Paste!!!

[wally2450]

According to a new study, a record number of babies are being born in
cars on the L, A. Freeways. The traffic is so bad that women can?t
reach the hospital in time. This is the only place in the world where
you can conceive in the back seat, have the baby in the passenger
seat and die of old age in the traffic in the driver?s seat. It?s the
cycle of life. (Jay Leno)

 

[wally2450]

Condom says to Kotex, "When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine
months

 

[Pure_Evil666]

In "How the devil..." the devil is just added for emphasis, in this case reflecting, presumably, that fact that the speaker hasn't seen the spoken to for quite a while, or that something has happened to the spoken to which makes the question a real one, rather than a perfunctory or oratorical one. The speaker could also have said, "How the heck (How the hell) are you?" or any number of similar variations. Whence comes it? Ah, how is that to be known? Perhaps someone else can advise you better than I.

 

[Mexxxi_Booty]

http://www.wikihow.com/Learn-Pole-Dancing

 

[wally2450]

Christian Lady

There's a little old Christian lady living
next door to an atheist.
Every morning the lady comes out onto
her front porch and shouts. . .

"Praise the Lord!"

The atheist then yells back,

"There is no God!"

She does this every morning
with the same result. As time
goes on, the lady runs into
financial difficulties and has
trouble buying food. She
goes out onto the porch and
asks God for help with her
groceries, then says. . .

"Praise the Lord!"

The next morning she goes
out onto the porch and there's
the groceries she's asked for.
So, of course, she says. .

"Praise the Lord!"

The atheist jumps out from
behind a bush and says,

"Ha! I bought those groceries --
there is no God."

The lady looks at him and smiles.
She then shouts. . .

"Praise the Lord, not only did
you provide for me Lord, you
made Satan pay for my groceries!"

 

[Yes_YEs_YES]

875 N. Michigan Avenue

 

[wally2450]

Artificial Insemination

http://download.yousendit.com/D0107B680C013F4C

 

[Guest]

 

[pleaz_me]

I just received an update from Red ~ she should be going into surgery in about half an hour. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers... she needs them the most right now.

 

[rozezwild]

Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories.

Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth

The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile.

Having nice sex burns 358 calories.

Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories.

Take off her clothes
with her consent.........................12 cal
without......................187 cal

Take off her Bra
With two hands..........................8 cal
With one hand.........................12 cal
With mouth.............................85 cal

Put on Protection
hard ........................... 6 cal
soft..........................315 cal

Foreplay
Looking for target...................8 cal
Finding G spot ......................92 cal
I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal

Entry
Holding her..................12 cal
On the floor.................8 cal

With Different Position
Missionary..........................358 cal
Doggy...........................316 cal
69 lying...............................286 cal
69 standing.............................512 cal (how does this work?)
Italian hanger.........................912 cal

Orgasm
Real................................112 cal
Faking................................315 cal

After "O"
Lying in Bed............................18 cal
Hop off the bed............................36 cal
Wondering why she left pissed off...........816 cal

Get dressed
Quiet and calm...........................32 cal
Rushing.........................98 cal
Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal
Heard her dad at the door.............1942 cal
Her mom walking in..............................Priceless!!!LOL

REPOST THIS WITH THE TITLE: Rough Sex Facts

 

[Gypsybyrd]

Jergens Naturally Smooth Shave Minimizing Moisturizer

 

[Guest]

(6)


.

 

[rozezwild]

His name is Malliki and he is not fucking spoiled at all

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[wally2450]

Lil Johnny
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a
loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Paris?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later,
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Menotti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Nikki Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Catelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Purina?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped,
Johnny Paris, and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Stumpy
slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."

 

[Yes_YEs_YES]

Sunset Lagoon

 

[gaijin]

http://www.funonit.com/funny_jokes/fake_magazine/

 

[MsTexas]

As Witnessed In The Texas Cantina on May 6, 2007 ...​

My lips gently caress the edge, tipping slightly,
feeling heavenly heat against My waiting lips.
My tongue caresses the texture.
My throat welcomes the sweet invasion....
O heaven comes down on a Sunday morning!
~Quinn71~
​

LOL ... i've been playing with my signature line.

 

[rozezwild]

nothing there -- tis empty

 

[wally2450]

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a
Midwest town he planned to visit on his
vacation. He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog
with me. He is well-groomed and very
well behaved. Would you be willing to
permit me to keep him in my room with me
at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel
owner, who said, "I've been operating this
hotel for many years. In all that time, I've
never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,
silverware or pictures off the walls. I've
never had to evict a dog in the middle of
the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I've never had a dog run out on a
hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is
welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog
will vouch for you, you're welcome to
stay here, too.

 

[Yes_YEs_YES]

http://dvc.disney.go.com/dvc/guest/resorts/resortDetail?id=ProspectsVeroBeachResortLandingPage

 

[RavenousRae]

freud

 

[wally2450]

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Bob Hope

 

[gaijin]

http://www.akp.org.uk/

 

[lovemonster]

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now, now, now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now, now, now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
I've been puching at the bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now, now, now

Repeat chorus

 

[gaijin]

540lo.jpg