Patients, Doctors, and Patience

[Soumis]

In light of the atmosphere toward healthcare lately, I figured a little levity was in order.

* * *

So I’m explaining a consent to a patient today and she says, “Hold up. I need my baby’s daddy to help me. I mean I don’t know if I want this.”

“You don’t know if you want us to give you anesthesia for your c-section?”

Would you prefer to have your c-s without it?…Look outside at aforementioned baby’s daddy. Spot red glittered top hat.

“This is really a decision you have to make on your own.”

Just like the decision to procreate should have been. It was wishful thinking on my part that it was the cat in the hat outside. That would have been awesome!

Love…hate…love…hate…

 

[BiBunny]

OMG. If that's not a facepalm moment, I don't know what is.

 

[Keroin]

When my husband turned 40, I tried to impress upon him the importance of having annual prostrate exams. He was squeamish, however, and wouldn't go. Finally, there was a day when he came along with me on one of my doctor visits so I used the opportunity to get our, female, GP on my side.

"L is afraid to get his prostate exam," I said.

Like a pro, she took the bait and laid out the reasons for the exam in the simple-yet-blunt terms he likes. But he still wasn't game.

"Yeah, but..." he began, almost squirming in his seat.

"Hey L, look," she said, holding up her hand, "small hands!"

We both cracked up. He got his exam.

 

[Soumis]

One of our residents is attractive. In a tall, dark, big lips, and Italian sort of way. I walked into a patient's room with him, so he could do an exam to evaluate bleeding postpartum. He sat on the edge of the bed and started explaining what he's going to do, and went to lift up the sheet. The patient sat up and said, "No way. You are too pretty to have your face down there. I need another doctor."

I didn't make it out of the room before I started laughing. Poor resident looked so sad!

 

[sb2009]

I once had this awesomely looking dr when I had a raging case of mastitis. I was in so much pain and running a high fever and agonizing about whether he'd tell me to quit nursing that my brain filter wasn't working.

When he looked at my breasts and saw how reddended and infected looking they were he said "ouch, that does look painful Mrs. B" and I said "Well, they really do look nice when they aren't infected, you should have seen them last week!" me = red face as well.

 

[EmpressFi]

When my husband turned 40, I tried to impress upon him the importance of having annual prostrate exams. He was squeamish, however, and wouldn't go. Finally, there was a day when he came along with me on one of my doctor visits so I used the opportunity to get our, female, GP on my side.

"L is afraid to get his prostate exam," I said.

Like a pro, she took the bait and laid out the reasons for the exam in the simple-yet-blunt terms he likes. But he still wasn't game.

"Yeah, but..." he began, almost squirming in his seat.

"Hey L, look," she said, holding up her hand, "small hands!"

We both cracked up. He got his exam.

When I was near the end of my pregnancy and I was getting checked weekly to see if I was starting to dilate, my OB held up his hands and said, "these are the times that I'm happy I have small hands... and you'll be happy too."

 

[Soumis]

When I was near the end of my pregnancy and I was getting checked weekly to see if I was starting to dilate, my OB held up his hands and said, "these are the times that I'm happy I have small hands... and you'll be happy too."

In the end everyone's hands are smaller than the baby you'll be shoving out! (I have to explain this more often than I would like to my patients!)

 

[graceanne]

When I told my niece that I thought she might be pregnant she said 'but we don't do it that often!'



You know, cause you gotta do it at least 20 times to get preggers.

 

[Soumis]

When I told my niece that I thought she might be pregnant she said 'but we don't do it that often!'



You know, cause you gotta do it at least 20 times to get preggers.

The way the kids talk you'd think immaculate conception was being taught as science in schools!

 

[graceanne]

The way the kids talk you'd think immaculate conception was being taught as science in schools!

Seriously. I literally said, after I got over staring and laughing, 'I know that they teach sex ed in school, what are they teaching? Cause you evidently missed a really important part.'

 

[sb2009]

oh good lord. I've had a few talks with my 12 year old, i've had to practically sit on her to get her to not run away. Is the sex talk like the "please chew with your mouth closed" talk - repitition, repition, repition? Because I'll need more wine for that.

 

[ecstaticsub]

oh good lord. I've had a few talks with my 12 year old, i've had to practically sit on her to get her to not run away. Is the sex talk like the "please chew with your mouth closed" talk - repitition, repition, repition? Because I'll need more wine for that.

My children are 15 and 13. Only once each have I had an official sit down and talk with them kind of sex talk. The rest of the time we discuss it casually, after a movie, book or a TV show that brings up a topic. For a few years I would read the same books my daughter read so we could discuss topics like divorce, friendships, substance abuse, bullying and sex. Or something happens at school and we discuss it them.

Some of the most interesting conversations have been while driving, especially longer car trips when it is just them and myself in the car. I remember a few years ago driving into Boston and literally missing my exit because my son asked a particularly detailed sex question. But I answered it (while being a little lost trying to turn around and gt back where I was suppose to be)

 

[sb2009]

driving is alwasy the best time. We have good conversations that go at her pace when in the car.

I try NOT to have a serious "sit down" but my oldest is the prickliest kid you ever met. Plus, it's obvious I don't know anything because I'm OLD and HAVE NO LIFE.

 

[ownedsubgal]

In light of the atmosphere toward healthcare lately, I figured a little levity was in order.

* * *

So I’m explaining a consent to a patient today and she says, “Hold up. I need my baby’s daddy to help me. I mean I don’t know if I want this.”

“You don’t know if you want us to give you anesthesia for your c-section?”

Would you prefer to have your c-s without it?…Look outside at aforementioned baby’s daddy. Spot red glittered top hat.

“This is really a decision you have to make on your own.”

Just like the decision to procreate should have been. It was wishful thinking on my part that it was the cat in the hat outside. That would have been awesome!

Love…hate…love…hate…

i actually read this little story before i read your intro sentence. i assumed it was serious...i wouldn't be able to make a medical decision like that without my Master either.


on the light side, i could not deal with an attractive gyno either...male or female.

 

[Soumis]

i actually read this little story before i read your intro sentence. i assumed it was serious...i wouldn't be able to make a medical decision like that without my Master either.

It was serious, it was just silly too (mostly because of the hat). There are plenty of times to question medical treatment, whether or not you want anesthesia during your c/s is really not one of those times.

Here's the way I feel about requiring a partner for consent. Probably going to offend, but oh well. I don't care what your relationship is with your significant other, but for medical procedures the patient's consent and the patient's consent only is what I care about. No one else is having your c/s, no one else is shoving a baby through your vagina, I don't give a damn about anyone's opinion but the patient's. If you need to discuss it with them that's fine, but if I feel like your person is being coercive in any sense, I will kick their ass out of the room. I'm responsible for and liable for the patient, not the patient's friends, family, etc.

Granted, my passion for the subject comes from the fact that most significant others are morons. I spend too much time on a daily basis saying, "No your epidural won't kill the baby, no it doesn't cost any different to you, not like you're paying for this anyway, yes you can still breast feed, if you think your contractions hurt now you really won't like them later, not to mention that if you think not giving us consent for anesthesia means we're not going to have you on the table and open a heartbeat if it's an emergency you've got another thing coming..."

Course, I'm also one of the people who doesn't mind at all when momma wants to get her tubes tied without telling anyone.

 

[graceanne]

oh good lord. I've had a few talks with my 12 year old, i've had to practically sit on her to get her to not run away. Is the sex talk like the "please chew with your mouth closed" talk - repitition, repition, repition? Because I'll need more wine for that.

LOL!!

Recently my niece (different from the one in the original story), who is also my older girls best friend, came to me and said 'do men's penises have bones?' I answered, explaining, briefly about blood and the like, and she wandered off. About two minutes later I heard my older daughter say 'YOU ASKED HER?'

ROFL

My children are 15 and 13. Only once each have I had an official sit down and talk with them kind of sex talk. The rest of the time we discuss it casually, after a movie, book or a TV show that brings up a topic. For a few years I would read the same books my daughter read so we could discuss topics like divorce, friendships, substance abuse, bullying and sex. Or something happens at school and we discuss it them.

Some of the most interesting conversations have been while driving, especially longer car trips when it is just them and myself in the car. I remember a few years ago driving into Boston and literally missing my exit because my son asked a particularly detailed sex question. But I answered it (while being a little lost trying to turn around and gt back where I was suppose to be)

Ditto. I try not to make the sex talk, or the like, be a long formal drawn out process. I answer questions as they come up. With my nieces faux pas, we had a good discussion about what works for birth control, and how birth control isn't even 100%. (My niece, the 'we don't do it that often' one, was on the shot.) We also had a good discussion about how you shouldn't be having sex with someone if they aren't going to be good dad's, cause shit happens.

 

[graceanne]

It was serious, it was just silly too (mostly because of the hat). There are plenty of times to question medical treatment, whether or not you want anesthesia during your c/s is really not one of those times.

Course, I'm also one of the people who doesn't mind at all when momma wants to get her tubes tied without telling anyone.

What I read out of the original story is that she was overwhelmed and needed to talk it out with someone. Women are like that.

But I agree, people should know a little more about what's being done. I mean, seriously, it's not like 'what to expect when you're expecting' isn't a HUGE best seller to pregnant women, and they give pretty good detail. Of course I, being me, went online. I had a suspicion I'd end up getting a cesarean. lol

 

[Soumis]

On the child discussion subject, I don't have kids, but it's not been all that long since my Mom was trying to explain things to me.

I may not have ever enjoyed our discussions, but I always got the impression that she cared because she was trying. She was a fan of the driving convo method as well. Course she also got me a book when I was 12 or so that explained the birds and the bees. I was always a reader.


edit: Not saying that is made a huge difference in my sex life one way or the other, but I at least knew what was going on.

 

[Soumis]

What I read out of the original story is that she was overwhelmed and needed to talk it out with someone. Women are like that.

But I agree, people should know a little more about what's being done. I mean, seriously, it's not like 'what to expect when you're expecting' isn't a HUGE best seller to pregnant women, and they give pretty good detail. Of course I, being me, went online. I had a suspicion I'd end up getting a cesarean. lol

She was overwhelmed, but pimp daddy outside (literally) wasn't going to be an asset to the conversation. If you can't step up and make some decisions for yourself at this point, how on earth do you expect parenting to go.

Most of my patient population isn't big on reading. Or prenatal classes. Or birth control.

 

[graceanne]

She was overwhelmed, but pimp daddy outside (literally) wasn't going to be an asset to the conversation. If you can't step up and make some decisions for yourself at this point, how on earth do you expect parenting to go.

Most of my patient population isn't big on reading. Or prenatal classes. Or birth control.

Lovely. I have to say that she doesn't sound like she should be being a mom, period, and making (or not) a decision about her health wasn't going to suddenly make her a mom.

 

[Soumis]

Lovely. I have to say that she doesn't sound like she should be being a mom, period, and making (or not) a decision about her health wasn't going to suddenly make her a mom.

Probably not, but I don't think I could do my job any other way. Sometimes my job is to advocate for mom, sometimes to advocate for baby, sometimes its just to make sure that the situation doesn't turn into anymore of a hot mess.

 

[graceanne]

Probably not, but I don't think I could do my job any other way. Sometimes my job is to advocate for mom, sometimes to advocate for baby, sometimes its just to make sure that the situation doesn't turn into anymore of a hot mess.

Ever feel like the guy in the top hat at the circus who's directing everything?

 

[Primalex]

qp: Primalex himself
cms: cute medical secretary


qp:"I need to see the doctor. No, I don't have an appointment. I just had a car accident."

cms:"Oh wow, second accident today. Just half an hour ago on the way to work I drove past a car that was hit by a truck on xyz road."

qp:"Yeah. My car."

 

[Soumis]

Ever feel like the guy in the top hat at the circus who's directing everything?

Ha! Like I wanna be responsible for the ridiculous that goes on at work! I have no desire to be the top of the food chain.

 

[Soumis]

qp: Primalex himself
cms: cute medical secretary


qp:"I need to see the doctor. No, I don't have an appointment. I just had a car accident."

cms:"Oh wow, second accident today. Just half an hour ago on the way to work I drove past a car that was hit by a truck on xyz road."

qp:"Yeah. My car."

Hehe! Hopefully that got you seen faster at least.