Pet peeves

[trysail]

Risky Business

The price of a gallon of gasoline is well below the cost of a gallon of milk. If you think it's all a vast conspiracy, I suggest you go have a look 100 miles offshore in the Gulf of Mexico in 10,000 feet of water where hurricane force winds of 100 mph can churn up 50' seas. It costs $1 billion to drill a well there (and that's just to find out if there's anything at the bottom of the well! It is a very, very, very risky business- but the demagogues have to point fingers at somebody, don't they?)-

all this is done so that you can get in your car and drive to the grocery store to buy the latest edition of "Peephole" or "National Enquirer."

What appears below is from an acquaintance who works as a petroleum geologist in Nigeria for one of the international oil companies.

(Note: Nigeria is Africa's largest oil producer (~2.2 MMbbl/d), an OPEC member and the fifth largest supplier of foreign oil to the USA (~1 MMbbl/d, or 9% of imported crude). Notional spare capacity related to unrest is ~0.5+ MMbbl/d but half or more is badly damaged.)
_________________________________________________________________
Nigeria Update 16 March, 2007
Elections still on target for April.

Governorship and state house assembly elections will take place on April 14.
Presidential and national assembly elections will take place on April 21.
Handover to the incoming administration will take place on May 29.

As dictated by the Nigerian consitution, President Obasanjo will be handing over power after the second of his two terms in office. The odds-on favorite to succeed Obasanjo is Umar Yar'Adua of Obasanjo's People's Democratic Party (PDP). The procedure by which Yar'Adua was chosen in December was not particularly transparent - he was basically hand-picked the same way that Mexican presidents used to select their successors when the PRI party was in power for most of the 20th century. The selection of Yar'Adua was ratified by a group of party delegates who were essentially given no choice in the matter after the preferred candidate was designated by party insiders. A running mate was also chosen at that time - governor Jonathan Goodluck of Bayelsa State. Goodluck was selected because he 'represents' the south, whereas the Muslim Yar'Adua 'represents' the north as the current governor of Katsina State.

Goodluck has only been governor for ~18 months after succeeding the impeached and disgraced Diepreye Alamieyeseigha who is facing corruption charges after jumping British bail from London in a wig and a dress. Alamieyeseigha was a known patron of the predecessor militant group to the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) and his release is routinely demanded by kidnappers. Goodluck's wife is facing money laundering charges and it is widely believed that he used state funds to pay for a widely publicized hip-hop concert in Lagos a year ago featuring American performers Jay-Z, Beyonce and Snoop Dogg among others. Give the people what they want to buy votes!

Yar'Adua seems to have recovered from a kidney ailment which sent him to Germany last week for medical treatment. Yar'Adua was med-evacc'ed out of the country by Julius Berger PLC - a German owned construction firm that seems to enjoy a monopoly on civil engineering projects in Nigeria. Everywhere they so much as repave a concrete sidewalk they erect an imposing (1 meter square) concrete marker with a blue 'B' logo.

This week, VP Atiku Abubakar was also flown out of the country, to London for knee surgery. Abubakar is a Muslim from Adamawa State. He was paired with Obasanjo in the current ticket which matched Obasanjo ('representing' the south, from Ogun State) and Abubakar 'representing' the north. Alas, VP Abubakar fell out with President Obasanjo over Obasanjo's attempt to rewrite the constitution and seek a third term. The two have feuded bitterly, trading corruption allegations (probably mostly true) in the media for the last 18 months. Among the accusations, Obasanjo is said to have tapped into state funds (specifically the Petroleum Technology Development Fund, ostensibly to invest windfall oil revenues) to bribe senators to vote in favor of amending the constition to allow him to run for a third term. Obasanjo attempted to have Abubakar impeached in December - the VP escaped to his suburban residence in Potomac MD to weather the political storm, apparently slumming to fly commercial after Obasanjo grounded his courtesy jet.

Just yesterday, the federal electoral commission released a list of eligible candidates to contest the federal election. Abubakar has foresworn the PDP in favor of the Action Congress (AC). As of now, Abubakar is the most visible member of AC. However, his name was left off the list and Abubakar is challenging this in court. Abubakar was left off the list on the basis of corruption charges levelled by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission - the same outfit that fingered 31 of 36 state governors for shady business practices and ruled out the presidential candidacy of erstwhile PDP favorite Peter Odili. An Abubakar ally was implicated in the corruption scandal involving US Rep. William Jefferson from New Orleans (with the hidden $90,000 of cold cash in the freezer). The AC is the most viable alternative to the PDP, but opposition is divided and regional in nature. No opposition candidate has emerged that would draw support from all parts of the country.
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/news/article01

All told, 24 parties are fielding presidential candidates. Worthy of note is Mohammed Buhari of the ANPP (All Nigerian Peoples' Party). Buhari was military ruler in the mid 1980s, as was Obasanjo in the late 1970s.
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/news/article02

Bios of notables -

Olesegun Obasanjo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obasanjo
Jonathan Goodluck
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodluck_Jonathan
Peter Odili, with a photo of trophies for good governance!
http://www.onelga.com/Hisexcellency.htm
Atiku Abubakar. According to a recent biography, Abubakar's money comes from 'wise investments, hard work and sheer luck of being in the right place at the right time'; he also worked in the customs office for 20 years, rising to Deputy Director! Did I mention the vacation home in Potomac MD?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atiku_Abubakar
Mohammed Buhari
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammed_Buhari
Umar Yar'Adua
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umar_Yar'Adua

Meanwhile militant activity carries on at a somewhat reduced level. The militants, while professing to champion the cause of dispossessed swamp-dwellers of the Niger Delta, are really gangs who are jockeying for the patronage spoils of local politicians - specifically, the state governors. In fact, many have in fact been supported in the past by local politicians (such as Rivers State governor Peter Odili - Port Harcourt is in Rivers State). Yesterday, there was a shootout involving followers of Ateke Tom - who is the leader of the Niger Delta Vigilantes, perhaps the second-most famous militant group after MEND.
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/news/article07

 

[Ekserb]

all this is done so that you can get in your car and drive to the grocery store to buy the latest edition of "Peephole" or "National Enquirer."

So, you don't own a car? Do you ride everywhere on a bicycle?

What the fuck are you talking about with this post? There is no way I'm going to read through the entire manifesto you've posted, so how about a CliffsNotes version? A single paragraph with whatever point you're trying to make would suffice.

I seriously doubt this is the best thread for such an argument. How about starting your own "I hate the oil companies" thread? Or whatever is it you're railing against. Or, better yet, write your congressman. I'm sure he'll love reading all the Super-Sized green type you're so fond of.

 

[Ekserb]

I've mentioned public restrooms before, but today I'm going to go into a little bit more graphic detail.

I try not to use a public toilet for anything but Number One unless I'm having a dire fecal emergency. I'm talking a one-misstep-from-shitting-myself emergency. Today was one of those days.

I found a men's room at a local Target (very clean, by the way) and managed to get things done. So far, so good. The trouble begins when the job is complete, because the job isn't really finished until the paperwork is done.

Now, we all know that you're not going to get Charmin in a public shitter, but do they have to use the thinnest substance on earth for ass paper? My fucking breath is moist enough to melt the TP into dripping strings of pulpy nothingness and you can read a newspaper through it from ten feet away. An act that would normally take a half dozen squares at home takes three feet of non-perforated paper from the giant-sized roll in the public head.

And now that I think I'm done, I give it that one last safety wipe to make sure I'm clean, but I never am. I thought I was; the last wipe seemed dry enough, but now I'm dragging a few more streaks of turd remains from who-knows-where. Okay, so now I wipe again. Looks done, but we've seen that before. Safety wipe shows new evidence of dirt. Goddammit! What the fuck?!?

Granted, the reason I had to use the emergency toilet in the first place is because I was having some urgency back there and I knew it wouldn't be pretty, but does it have to take twice as long to clean up as it did to push it out?

(This is one of those stories you're never going to see written by a female Lit member. You're welcome.)

 

[bluebell]

Gored and Impaled, dammit.

Warning: No expletives were spared in the creation of this post.
If you don't like it, see the Thread Bouncer, Ekserb.

-----
Okay, so what the hell?!?
Do I just not exist?
Am I truly invisible in every way, shape, and form?
Are my neighbors somehow unaware that there is a person living on the third floor of this house?
Fuck that invisibility cloak shit, Harry Potter needs to get somma what I have.

It's not nearly enough that I reside with psychotic weirdos on the second floor who purposefully signed a NO-SMOKING lease and now proceed to hit the reefer every fucking second of every fucking day?
Now I have to throw down with the old guy on the first floor because his little twelve year-old Venezuelan slut-slut girlfriend can't park somewhere else and walk to the house like the guests of every other tenant?
She has to park in MY spot?!? Which, by the way, is not just my spot, but my garage bay.
A garage bay I pay for and use.
Motherfucker!

All I want is to live in a place where I won't have to worry that I can't get in and out of my designated parking spot, and to not have retarded, protozoa-brained dementoids toking in a non-smoking residence.
Does anyone else have shit-ass tenant karma like this?
I mean, what. the. fuck?

I will be seething about this for...ever.
Or until I commit homicide, whichever comes first.
-----

Oh, and Ekserb...Eww.
(I laughed, though.)
Somehow I get the feeling that you would've liked to have been consulted on the evolutionary process so that humans could have progressed to be naturally less hairy and excremental creatures.

 

[Lorali82]

Somehow I get the feeling that you would've liked to have been consulted on the evolutionary process so that humans could have progressed to be naturally less hairy and excremental creatures.

*cocoa spew*

I came home from work one evening not too long ago to discover a big black ford pick-up in my driveway complete with one of those Calvin pissing decals on the rear window. I left a very nice note underneath the front windshield wiper. Said something like, "Please don't park in my driveway. Thanks." Seems to have worked.

 

[Ekserb]

Now I have to throw down with the old guy on the first floor because his little twelve year-old Venezuelan slut-slut girlfriend can't park somewhere else and walk to the house like the guests of every other tenant?
She has to park in MY spot?!? Which, by the way, is not just my spot, but my garage bay.
A garage bay I pay for and use.
Motherfucker!

Ouch. I totally feel that.

All the townhomes in my community have two dedicated parking spots right in front of the unit. There are guest parking spots not a hundred feet from the front door.

On more than one occasion I've come home to find that my neighbors have a few friends over and those friends are parked in my spots. Both of them. Their two spaces and my two spaces are full of cars and trucks, none of which are owned by me or anyone I know.

So I parked my car right behind the bumpers of the two offending cars and go inside my home and wait for the bell to ring when these fuckers figure out that the car blocking them is the person whose space they are stealing.

Now, it's bad enough when someone is a fucking self-centered moron, but when they won't own up to it even when they are forced to ... well, that pisses me off even more. The bell never rang. The door was never knocked upon. They got sneaky and wiggled their cars free of my admittedly dubious lockdown and left mine sitting out in the access road.

Is this what's like to get old? When I was a kid I was probably just as inconsiderate as these pricks, and I always thought the old man who would scream at kids to "get off my lawn" was being overly silly, but now that I own a home and live in it, I like not hearing bottles breaking at noon when the kids next door are bored during the day. I like not listening to my neighbor's stereo turned way up so my walls shake. And I like not having to park my car down the street so I have to walk more than twenty steps to my own mother fucking doorway.

I've turned into that crotchety old man. And I like it.

(Does anyone else here spend hours and hours developing what they think might be the perfect crime? The more people you kill, the more likely it is you'll get away with it. Think about it: If you were to kill everyone else on earth - a mind boggling scenario in its scope and level of unconscionable evil - you would totally get away with it. Who would press charges? Would would be the witness? Not only would you get off scot-free, but you'd now be living in a world devoid of pricks and assholes. Mmm, tasty.)

 

[bluebell]

The Calvin decal and all...priceless.

*cocoa spew*

Heh. Hope your computer made it safely through the volcanic cocoa activity.

I came home from work one evening not too long ago to discover a big black ford pick-up in my driveway complete with one of those Calvin pissing decals on the rear window. I left a very nice note underneath the front windshield wiper. Said something like, "Please don't park in my driveway. Thanks." Seems to have worked.

I wish I could do that. Unfortunately, given the squished nature of the parking and the fact that there are only three apartments per house, it's completely obvious who has parked where.
I get along with the old coot on the first floor, but it's still awkward as hell to confront your neighbors.
However, I feel that the gross rudeness of her continued parking in my spot, especially when everyone else's guests park somewhere out of the driveway (yes, even the pot-y pea-brains- what does that tell you?), is just Not Cool.
Can she really be that impatient for the old man sex that she can't even park a little farther away?

I'm already on the road to getting rid of the second-floor deviants, I might as well soldier the fuck up and just be a bitch.
Oh yeah, there is some good news: the second-floor fucktards are officially on their second warning from the landlord. One more and he'll evict them.
"Evict." What a lovely word...
(Glad to know I'm not the only one with issues like this, though.)

The whole thing is turning into a pile of stupidity that could only be cured by an episode of Mr. Rogers teaching about boundaries and "What's mine isn't yours for the taking", or else a mass cultural genocide, Ekserb's brilliant idea.

 

[bluebell]

The mark of satan.

On more than one occasion I've come home to find that my neighbors have a few friends over and those friends are parked in my spots. Both of them. Their two spaces and my two spaces are full of cars and trucks, none of which are owned by me or anyone I know.

That would make me livid.
I might have to have an Adam Kesher moment (from the movie Mulholland Drive) where I grab my favorite golf club and just beat the shit out of the cars.

I've turned into that crotchety old man. And I like it.

It's having feelings like this about my own self (except that I'd be a crotchety old woman) which serve to reinforce my desire to be as hermitic as possible.
I dream of people-free landscapes.
But then I think you've got the right idea with the killing everyone else on the planet thing. I could get behind that.
Smiting makes me hawt.

 

[trysail]

So, you don't own a car? Do you ride everywhere on a bicycle?

I'm touched- really, I am; I didn't know you cared. Well, you DID ask SO nicely.......

2004 gasoline expenditure:
$271.85
2004 gasoline consumption:
169.9 gallons
Average cost:
$1.60 per gallon
2004 mileage:
4,791 miles

2005 gasoline expenditure:
$230.99
2005 gasoline consumption:
99.8 gallons
Average cost:
$2.31 per gallon
2005 mileage:
3,012 miles

2006 gasoline expenditure:
$272.37
2006 gasoline consumption:
97.9 gallons
Average cost:
$2.78 per gallon
2006 mileage:
2,992 miles

2007 gasoline expenditure:
$24.06
2007 gasoline consumption:
10.8 gallons
Average cost:
$2.22 per gallon
2006 mileage:
259 miles

You made a good guess; I do a whole hell of a lot of riding, running, and walking. It's rare that I drive to the grocery store; walking is good for the legs and the arms (returning with the goods!). I'm good for 40-50 miles on the old Peugot in three-odd hours. I don't run quite as fast as I used to when I was younger (3 hours, 21 minutes and 37 seconds for my first and last 26.2-mile Marathon, averaging 7.8 miles per hour at a 7.4 minutes per mile pace).

Date.......Distance...Time (Minutes)...Avg Speed (MPH)......Rate (minutes/Mile)
8/22/06....4.0...............37.92......................6.3..............................9:29
8/26/06....4.0...............37.03......................6.5..............................9:16
9/09/06....4.0...............34.72......................6.9..............................8:41

The most recent long walk wasn't too bad (June '06); I covered 30.4 miles carrying a light (15 pounds) daypack in 11.25 hours, averaging 2.7 miles per hour.

I don't think that's too bad for a 54-year old fellow who's smoked a pack a day for 36 years, if I say so myself.

Have a nice day!

 

[Ekserb]

I do a whole hell of a lot of riding, running, and walking. It's rare that I drive to the grocery store.

Yes, I asked. The sentence above would have been a sufficient answer. All that other stuff was you listening to the sound of your own voice.

 

[bluebell]

Removable breasts

I hate when I'm wearing a sweater with particularly fitted sleeves and I go to pull up the cuffs and, because I wasn't using enough force to combat the tightness, my hand boomerangs back and whacks me in the boob.
God, that hurts.

 

[monique1971]

I hate when I'm wearing a sweater with particularly fitted sleeves and I go to pull up the cuffs and, because I wasn't using enough force to combat the tightness, my hand boomerangs back and whacks me in the boob.
God, that hurts.

Huh. Sounds painful. This hasn't ever happened to me. Just what kind of sweaters are you wearing, honey?

But in sisterhood, I'd add a boob-related peeve: bra underwires that dig into my ribs.

 

[bluebell]

Anybody want a peanut?

Huh. Sounds painful. This hasn't ever happened to me. Just what kind of sweaters are you wearing, honey?

I thought they were normal...(now you've got me wondering just what the hell is wrong with my sweaters).
Are you telling me I am seriously the only retard who has ever had this happen? Inconceivable.

 

[Ekserb]

I thought they were normal...(now you've got me wondering just what the hell is wrong with my sweaters).
Are you telling me I am seriously the only retard who has ever had this happen? Inconceivable.

Maybe it's not the sweaters at all. Maybe your boobs are just getting in the way of your spastic hands and arms. I'm sure they've sold lots of those sweaters and I've never heard of a recall based on involuntary breast slaps due to faulty garment manufacturing.

 

[trysail]

Don't forget that it is a "theory"


Over the next several days, we're going to be bombarded with testimony given before Congress on global warming and the THEORY that human activity is responsible for the recent rise in temperatures. The testimony will be accompanied by images of glaciers and polar bears. The media has fallen hook, line, and sinker for the story, reporting that the evidence is conclusive (it isn't- it's not even close). Ignoring, for the moment, the question of the statistical significance of recent observations and the question of the accuracy of the incredibly complex computer models that underlie the predictions of the future, it is a fact that the earth has experienced numerous cooling and warming periods in the course of its estimated 6 billion year existence- none of the previous cooling and warming periods had any connection with human activity.

As related in John McPhee's excellent Annals of the Former World, northern Ohio was covered by 1,000 meters of ice 18,000 years ago. Well before the Industrial Revolution, those ice sheets retreated to Greenland and northern Canada and none of it had anything to do with burning fossil fuels. In geologic terms, climate change is the rule – not the exception.

Then, there's the little matter of what is cause and what is effect. Respecting CO2 in the atmosphere, how do we know it’s a result and not a cause of rising temperatures? Carbonate sediments are dissolved and eroded, CO2 evolves. The highest mountains of New Guinea, where rapid erosion is taking place, are all limestones. The top of Mt. Everest is limestone. During times of high net carbonate deposition, stands to reason that CO2 levels in the atmosphere would be depleted, and in periods of high net carbonate erosion, CO2 levels would be increased.

As usual, think for yourself- don't let the media and politicians do your thinking for you. You might be interested in:

Home Page- NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies – Surface Temperature Analysis
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/gistemp/station_data/

Punta Arenas, Chile
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=304859340004&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Alice Springs, Australia
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=501943260004&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Clyde, NWT, Canada
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=403710900006&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Christchurch, NZ
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=507937800000&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Kamenskoe, Siberia
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=222257440004&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Rome, Italy
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=623162390011&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

Paris, Le Bourget
http://data.giss.nasa.gov/cgi-bin/g...py?id=615071500001&data_set=1&num_neighbors=1

For a pictorial refutation of rising sea levels see:
http://www.john-daly.com/
It shows a picture taken in 2004 of a mark made by Captain Sir James Clark Ross on Tasmania, that marked mean sea level in 1841. The photograph was taken at low tide on 20 January, 2004. The mark is 50 centimeters across; and the tidal range is less than a meter.

As you can readily see, there has been no significant change in sea level for the last 165 years.

 

[bluebell]

Detachable boobies

Maybe it's not the sweaters at all. Maybe your boobs are just getting in the way of your spastic hands and arms. I'm sure they've sold lots of those sweaters and I've never heard of a recall based on involuntary breast slaps due to faulty garment manufacturing.

Faulty boobs?! Spastic limbs?!

...And I'm spent.

 

[trysail]

A Balance Sheet



Balance Sheet
The United States of America

Assets.....................................Liabilities

..............................................Social Security.....$10,400,000,000,000
..............................................Medicare................ 40,000,000,000,000
..............................................Treasury Debt..........8,000,000,000,000

..............................................Total Liabilities...$58,000,000,000,000


Against these known liabilities, the government has the ability to tax:

The whole stock market.........................~$15,000,000,000,000
All of the privately owned real estate.....~35,000,000,000,000
(basically, that's the net worth of everybody in the whole country)

Now comes the $64,000 question: is the U.S. solvent? The answer is: yes, of course- the government can print money. The only problem with printing money is that when the government chooses that alternative, it automatically creates inflation. That's the choice Weimar Germany made- look at that outcome! So, if the government decided not to print money, where else can it get it? Well, the ugly answer is that it might be forced to tax away the entire net worth of all its citizens. That's right folks- even if you took away ALL of Bill Gates' money and all of Warren Buffett's money and all the money of all the rich people, there still isn't enough to pay for all the promises the politicians have made. Taking all the rich people's money (and everybody else's for that matter), of course, begs the question of why anyone would bother working if the government decides that it's simply going to take away everything anyone earns.

The politicians in this country may not have invented the concept of "something for nothing," but they sure as hell have perfected the art and science of it by promising everything to everybody.

 

[bluebell]

My god, trysail, has your font actually gotten bigger?

 

[Ekserb]

My god, trysail, has your font actually gotten bigger?

Yep. Now he's using Size=5 instead of 4. Great.

 

[trysail]

Form 1040


Is it possible that I'm the last person in the United States who completes their own tax return? Having done it since I started working, I'm loathe to give up now- but, filling out Form 1040 accurately has become close to impossible.

I have a modest proposal: every Congressman, Senator, and lobbyist should be required to prepare their own tax return.

 

[monique1971]

Is it possible that I'm the last person in the United States who completes their own tax return? Having done it since I started working, I'm loathe to give up now- but, filling out Form 1040 accurately has become close to impossible.

I have a modest proposal: every Congressman, Senator, and lobbyist should be required to prepare their own tax return.

I do my own. It's not as bad as all that. But then, my finances are relatively uncomplicated.

 

[bluebell]

No title. Too drone-y for that right now.

I have a friend who refuses to bring her taxes to anyone, even if it means weeks of labor on her part.

I on the other hand, I admit to paying others to do it for me.
I'm much too rubbish at the complicated whatnot-ishness of it to be able to decipher just what the heck is going on down in that mess.
In fact, that's probably very like the view Courtney Love takes on the state of her undercarriage.

 

[Ekserb]

It's been two days since my last peeve post....













...I got nuthin'. Sorry.

 

[Hocky9377]

Is it possible that I'm the last person in the United States who completes their own tax return? Having done it since I started working, I'm loathe to give up now- but, filling out Form 1040 accurately has become close to impossible.

I have a modest proposal: every Congressman, Senator, and lobbyist should be required to prepare their own tax return.

I've been doing my own taxes for the past few years now. I used to have one of those big companies do it for me, but I didnt see the point of paying them $150 to do the same thing I could do at home with a calculator and a pencil.

 

[trysail]

It's been two days since my last peeve post....
...I got nuthin'. Sorry.

Ekserb, ol' buddy- a day without a pet peeve is like a day without sunshine!