Persian jokes

[DannyBoyUK]

Culled from a specific website !

I am sure people living there DO know how to smile but it would take me quite a while to get to grips with what seems to make them laugh....

 

[DannyBoyUK]

In a national presidential debate a reporter asked Mr. Nouri, How many watermelon can you pickup at one time? Mr. Nouri replied 3, the reporter asked how? Mr. Nouri said one under my right arm, one under my left arm and one Sare KIRAM. The reporter asked the same question of Mr. Khatami he replied, 5 watermelons. everybody were puzzled how he could pickup 5 watermelons. He calmly answered one under left arm, one under right arm and Mr. Nouri'ro Sare KIRAM.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once a turk marries a girl. It's the second night after the marriage, and then there is a sound of a gun shot from the bedroom of the newly-weds. People go there and ask: what happened? Turk says: I killed my wife. They say: WHy? he says: because she wasn't a virgin. They say: then why didn't you tell us this last night? He says: because then, she was!

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once there are three guys in psychiatric hospital: a Qazvini, a rashti, and a Tehrani. Every morning the head doctor asks each of them: who are you? the Qazvini says: I'm the king of Qazvin! Rashti says: I'm the king of Rasht, and Tehrani says: I'm the king of Tehran! Then they are returned to their individual cells.
Once the hospital was short of space, so these three veteran inmates were put in the same cell. The day after that, the head doctor again asks each of them: Who are you? The Tehrani says: I'm the king of Tehran.
Qazvini says:I'm the king of Qazvin.
Rashti says: I was the king of Rasht until yesterday. Since then I'm the queen of Qazvin.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once a Mollah looks out, and his son is in the yard, dipping his pants in the /houz/. He asks: what are you doing?
The son says: I want my pants to shrink, so that they become tight, it's very fashionable these days.
The Mollah says: so if you dip it in water it becomes tight?
His son says yes. So the son finishes off his job and goes out. When he returns, he see that his father is in the yard, dipping his mother in the /houz/

 

[DannyBoyUK]

The turk is at the top of a building and it is on fire and he starts yelling. The iranian at the bottom looks up and puts his cup of tea down and says "Jump into this cup" the turk replies "Do you think I'm stupid, you'll pull the cup away"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Stepping into the elevator the Tehrani quickly detected an offensive odour. The only other occupant was a Tork. "Excuse me," he addressed him, "did you happen to pass wind?" "Of course I did," he replied. "You don't think I stink like this all the time do you?"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

THIS LETTER WAS WRITTEN BY AN EMPLOYEE OF THE NIOC ( NATIONAL IRANIAN OIL COMPANY). Dear Mr. Churchill, I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Masjid-Suleiman for three years. But since Mr. Ahmadi transferred here everything has changed. I don't know what " wet wood I have sold him ", that from the very first day he has been " pulling the belt to my life ". With all kinds of "cat dancing " he has tried to become the " eye and the light " of Mr.Wilson. He made so much " mouse running ", that finally Mr. Wilson "became donkey ", and appointed Mr. Ahmadi as his right hand man, and told me to work" under his hand ". Mr. Wilson promised that next year he would make me his right hand man, but " my eye did not drink water ", and I knew that all these are " hat play ", and he was trying to put a " hat on my head ". I " put the seal of silence to my lips " and did not say anything.
Since I am " thick skinned ", I " did not go from face ". Also I felt that Mr. Ahmadi was " head of donkey ", and " has become hair of nose " to me.So one day I " hit the heart to the sea " and went to see Mr. Wilson. As soon as I entered his office, he looked at me from " head to foot " and asked ' what do you want '?....... I said, ' nothing sir ', I have " crossed Rostam's seven khan " in order to come and see you, and let you know that I am not happy working under Mr.Ahmadi, and if you'd be kind enough and give me another job !
Mr. Wilson said, ' ok, go and work in the mail house '....... " Now bring the donkey and load the lima beans "....... " where me, and where mail house "?....... " what shit I ate "?....... " I came to do savob, I made kabob "......." I went to repair the eyebrow, I made the eye blind "!....... " with my own hands my sister was ?????? "....... I told Mr. Wilson that " our donkey did not have a tail from colt hood ".
Mr. Wilson said, ' you have asked and you have received, besides, we need a " work killed " employee like you in the mail house '. But because of " eating so much snakes I have become a dragon ", and I knew he was " putting watermelons under my arms ". Knowing that this transfer was only " good for his aunt ", I started to begging him to forget that I have ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether.
" You saw camel, you did not see camel "....... But he was not " getting off the devil's donkey "....... " what headache shall I give you "?....... " He broke my bowls and pitchers ", and now I am forced to go and work in the mail house with bunch of " blind and bald, height and half height " people....... Imagine " how much my ass burns "!....... Now Mr. Churchill junam, " I turn around the head of your children "....... You are my only hope and my " back and shelter "....... " I swear you to the 14 innocents ", please " do some work for me "....... " in the resurrection day I'll grasp your skirt "....... " I have six head bread eater "....... " God be on your back and shelter ".I kiss your hands and legs,
regards,
Asghar Badbakht

Take care and have a nice day.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once upon a time a Shirazi, a Ghazvini and a Rashti were chatting about women. Shirazi guy says: Woman is like a flower. You look at it, you smell it and you water it. Ghazvini guy says: Woman is like a record player. You play one side, then you turn it and play the other. Rashti guy says: Woman is like a newspaper. You read it, and then you pass it to your neighbour to read it.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

One day a rashti was flirting with his wife.He touched her breasts and said "if they were a little bit bigger I wouldn't need too look for them " then he touched her belly and said" if this was a little smaller i wouldn't need to lift it up to see your pussy" . The wife that was really offended touched his penis and said " if it was a little bit bigger i wouldn't need your cousin Ahmad!!"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A newcomer to Rasht take a cab and asks the driver to show him the town. The Rashti driver rides to a street and as he is showing the houses to the man says: you can get each woman in this street just for 10 toman.
Then turns to another street and says: but the women in this street are a little bit more expensive. you have to pay at least 20 toman to get one.
Turning to another street he goes on: the average rate for the women in this street is 50 toman. and so and so and so.
So the passenger get tired and asks: " you mean you don't have even one -najib- woman in your town?"
"yes ofcourse we do. But they are really really expenseve!!"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A Turk, father of 8 children, decides to go to Germany to earn enough money to build a house for his family. When he comes back after four years, he finds his children have grown up - but there is a small new baby. Angry he asks his wife how it happened that she gave birth to a child while he was far away. She said: "My husband, while you were abroad I missed you very much, and every evening I looked at your picture before I slept. So I became pregnant." Her husband is satisfied by her answer. His children grow up, and the ninth one becomes a handsome young man. Suddenly, the Turk asks his wife to show him the picture. "What picture?" his wife says. "Well, the picture you were looking at when I was in Germany!". His wife digs into the remotest places of her truncs, and finally shows him the old passport-sized photograph he gave her before he left abroad. The turk lengthly looks at the photo, and suddenly becomes red from anger. "My wife, you cheated me, on this picture you see only the upper part of my body. How is it possible that you became pregnant looking at it?"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A turk drives into Iran with a brand new Mercedes and is stopped by a bunch of persian men. They open the door and pull the turk out of the car and say, "who do you think you are driving a mercedes in Iran, eh?" they draw a circle in the dirt and tell the turk to stand in it, and if he steps out of the circle they will beat the crap out of him. While he stands in the circle the persians start beating up his car with bats and rakes. after 5 minutes they look back at him and see that he is giggling. they dont know why but they continue to break up the car, now stripping it and taking parts off. once again they look back at him to see that he is laughing even more. still, they proceed until all is left is a bunch of broken metal. finally they look at him once more, and he's laughing his butt off. one of the guys ask him, "we just took your $40,000 mercedes apart!! why are you laughing?!" then the turk said, "i stepped out of the circle three times and you didn't see me!"

 

[mig]

As long as you're having fun.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Well, I was thinking that for the audiences in the music halls and comedy stores in Tehran, the time must just fly by !

<s>

 

[Marxist]

Are you absolutely sure you don't know yayati?

 

[amelia]

i have nothing new to add..i just wanted to be next to marxist

 

[AndrewF]

Well, I was thinking that for the audiences in the music halls and comedy stores in Tehran, the time must just fly by !

<s>

I think I found the same site as you, Danny !

Believe me folks, those are the best of the bunch !

 

[Spinaroonie]

Believe me folks, those are the best of the bunch !

Oh good god no! They have to have something... halfway decent...

I still can't tell if they're racist or there's some sort of big incide that I as a yt can't ever understand.

 

[Marxist]

i have nothing new to add..i just wanted to be next to marxist

Your hair looks good today. Creme rinse?

 

[Darowyn]

I have Iranian friends and I understand some of those!
I've also heard the circle in the dirt story as a blonde joke, and an Irish joke.
Don't you think that some of those Farsi phrases are wonderful though?
I made a notice in Farsi for my Wife to put on her desk. (She works for an Iranian owned firm).
It means "Go away. I've got too much work already", but literally it says "Don't put your hand on my bald head!"

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A lot of the jokes in the site that I have been raiding have Farsi punch-lines but I chose not to post those on the basis that very few Lit members would be able to read them (including me !)

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once upon a time there was a rashti with a lot of back ache. Desperate to find a cure, he drives up to the city to see a doctor. After a lengthy examination, the doctor decides on a treatment: Apply this lotion three times a day to your anal (Soraxe Kun). The Rashti says: Doctor I am from a very small town and I know nothing of lotions. Could you make a little demo. The doctor makes a demo for him before he sends him on his way home. When he goes him, he asks his wife to "Rub the Lotion"--As she was rubbing it, he asks: Dear wife (zAn jA'n), where is your right hand? She answers: rubbing the lotion of course". "But where is your left hand"? She retorts: "well of course, on your shoulder" He suddenly yells out: THE BASTARD DOCTOR, WHEN HE MADE THE DEMO IN HIS OFFICE, HE HAD BOTH OF HIS HANDS ON MY SHOULDER.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Once an Arab meets with an accident and they take him to hospital.They tell him that since he has lost alot of blood he needs blood transfusion right away.
Arab guy agrees. After 20 minutes the hospital staf come back and tell him that they are sorry coz they can not give the transfusion since whatever blood they have is infected with H.I.V.
The Arab guy says:
VOOLEK,DON'T WORRY, I AM WEARING A CONDOM.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

One day the donkey standing in the intersection in New York and it doesn't move they try every thing and suddenly the person from tabriz he said don't worry I take care of it and he goes to the donkey and he say something and the donkey moves and every body they were wonder what happen and they ask him what did you say to the donkey he said I just told him his shift is over and it is my turn.