*pending heartbreak*

[cinnamonstick]

He was giving you mixed messages. I can imagine you never hide your feelings for him. You should not feel that you were pushing him, he is an adult and you weren't stalking him. He should either want his space or not and I am sure he is capable of speaking up for himself.

Maybe I am cynical but are you picking men that are emotionally unavailable? I do not want to offend since I don't know you and I only said that because of the comment you posted that eluded to the last guy.

 

[Chicklet]

Maybe I am cynical but are you picking men that are emotionally unavailable? I do not want to offend since I don't know you and I only said that because of the comment you posted that eluded to the last guy.

See, I was afraid that I *was* picking unavailable guys, due to the history of my relationships. This one is NOTHING like the last ones! Ugh! He was so incredibly different. And for months he really, really gave me the impression that he was head over heels for me, as well. Touched me constantly, called me daily, invited me over, wanted to go out, lifted me up and spun me around kind of sweetness. We vocalized conversations about relationship expectations; I guess I never really understood that I wasn't the relationship he wanted. He cooked for me, I took him out, he introduced me to his family and his friends as his girlfriend...to some friends as his toy

He really, really didn't seem to fit my usual pattern in anything except, well, he's a top. And I love them toppy ones.

= \

edited to add that he doesn't know I dated the guy he's friends with... the two of us have kept it quiet to avoid any drama in the community, which I appreciate. I didn't want to go into a group of people already having the stigmata of having been rejected by him, and I guess he doesn't want people to know he cheated on his sub.

 

[coy_one]

I'm going to agree with Marquis... even though I'm not a man. I have learned enough to know that when a man says he wants space - give it to him. Keep the letters to yourself for your own personal inner growth.

I have had men come around after I just up and left. That's not to say it was ever easy or something I wanted.... but I just learned that with men, sometimes you need to just take exactly what they say to you. If he wants space - give it to him.

Meanwhile, talk to us all you want.

This is something that is out of your control. If he wants you, he will come back. If he doesn't, then you should realize that it takes guts to care for another human being. Regardless of the situation, it takes guts to put yourself out there and care.

 

[Chicklet]

So, I got drunk and sent the letter. Let's just thank christ I didn't add anything to it before sending it off. I don't know if he ever read it.

I showed up at the Munch on Wednesday and he was already there, sitting with our friend James at a booth. I pulled a chair up to the side of the table, and the three of us made chit chat for a while. Everything was friendly and sociable and only slightly awkward.

Two hours later, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner, and made a proposal for me that we get back together. WHEE.

Now to convince him to go to BodyBound the weekend after Kinkfest... it's gonna be difficult.

SO, DATE STILL NEEDED !

 

[intothewoods]

So, I got drunk and sent the letter. Let's just thank christ I didn't add anything to it before sending it off. I don't know if he ever read it.

I showed up at the Munch on Wednesday and he was already there, sitting with our friend James at a booth. I pulled a chair up to the side of the table, and the three of us made chit chat for a while. Everything was friendly and sociable and only slightly awkward.

Two hours later, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner, and made a proposal for me that we get back together. WHEE.

Now to convince him to go to BodyBound the weekend after Kinkfest... it's gonna be difficult.

SO, DATE STILL NEEDED !

Wow, so uh, what happened? I mean, did he offer an explanation?

 

[Caitlynne]

If you want to show him that you can give him space, give him space, not letters to read and emotions to feel. If all he really needed was the space, he will be back when he's had it.

Hard as that advice may be to hear, that is probably the best advice I've ever seen or heard.

Edited to add: Well, I guess it all worked out in the end. That's wonderful. Still, the advice Marquis gave was excellent.

 

[madetotakeit]

Glad to hear things are on the upswing chicklet. In real life happy endings are always the best!

 

[Chicklet]

Wow, so uh, what happened? I mean, did he offer an explanation?

the only thing he said was that he wanted it to be on a more casual level than it had been before. which i interpreted as meaning he just wanted to have a FWB sexual relationship with me. when i was more rational about it, i decided it probably means that he doesn't want to spend 24/7 with me like we did before, and wants to go slower. dates instead of moving in. know what i mean?

my one stipulation was that he promise that if he EVER had a problem, to say it right away, even if he was afraid it'd hurt my feelings. he agreed.

 

[madetotakeit]

my one stipulation was that he promise that if he EVER had a problem, to say it right away, even if he was afraid it'd hurt my feelings. he agreed.

Good stipulation. It is much better to know straight out than to risk misinterpretation and confusion.

 

[Chicklet]

Good stipulation. It is much better to know straight out than to risk misinterpretation and confusion.

I've always believed that, but it's trying to convince HIM that it won't hurt my feelings if he speaks his mind...

 

[madetotakeit]

It has always been my policy too. Better to put it all in the open rather than pussyfoot around. I seriously don't think men are comfortable being that direct. Difference in communication styles. If we were able to convince them that we are big girls and can handle the honesty, things would be much simpler. I believe they are capable of it, they just don't necessarily think we really want to hear it. (Having one of those cynical hormonal moments.)

 

[twysted73]

I've had a difficult couple of weeks.

The man I've been seeing, and have fallen head-over-heels in love with, has had a change of heart.

He hasn't been clear about the reasons for his mind to go the other way on me, but he had been depressed and indoors for the seven days leading up to his decision. In the past, he'd complained that he needed more time to himself, but I was greedy, and selfish, and did not give him a chance to ask for that time. The fault was not all mine; he wanted to see me every night, and invited me over as well. But I think that since I knew he needed SOME time, I should have distanced myself a little further.

After the initial talk we had, he said he wanted a week out of town to think it over. He took that week, went out to coffee with me, fucked my brains out for a few hours, and then said he still hadn't made up his mind. He asked for one more week to consider some of the options I'd given him, and to speak with me the next weekend (this weekend) about his decision.

I waited until 3pm to call him. I haven't hassled him in the two weeks he's been out of town deciding. I haven't sent messages, chatted with him, called him, emailed, etc. I've been very unlike myself in that way. Today he is apparently extremely sick: sore throat, tonsils swollen, head hurts... really sucks to be him! He didn't feel up to a social visit, and I can definitely understand why. But the last two weeks have been a huge heartache for me, waiting to hear him say he doesn't want to see me anymore. I know that's what the response is going to be, but I can't stop the ounce of hope I have until he voices it.

I don't need relationship advice or pats on the shoulder about this... I'm crying to tons of my real life friends about it, heh. What I do want advice about is this letter:



I composed this letter around the beginning of this week, after a friend advised me to do so. He thought that it might make my 'boyfriend' think a little harder about his decision before he goes through with it. I think that he's probably already made up his mind, and that anything I do will only make him angry with me. I feel like I've already voiced the facts in that letter to him on our date last Sunday, and I don't want him to feel that I'm hassling him.

What do you folks think? Would a letter like this be received well by you?

We do have a D/s relationship. We've been blissfully happy for over four months. I want him to give it another shot.

Thanks

As with any offer, for it to maintane it's strength, you MUSt put a time limit on it. (sounds pushy? Does it make you fear it would provoke rejection if written? "Time waits for noone."

He must be made to know that at this point in life...this moment, this breath, you feel this for him and no other.
That the feelings you hold are true and pure.
And the greater amount of time he leaves them on a shelf will undeniably taint them with neglect, hurt and erode them if left unrequitted.
Because the heart wants what it wants, when it wants it. It's the one thing in our lives we cannot control the direction of. Only time does that.

Time.
It will mold the strength and purity of your feelings. (not mold as in to shape, but mold as in to corrupt)
In my life i've met so many people who've loved and lost because they hessitated. And only through the pain of reget have their eyes been opened and their reflexes sharpened to realize then take that chance when it presents itself.
It's also human nature to only realize what you had after you've lost it.
Perhaps a ticker might halp expedite the situation.
Do yourself that favor of self-respect and don't make someone a priority in your life who may only see you as an option in theirs.

Best of luck. I hope this works out the way you want it to.

 

[cati]

Chicklet... I'm going to get down to the real nitty gritty here. First question is, where does this guy go when he goes "out of town"?
Gut feeling after reading your post is that he has someone else "somewhere" but I'm sure if you ask him he will deny it.
I'm also pretty sure that when he is with you, he wants to believe that what he says he really means and that his feelings for you are sincere. My suggestion is enjoy yourself when you are with him but expect nothing in return.

and try really, really hard not to obsess about this man and please don't mail the letter.
I see that he's making you unhappy already.

On second thought I could be very wrong and in that case ignore everything I've said here.

 

[Chicklet]

Chicklet... I'm going to get down to the real nitty gritty here. First question is, where does this guy go when he goes "out of town"?

He's a Surveyor and his contracts take him out into the middle of no-where sometimes. They contract overnight plans, he gets $50 additional a night that he has to stay out of town, in addition to his hotel and food. He is sent different places, for different lengths of time.

Sometimes he doesn't have a remote control in his hotel room, in which case he uses a broom handle.

This last time he was sent into the wild-wild depths of mid-Washington, in Ellensburg.

Does he have another woman in Ellensburg? If he does, he's online while she's blowing him.

He's very rarely sent to the same place two weeks in a row, though.

The trips he went on before our 'break' he chatted with me from about 5pm on until he went to sleep, every day. So, if he's cheating on me, he's being pretty rude, chatting while she blows him. He also called me three times daily while he was away.

 

[Netzach]

Based on that last point I suggest humbly a case of waffling I dunno what the hell I want boy brain.

Sometimes it's not worth coping with and sometimes it is. I think you may still have some good fun with him yet and this may not become a pattern. Clearly if it is one though, you gotta cut mr. I dunno what the hell I do want loose. Or find other entertainment and don't put all your eggs in that basket.

But it's too early to tell. Hopefully your lesson in adult communication will take.

 

[FurryFury]

I absolutely hate it when people don't know what they want, while they play with your heart.

I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[cati]

OK well that explains quite a bit. I think it best from now on that I keep my suspicions to my self.

 

[Chicklet]

I didn't want to start a new thread about this, but I do know that given the information above, the new content is probably not that surprising.

My Romantic Interest, who is no longer my boyfriend, because he was freaked out by the title and the implication that we were an 'item,' spent most of Saturday with me. *woohoo* It was pretty great. He single-tailed me, first time for both of us (he's been practicing for months. I've been anxiously waiting) and we played around. We also had anal for the first time (his first time ever, aww... i sorta took his cherry.)

Afterwards, I needed some aftercare.

I very rarely need any sort of snuggling afterwards. I like snuggling, of course, but usually I'm so high I just pop up and run around and get hyper, if not clingy. After orgasm I'm either sleepy or hungry. But this time, probably because it was the first time we had anal, I wanted some comfort, some reassurance, some snuggling... some aftercare, damnit. And I didn't get it.

We showered together and I voiced my need for a little TLC and all he said was 'that's rare' but then just sat on the couch and played video games while I curled up in the corner a few feet away from him.

It was a shaking experience. Really hitting home that I'm playing with someone I love who doesn't seem to give a shit about me.

Ugh.

I also have a brand new IUD and it's making my moods weird.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

*Hugs and Hugs*

 

[WriterDom]

I'd take my redheaded sub over a video game any day of the week.

One day you'll be gone and he'll have his video game and his fist to play with.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

Wow. That's a pretty self-involved guy. I guess you know what you have with him at this point.

I'm sorry.

 

[Homburg]

I'd take my redheaded sub over a video game any day of the week.

One day you'll be gone and he'll have his video game and his fist to play with.

Gotta say that I agree with WD on this one.

That was a shit thing to do to you.

 

[HottieMama]

Completely shitty, Chicklet. i'm so sorry it happened to you.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm so sorry, Chicklet. I dated a couple of guys like that, hence the reason I'm not dating them anymore. The video game/TV addicts are the worst. Even He-Whose-Name-Shall-Not-Be-Spoken didn't do that shit. Girl, you deserve so much better than that.

 

[Marquis]

What game was it?