Phonesex Lessons..

[Sir_Winston54]

Try closing your eyes and *visualizing* while you talk... kind of stream-of-consciousness verbal masturbation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure what to offer as my experiences with phone sex have come about naturally and instinctively, not on demand. Of course there were also those ones which were unintentional and apparently due to my voice alone, not the words or context, which not only made me blush to know I had affected someone I didn't know in that way (I was young, what can I say), but also got me into trouble with supervisors when people began asking for the girl with the sexy voice and they checked back to see who it was. Best I can advise is to try and get it to happen as a natural extension of yourself, otherwise it is likely to come off as being performed and artificial. Perhaps not planning exactly when it will happen will help bring about a more natural feel as well.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

The idea that my getting off gets someone else off is kinda hot, and that's pretty much been my only attraction to phone sex. Haven't done it in ages though.

Some things that were good starters though...

Tell me what you want to do to me.

God, I wish you were here.

If you were here, I'd be able to reach over and stroke your cock.

Hang on, let me slip off my clothes and get comfortable.

 

[Homburg]

Thinking about, I've technically done it a couple of times. It wasn't visualisation or anything though. It was more along the lines of directed masturbation. Telling her what I want her to do to herself, what to touch and how, what I want her to visualise, what I want her to feel and imagine. Usually in a calm tone of voice, and providing the occassional encouragement, telling her that she is a good girl for listening, etc.

Unfortunately not useful for you, nh. Just bringing it up for full disclosure. I'd said that phone sex does little for me, and it does, but providing directions in regards to self-pleasure, well, there is a wee bit of joy in that...

 

[nh23]

I just want to Thank everyone who has given me advice so far. It has been very helpful.

 

[the1eroticgoddess]

Hello, I do phone sex for aliving, so here is some advice... 1. just be your self start out with general convo,(how are they doing, what are they doing.etc.) then think of a fantasy you have and tell that person that fantasy and ask them what there fantasy's are and if they have none just decribe yours and then tell them what you are diong to your self and ask them stuff that they like (positions, how big there cock is, etc.) THAT IS IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THE PERSON if you do know the person you can still ask them how there day is going and what they did all day and ask them if they have any new fantasy's and ask them to tell you in detail what is in it, and you tell them a new fantasy too and just kinda let the guy guid it till you are ready to take over.....then all is fair game!!!!!

 

[Luvkitty33]

nh23,

I can completely understand your anxiety regarding phone sex because I have a very difficult time with it, too. With the right person, I love it, but getting myself to actually say the words that describe the very vivid scenes in my mind or physical sensations I'm feeling is extremely difficult for me.

I've basically stopped having phone sex, except with one person that I have feelings for, but I do have a couple of suggestions that I've learned from my limited experience. Maybe you'll find them helpful.

One thing I do is close my eyes, and really focus on what I'm thinking and feeling, both emotionally and physically. Then I put myself in the scene that the two of us are creating or, as more frequently happens, that he is creating because I'm more comfortable with that. I relax and begin touching, exploring, caressing, licking, sucking, etc. As I begin exploring my body with gentle caresses, I imagine that they are actually his hands caressing me. When I slip my fingers into my mouth, swirling my tongue around them, I imagine that they are actually his fingers (or other things ) that are in my mouth. As my thumbs brush across my nipples and/or my fingers slide inside my wetness, they become his thumbs and his fingers. I find that the more and more aroused I become, the deeper I fall into the scene, to the point that it's almost real, he really is there with me. The best part for me (and I'm going to assume it would be for you, too) is that I get lost in the physical sensations, the mental images, the erotic sounds....I fall so deep that I eventually find that I'm no longer aware of what I'm saying or how I'm sounding. Little to no awareness equals less opportunity for anxiety to sneak in.

The other thing that I find very helpful and actually LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (did I mention that I LOVE it?) is almost word for word what Homburg expressed in his second post on this thread. I'll quote part of it below:

Homburg, "It was more along the lines of directed masturbation. Telling her what I want her to do to herself, what to touch and how, what I want her to visualise, what I want her to feel and imagine. Usually in a calm tone of voice, and providing the occassional encouragement, telling her that she is a good girl for listening, etc."

I think that the reason this is such a HUGE turn-on for me is because it's the closest I can get to giving up control. It thrills me to no end to be told what to do sexually, and when I know the effect it's having on him, that it turns him on immensely to be able to tell me what to do, how to touch myself, what to imagine..........well, then it's all the better for me! Doing it this way also helps people like you and I who are not comfortable doing the talking.

Reading Homburg's description above reminded me of something else. Actually, someone else who posted on this thread mentioned this, too, and it has to do with finding words, phrases, etc. that are a particular turn-on for someone.....that can bring them to the edge just by hearing them spoken aloud. You may be surprised at what words actually turn you on, too. I know that I was, but then again, I'm new to the D/s dynamic.

The first guy I had phone sex with did it exactly the way Homburg described, and each and every time he told me that I was a "GOOD GIRL"............well, I can't even describe the feeling that came over me, but it was HOT!!! I never would have thought that those two words would have such an impact on me, turn me on to the extent that they did, but wow, did they ever. Now, even if I'm reading something of a non-sexual nature and come across the words "GOOD GIRL" or hear someone say "GOOD GIRL" I literally melt inside! *sigh*

So, be on the lookout for certain words or phrases that turn you on and that turn your partner on. Then be sure to discuss them so that you can use them again the next time you play.

Back to Homburg's post regarding what he called "directed masturbation." When I first started having phone sex, I didn't understand this concept. The idea that just having me on the other end of the line doing whatever he told me to do and being able to hear the effect that it was having on me (breathing, moans, etc.) was a turn-on for him didn't make sense to me. I thought that in order for the guy to enjoy phone sex I actually had to be talking. This was something that, with experience, I found to not necessarily be true.

There haven't been that many people that I've had phone sex with, but only one of the guys that I did needed to have me do the talking. In fact, he wanted me to do the majority of the talking, and he was also very much into role play which didn't work for me for several reasons...one being the subject of the role-play. This phone-sex-only relationship ended because of those two reasons and also because I realized that having phone sex without feelings for the person, or them having feelings for me, left me feeling empty.

Anyway, I hope that there is at least one little tidbit among all my rambling that you find to be helpful. I do think that if you're having phone sex with someone you care about and who you know cares about you, then it will become easier and more comfortable for you the more you do it. Just try to relax, communicate, communicate, communicate, and have FUN!!!

 

[HottieMama]

The first guy I had phone sex with did it exactly the way Homburg described, and each and every time he told me that I was a "GOOD GIRL"............well, I can't even describe the feeling that came over me, but it was HOT!!! I never would have thought that those two words would have such an impact on me, turn me on to the extent that they did, but wow, did they ever. Now, even if I'm reading something of a non-sexual nature and come across the words "GOOD GIRL" or hear someone say "GOOD GIRL" I literally melt inside! *sigh*

So, be on the lookout for certain words or phrases that turn you on and that turn your partner on. Then be sure to discuss them so that you can use them again the next time you play.

This is what i was getting at when i mentioned "hot buttons." "Good girl" is one of mine too...Just reading it in your post made me shiver because in my head i heard it in His voice.

 

[mellowyellows]

Oh I so miss this...............IT is a wonderful experience with someone whom you enjoy talking to

 

[Chris_Xavier]

The idea that my getting off gets someone else off is kinda hot, and that's pretty much been my only attraction to phone sex. Haven't done it in ages though.

Some things that were good starters though...

Tell me what you want to do to me.

God, I wish you were here.

If you were here, I'd be able to reach over and stroke your cock.

Hang on, let me slip off my clothes and get comfortable.

Such a tease..

 

[nh23]

nh23,

I can completely understand your anxiety regarding phone sex because I have a very difficult time with it, too. With the right person, I love it, but getting myself to actually say the words that describe the very vivid scenes in my mind or physical sensations I'm feeling is extremely difficult for me.

I've basically stopped having phone sex, except with one person that I have feelings for, but I do have a couple of suggestions that I've learned from my limited experience. Maybe you'll find them helpful.

One thing I do is close my eyes, and really focus on what I'm thinking and feeling, both emotionally and physically. Then I put myself in the scene that the two of us are creating or, as more frequently happens, that he is creating because I'm more comfortable with that. I relax and begin touching, exploring, caressing, licking, sucking, etc. As I begin exploring my body with gentle caresses, I imagine that they are actually his hands caressing me. When I slip my fingers into my mouth, swirling my tongue around them, I imagine that they are actually his fingers (or other things ) that are in my mouth. As my thumbs brush across my nipples and/or my fingers slide inside my wetness, they become his thumbs and his fingers. I find that the more and more aroused I become, the deeper I fall into the scene, to the point that it's almost real, he really is there with me. The best part for me (and I'm going to assume it would be for you, too) is that I get lost in the physical sensations, the mental images, the erotic sounds....I fall so deep that I eventually find that I'm no longer aware of what I'm saying or how I'm sounding. Little to no awareness equals less opportunity for anxiety to sneak in.

The other thing that I find very helpful and actually LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (did I mention that I LOVE it?) is almost word for word what Homburg expressed in his second post on this thread. I'll quote part of it below:

Homburg, "It was more along the lines of directed masturbation. Telling her what I want her to do to herself, what to touch and how, what I want her to visualise, what I want her to feel and imagine. Usually in a calm tone of voice, and providing the occassional encouragement, telling her that she is a good girl for listening, etc."

I think that the reason this is such a HUGE turn-on for me is because it's the closest I can get to giving up control. It thrills me to no end to be told what to do sexually, and when I know the effect it's having on him, that it turns him on immensely to be able to tell me what to do, how to touch myself, what to imagine..........well, then it's all the better for me! Doing it this way also helps people like you and I who are not comfortable doing the talking.

Reading Homburg's description above reminded me of something else. Actually, someone else who posted on this thread mentioned this, too, and it has to do with finding words, phrases, etc. that are a particular turn-on for someone.....that can bring them to the edge just by hearing them spoken aloud. You may be surprised at what words actually turn you on, too. I know that I was, but then again, I'm new to the D/s dynamic.

The first guy I had phone sex with did it exactly the way Homburg described, and each and every time he told me that I was a "GOOD GIRL"............well, I can't even describe the feeling that came over me, but it was HOT!!! I never would have thought that those two words would have such an impact on me, turn me on to the extent that they did, but wow, did they ever. Now, even if I'm reading something of a non-sexual nature and come across the words "GOOD GIRL" or hear someone say "GOOD GIRL" I literally melt inside! *sigh*

So, be on the lookout for certain words or phrases that turn you on and that turn your partner on. Then be sure to discuss them so that you can use them again the next time you play.

Back to Homburg's post regarding what he called "directed masturbation." When I first started having phone sex, I didn't understand this concept. The idea that just having me on the other end of the line doing whatever he told me to do and being able to hear the effect that it was having on me (breathing, moans, etc.) was a turn-on for him didn't make sense to me. I thought that in order for the guy to enjoy phone sex I actually had to be talking. This was something that, with experience, I found to not necessarily be true.

There haven't been that many people that I've had phone sex with, but only one of the guys that I did needed to have me do the talking. In fact, he wanted me to do the majority of the talking, and he was also very much into role play which didn't work for me for several reasons...one being the subject of the role-play. This phone-sex-only relationship ended because of those two reasons and also because I realized that having phone sex without feelings for the person, or them having feelings for me, left me feeling empty.

Anyway, I hope that there is at least one little tidbit among all my rambling that you find to be helpful. I do think that if you're having phone sex with someone you care about and who you know cares about you, then it will become easier and more comfortable for you the more you do it. Just try to relax, communicate, communicate, communicate, and have FUN!!!

Thank You so much! I talked to him about this some last night. I think the big part of my mental block is when I'm telling the "story". I don't really have any problems with "directed masterbation" because all I have to do is answer him, and of course my body responds naturally to what I'm doing, As far as moans, sighs etc.. I told him that if it was a vanilla encounter where I was taking complete control then I really wouldn't have the same problem. My relationship with my husband although poly is very vanilla. Normally when we have sex I'm the one who initiates it. ( No I don't prefer it that way. I have a submissive nature and I don't like to have to take control, but that's another story.) When I'm telling the story I don't really know what to say, unless I say your doing this to me, your doing that to me. Because of course I've never had control in a scene with a Dom. I always do what I'm told. I have very little control, if any, over what is going on. So, it's very hard for me to say to him on the phone. I'm going to do this, or I'm going to do that. He told me to look at it as if I were servicing him. Once he said that it clicked a lot more. I still can't say that I'm not going to have the nervousness or the giggles, but at least I know now how to get past that block.
I don't really have the worry of the empty feeling that you mentioned. I will know him other than just phonesex, or chatting. I'm leaving on Friday to spend the weekend with him.

 

[Luvkitty33]

Thank You so much! I talked to him about this some last night. I think the big part of my mental block is when I'm telling the "story". I don't really have any problems with "directed masterbation" because all I have to do is answer him, and of course my body responds naturally to what I'm doing, As far as moans, sighs etc.. I told him that if it was a vanilla encounter where I was taking complete control then I really wouldn't have the same problem. My relationship with my husband although poly is very vanilla. Normally when we have sex I'm the one who initiates it. ( No I don't prefer it that way. I have a submissive nature and I don't like to have to take control, but that's another story.) When I'm telling the story I don't really know what to say, unless I say your doing this to me, your doing that to me. Because of course I've never had control in a scene with a Dom. I always do what I'm told. I have very little control, if any, over what is going on. So, it's very hard for me to say to him on the phone. I'm going to do this, or I'm going to do that. He told me to look at it as if I were servicing him. Once he said that it clicked a lot more. I still can't say that I'm not going to have the nervousness or the giggles, but at least I know now how to get past that block.
I don't really have the worry of the empty feeling that you mentioned. I will know him other than just phonesex, or chatting. I'm leaving on Friday to spend the weekend with him.

That's GREAT that you two were able to talk about it last night and that it has made you feel more comfortable with the idea. I'm so excited for you to be meeting him!!! Do you know how incredibly LUCKY you are that you get to do that? I'm envious,.....but very, very happy for you!! I'm SURE you guys will have a fabulous time together!!! Can't wait to hear about it (whatever you decide to share)!!!

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Thank You so much! I talked to him about this some last night. I think the big part of my mental block is when I'm telling the "story". I don't really have any problems with "directed masterbation" because all I have to do is answer him, and of course my body responds naturally to what I'm doing, As far as moans, sighs etc.. I told him that if it was a vanilla encounter where I was taking complete control then I really wouldn't have the same problem. My relationship with my husband although poly is very vanilla. Normally when we have sex I'm the one who initiates it. ( No I don't prefer it that way. I have a submissive nature and I don't like to have to take control, but that's another story.) When I'm telling the story I don't really know what to say, unless I say your doing this to me, your doing that to me. Because of course I've never had control in a scene with a Dom. I always do what I'm told. I have very little control, if any, over what is going on. So, it's very hard for me to say to him on the phone. I'm going to do this, or I'm going to do that. He told me to look at it as if I were servicing him. Once he said that it clicked a lot more. I still can't say that I'm not going to have the nervousness or the giggles, but at least I know now how to get past that block.
I don't really have the worry of the empty feeling that you mentioned. I will know him other than just phonesex, or chatting. I'm leaving on Friday to spend the weekend with him.

Rut roh.. sounds like "somebody" has plans for the weekend.

 

[Luvkitty33]

This is what i was getting at when i mentioned "hot buttons." "Good girl" is one of mine too...Just reading it in your post made me shiver because in my head i heard it in His voice.

GOOD GIRL!

 

[nh23]

Rut roh.. sounds like "somebody" has plans for the weekend.

Yep, I do. Do you?

 

[sanjuaneros]

So ah whats your number? ;-)

I am in the beginning of a LDR. My partner enjoys phonesex, while I'm not opposed to the idea.. I don't have any idea what to do. I'm horrible at it actually. I freeze up, I get the giggles, I change the subject. Can any of you give me some advice on how to overcome my nervousness, and some hints on what I can say?

 

[nh23]

That's GREAT that you two were able to talk about it last night and that it has made you feel more comfortable with the idea. I'm so excited for you to be meeting him!!! Do you know how incredibly LUCKY you are that you get to do that? I'm envious,.....but very, very happy for you!! I'm SURE you guys will have a fabulous time together!!! Can't wait to hear about it (whatever you decide to share)!!!

Thank You

 

[nh23]

So ah whats your number? ;-)

Sadly..It would cost you a fortune in long distance.

 

[HottieMama]

GOOD GIRL!

Evil, evil woman... **giggles**


Be kind to me. LC is away until Sunday, so i can't get too worked up...

 

[sanjuaneros]

Nah I pay one monthly fee.


Glad to see you and him are working through it together.

Sadly..It would cost you a fortune in long distance.

 

[nh23]

Nah I pay one monthly fee.


Glad to see you and him are working through it together.

Thank You!

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Yep, I do. Do you?

I am going and chasing trains this weekend.

 

[sanjuaneros]

You're welcome sexy.


I hope this weekend turns out to be one of the best for you both.

Thank You!

 

[nh23]

I am going and chasing trains this weekend.

Have fun!

 

[myinnerslut]

I have been in a LDR for entirely too long, so i have more then a bit of experience with phone sex. it happens a few ways for us.

1. the "planned out" phone sex. often this includes being on webcam. in this, i know beforehand that we will be having phone sex. im already turned on before me even start.

2. the "accidental" phone sex. i'll start playing with myself while we talk about something else, and he fgures out what im doing then runs with it. usually this starts with him asking in a sly tone "what are you doing?"

3. the "exhibitionist" phone sex. i play with myself, do my thing, dont talk to him at all unless its to answer direct questions or to ask permission to cum, and he listens to my moans.

4. the "not for me, but for him" phone sex. every once in a blue moon, A wants me to direct his actions as opposed to the other way around. oddly enough, phone sex is the only time i feel remotly close to comfortable topping. i still get a small sub drop afterwards and crave reassurance that im still His puppy, but nowhere near as bad as it is in person. i dont ever get off on this, but he does and i enjoy being able to make him cum.

this last one is sometimes used for punishment since i really really dont like it for its own sake.