Oxymorons

[SpankMaster Flex]

Here are a few:

Presidential Debates

Speedy Checkout/Express Checkout @ the grocery store

Attorney's fees (can't we sue them for price gouging?)

Smart dog

Objective journalism

And finally, a question.

Why do they call it a "zert?"

 

[Alyrahh]

Some of my all time favorites...

Microsoft Works
Jumbo Shrimp
Bad Sex

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

I agree with Aly on Bad Sex,it is like Bad Pizza,when it's bad,it's still good.

 

[Ezzie]

America Online

I think they should call it America Offline as often as I get booted by it.

 

[Mustang Sally]

You think smart dog is an oxy moron? I disagree! What about those seeing-eye dogs or police dogs? Ok, so it's not exactly intelligence at work, but still...

Here's one: nice guy (hahaha)

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

New and Improved they cancell each other out.

 

[Easy Boy]

Classical form

"My, you're certainly getting to be a big little boy."

"No, I don't think I'll buy these shoes. They're just a little big."

"How was your blind date?" "Well, she was pretty ugly."

 

[Ambrosious]

Productive meetings.<Lets run that up the flag pole>

Compassionate conservitism.(sp)

PRE? menstrual syndrome? <Near as I can tell, the hormones are screwed up all 28 days>

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Purple Haze]

Rap Artist
Military Intelligence
Political Correctness
Country Music
Sport Utility
Internet Superhighway

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

Here are a few:
Attorney's fees (can't we sue them for price gouging?)

New and Improved they cancell each other out.

Redundancies, not oxymorons.

oxymoron-mutually exclusive conditions.

Clever Fool.

Oops,I ment to post that on the pet peeves thread.
what you don't believe me? Well fine then I goofed,I am nothing but a big putz!
I usually have a bunch of oxymorons available,but I am in the middle of one hell of a brain fart.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

If you are waiting for me CB,you are going to miss out.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

I would never say no to a shower with you my dear.
*picks CB up and totes her to the shower*

 

[RonG]

And finally, a question.

Why do they call it a "zert?"

A guess without any research: Zert is slanguage for insert which is shorter than saying grease fitting.

 

[Cyan BloodsBane]

Re: America Online

I think they should call it America Offline as often as I get booted by it.

Thats why I have an T1 connection and don;t use AOL <--- All Out Lazy

 

[Weird Harold]

A guess without any research: Zert is slanguage for insert which is shorter than saying grease fitting.

You're thinking of Zerk fittings, which is a tradename for a particular type of grease fitting. (actually, I think it's properly spelled Xerxes.)

I'm not sure what "zert" is without a context to put it in.

It could be a childish contraction of "dessert" as in "can we have banamnas for 'zert, mom?"

[Edited by Weird Harold on 11-02-2000 at 05:09 PM]

 

[Renee]

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

jumbo shrimp

thunderous silence


I've told you for the forty-thousandth time, stop exagerating

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest person alive

 

[RonG]

Thanks, WH for the etymology lesson. Being an engineer from the midwest, I have heard them called "zerts" for twenty years but I can believe that the corruption of Xerxes makes perfect sense.

I did get curious enough to do some research. 98% of the listings for "Zert" relate to European quality/CE markings. Zert seems to be a German phrase to indicate that any particular good was manufactured by a company certified against ISO900 or QS9000 (these are the outfits that require Level I, II, and III work instructions and procedures to change a light bulb). There is a German porn site called X-Zert (kind of like certified X). There is also a listing for a goofball engineering problem involving the galaxy of Zert and three-headed insects and wrong turns at Lake Erie (actually, any turn away from Lake Erie has to be a correct turn but I digress)

The last listing I found is a web cartoon called Zert! that has the look of a college newspaper type strip. Unless more background is forthcoming, I have taken my best shot.

By the way, Senate Intelligence Committee is kind of a triple oxymoron -none of the three words work as a couplet (considering how our senate works these days).

 

[Jester]

Peacekeeper missile
Drive on a parkway, park in a driveway
Anarchists unite
Hot water heater
No one is more humble than I

 

[insideShiraz]

A joke I Made up when Young and Drunk

What do you call a prognosis of conflicting opinions?...

A Paradox

 

[Myrrdin]

Heard this morning,

From a TV news reporter, commenting on recent floods,

'....A whole section of river is underwater....'

 

[Flagg]

A while back, my girlfriend and I went to an "O" Fancy Dress Party. Being particularily lazy we ended up going as an oxymoron. So there amidst the olives, oranges, offle (weird but true"), origamis, obstetricians and opthologists we stood and contradicted each other and argued. Nobody understood.

 

[Miss_E]

A little pregnant

Military Intelligence (I can say that, I was that! LOL)

Blind Passion (Not bloody likely... WOW)

Small Pain (Yeah Right)


Just to add a few to the mix....