Ownership versus belonging
- Thread starter Richard49
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MissTaken
Biker Chick
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I don't know if my perspective is even remotely on topic or accurate.
Being "owned" implies a contract or formal event marking the giving of one's self to another. A formal Master/slave relationship comes to mind.
For me "belonging" is more indicative of finding one's place, one's niche. I belong with Him, I may belong to Him. It doesn't mean that He owns me. "Belonging", to me, seems to be more nebulous and has more connotation of my free choices that are still available.
Frankly, I am not sure that I will ever manage or desire the complete Master/slave relationship.
We will see.
All in good time.
Damn, that NYQUIL.
I can't make any sense of anything tonight!
Being "owned" implies a contract or formal event marking the giving of one's self to another. A formal Master/slave relationship comes to mind.
For me "belonging" is more indicative of finding one's place, one's niche. I belong with Him, I may belong to Him. It doesn't mean that He owns me. "Belonging", to me, seems to be more nebulous and has more connotation of my free choices that are still available.
Frankly, I am not sure that I will ever manage or desire the complete Master/slave relationship.
We will see.
All in good time.
Damn, that NYQUIL.
I can't make any sense of anything tonight!
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
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- May 21, 2002
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Ownership vs.Belonging
Without virtue of a written contract and by my words to Him only,Master Artful "Owns' me .. Why? Because I Choose to Be 'Owned' by Him and for Him to use me in any way He so chooses for HIS Pleasure.
I do 'Belong' to Him and my heart will never want any other,I know this.. There are only 4 other people who come BEFORE Him in my life,and those 4 people are my children.There will never be another man in this world who Completes me as He does .
When He put His collar on me in August ,that sealed the deal for me. I am HIS ,as He says Lock,stock,and barrel. the collar symbolizes His genuine love,and Care for me,above all others and it is an outward symbol of who I 'belong 'to.
He is my Master and we have both entered into the 24/7 TPE wholeheartedly and honestly...I am His submissive slave and my place is to obey and put His needs first,as I do this more and more the pure harmony of the relationship is better realized as I find myself being made happy also
Without virtue of a written contract and by my words to Him only,Master Artful "Owns' me .. Why? Because I Choose to Be 'Owned' by Him and for Him to use me in any way He so chooses for HIS Pleasure.
I do 'Belong' to Him and my heart will never want any other,I know this.. There are only 4 other people who come BEFORE Him in my life,and those 4 people are my children.There will never be another man in this world who Completes me as He does .
When He put His collar on me in August ,that sealed the deal for me. I am HIS ,as He says Lock,stock,and barrel. the collar symbolizes His genuine love,and Care for me,above all others and it is an outward symbol of who I 'belong 'to.
He is my Master and we have both entered into the 24/7 TPE wholeheartedly and honestly...I am His submissive slave and my place is to obey and put His needs first,as I do this more and more the pure harmony of the relationship is better realized as I find myself being made happy also
Goddess Helena
Really Really Experienced
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MissTaken said:
It may be my headache meds, but I understand and agree with MissTaken.
Ownership suggests being property. Belonging is having a place where you feel at home. Ideally, I think both are needed for a relationship to work.
Helena
UCE
Really Really Experienced
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I don't know. I see the word "belonging" as having two meanings:
1. I belong to him, which is the same as he owns me.
2. I belong with him (or I belong here).
So it depends on how you personally mean the word "belonging" as to what I can answer you. Possession is possession though, at least when it comes to people. I don't think you can do the time-share condo thing with a slave.
1. I belong to him, which is the same as he owns me.
2. I belong with him (or I belong here).
So it depends on how you personally mean the word "belonging" as to what I can answer you. Possession is possession though, at least when it comes to people. I don't think you can do the time-share condo thing with a slave.
stgeorge6602
Experienced
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I have to have a laugh when I read posts using these kinds of labels .
IM OWNED,SHE/HE OWNS ME.
I BELONG TO HIM/HER or SHE/HE BELONGS TO ME.
SHE/HE IS MY MASTER/MISTRISS.
IM HIS/HER SLAVE .
What is common in all of these themes is the fact that it is all concential,it is all acting/role playing ,you or they can walk away at anytime..You consent to belong or be owned by someone,and its usually with some you have a strong feelings for.
A real SLAVE does'nt have these choices,they cannot simply say no or walk away.In most asian countries and other places in the world Slavery is real.Young girls are forced into prostitution and men are sold as cheap labour.
IM OWNED,SHE/HE OWNS ME.
I BELONG TO HIM/HER or SHE/HE BELONGS TO ME.
SHE/HE IS MY MASTER/MISTRISS.
IM HIS/HER SLAVE .
What is common in all of these themes is the fact that it is all concential,it is all acting/role playing ,you or they can walk away at anytime..You consent to belong or be owned by someone,and its usually with some you have a strong feelings for.
A real SLAVE does'nt have these choices,they cannot simply say no or walk away.In most asian countries and other places in the world Slavery is real.Young girls are forced into prostitution and men are sold as cheap labour.
Skitten
Sir's toy
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I think it is a little of both I agree truly with mistaken on this one.
Belonging yes we belong to that person but in a BDSM relationship I am also owned as his no one elses his and his alone. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I belong to my kids as their mom and belong to my husband as his wife. But He also is my Master and he owns me heart body and soul.
Belonging yes we belong to that person but in a BDSM relationship I am also owned as his no one elses his and his alone. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I belong to my kids as their mom and belong to my husband as his wife. But He also is my Master and he owns me heart body and soul.
I've thought a lot about this topic before posting, and have managed to pare down the difference, as I see it, to this:
Ownership is having all aspects of your life dictated, belonging is having them guided by someone who cares. I don't mean to imply that those who "own" slaves don't care about them, but they have little, if any, free choice. Someone who "belongs" has their decisions guided in their best interest, but is still free to do as they please even if it is against the advice given.
Ownership is having all aspects of your life dictated, belonging is having them guided by someone who cares. I don't mean to imply that those who "own" slaves don't care about them, but they have little, if any, free choice. Someone who "belongs" has their decisions guided in their best interest, but is still free to do as they please even if it is against the advice given.
lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
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On the outside this seemed more semantics to me, but in thinking about it I do tend to choose "belonging to" over "owned by".
Belonging seems more of an "in process" description of being owned, and being owned seems more concrete and complete to me. I do not balk for a minute at the term being "owned" in reference to my Domme, but I do think feeling "completely owned" by Her is something that would take years for me personally... and something I do aspire to.
Belonging seems more of an "in process" description of being owned, and being owned seems more concrete and complete to me. I do not balk for a minute at the term being "owned" in reference to my Domme, but I do think feeling "completely owned" by Her is something that would take years for me personally... and something I do aspire to.
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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An answer from another list
This was posted as an answer from another list:
In essence the two concepts mean the same thing in the BDSM world ... that the Master's power or control over the submissive is to the extent that He can actually consider her His possession. Yet when i think of the words... i find that i prefer the concept of belonging than "merely" being owned. Upon looking at the actual dictionary definitions the reason becomes clear for me. While belong can be defined as being the property of another ... which is identical to the definition of owned ... belong comes with all these other wonderful definitions that give us this fuller sense of also being home.
i like the idea of being owned for its security and permanence and the intensity of the relationship. And there is a sense of being wanted ... after all, He wouldn't want to own something unless He values it. Belonging, however, suggests having a niche that i fit right into ... being cherished as well as possessed. i'd like to hold out for both. i especially like the last definition for belong ... being properly classified. Isn't that the ultimate? To be able to be exactly what you are supposed to be because you are in exactly the right place... and with the right person?
own:
1 a : to have or hold as property : POSSESS b : to have power over : CONTROL <wanted to own his own life>
2 : to acknowledge to be true, valid, or as claimed : ADMIT <own a debt>
belong:
1 a : to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous <a dictionary belongs in every home> b : to be in a proper situation <a man of his ability belongs in teaching>
2 a : to be the property of a person or thing — used with to b : to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency c : to be a member of a club, organization, or set
3 : to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or thing <nuts and bolts belong to a car>
4 : to be properly classified
This was posted as an answer from another list:
In essence the two concepts mean the same thing in the BDSM world ... that the Master's power or control over the submissive is to the extent that He can actually consider her His possession. Yet when i think of the words... i find that i prefer the concept of belonging than "merely" being owned. Upon looking at the actual dictionary definitions the reason becomes clear for me. While belong can be defined as being the property of another ... which is identical to the definition of owned ... belong comes with all these other wonderful definitions that give us this fuller sense of also being home.
i like the idea of being owned for its security and permanence and the intensity of the relationship. And there is a sense of being wanted ... after all, He wouldn't want to own something unless He values it. Belonging, however, suggests having a niche that i fit right into ... being cherished as well as possessed. i'd like to hold out for both. i especially like the last definition for belong ... being properly classified. Isn't that the ultimate? To be able to be exactly what you are supposed to be because you are in exactly the right place... and with the right person?
own:
1 a : to have or hold as property : POSSESS b : to have power over : CONTROL <wanted to own his own life>
2 : to acknowledge to be true, valid, or as claimed : ADMIT <own a debt>
belong:
1 a : to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous <a dictionary belongs in every home> b : to be in a proper situation <a man of his ability belongs in teaching>
2 a : to be the property of a person or thing — used with to b : to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency c : to be a member of a club, organization, or set
3 : to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or thing <nuts and bolts belong to a car>
4 : to be properly classified
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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Another comment
Here is another one I rrecieved
Richard asked <<Do you all see a difference? If so what?>>
Good question, i have pondered over this and know that there is a difference a big difference i am an Owned slave, my Master has full ownership of me, with that He has responsibilities, to care for and train me according to His ways. As He is my Owner He is responsible for my well being. Even before i became His 24/7 alpha slave He owned me! i willingly gave my will over to Him, i knew i could trust Him with my life, without Him i don't really live i just exist. Yet when i lived several hundred miles away i didn't feel i belonged where i was, so had to leave and become a truly owned property. It was if i was like a cottage in the dales, i didn't want to be a holiday home but one that was in full service, not left empty many months of the year and needing high maintenance. Now the other side of being owned is belonging. i belong here in my Master's home, i belong to Him body, soul, mind and heart.
A true belonging has no rights, just like a book on a bookshelf it can be left to sit and gather dust. The belonging can do nothing to make the Owner pick it up and read it. But a good caring Owner, would never leave that book to gather dust, if it was of no use to Him He would find a good home for that belonging where it could be used and appreciated to it's fullest value.
A true Owner values His belongings, a belonging that is valued will bring great joy to it's Owner. i hope that is what i do for my Master. regards alpha slave sioned
Here is another one I rrecieved
Richard asked <<Do you all see a difference? If so what?>>
Good question, i have pondered over this and know that there is a difference a big difference i am an Owned slave, my Master has full ownership of me, with that He has responsibilities, to care for and train me according to His ways. As He is my Owner He is responsible for my well being. Even before i became His 24/7 alpha slave He owned me! i willingly gave my will over to Him, i knew i could trust Him with my life, without Him i don't really live i just exist. Yet when i lived several hundred miles away i didn't feel i belonged where i was, so had to leave and become a truly owned property. It was if i was like a cottage in the dales, i didn't want to be a holiday home but one that was in full service, not left empty many months of the year and needing high maintenance. Now the other side of being owned is belonging. i belong here in my Master's home, i belong to Him body, soul, mind and heart.
A true belonging has no rights, just like a book on a bookshelf it can be left to sit and gather dust. The belonging can do nothing to make the Owner pick it up and read it. But a good caring Owner, would never leave that book to gather dust, if it was of no use to Him He would find a good home for that belonging where it could be used and appreciated to it's fullest value.
A true Owner values His belongings, a belonging that is valued will bring great joy to it's Owner. i hope that is what i do for my Master. regards alpha slave sioned
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
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Re: An answer from another list
**JUST AS with Artful I dont always agree with dictionary definitions ,however I can stae truthfully that He Possesses me heart ,mind,body and soull,and I am suitable and appropriate and I fit Perfectly with Him so I guess I am both ..I belong to Him and with Him AND I am OWNED by Him also...only syntax after all..
Richard49 said:
**JUST AS with Artful I dont always agree with dictionary definitions ,however I can stae truthfully that He Possesses me heart ,mind,body and soull,and I am suitable and appropriate and I fit Perfectly with Him so I guess I am both ..I belong to Him and with Him AND I am OWNED by Him also...only syntax after all..
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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From another friend of mine
MY PERSONAL VIEW OF ‘OWNERSHIP’
The feeling of being owned is a fire in the belly, on the edge, but deeply secure. The moment I
think I want to scream "No, please, stop", but instead give in and surrender, wherever,
whenever, or whatever Master wants to do. I know deep down I don’t want to say No, but I can
and have -- even though I have come to realize that I have a deep inner desire to give all, I also
need it to be accepted, received, even taken. Because I am sometimes unsure of myself, I
need someone who is stronger, surer, who can overpower me, save me from my self protective
measures to retain control and decrease my vulnerability, which only serves with Master who
can be trusted, to decrease intimacy and keep walls up as a barrier which separate us, and if
allowed to stay up or build up those walls, take me away from him in a mental, emotional or
even physical way. In finding the one who I would call Master, who has earned that title, I know
I will do for him what I would do for no other, because I have no choice-- for to do otherwise or
say No would be denying myself what I have searched for and craved all my life-- for one I love
and who loves me, one I know well and who knows me almost as well or even better (it
sometimes seems) than I know myself, one who has earned my trust, one who embraces all
he finds (even those things I have shared with no one else, those dark spots) -- yet, he doesn’t
turn away (or run away) or denigrate me and is not afraid, for he knows it is but a part of me
(which he understands because he has some of these dark spots, too)-- but instead he
embraces them and me to have a deeper understanding of "us" and maybe help find a way to
let these dark spots out safely and securely -- letting them into the light so their beauty can be
seen or their ugliness evident and in need of casting out so they no longer have any power or
control over me. In so doing, he takes that power and control as his own. He will not be
deterred by my attempts to hide or cover up, he will hold my secrets safe and dear so I have
no reason to hold back anything -- but instead I am compelled to give all of me into his trusting
hands, because he has proven himself, over and over again. By virtue of his taking, accepting
and embracing me, he has the greatest influence over my thoughts, words, deeds, body and
even my life. He ‘owns’ me because he has earned the privilege and honor and responsibility of
calling me ‘his’ by his own thoughts, words, deeds, and actions and continues to show the
‘pride’ of ownership by having great love, care and consideration for me. He chose to be my
Master, chose me, just as I chose him to give him the opportunity because I thought him
worthy. As each day passes, each honorable action, secret kept, loving words stated,
character, integrity and self-control exhibited, my choices diminish to the point of no return --
because to choose to deny, to choose to not submit would also be to deny myself the
greatest thing I have ever known -- the honor and joy of being enslaved to him, his slave.
SuzyQ ©Jan. 2002
MY PERSONAL VIEW OF ‘OWNERSHIP’
The feeling of being owned is a fire in the belly, on the edge, but deeply secure. The moment I
think I want to scream "No, please, stop", but instead give in and surrender, wherever,
whenever, or whatever Master wants to do. I know deep down I don’t want to say No, but I can
and have -- even though I have come to realize that I have a deep inner desire to give all, I also
need it to be accepted, received, even taken. Because I am sometimes unsure of myself, I
need someone who is stronger, surer, who can overpower me, save me from my self protective
measures to retain control and decrease my vulnerability, which only serves with Master who
can be trusted, to decrease intimacy and keep walls up as a barrier which separate us, and if
allowed to stay up or build up those walls, take me away from him in a mental, emotional or
even physical way. In finding the one who I would call Master, who has earned that title, I know
I will do for him what I would do for no other, because I have no choice-- for to do otherwise or
say No would be denying myself what I have searched for and craved all my life-- for one I love
and who loves me, one I know well and who knows me almost as well or even better (it
sometimes seems) than I know myself, one who has earned my trust, one who embraces all
he finds (even those things I have shared with no one else, those dark spots) -- yet, he doesn’t
turn away (or run away) or denigrate me and is not afraid, for he knows it is but a part of me
(which he understands because he has some of these dark spots, too)-- but instead he
embraces them and me to have a deeper understanding of "us" and maybe help find a way to
let these dark spots out safely and securely -- letting them into the light so their beauty can be
seen or their ugliness evident and in need of casting out so they no longer have any power or
control over me. In so doing, he takes that power and control as his own. He will not be
deterred by my attempts to hide or cover up, he will hold my secrets safe and dear so I have
no reason to hold back anything -- but instead I am compelled to give all of me into his trusting
hands, because he has proven himself, over and over again. By virtue of his taking, accepting
and embracing me, he has the greatest influence over my thoughts, words, deeds, body and
even my life. He ‘owns’ me because he has earned the privilege and honor and responsibility of
calling me ‘his’ by his own thoughts, words, deeds, and actions and continues to show the
‘pride’ of ownership by having great love, care and consideration for me. He chose to be my
Master, chose me, just as I chose him to give him the opportunity because I thought him
worthy. As each day passes, each honorable action, secret kept, loving words stated,
character, integrity and self-control exhibited, my choices diminish to the point of no return --
because to choose to deny, to choose to not submit would also be to deny myself the
greatest thing I have ever known -- the honor and joy of being enslaved to him, his slave.
SuzyQ ©Jan. 2002
serijules
just seri
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- Sep 19, 2002
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I was re-reading a story I wrote once and stumbled across this paragraph and thought I would share it here. This is just how I felt at the time, some may not agree with me and that is fine, but this was written in the heat of a very intense moment in a relationship, so it's about as raw of a description as I can share, regarding these terms.
(you would have to read the whole story series to understand some of the references in here)
*snip*
I BELONGED to Him. He didn't own me. Something so wild and free can never really truly be owned, not at this stage in the game; still young and full of curiosity, just like my filly. So willing to explore and try new things and not be tied down by the rules and restrictions of ownership, yet not wanting to give up the guidance and safety that went with it. Belonging to Him meant that my freedom, for all intents and purposes, was still free. He did not own me, or my freedom. He held the lead in His hand, and that lead led to my collar, but He did not own me. Ownership wasn't right for us and we both knew it. I belonged to Him, allowed him authority to hold my body, my soul, my heart, my submission...but my freedom belonged to me. I was standing at His side, not kneeling at his feet, and Him at mine. That was where I belonged. It was right.
(you would have to read the whole story series to understand some of the references in here)
*snip*
I BELONGED to Him. He didn't own me. Something so wild and free can never really truly be owned, not at this stage in the game; still young and full of curiosity, just like my filly. So willing to explore and try new things and not be tied down by the rules and restrictions of ownership, yet not wanting to give up the guidance and safety that went with it. Belonging to Him meant that my freedom, for all intents and purposes, was still free. He did not own me, or my freedom. He held the lead in His hand, and that lead led to my collar, but He did not own me. Ownership wasn't right for us and we both knew it. I belonged to Him, allowed him authority to hold my body, my soul, my heart, my submission...but my freedom belonged to me. I was standing at His side, not kneeling at his feet, and Him at mine. That was where I belonged. It was right.
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
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- Dec 24, 2001
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Richard
own:
1 a : to have or hold as property : POSSESS b : to have power
over : CONTROL <wanted to own his own life>
2 : to acknowledge to be true, valid, or as claimed : ADMIT <own
a debt>
belong:
1 a : to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous <a dictionary
belongs in every home> b : to be in a proper situation <a man of
his ability belongs in teaching>
2 a : to be the property of a person or thing — used with to b :
to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency c :
to be a member of a club, organization, or set
3 : to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or
thing <nuts and bolts belong to a car>
4 : to be properly classified
Dream, does BELONG with me, and as much as she can possibly be OWNED by anyone, (in a true sense), she is OWNED by me. I not only accept ALL she is, but also *claim* ALL she is.
The PROPERTY was willingly given to me, and not just her physical body, but all she submits to my care. We have only had (5), wonderful days and nights together in REAL LIFE, but that time together assured me of her committment to serve.
The collar I offered her on August 12, 2002, is a *symbol* of that belonging and ownership. When she bowed her head to receive it, I could not have been happier.
Artful's dream said:
own:
1 a : to have or hold as property : POSSESS b : to have power
over : CONTROL <wanted to own his own life>
2 : to acknowledge to be true, valid, or as claimed : ADMIT <own
a debt>
belong:
1 a : to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous <a dictionary
belongs in every home> b : to be in a proper situation <a man of
his ability belongs in teaching>
2 a : to be the property of a person or thing — used with to b :
to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency c :
to be a member of a club, organization, or set
3 : to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or
thing <nuts and bolts belong to a car>
4 : to be properly classified
Dream, does BELONG with me, and as much as she can possibly be OWNED by anyone, (in a true sense), she is OWNED by me. I not only accept ALL she is, but also *claim* ALL she is.
The PROPERTY was willingly given to me, and not just her physical body, but all she submits to my care. We have only had (5), wonderful days and nights together in REAL LIFE, but that time together assured me of her committment to serve.
The collar I offered her on August 12, 2002, is a *symbol* of that belonging and ownership. When she bowed her head to receive it, I could not have been happier.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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- Jun 30, 2001
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- 20,570
I OWN my car.
(and all of the debts and responsibility for caring for it.)
When my car is no longer roadworthy, I will get another.
My cats BELONG to me.
Again, with responsibility, but there is a mutually beneficial relationship involved.
When my cats are no longer with me, I may get another, but can never truly replace what I have with them.
Of course, some of the men on the board can and will reverse the analogy
(and all of the debts and responsibility for caring for it.)
When my car is no longer roadworthy, I will get another.
My cats BELONG to me.
Again, with responsibility, but there is a mutually beneficial relationship involved.
When my cats are no longer with me, I may get another, but can never truly replace what I have with them.
Of course, some of the men on the board can and will reverse the analogy
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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- Aug 16, 2002
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Well.....
I think I belong. I think if you asked the Dom I am currently involved with, he would agree.
I tend to ascribe to MissTaken's analysis...... about the car and the cat.
I think I belong. I think if you asked the Dom I am currently involved with, he would agree.
I tend to ascribe to MissTaken's analysis...... about the car and the cat.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Another interesting bump?
Catalina
Catalina
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
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catalina_francisco said:Another interesting bump?
Catalina
I think it is interesting to me for all the wrong reasons. It has a post from Artful who passed away a few years back. It also has a post by his sub Dream who I shall leave it at that because she has moved on to the GB. Boy that was a time of drama.
