he went this route, but that is because i do not reject anyone, that is not my nature. but it probably wouldn't be difficult to see my unhappiness.

We do reject submissives for this behavior, not because there is anything wrong with it, just that it isn't what we want. The true reason that we get frustrated with it is that once we say, "we don't work like that, we aren't interested, please move on" most of them beg, plead, and try to change our minds, which just annoys us more. We do not want to dominate someone that we do not know, we do not want to play with anyone that we are not at least friends with - that is how we work, and we don't expect others to agree with us, just to let us be. We demand the "intimate, non-sexual, personal talk" because we will not live with a subby that we cannot get along with, and we aren't looking for anything but (eventual) live-in submissives.

-Miss Karen & Miss Holly

 

[lark sparrow]

why is it that when one tells Others that one is a sub, that immediately They try and tell me to do things without trying to get to know me???

this frustrates me to no end.....

just because i am sub does NOT mean that i will do anything without thinking first.

You could try reversing it. Don't tell them you are a submissive until you get to know them better.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

It really is amazing how often wannabe doms think they can just start out with an order. I only start feeling submissive after I get to know someone and his personality feels powerful and dominant to me. Dominant and pushy are not the same thing.

i agree with this statement with the caveat that he be a she... i have never been approached by a Dom/me online, so i can't speak from experience, but i do know that if a Dom/me sent me an online order i'd laugh at them.

my Mistress's have an online submissive friend who thinks i'm not submissive enough, and should be more subserviant...aka a doormat for them, and i find that hilarious. if my Dommes wanted a doormat they would go to walmart and buy one

unless i'm mistaken, and i'm POSITIVE my Dommes will let me know if i am....submissives are people too, we have personalities, and feelings.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Try trout fishing. They are evasive and will test your skills, but I'd rather feed on trout with the chance of going hungry ...

Bump on a great idea.

OT, reversed

• hook versus dynamite
• spear/patience versus net/pick-through-the-catch

any thoughts from the PYLs?

 

[Netzach]

I think if you're a girl PYL you wind up being a trawler whether you want to or not.

Picking and sorting becomes the order of the day. I'd love to sit there patiently gazing into the pool sometime, leaves me a little envious.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I think if you're a girl PYL you wind up being a trawler whether you want to or not.

Now i've got to ask ... why?