parenting?

zigzagzarf

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Jan 29, 2002
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i got a 2 year old and this has been bothering me...how do you be a parent and still deal with this aspect of your life?

i know most will say don't let the kids know...which is true...but this is how i am my marriage recently broke cause after we had our son we stopped doing the kinky things in our life...it felt wierd around our kid...how have others dealed with being who they are with out letting it slip into your family life?
 
Could you maybe clarify? I mean, I am who I am, regardless of who is around me, and all cuples go through a transition from intimacy, to intimacy with a child in the house... unless you were walking about naked and cuffed 24/7, the impact of having a little one around IMO is more mental, than anything else.
 
zigzagzarf said:
i got a 2 year old and this has been bothering me...how do you be a parent and still deal with this aspect of your life?

i know most will say don't let the kids know...which is true...but this is how i am my marriage recently broke cause after we had our son we stopped doing the kinky things in our life...it felt wierd around our kid...how have others dealed with being who they are with out letting it slip into your family life?


We sometimes get a sitter and go to parties at our local groups, other times we just wait till the kids are asleep and do things that are a bit quieter (though sometimes we do spankings if we're sure the oldest, at age thirteen, is completely asleep) like bondage or light floggings. Of course, it is my belief that when they get old enough they are going to figure things out on their own, but while they are young what they don't see doesn't appear to bother them at all. Master and I still do a lot of non-play with each other, just to cement our positions with each other, which our oldest simply thinks of as old fashioned marriage stuff - like me serving him meals first and calling him Sir.

However, the real problem we run into is getting our five week old to sleep long enough for us to really get into it before we have to stop and pick her up again lol
 
I don't see it as any different from vanilla sex; kids don't want to and should not be privy to what goes on in their parents' bed, kinky or not.
 
vanelane said:
I don't see it as any different from vanilla sex; kids don't want to and should not be privy to what goes on in their parents' bed, kinky or not.


Not sure which post you were replying to, but, since it was below my post, I'll throw in my two cents as if were about my post. :)

I agree, kids should not be privy about what goes on in their parent's sex lives. However, my post wasn't about sex. When it comes to BDSM in Master and my lives, sex is only a small, tiny part of what we do together. We are moderately into protocol - rules about my behavior and what we do in social situations in our local groups - but we love our play time together. And, since we are involved in our local groups, eventually our kids will figure out that we are going out places that are adult in nature - kids, when they get to be older teenagers are snoopy and will find out about these things. Master and I have one huge rule about our kids...if they ask us a question, we answer honestly - in an age appropriate manner, of course. Several years ago, our thirteen year old asked what masterbation was - found out the question stemed from an episode of CSI we had watched a few weeks earlier, which I had thought she had not paid attention to when we were watching tv. So she received an age appropriate answer of, "It's when someone has sex with themselves". It was left at that, her curiousity satisfied. More recently, however, we have had more in depth sexual discussions with her, as she is getting to the age of sexual curiousity.

Not that we discuss OUR sex lives, but we do feel it should be frankly discussed when kids are old enough - none of this turning the kid away because "we'll talk about it when you're older" stuff and they end up learning the wrong stuff from their friends at school :eek:

As far as the BDSM world goes, if they ever ask about that - we'll give them truthful and honestly age appropriate answers that are not personal to our situtation. (Hey, I don't want to accidently run into them at events when they are old enough to attend them lol) Accidents happen and toys sometimes get left out in the open. It's better to honestly answer questions than to avoid them and the kids get bad information. (Mom, what's all that rope on your bedside table for? :eek: Answer - Daddy was practicing his knots) Never give them more info than they asked for, if they are really curious they'll ask follow up questions. :)
 
LunarKitten - I was just replying to the original poster's question. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
 
Another tip.....put toys away. We have put ours in locked tool box of all things. I have nosey teenagers and there are some conversations I would rather NOT have quite yet. ;)
 
adventurous_1 said:
Another tip.....put toys away. We have put ours in locked tool box of all things. I have nosey teenagers and there are some conversations I would rather NOT have quite yet. ;)

I was once that nosy teenager. I happened to find my parent's toys and I was very interested. It opened up all sorts of conversations between my mom and I. There isn't much that we keep secret anymore. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. There have definately been times when we had to stop each other from telling too much though. There are some things that neither of us want or need to know.
 
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