Overcoming shyness

[DirtyHippie]

Soooo.... I'm a bit of a shy person in real life... Not so much on the internet, and not so much with people I know very well, but with newer people in my life. This can be a bit of a problem when it comes to dating and meeting new people.... But my main problem lies with dating. So, my question is, is how do you overcome shyness? And how can I overcome it when trying to ask a person out, or go on a date, etc?

 

[silverwhisper]

hey there, welcome to lit!

OK, the usual advice in situations like this is to recommend that you "fake it 'til you make it", by which is meant: act like you have that self-confidence and bit by bit, it will go from the outside in. people respond to how you present yourself and you probably already know this. therefore, give them the parts of yourself that are most important. note that i said important, not appealing. honestly, who wants to be w/ someone who doesn't value what's important about you?

ed

 

[DirtyHippie]

hey there, welcome to lit!

OK, the usual advice in situations like this is to recommend that you "fake it 'til you make it", by which is meant: act like you have that self-confidence and bit by bit, it will go from the outside in. people respond to how you present yourself and you probably already know this. therefore, give them the parts of yourself that are most important. note that i said important, not appealing. honestly, who wants to be w/ someone who doesn't value what's important about you?

ed

Thanks, I never thought of that... I guess my biggest problem with this, is like I'll see an attractive girl/boy (I'm a bisexual... but I suppose here of all places that wouldn't make a difference) and want to strike up a conversation, and just be scared out of my mind... I don't have a lot of self-confidence in the social skills department

 

[luvtofly]

Just be yourself...there's nothing more you can be. It's only natural to be shy, especially at first....

If they don't stick around long enough for you to overcome your shyness and learn more about YOU..then they aren't worth knowing are they?

just my two cents... (been going through some of the same stuff....)

 

[glynndah]

A sincere smile and some eye contact goes a long way.

 

[DirtyHippie]

Heres another question/idea... I've heard that the best relationships are the ones that start out as friends... Is this true?

 

[rydia57]

I gotta tell ya, I used to be VERY shy, but once I started improving myself mentally and physically, I think I helped gain some confidence. I'm still shy sometimes, but it's easier to talk to guys now, whether I'd like to date them or not. I know it is easier to figure out whether I'd like to date them if they are good talkers and we can just talk about almost anything. So try just being able to strike up a heavy conversation.

 

[Mrs.P]

Focus on the other person and ask him/her lots of questions. I knew someone a few years back who was painfully shy and I never knew it until I realized I didn't know anything about her. She compensated by asking questions/making small talk.

 

[The Gimp]

I'm about as shy as they come but I've been able to build a fully functional social life around internet dating. A few times in my life I've worked up the courage to strike up a conversation with an attractive stranger but I've never been able to get a date with a stranger. There have been a few occasions where I was hooked up by a third party with a coworker or classmate but even that is a rare occurrence.

Work on fine tuning the art of advertising yourself in a personal ad. I've gotten to be good enough at it where the past few females, including my girlfriend of four years approached me looking for a date