Pissed Off By Dead-End PMs

[Erodicus]

Recently I received a PM from a person who asked me for a reply. I have had many great conversations with Listers but on this occasion, after I spent considerable time writing a detailed response, I've heard nothing in reply. Not even a "Thank you." Zilch. I'm always careful not to give offence, so I'm sure that I have not said anything to warrant the cold shoulder. I checked their recent postings and they had been active on the site each day - so it wasn't as if they hadn't logged on to Lit and not seen my reply. I'm sure others would have had similar treatment. How do you deal with such lack of common courtesy?

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Well, you deal with it preemptively by having zero expectations of anyone with whom you converse with on here. Seriously. Even if the chemistry is great and you move to a more real-time, 3rd party app for chat, still have zero expectations. If you two are still talking 4 months from now, great. If not, you accept that they've moved on for reasons that honestly don't matter to you & your life, in the grand scheme of things. Move on to the next PM or respond to a new thread that could result in you receiving a new PM.

You'd drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone chooses to ghost you. And no, the common denominator isn't always you. This is a sex site, after all. Some people literally just need to get off & move along.
Try to have fun. And do what you're doing here: reach out for advice when you need to.
Deep breaths, okay? You've got this.

 

[Rob_Royale]

It could be something as simple as your email dropping into his/her spam folder automatically. It has happened to me.

 

[KatieDoes]

I’m not sure how you can know for sure that you didn’t say something they found off-putting.

I sometimes take a while to mull over a PM and formulate my response. Especially if it’s an involved conversation. I’ll occasionally pop in here while I’m at work and make a quick post in a thread, but not take enough time to properly reply to a private message. Or I’ll start a reply and get interrupted and have to log out and live my life for a bit.

No one owes you their time.

 

[live4thebj]

Well I don’t owe anyone a response. So I don’t expect one either. If they reply okay. If they don’t I don’t see the issue.

I get a lot of PM’s most are clearly from people that don’t read my profile.

One person was looking for a pitty party like the OP on this thread. They didn’t like my reply and had a hissy fit. So I blocked them.

 

[Chernosoth]

I have never sent a PM. I tend to forget that feature exists until I receive one.

 

[Erodicus]

I’m not sure how you can know for sure that you didn’t say something they found off-putting.

I sometimes take a while to mull over a PM and formulate my response. Especially if it’s an involved conversation. I’ll occasionally pop in here while I’m at work and make a quick post in a thread, but not take enough time to properly reply to a private message. Or I’ll start a reply and get interrupted and have to log out and live my life for a bit.

No one owes you their time.

I accept the points you make. I always take my incoming PMs on face value. If there is something unacceptable in them, I will say what it was and then make it clear that I will not be engaging with them again.

I try hard not to give offence. I am always polite and I usually ask what people like and dislike and am guided by that. But in raunchy exchanges you can never be sure. If I make a misjudgement, I'd prefer to know.

It just seems like common courtesy to reply when someone has made the effort to contact you. I never take offence if they are not interested.

Silence tells me nothing.

 

[sandybrooke]

Wow, get a hobby

 

[KatieDoes]

I accept the points you make. I always take my incoming PMs on face value. If there is something unacceptable in them, I will say what it was and then make it clear that I will not be engaging with them again.

I try hard not to give offence. I am always polite and I usually ask what people like and dislike and am guided by that. But in raunchy exchanges you can never be sure. If I make a misjudgement, I'd prefer to know.

It just seems like common courtesy to reply when someone has made the effort to contact you. I never take offence if they are not interested.

Silence tells me nothing.

Sometimes when a woman tells a man that she’s not interested in continuing the conversation, he will say ‘Thanks for letting me know, I hope that you find what you’re looking for.’

Sometimes, he will become insistent, keep sending messages, and try to bargain and cajole her into continuing.

Sometimes, he will tell her that she’s a fat ugly worthless bitch anyway, and deserves to be abused and raped.

We never know which way it’s going to go. So sometimes we just stop replying.

 

[LarryTee50]

The art and the fun is to message someone .....and then the wait and see...in the meantime message someone else.
I have had several more than one ghosting on here.......and I have had some riotous fuck fun with marvelously crazy people.
This is not a place for me to take things too seriously.

 

[Lorack]

wow, yesterday and now again today, first time in a long time I didn't have any PM's
Hello, is this thing broken???

 

[MRaith]

Well, you deal with it preemptively by having zero expectations of anyone with whom you converse with on here. Seriously. Even if the chemistry is great and you move to a more real-time, 3rd party app for chat, still have zero expectations. If you two are still talking 4 months from now, great. If not, you accept that they've moved on for reasons that honestly don't matter to you & your life, in the grand scheme of things. Move on to the next PM or respond to a new thread that could result in you receiving a new PM.

You'd drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone chooses to ghost you. And no, the common denominator isn't always you. This is a sex site, after all. Some people literally just need to get off & move along.
Try to have fun. And do what you're doing here: reach out for advice when you need to.
Deep breaths, okay? You've got this.

This was a good, healthy response. Well done, ICBP

 

[KRey32]

I often try to put myself in the place of women on Lit and assume they get inundated with unsolicited DM’s with crude statements and requests. It has to be maddening, and probably worse if she posts something provocative or overtly sexual.

The only time I get annoyed is if someone reaches out to me, I respond, and they do not have the courtesy to reply. That’s just rude, but hell, rudeness is hardly unique to Lit.

I’ve had several terrific exchanges with individuals on Lit and am involved with a couple presently that I thoroughly enjoy. I’ve had my share of mean and crazy over the years and a couple of total fakes. But that’s just life on the internet. I think it’s important to respect people and pay attention to the cues that they clearly are or are not interested. If someone does not want to continue a conversation, even inexplicably, that’s just the way it is.

 

[Doughboy48]

PM’s? I’m new here so still trying to figure it out and I don’t know what I don’t know. What is everyone talking about?

 

[Escierto]

PM’s? I’m new here so still trying to figure it out and I don’t know what I don’t know. What is everyone talking about?

A private message. The little envelope icon at the top. The OP is mad that people start a conversation and then they reply to the message but then never get a response again.

This happens to me all the time but it's Lit. Your expectations should be low on a site where most of the users are men jerking off. I mean, come on.

 

[Lucien_Al]

I accept the points you make. I always take my incoming PMs on face value. If there is something unacceptable in them, I will say what it was and then make it clear that I will not be engaging with them again.

I try hard not to give offence. I am always polite and I usually ask what people like and dislike and am guided by that. But in raunchy exchanges you can never be sure. If I make a misjudgement, I'd prefer to know.

It just seems like common courtesy to reply when someone has made the effort to contact you. I never take offence if they are not interested.

Silence tells me nothing.

I agree with your thoughts completely. I have on occasion chatted on PM and other chat sites and if I see that we are looking for different things I will politely tell them and move on with life. On the flip side I regularly find a great chat with lots in common and then they just stop with no explanation. Always wonder if they are still aline, got caught or just got bored.

 

[Buffy47]

I always reply to any PM sent my way but I do understand that Lit is a website and that people can easily stop logging in a find new ways to be entertained and so I've never expected Chats to be long term.

I have gained two friends that I met in other sites that I still talk to daily after 2 years.

If someone stops replying then well that's life we never truly know the person behind the screen.

 

[Buffy47]

Well said

Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 6353684]

November Rain
Guns N' Roses
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin', when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same?
Yeah

Nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long, long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain, ooh, yeah
But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' it go today, walkin' away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine, all mine

So if you want to love me
Then darlin', don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time on your own?
Do you need some time all alone?
Ooh, everybody needs some time on their own
Ooh, don't you know you need some time all alone?

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you? Whoa-oh, oh-oh-oh

Sometimes, I need some time on my own
Sometimes, I need some time all alone
Ooh, everybody needs some time on their own
Ooh, don't you know you need some time all alone?

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ooh, yeah
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame

So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Whoa, ooh
Ooh! (You're not the only one)
(You're not the only one)

Don't you think that you need somebody?
Don't you think that you need someone?
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't you think that you need somebody?
Don't you think that you need someone?
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't you think that you need somebody?
Don't you think that you need someone?
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't you think that you need somebody?
Don't you think that you need someone?
Everybody needs somebody

 

[gillrich]

Having exactly the same situation right now, and honestly, I’m not even angry anymore. People are weird, and most of the time, there are underlying reasons for their behavior. It’s just how life is. I’ve learned to accept that everyone has their struggles, even if they don’t show them outwardly. Personally, I don’t hesitate to ask for help when I need it, whether it’s with something practical like academic assistance from services like https://academized.com/thesis-help or with more personal matters. Unfortunately, not everyone takes that step, and some avoid addressing their mental health altogether. The results of ignoring such issues often show up in unpredictable or troubling ways. It's a reminder of how important it is to care for ourselves and seek support when necessary