perspective at forty-eight ...

[thorsteinveblen]

here I am, forty-eight years on this planet, thirty-two or -three as an aware sexual male

but

what is it that keeps me from an orgasm during fellatio? I am far from Wilt Chamberlain but I have had wonderful friends in each decade of my life, friends who appreciate(d) sex and sexual response as I do ... friends who love(d) to fuck, to suck, to kiss and to fondle ... but never to orgasm while sucking

HELP!

I have tried relaxation, I have tried concentration ... straight, high ... sober, drunk ... I love it, it feels great but no matter how someone tries, no matter how frustrated they get (at themselves and then at me) I do not cum

any other fashion - vagina, anus, hand, breast, thigh (hell, sheet) I pulse and throb and spurt with the best of them (or so I tell myself)

but I know I am missing something ... it BUGS me! what's a gentleman in Chicago to do???

sorry ...

rant over

peace

 

[Guest]

I live in Chicago *and* fellatio is my specialty... if I break up with my boyfriend, I'll get back to you.

 

[thorsteinveblen]

I live in Chicago *and* fellatio is my specialty... if I break up with my boyfriend, I'll get back to you.

I would never wish ill upon any relationship ... but if you ever do have, say, a little spat ...

the spirit of Florence Nightengale lives!

but sparing an unfortunate turn in your relationship have you ever encountered a "me?" what tricks are the gods playing here?

enjoy the evening ( I am, with the windows wide open)

 

[Guest]

I've been frying for the last hour... I guess it would be logical for me to get up and open a window, lol. And, no, I have never encountered a man that I couldn't get off with my mouth. And I never will.

 

[thorsteinveblen]

it's not quite Summer yet ...

the open windows really are worth getting up for ...

and as for "never." now I am wishing ill on your bf

(j/k)

maybe

 

[Guest]

You're not the only guy who's wishing... maybe you should all get together and form a club, lol. Milo can head it off

 

[thorsteinveblen]

lol

club or cult???

somewhat seriously, thanks for the response ... most times I don't even think about it but there is something about tonight that I just couldn't let it go ... wouldn't be as big a deal if it were not so aggravating for some women, really messes with things (so to speak)

 

[Guest]

With Milo it would probably become a cult, lol. Seriously, try not to stress about the whole issue... if you can get off in so many other wonderful ways, just enjoy those and I'm sure your partners will as well. That's just my nineteen year old perspective though .

 

[thorsteinveblen]

With Milo it would probably become a cult, lol. Seriously, try not to stress about the whole issue... if you can get off in so many other wonderful ways, just enjoy those and I'm sure your partners will as well. That's just my nineteen year old perspective though .

every perspective (and lips) welcome

I do try not to obsess ... life is just too damn much fun to get too serious for too long ... though forty-eight year experience coupled with nineteen year old exuberance could be serious fun LOL

peace

 

[Guest]

Of course. That's why I only date older guys.

 

[thorsteinveblen]

peeps are peeps ... the good ones are good at any age ... the bad ones, well, are bad

its all attitude and selflessness (baring of course cumming just once between lips LOL)

but - before the evening disappears (and this being the "how to ... " forum) what is the secret of giving great head?????

 

[Guest]

but - before the evening disappears (and this being the "how to ... " forum) what is the secret of giving great head?????

The only secret that I am immediately aware of is simply letting me do it. I have young friends of mine come to me all the time for tips and they're just clueless... they give me nothing to work with... they should just be shot and leave it to me, lol. And that's my rant for the night ... one simple overlooked factor is the need for lubrication... but everyone here is aware of that... I really don't understand how so many people mess up oral sex. I don't have the patience to go over what naturally is so simple to me either so I'll just leave while I'm ahead... ::slinks out the door::

 

[thorsteinveblen]

enjoy the night! happy slinking

spontanaiety is best ... so the next time you find yourself spontaneously in the Loop ...

LOL

 

[MiloDRemix]

She's an arrogant little thing isn't she?

 

[Bandit58]

I sucked my first cock last year at the age of 43 (late starter......don't ask ) and have had 2 out of the 3 men I've been with say that I'm the first woman to let them cum in her mouth. What I lack in skill I make up for in enthusiasm, and I'm getting better with practice There seems to be an instinct there that my lover woke up in me........

Most of the time I suck him as part of the foreplay, and it's not a big deal for me if he doesn't cum when I suck him, cos I know he enjoys it anyway. So long as we have fun together I don't care where (or how) he cums.....

 

[thorsteinveblen]

I do wholeheartedly concur that it is not where or how I or my lover cums ... it is all about exploration and pleasure and intimacy - three essentials of life that are hard wired into our beings

but, with two out of three you seem to have "it" well in hand (or in lips to be more precise ) ... with the hindsight of a good night's sleep behind me I can say that it is what I think I am missing that gets to me ... I can only imagine just how GOOD it would feel!

 

[BirdsWife]

its all attitude and selflessness (baring of course cumming just once between lips LOL)

but - before the evening disappears (and this being the "how to ... " forum) what is the secret of giving great head?????

Maybe I'm misinterpreting this, but it sounds like you think cumming in a woman's mouth is somehow a selfish act on your part. Perhaps this perception, and hence your problem, is stemming from the attitude of the women who have tried to get you off.

Sex in any form is supposed to be fun, for both partners. If the woman has the goal of trying to get you off instead of just enjoying the pleasure and closeness of the act itself, then that tension is going to come through and increase your anxiety to "perform".

As Bandit eluded to, the secret to giving great head really has notihing to do with a specific technique. Each man is a little different in what he likes, so an enthusiastic woman with little to no experience can learn to be the best cock sucker in the world, but a woman who sees it as a chore instead of a great way to give her lover pleasure will be a killjoy every time.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

You've never had an orgasm from oral, but can you cum on her? On her tits or tummy or ass or whatever? Maybe you just need to practice practice practice! lol

 

[SexyChele]

here I am, forty-eight years on this planet, thirty-two or -three as an aware sexual male

but

what is it that keeps me from an orgasm during fellatio?

I don't think you are as uncommon as all that, really. There are many men who have the same difficulty.

My current lover is like that - has been all his life and he is 50. The first time I got him off orally, I just used my lips, mouth, and tongue. I think he was surprised, but it was also fairly new into the relationship. Efforts since then have produced nothing. He would like to orgasm from oral sex, and so would I, but after all these years he looks at it as icing on the cake. I, on the other hand, have made it my mission. Hell, if he did once he can do it again!

What I do with men who have difficulty acheiving orgasm through oral sex is to watch them masturbate. Usually while I'm on my knees watching, ready to take their cock into my mouth when they start to cum. I did this with my lover just last weekend. Granted, most men can cum much more quickly when they masturbate, but it tells me what feels good to him.

It really helps when my lover talks to me and lets me know he has difficulty in this area and is willing to work with me on finding out what feels good to him. I may not be able to get him off again orally for months, but at least we can talk and watch and learn. And hopefully have a lot of fun in the meantime!

I would suggest you just keep talking to your partner. Chances are, whether you cum or not during oral sex is not all that important to her. However, by letting her know what you like and letting her watch you, she can learn.

Good luck!

 

[thorsteinveblen]

BirdsWife, crazybbwgirl, SexyChele ... thanks to everyone for their comments and thoughts ... if I left an impression that life was not fucking tremendous than shame on me! life IS good and I have been blessed by the presence in my life of true friends and caring, loving and FUN lovers ... what triggered my first post was a conversation this past weekend with a wonderful woman, a woman who was totally perplexed by the situation ... the more we talked about it the stranger it seemed to me as well ... but never has it interfered with the sharing and the giving and the taking that makes skin to skin contact the wonder, miracle and gift that it is

but even now I look in all the corners for ways to make it better!

turning the topic just slightly, this is a terrific community ... and I appreciate all who took the time to read and perhaps comment ... it is sharing that conveys value whether of words, sensations or precious bodily fluids

but for those in or near the Midwest who adopt the practice, practice, practive track, I'll buy dinner! LOL

peace

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

<snip>

Sex in any form is supposed to be fun, for both partners. If the woman has the goal of trying to get you off instead of just enjoying the pleasure and closeness of the act itself, then that tension is going to come through and increase your anxiety to "perform".

As Bandit eluded to, the secret to giving great head really has notihing to do with a specific technique. Each man is a little different in what he likes, so an enthusiastic woman with little to no experience can learn to be the best cock sucker in the world, but a woman who sees it as a chore instead of a great way to give her lover pleasure will be a killjoy every time.

Bird'sWife is right on the money as far as I'm concerned. I won't brag and say I've always been able to make a man cum whilst I sucked him; that's not my objective. Giving Him the most pleasure I am able to, is paramount to me. I make love to His cock with my mouth.

That being said; MY-Sir loves it when I am kneeling before Him with my hands bound behind me and my collar securely around my neck. The image of total submission helps to increase His pleasure.

Don't know if this helps Thorsteinveblen, its only my perspective. Good luck in your quest for an oral orgasm.

-kym- Kneeling before Him

 

[BirdsWife]

the sharing and the giving and the taking that makes skin to skin contact the wonder, miracle and gift that it is

That has to be one of the most beautiful ways I've ever heard someone describe a sexual encounter.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

That has to be one of the most beautiful ways I've ever heard someone describe a sexual encounter.

I think its because as one progresses in life, the nontangables of sex become more important than just getting off. At least that's my experience.


-kym- Giving myself to Him.

 

[thorsteinveblen]

I think its because as one progresses in life, the nontangables of sex become more important than just getting off. At least that's my experience.


-kym- Giving myself to Him.

If it were just about getting off we likely would have evolved into asexual beings by now, finding another way to supplement our heredity ... what is amazing about getting off with someone else is that, in the right time and place, it is done without pretext, without shield and with full recognition that we must lay ourselves as open as we wish our partner to be ... where else in life does that happen? where else does the absolute humanity of this existence come to the fore?

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

If it were just about getting off we likely would have evolved into asexual beings by now, finding another way to supplement our heredity ... what is amazing about getting off with someone else is that, in the right time and place, it is done without pretext, without shield and with full recognition that we must lay ourselves as open as we wish our partner to be ... where else in life does that happen? where else does the absolute humanity of this existence come to the fore?

I dunno Thorsteinveblen..... I suspect there may be a few "asexual beings" here at Lit.
All jokes aside, I agree with you 100%. But I will go one step further in saying that there are other instances where one lays themself open, its in a BDSM relationship. Or I should add, that it has been for me. MY-Sir knows me better than I know myself at times. And there are times when I can see deeply into His soul as well. We have connected on such a deep level that we communicate much without saying many words at times. Its spooky at times, but wonderful to be so connected with another.

-kym- Feeling "dis"- connected right now from my bed.