Pet peeves

[bluebell]

Daizie as New Jersey promotions manager

I concur with Monique. Even in NJ, our buckets are filled and have usable squeegees. We may have the highest car insurance rates and bad drivers may fill our roadways but dammit we have clean windshields!!!

I think that should be the new state slogan.
They could make bumper stickers.

 

[Ekserb]

I think that should be the new state slogan.
They could make bumper stickers.

That would be the world's widest bumper sticker. I guess it would fit if you were tooling around town in the Millennium Falcon.

 

[monique1971]

That would be the world's widest bumper sticker. I guess it would fit if you were tooling around town in the Millennium Falcon.

I'd sign on for that ride, if it got me a young Harrison Ford in his cute little vest.

 

[Lorali82]

I'd sign on for that ride, if it got me a young Harrison Ford in his cute little vest.

I was always a Chewbacca girl myself. I likes 'em hairy.

 

[Ekserb]

Are people surfing Lit on their cell phones?

lol think all u want but i dont think u could possibly be. Now that u got me all excited i think im going to need some tending to. lol.

ENOUGH!! Spell out the fucking words, you idiot!

I really can't take it any longer. I'm about this close to taking a class on how to stalk people just so I can find the home address of people like this. The gene pool has become a scum pond and someone needs to give it a thorough cleaning.

 

[bluebell]

Idiot sucker-upper

The gene pool has become a scum pond and someone needs to give it a thorough cleaning.

Since you've pretty much volunteered, I'll second the nomination.

I'll even be your appointed vigilante, should you suddenly display a girlish aversion to working alone.

 

[Ekserb]

Since you've pretty much volunteered, I'll second the nomination.

I'll even be your appointed vigilante, should you suddenly display a girlish aversion to working alone.

Quite the contrary, I love working alone. I will need an assistant from time to time, however. Would you be willing to house-sit while I'm away killing retards and wash the "protein" stains from my assassin's uniform when I return to the Fortress of Solitude?

 

[monique1971]

The Shelf Bra

Little camisoles. Tank tops for workouts. "Sport tops" for, well, sports (or something).

They all have "shelf bras." This, for those of you who don't read catalogue descriptions of women's clothing with rapt attention, is a strip of fabric sewn into the top, with an elastic at the bottom. A woman's breasts are supposed to be cradled inside this strip of fabric. The "shelf bra" eliminates the need for a separate bra. Freedom! Comfort!

If you're a B cup or smaller, that is. If you're larger than a B cup, forget it. That so-called bra is of no use whatsoever.

Why is it so difficult for me to find something cute and comfortable to work out in? Why is it so difficult for me to find a camisole without the useless shelf bra? It's as if the fashion industry is saying to me, "Stay home and cover up, you fat cow."

Fuck you, fashion industry.

Next installment: hideous industrial-looking bras for the D-cup woman.

 

[bluebell]

"No...this is one train that isn't leaving the station." Que The Who

Quite the contrary, I love working alone. I will need an assistant from time to time, however. Would you be willing to house-sit while I'm away killing retards and wash the "protein" stains from my assassin's uniform when I return to the Fortress of Solitude?

How the hell do I keep missing these posts directed to me?
Gawd.

Anyway, I think I could arrange to do that for you. The house-sitting, at least.
I'm not too good with blood stains. But I hear David Caruso is.
I know how much you love him.

 

[bluebell]

Boob encasements/Baby holders. Same damn difference.

Next installment: hideous industrial-looking bras for the D-cup woman.

Oh, you mean those baby bjorns, right?
You strap the baby to your body...

http://www.mybabybjorn.com/babybjorn/bjorn-active-green-144.jpg

Wait. Those things are bras?
And why is the daddy wearing it? (He looks very unhappy to be doing so.)
WTF?!

 

[Ekserb]

How the hell do I keep missing these posts directed to me?
Gawd.

Anyway, I think I could arrange to do that for you. The house-sitting, at least.
I'm not too good with blood stains. But I hear David Caruso is.
I know how much you love him.

No. The other protein.

 

[bluebell]

Expletives [not] deleted

No. The other protein.

Wait a second.
So you hate the dumb fucks, but you want to fuck the dumb fucks before you fuck them over (figuratively) and send those dumb fuckers to their [early but fucked] miserable life of eternal fucked-over-ness?

Am I getting this right? Or am I just making an excuse to use the word "fuck" a lot?
Either way, I ain't touching the nasty-nasty.

 

[Ekserb]

Wait a second.
So you hate the dumb fucks, but you want to fuck the dumb fucks before you fuck them over (figuratively) and send those dumb fuckers to their [early but fucked] miserable life of eternal fucked-over-ness?

Am I getting this right? Or am I just making an excuse to use the word "fuck" a lot?
Either way, I ain't touching the nasty-nasty.

Actually, I meant the cum from masturbating, but it's funnier your way.

 

[Ekserb]

If you're like me, you do your best to not be an annoying cocksucker when you're driving on public roads.

If I look like I'm not going to be able to change lanes to make a turn, I keep driving until I get to the next intersection and then double back to where I want to go. Or I make a u-turn and go back to the turn I missed.

If you're like any one of the mother-fucking pricks in Miami, you stop your car in whatever lane you're in and wait until all the traffic between your lane and the turn you want to make has passed, then cut across as many lanes as it takes to get to where you need to be. Of course, the people behind you honk their horns and use all manner of intimidating hand gestures, but you just stare at your mirror waiting for clearance to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Because you're all-important and the rest of us are just an inconvenience.

I hope you die. In a fire. And I hope I get to witness it. I will laugh and laugh. And toast some marshmallows over your charred remains. And they will be the tastiest marshmallows I've ever had.

 

[bluebell]

Obviously. 'Cuz we're enlightened human beans

Actually, I meant the cum from masturbating, but it's funnier your way.

Well, as long as it's our way, period.

 

[bluebell]

I'll buy the marshmallows if I can lump my neighbors in with your lot

If you're like me, you do your best to not be an annoying cocksucker when you're driving on public roads.

If I look like I'm not going to be able to change lanes to make a turn, I keep driving until I get to the next intersection and then double back to where I want to go. Or I make a u-turn and go back to the turn I missed.

If you're like any one of the mother-fucking pricks in Miami, you stop your car in whatever lane you're in and wait until all the traffic between your lane and the turn you want to make has passed, then cut across as many lanes as it takes to get to where you need to be. Of course, the people behind you honk their horns and use all manner of intimidating hand gestures, but you just stare at your mirror waiting for clearance to do whatever the fuck you want to do. Because you're all-important and the rest of us are just an inconvenience.

I hope you die. In a fire. And I hope I get to witness it. I will laugh and laugh. And toast some marshmallows over your charred remains. And they will be the tastiest marshmallows I've ever had.

I thought my friend and I were the only people on the planet who were that courteous while driving. But no. You are too? That so rawks.

I'm running out of ways to show you my undying affection for your views of humanity.
Do you take Visa?

 

[monique1971]

I'm running out of ways to show you my undying affection for your views of humanity.
Do you take Visa?

Don't spoil him , bluebell. He's conceited enough.

 

[hotmike9925]

Don't spoil him , bluebell. He's conceited enough.

i agree with monique

 

[Ekserb]

i agree with monique

Of course. Why wouldn't you?

 

[Ekserb]

I thought my friend and I were the only people on the planet who were that courteous while driving. But no. You are too? That so rawks.

I'm running out of ways to show you my undying affection for your views of humanity.
Do you take Visa?

Cash only. Or we could barter something. What do you have to trade, Sparky?

Don't spoil him , bluebell. He's conceited enough.

You made me that way.

 

[bluebell]

A tough choice here, folks.

Don't spoil him , bluebell. He's conceited enough.

I can't help it, Mo. When he says things like that I get aroused.
Mea culpa.

i agree with monique

Of course. Why wouldn't you?

Seconded. For a variety of reasons.

Cash only. Or we could barter something. What do you have to trade, Sparky?

See that's funny, because some chick told me you only barter in blow jobs.
Of course, her lipstick was smeared, hair was all messed up, and her clothes were mussed, so I'm not sure how reliable a source she is.

All's I got are some Nepalese coins, sunscreen, jellybeans and my delightful wit.
Which will you choose?

You made me that way.

See Mo? It's a vicious cycle.
In fact, I think Ekserb IS a vicious cycle. He's one part vicious cycle, one part phallus, and one part "oogy, squishy, lovey-dovey-it's-so-cute" cuddly animal lover.

 

[Ekserb]

All's I got are some Nepalese coins, sunscreen, jellybeans and my delightful wit.
Which will you choose?

Hmm. I'm never going to Nepal; I have plenty of sunscreen; jelly beans rot your teeth. I guess I'll take the wit, but since you can't really give that to me, you'll have to share it. Often. And in large doses.

 

[monique1971]

In fact, I think Ekserb IS a vicious cycle. He's one part vicious cycle, one part phallus, and one part "oogy, squishy, lovey-dovey-it's-so-cute" cuddly animal lover.

Guess which part I like the best?

 

[monique1971]

Hmm. I'm never going to Nepal; I have plenty of sunscreen; jelly beans rot your teeth. I guess I'll take the wit, but since you can't really give that to me, you'll have to share it. Often. And in large doses.

No matter how much she shares, she'll always have a rich supply.

"Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born."

 

[bsbrian]

No matter how much she shares, she'll always have a rich supply.

"Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour.

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born."

Much Ado About Nothing I love that play!

As for pet peeves... People who use the turn lane for a passing lane. I always wish for two people to try that at the same time and then enjoy the head-on collision.