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IhateClowns

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Joined
Feb 7, 2010
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25,386
Make it silly and fun. These are not real Not supposed to be responded to. Just make your worst personal ads you can think of.



I am a pisces. I like walks on the beach with my Mom and two toy poodles. I am A+ but don't cut me or you might be in trouble. I like open mouthed wet kisses. Dry humping to The Hansons and the smell turpentine. I live at home with my parents and although I am 43 the money I am saving up for my action figure collection business will be well worth it.

My bedroom is in the basement so we will have pleny of alone time. Mom makes a mean lasagna so dinner is taken care of. I have an 80's porn stache and my pupic area looks like I have a sweater tied around my waist. I am not working at this moment so I have plenty of free time on my hands. I would love to show you the new wheelie I have been working on with my new huffy.

I am looking for a woman that makes 500k a year or more, can cook, clean, and bathe me on command. I also get massive back pimples so she needs to make sure they are popped regularly or they begn to hurt. She has to have all of her teeth, be a size 2, and have 40DD tits that don't sag and are real. I don't want a fake woman thank you very much.

Finally please realize I love my back tickled. I want her to be able to sit behind me and tickle my pimpled back when i want it done. My mom and dad are tough people to please so realize that you might have to tickle theirs every once in a while as well.

If you are the one I will meet you at the 7-eleven on Saturday at 2pm. I will be wearing a Loony Tunes Bugs Bunny T-shirt and checkered pants. Please serious inquiries only....
 
IhateClowns said:
Make it silly and fun. These are not real Not supposed to be responded to. Just make your worst personal ads you can think of.



I am a pisces. I like walks on the beach with my Mom and two toy poodles. I am A+ but don't cut me or you might be in trouble. I like open mouthed wet kisses. Dry humping to The Hansons and the smell turpentine. I live at home with my parents and although I am 43 the money I am saving up for my action figure collection business will be well worth it.

My bedroom is in the basement so we will have pleny of alone time. Mom makes a mean lasagna so dinner is taken care of. I have an 80's porn stache and my pupic area looks like I have a sweater tied around my waist. I am not working at this moment so I have plenty of free time on my hands. I would love to show you the new wheelie I have been working on with my new huffy.

I am looking for a woman that makes 500k a year or more, can cook, clean, and bathe me on command. I also get massive back pimples so she needs to make sure they are popped regularly or they begn to hurt. She has to have all of her teeth, be a size 2, and have 40DD tits that don't sag and are real. I don't want a fake woman thank you very much.

Finally please realize I love my back tickled. I want her to be able to sit behind me and tickle my pimpled back when i want it done. My mom and dad are tough people to please so realize that you might have to tickle theirs every once in a while as well.

If you are the one I will meet you at the 7-eleven on Saturday at 2pm. I will be wearing a Loony Tunes Bugs Bunny T-shirt and checkered pants. Please serious inquiries only....
Click to expand...


I think I'm in love :heart:

You are so my type ;)
 
I love expensive dinners, diamonds and sparkly jewelry. I am not high maintenance but I expect to be catered to. I work hard at my job, occasionally they make me work a whole 4 hours. I expect that you will clean and cook for me or hire a maid to do it.

Please don't expect me to wake before noon, or to actually be around if you call. I have a life and I need to live it. You should just be happy that you get to call me your girlfriend. I expect you to celebrate every month that we're together with large and lavish gifts.

I will not have sex with you, but I want you to lust over only me. I expect to be able to play around as much as I'd like but you can not. I don't like to be looked at in the eye and I will get violent if I think you are doing it.

I am a fun girl and you should get to know me. Please only reply if you make at least 6 figures and can keep me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed.
 
Wings27 said:
I love expensive dinners, diamonds and sparkly jewelry. I am not high maintenance but I expect to be catered to. I work hard at my job, occasionally they make me work a whole 4 hours. I expect that you will clean and cook for me or hire a maid to do it.

Please don't expect me to wake before noon, or to actually be around if you call. I have a life and I need to live it. You should just be happy that you get to call me your girlfriend. I expect you to celebrate every month that we're together with large and lavish gifts.

I will not have sex with you, but I want you to lust over only me. I expect to be able to play around as much as I'd like but you can not. I don't like to be looked at in the eye and I will get violent if I think you are doing it.

I am a fun girl and you should get to know me. Please only reply if you make at least 6 figures and can keep me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed.
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HAHAHAHA very good. I wanted joking personals only though. Maybe you should just have this in the personal ad section only and not belittle my thread with serious ads. Thank you
 
Looking for a lady that has an eternal supply of valtrex. Are you that lady for me? If so I may just be the man for you....
 
Hi there. My name is Guranteed. Yes that is my real name. My parents were drugged out hippes and had no imagination. I'm into sleeping at least 12 hours a day. My hair is naturally purple for when I was a chld I had grape Kool-Aid incident (don't ask). The only outfit I own is a mickey mouse tshirt that I've had since 5th grade and a pair of denim pants that are permantely stained. My shoes are pink jelly's that I won't take off for anybody.

I have a car but dont except it to run seeing it is a Gremlin. I'm a scatterbrain when it comes to doing things like changing the oil and pumping my own gas. I have an obession with George Michael songs and will listen to nothing else. I also have a food obession with gummy bears which I happen to have a least 10 packages of in my kitchen. I'm somewhat a cook as long as you dont mind burnt food.

My astrological sign is a Taurus and my numerological number is a 7. You must be close to that number. I only date odd numbed men. And since I am being honest here, I haven't ever had sex. Yes I am a 35 year old virgin. Was waiting for the right person to come along but doesnt look like that is going to happen. So now I'm just willing to give it up to anybody.

I live in a trailer on the poor side of town. I have a job but I only get paid every two weeks. And seeing I only get $2.00 a hour that leaves me only enough money to buy cat food. So if you are wanting to date me you must love cats. My pussy, Tiberian, is a sweet cat even though sometimes he does scratch.

Well my battery is running low so I must end this personal now. If you like what you have read and you want to date me, you can contact me here. But I can only show up on Mondays and Fridays to check my email. So be patient with me. Good luck on your search and peace out.

Sincerely yours,
Guaranteed
 
sexy_hottie_2003 said:
Hi there. My name is Guranteed. Yes that is my real name. My parents were drugged out hippes and had no imagination. I'm into sleeping at least 12 hours a day. My hair is naturally purple for when I was a chld I had grape Kool-Aid incident (don't ask). The only outfit I own is a mickey mouse tshirt that I've had since 5th grade and a pair of denim pants that are permantely stained. My shoes are pink jelly's that I won't take off for anybody.

I have a car but dont except it to run seeing it is a Gremlin. I'm a scatterbrain when it comes to doing things like changing the oil and pumping my own gas. I have an obession with George Michael songs and will listen to nothing else. I also have a food obession with gummy bears which I happen to have a least 10 packages of in my kitchen. I'm somewhat a cook as long as you dont mind burnt food.

My astrological sign is a Taurus and my numerological number is a 7. You must be close to that number. I only date odd numbed men. And since I am being honest here, I haven't ever had sex. Yes I am a 35 year old virgin. Was waiting for the right person to come along but doesnt look like that is going to happen. So now I'm just willing to give it up to anybody.

I live in a trailer on the poor side of town. I have a job but I only get paid every two weeks. And seeing I only get $2.00 a hour that leaves me only enough money to buy cat food. So if you are wanting to date me you must love cats. My pussy, Tiberian, is a sweet cat even though sometimes he does scratch.

Well my battery is running low so I must end this personal now. If you like what you have read and you want to date me, you can contact me here. But I can only show up on Mondays and Fridays to check my email. So be patient with me. Good luck on your search and peace out.

Sincerely yours,
Guaranteed
Click to expand...

OMG I just got hard. I haven't been this turned on since Philip Seymour Hoffman's portrayal of Dustin Davis in Twister. You sound hot. I wanna do you but only if your Daddy can watch!!!!
 
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO LADIESSSSSSSSSSSS Are you looking for a tall dark and handsome guy. Well lemme tell you what. I am not him, but I did eat 2 racks of ribs from my favorite dining spot Denny's the other day. So if you wanna real man come visit me there every Friday night.

I will be the one in the white extra small t-shirt where you can see my areolas through it. I will be elbow deep in a platter of ribs and washing it down with OJ. Bring your bib baby lets rock!!!
 
IhateClowns said:
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO LADIESSSSSSSSSSSS Are you looking for a tall dark and handsome guy. Well lemme tell you what. I am not him, but I did eat 2 racks of ribs from my favorite dining spot Denny's the other day. So if you wanna real man come visit me there every Friday night.

I will be the one in the white extra small t-shirt where you can see my areolas through it. I will be elbow deep in a platter of ribs and washing it down with OJ. Bring your bib baby lets rock!!!
Click to expand...

OMG, you sound freakin' perfect. There's an experiment I wanna try that involves the sun, the sidewalk and a magnifyin' glass and since you like BBQ ...
 
IhateClowns said:
Sounds kinda HOT!! Don't tease me. So what is your type then?
Click to expand...

My type? Hmm. Well, don't tell anyone ... but I've got a serious thing for men that wear leather and ride pink mopeds. I also get tremendously excited if they have Annie-like hair and break into songs like "It's a Hard Cock Life" ... the tinkerbell tattoo on his ankle would just be a huge bonus.

... but I'm not picky :p
 
Gracie29 said:
My type? Hmm. Well, don't tell anyone ... but I've got a serious thing for men that wear leather and ride pink mopeds. I also get tremendously excited if they have Annie-like hair and break into songs like "It's a Hard Cock Life" ... the tinkerbell tattoo on his ankle would just be a huge bonus.

... but I'm not picky :p
Click to expand...

Hmm I have everything minus the tinkerbell tattoo, the moped, and I can't sing. But other then that I sound pretty close
 
My mom said I'm a catch, and I have to agree with her. Considering that I regularly win the "eat the giant side of beef in 15 minutes" contest, I can guarantee that you will eat for free often. My personal style includes only wearing wife beaters and sweat pants that are too short for me. You must be comfortable with that.

I also house 14 rabbits in my basement. And by basement I mean the back of my truck. I hope you like being up close and personal because I live out of my 1980 Ford. It's exceptionally airy with all of the holes that the rust has provided.

I hope this appeals to you because I sure do need a "better half".
 
Yes my name is Malik. Yes you are right you have seen me on COPS before. My head is doing just fine. That plexiglass I was banging it against in the back seat of the car didn't do too much damage. If you wanna meet up please bring me some bail money and a 40oz Budwesier.
 
Hey baby,

I am currently on an extended stay at a wonderful institution. I get great meals and am currently studying to be a lawyer.

One day soon I'm going to be out on my own. I don't care what the judge says, I AM safe to be released out to the public. I only killed those people because they pissed me off. I see you looking my way and I know you would never piss me off like they did.

I have many skills, I am adept with a knife , getting stubborn stains out of clothing, how to properly use bleach, how to disappear in the cover of night and last but not least, I have learned how to handle my anger now.

I can say that you will always know where I am thanks to this monitoring device they will place on my ankle.

Give me a try.
 
Wings27 said:
Hey baby,

I am currently on an extended stay at a wonderful institution. I get great meals and am currently studying to be a lawyer.

One day soon I'm going to be out on my own. I don't care what the judge says, I AM safe to be released out to the public. I only killed those people because they pissed me off. I see you looking my way and I know you would never piss me off like they did.

I have many skills, I am adept with a knife , getting stubborn stains out of clothing, how to properly use bleach, how to disappear in the cover of night and last but not least, I have learned how to handle my anger now.

I can say that you will always know where I am thanks to this monitoring device they will place on my ankle.

Give me a try.
Click to expand...

Wow you sound pretty intense. I would love to be you care giver. I will make sure you get proper doeses of the medication you need.
 
IhateClowns said:
I am sure you weren't the lady on the porch screamin' you luv him and he didn't mean it....
Click to expand...

No, I was the one telling him to pay for his 6 kids that he'd left behind. The one standing with curlers in my hair and a ripped and stained tank top.
 
Wings27 said:
No, I was the one telling him to pay for his 6 kids that he'd left behind. The one standing with curlers in my hair and a ripped and stained tank top.
Click to expand...

Mmmmm thats hot. I am kinda turned on right now. The big curlers right? Did you have the plastic hair cover as well. Smoking a marlboro red? Oh God yes...
 
IhateClowns said:
Mmmmm thats hot. I am kinda turned on right now. The big curlers right? Did you have the plastic hair cover as well. Smoking a marlboro red? Oh God yes...
Click to expand...

mmhmm, I had all that mascara smeared down one side of my face too, holding a glass of whiskey in the other hand.
 
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