Passive-aggressively yours

[Keroin]

I could file this under the "What pissed you off?" thread but I think the subject deserves it's own thread because I see it so often.

Passive-aggressive behaviour annoys me. There I said it.

I have recently made the decision to end a long term friendship over this issue. I tried to be patient, I tried to understand that this person has had a rough past and therefore doesn't have the world's best interpersonal or communication skills but my patience and understanding have worn out.

Why, why, why do people do this? Why dance around an issue? Why try to manipulate? Tell me what is bothering you, be straightforward, I will listen. I will. I may not agree but I will discuss my reasons in an adult manner.

I see it on this board too. Annoying.

Why?

Just...why?

 

[graceanne]

I could file this under the "What pissed you off?" thread but I think the subject deserves it's own thread because I see it so often.

Passive-aggressive behaviour annoys me. There I said it.

I have recently made the decision to end a long term friendship over this issue. I tried to be patient, I tried to understand that this person has had a rough past and therefore doesn't have the world's best interpersonal or communication skills but my patience and understanding have worn out.

Why, why, why do people do this? Why dance around an issue? Why try to manipulate? Tell me what is bothering you, be straightforward, I will listen. I will. I may not agree but I will discuss my reasons in an adult manner.

I see it on this board too. Annoying.

Why?

Just...why?

Wish I could tell you, but I've been told that a little bit more tact wouldn't hurt me. Honestly, though, passive aggressive behavior, manipulative behavior, and guilt trips are the number one fastest way to piss me off and get a 'fuck you' as a response.

 

[Homburg]

I tried to come up with some passive-aggressive style response, but I suck at it so I'm going to sulk and be mad at you and not tell you why.

 

[graceanne]

I tried to come up with some passive-aggressive style response, but I suck at it so I'm going to sulk and be mad at you and not tell you why.

lol like

 

[sardoniclaugh]

I could file this under the "What pissed you off?" thread but I think the subject deserves it's own thread because I see it so often.

Passive-aggressive behaviour annoys me. There I said it.

I have recently made the decision to end a long term friendship over this issue. I tried to be patient, I tried to understand that this person has had a rough past and therefore doesn't have the world's best interpersonal or communication skills but my patience and understanding have worn out.

Why, why, why do people do this? Why dance around an issue? Why try to manipulate? Tell me what is bothering you, be straightforward, I will listen. I will. I may not agree but I will discuss my reasons in an adult manner.

I see it on this board too. Annoying.

Why?

Just...why?

As if you didn't know. *glower*
If you really cared, you'd understand. *glower*
How do you think it makes ME feel when you drag our personal issues into public like that? *glower*


Seriously?
Misery loves company. You don't see a lot of honestly happy people being passive aggressive.

 

[grumpybear0810]

fine

Along the same lines I believe the word fine used in the context of ; I'm fine, That's fine, Ect, should be banned nothing is more irratating then when some one is being pissy and you ask what's the matter and they come back with the four letter 'F' word.
~gb~

 

[Keroin]

Wish I could tell you, but I've been told that a little bit more tact wouldn't hurt me. Honestly, though, passive aggressive behavior, manipulative behavior, and guilt trips are the number one fastest way to piss me off and get a 'fuck you' as a response.

You see I don't think tact and honesty need be mutually exclusive traits. Though I'd vastly prefer rude yet honest communication over the "Guess what I really mean by the non-confrontational vague statement I just made" brand. Blurg.

I tried to come up with some passive-aggressive style response, but I suck at it so I'm going to sulk and be mad at you and not tell you why.

What's wrong?

(Your cue to say, "Nothing")

As if you didn't know. *glower*
If you really cared, you'd understand. *glower*
How do you think it makes ME feel when you drag our personal issues into public like that? *glower*

If you're trying to push my buttons...it's working. LOL.

Seriously?
Misery loves company. You don't see a lot of honestly happy people being passive aggressive.

I'm inclined to agree with you here. As regards my friend, I think it's a very deep unhappiness that even she does not recognize.

There's also a degree of immaturity to it too. Poor communication/social skills. What I see often with PA behaviour is that the person feels somehow backed into a corner with no tools to effectively express themselves, so they resort to the "poor me" response. Like mother birds who fake a broken wing to draw predators away from their nest, that's what it seems like to me - "Don't look at my shortcomings, don't!"

 

[sardoniclaugh]

You see I don't think tact and honesty need be mutually exclusive traits. Though I'd vastly prefer rude yet honest communication over the "Guess what I really mean by the non-confrontational vague statement I just made" brand. Blurg.

A lot of the time, I see honesty used as a justification for the shittiest, cruelest most hateful behavior imaginable. Abuse is abuse, and words are wonderful tools for it, so when someone says something to be hurtful, I find that I don't give a rat's ass if what they say is true or not. Intent matters.

If you're trying to push my buttons...it's working. LOL.

VICTORY IS MINE!
I mean ... how can you sit there and accuse me of that? *glower*

I'm inclined to agree with you here. As regards my friend, I think it's a very deep unhappiness that even she does not recognize.

There's also a degree of immaturity to it too. Poor communication/social skills. What I see often with PA behaviour is that the person feels somehow backed into a corner with no tools to effectively express themselves, so they resort to the "poor me" response. Like mother birds who fake a broken wing to draw predators away from their nest, that's what it seems like to me - "Don't look at my shortcomings, don't!"

Funny, I was thinking that when I catch myself doing it, it's usually because I don't have a leg to stand on. Not that I am ever passive-aggressive.
I'm not.
Ever.
*glower*

 

[graceanne]

You see I don't think tact and honesty need be mutually exclusive traits. Though I'd vastly prefer rude yet honest communication over the "Guess what I really mean by the non-confrontational vague statement I just made" brand. Blurg.

I don't consider myself tactless, and I've usually found that people who call me 'tactless' are the type who are use their sensitive souls as a shield, and you have to be very very careful not to hurt their poor little feelings. Normally people like that annoy me to the point that it doesn't bother me that they don't like me.

Beyond that, if they think I'm tactless, they should hear all the stuff that never makes it out my mouth. For gosh sakes, I'm a conservative christian on a porn board, if I was tactless I would be really unpopular.

A lot of the time, I see honesty used as a justification for the shittiest, cruelest most hateful behavior imaginable. Abuse is abuse, and words are wonderful tools for it, so when someone says something to be hurtful, I find that I don't give a rat's ass if what they say is true or not. Intent matters.

I agree. I cannot stand the person who uses 'honesty' as an excuse for being an asshole.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... I cannot stand the person who uses 'honesty' as an excuse for being an asshole.

Yeah. The only excuse I use for being an asshole is: "I'm an asshole."

 

[graceanne]

Yeah. The only excuse I use for being an asshole is: "I'm an asshole."

Yep, me too. Well, sometime I used the excuse "I'm a bitch." but you get the idea ...

 

[sb2009]

Growing up in a really weird totally fuckered up family, I somehow got the lesson ingrained in my head that it was NEVER OK TO ASK DIRECTLY for anything. It was a long an painful road to unlearn that lesson. I honest to god was surprised that vague hints, the silent treatment and saying one thing/meaning another was the way people communicated ROFL

Sometimes I sort of feel bad for my ex. But he was a dick, anyway. Even if I was passive aggressive.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I tried to come up with some passive-aggressive style response, but I suck at it so I'm going to sulk and be mad at you and not tell you why.

As if you didn't know. *glower*
If you really cared, you'd understand. *glower*
How do you think it makes ME feel when you drag our personal issues into public like that? *glower*

Fine. If that's how you two really feel, then of course, our meager feelings are really nothing in comparison.

If that's how you really feel, of course.

Fine.

 

[YourCaptor]

Passive – indirect

Aggressive – desperate attempt to manipulate the environment

I would suspect people who employ these tactics typically do not have much control over their life.

Once such behavior forms, self fulfilling prophesy keeps it their.

You could posibly do the "kill them with kindness thing".

Just be supper honest, lay out everything on the table, your most vulnerable self, and give the a huge area to roam and do whatever the fuck they want. Maybe, after some time, they will start to reflect that a bit. If you spend a lot of time with them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

None of you really care about me, anyway.

 

[sb2009]

Passive – indirect

Aggressive – desperate attempt to manipulate the environment

I would suspect people who employ these tactics typically do not have much control over their life.

Once such behavior forms, self fulfilling prophesy keeps it their.

You could posibly do the "kill them with kindness thing".

Just be supper honest, lay out everything on the table, your most vulnerable self, and give the a huge area to roam and do whatever the fuck they want. Maybe, after some time, they will start to reflect that a bit. If you spend a lot of time with them.

What worked for me was someone saying: "Hey, that's a really crappy way to let me know you want me to do (insert whatever it I wanted). You need to stop that and figure out a better way to talk to me."

And I was all "Oh, wow....ok. Sorry." And did some reading and then saw a shrink LOL

 

[midwestyankee]

Fine. No problem, really.

You just be yourself because that's what really matters. For everyone, really.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... be supper honest, lay out everything on the table,...

Was someone hungry when he posted this?

 

[graceanne]

None of you really care about me, anyway.

Who are you?

 

[Marquis]

Passive aggressive people make me want to crush their skulls in a vice grip.

 

[gypsy*seer]

S. tells me I am "un-subtle". No one is ballsy enough to say that I'm tactless. One of my favorite quotes is: "People say that I say inappropriate things, I just think of it as radical honesty" If I need to know something, or say something, I just tell it like it is. Life is too short for second-guessing, and honesty is too important. I DO however, avoid at all costs, hurting someones feelings....even if it comes at my own expense. IMHO...

 

[neci]

Fine. If that's how you two really feel, then of course, our meager feelings are really nothing in comparison.

If that's how you really feel, of course.

Fine.

i see. that's how it is.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Who are you?

*in a strangled shout*
Oh, no-one, don't mind about me!

 

[graceanne]

*in a strangled shout*
Oh, no-one, don't mind about me!

.... I feel like someone is trying to get my attention.

 

[teknight]

I'm left wondering..."Do I do this shit?"