lovemonster
Living life to the full!
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2006
- Posts
- 122,091
gaijin
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2001
- Posts
- 100
Interesting things when you have sons, like...
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog lead over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Domestos makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.
11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like jelly.
15. DVD's do not eject sandwiches.
16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire service in Leeds has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Domestos and brake fluid.
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog lead over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Domestos makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old boy.
11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like jelly.
15. DVD's do not eject sandwiches.
16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire service in Leeds has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Domestos and brake fluid.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn:
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional
to the number of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight-saving time.
3. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.
4. The most powerful force in the universe is:
gossip.
5. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average
drivers.
6. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is: age 11.
7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
8. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.
9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
11. If there really is a God who created the entire
universe with all of its glories, and he decides
to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use
as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.
15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and
is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.
16. Your true friends love you, anyway.
17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional
to the number of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight-saving time.
3. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.
4. The most powerful force in the universe is:
gossip.
5. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average
drivers.
6. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is: age 11.
7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
8. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.
9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."
10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
11. If there really is a God who created the entire
universe with all of its glories, and he decides
to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use
as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.
15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and
is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.
16. Your true friends love you, anyway.
17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Posts
- 33,541
A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment in fear. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!"
He tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite baby."
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have!"
He tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite baby."
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment in fear. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!"
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Posts
- 33,541
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4 When you are scared -- I will try to calm your nerves, unless it is something silly then I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6 When you are confused I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass, but then I will help you get up.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
Remember......A good friend will help you move.....a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.......let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4 When you are scared -- I will try to calm your nerves, unless it is something silly then I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6 When you are confused I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass, but then I will help you get up.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
Remember......A good friend will help you move.....a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.......let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
LittleLadyLove
A bitch was born
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2006
- Posts
- 14,980
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Man's Wish
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while
his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he
prayed:"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my
wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so
please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The
next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it
to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery
shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and
balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the
dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the
laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the
school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way
home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper,
he cleaned the kitchen,ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the
kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his
daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to
make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed
and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to
envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let
us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel
you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back
to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You
got pregnant last night.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while
his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he
prayed:"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my
wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so
please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The
next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it
to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery
shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and
balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the
dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the
laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the
school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way
home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper,
he cleaned the kitchen,ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the
kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his
daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to
make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed
and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to
envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let
us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel
you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back
to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You
got pregnant last night.
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Posts
- 33,541
d the error. It's impossible!
AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ
Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "Whats wrong here," and when you click "post bulletin," the answer will be really obvious
AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ
Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "Whats wrong here," and when you click "post bulletin," the answer will be really obvious
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
frostyred
Siempre En Mi Mente
- Joined
- May 2, 2007
- Posts
- 7,587
Finally, something besides someone's email address............ Wait, maybe this belongs in the "sluttiest moments" thread, lol.
I want you to give me the best blow job ever real wet and deep and stroke it. do you swallow cum? or where can I cum at?
I want you to give me the best blow job ever real wet and deep and stroke it. do you swallow cum? or where can I cum at?
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
Mom Makes Suspended Child Hold Anti-Bullying Sign
TEMECULA, Calif. (AP) -- A seventh-grade girl got suspended from school for a week for bullying another student. Then Mom got involved, and things got worse for Miasha Williams.
During the suspension week, the 12-year-old's mother, Ivory Spann, made her daughter stand outside various schools with a poster reading: "I engaged in bullying behavior. I got suspended from school and this street corner. Don't be like me. Stop bullying."Advertisement
"I don't want that kind of environment at the school my child attends, or the school any child attends," Spann said.
The suspension came May 10, after Miasha and some friends at Gardner Middle School heard that they had been insulted by another student and aggressively confronted her.
"At first she was boo-hooing and saying, 'But, Mom, I didn't do anything.' Well, let me tell you, you did do something," Spann said.
Miasha's last day on sign duty was Thursday. "I don't want to hold the signs, but I think it's the right punishment," the girl said.
Spann said she also plans to organize anti-bullying rallies at high schools.
Patricia Mathis, assistant principal at Gardner Middle, said she supported Spann's right to discipline her child.
"My theory is this: Parents know their children far better than we do as educators," she said.
TEMECULA, Calif. (AP) -- A seventh-grade girl got suspended from school for a week for bullying another student. Then Mom got involved, and things got worse for Miasha Williams.
During the suspension week, the 12-year-old's mother, Ivory Spann, made her daughter stand outside various schools with a poster reading: "I engaged in bullying behavior. I got suspended from school and this street corner. Don't be like me. Stop bullying."Advertisement
"I don't want that kind of environment at the school my child attends, or the school any child attends," Spann said.
The suspension came May 10, after Miasha and some friends at Gardner Middle School heard that they had been insulted by another student and aggressively confronted her.
"At first she was boo-hooing and saying, 'But, Mom, I didn't do anything.' Well, let me tell you, you did do something," Spann said.
Miasha's last day on sign duty was Thursday. "I don't want to hold the signs, but I think it's the right punishment," the girl said.
Spann said she also plans to organize anti-bullying rallies at high schools.
Patricia Mathis, assistant principal at Gardner Middle, said she supported Spann's right to discipline her child.
"My theory is this: Parents know their children far better than we do as educators," she said.
C
cliteatingman
Guest
mistertripps
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2005
- Posts
- 1,646
About two miles back,
I hit a bump in the road.
Shook me so hard,
Thought my head would explode.
Now my tires are worn
And my gas is low,
Never thought this road
Would be so damn slow.
I’ve been following this map of life,
No one told me there’d be wrong turns.
If only I could get back on track,
My journey would be simple.
I need a bypass,
I need a bypass.
I hit a bump in the road.
Shook me so hard,
Thought my head would explode.
Now my tires are worn
And my gas is low,
Never thought this road
Would be so damn slow.
I’ve been following this map of life,
No one told me there’d be wrong turns.
If only I could get back on track,
My journey would be simple.
I need a bypass,
I need a bypass.
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Posts
- 33,541
: TRY NOT TO LAUGH ( i was told to look @ this, but it ended up cool)
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start thinking something you really really want
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You have just been visited by SERAH I will grant you one wish. Make your wish when the count down is over.
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MAKE A WISH
ܕܕܕ
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ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
repost this with the title "HOW 2 MAKE OUT" to throw people off.... within 2 minutes. If you do, your wish will come true. If you don't, it will become the opposite
Did you know? before you go to sleep at night there is one person thinking of you. They want you they want to kiss you, They want to be with you they are always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night they are longing to be with you. This is all true not a fake if you repost this to in 5 mins the person that is longing to be with you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and snag (kiss) the face off you. But if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you again for 5 years!!!
Post this in the next 200 seconds and you
WILL have
THE best day of your life THIS COMING UP FRIDAY
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
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start thinking something you really really want
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You have just been visited by SERAH I will grant you one wish. Make your wish when the count down is over.
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MAKE A WISH
ܕܕܕ
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ܕܕܕ
ܕܕܕ
repost this with the title "HOW 2 MAKE OUT" to throw people off.... within 2 minutes. If you do, your wish will come true. If you don't, it will become the opposite
Did you know? before you go to sleep at night there is one person thinking of you. They want you they want to kiss you, They want to be with you they are always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night they are longing to be with you. This is all true not a fake if you repost this to in 5 mins the person that is longing to be with you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and snag (kiss) the face off you. But if you break this chain no one will like you or ask you again for 5 years!!!
Post this in the next 200 seconds and you
WILL have
THE best day of your life THIS COMING UP FRIDAY
G
Guest
Guest
Well hellooooo sexyBob1963 said:
lovemonster
Living life to the full!
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2006
- Posts
- 122,091
PassionatePatty
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2006
- Posts
- 29,926
As if we don't have enough lawsuits!
http://www.wcbs880.com/pages/484303.php?contentType=4&contentId=524338
http://www.wcbs880.com/pages/484303.php?contentType=4&contentId=524338
PassionatePatty
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2006
- Posts
- 29,926
Canadian Research!
I don't go looking for this stuff! People send it to me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc
I don't go looking for this stuff! People send it to me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments
(posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church i
n Gainesboro, TN.)
(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya
think? Y'all have a nice day.
(posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church i
n Gainesboro, TN.)
(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya
think? Y'all have a nice day.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
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