Overcoming concerns and fears

[Rox_shybutcurious]

In correlation with another thread I started and not wanting it to get lost if asked there, what are some of the ways you’ve over come your fears when initially starting out? Is it mostly a “take a deep breath and plunge right in” or have you found other ways?

Thanks
Rox.

 

[s_red830]

I read. And research. A lot.

Something that really helped me to calm down about all of it is something that Master Phoenix (did I spell that right?) said to me when I voiced a similar concern: "The lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint." ... or something along those lines. Take your time, no one's forcing you (pun officially ignored).

 

[WI Master]

whatever you do it has to feel "natural" if it doesn't you aren't ready for that phase... take your time and there isn't ever a "script"... remember you need to get as much out of whatever your doing as your partner is...

 

[lil_slave_rose]

In correlation with another thread I started and not wanting it to get lost if asked there, what are some of the ways you’ve over come your fears when initially starting out? Is it mostly a “take a deep breath and plunge right in” or have you found other ways?

Thanks
Rox.

the way i have overcome the fears is to experience them, research things, learn. as S_Red and my wonderful Master have said, this is a journey, and it's ok to take it slow. alot of the fears i had, Master pushed to help me overcome them. that is what this is all about. alot of my 'fears' were also my limits, and by pushing those limits, He has eliminated ALOT of the fears.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I read. And research. A lot.

Something that really helped me to calm down about all of it is something that Master Phoenix (did I spell that right?) said to me when I voiced a similar concern: "The lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint." ... or something along those lines. Take your time, no one's forcing you (pun officially ignored).

*giggles* You did indeed spell it right and i'm glad something He said helped to 'calm You down'. and He is right, nothing has to be 'rushed' into like You don't have enough time to do it all. alot of my limits/fears have taken the whole 3 years we've been together to 'get out of the way' so to speak, and there are many more that i know in years to come He will be pushing and eliminating. once we stop learning in this lifestyle (or life in general) the ride is over......and that doesn't sound like much fun

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

I read. And research. A lot.

Something that really helped me to calm down about all of it is something that Master Phoenix (did I spell that right?) said to me when I voiced a similar concern: "The lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint." ... or something along those lines. Take your time, no one's forcing you (pun officially ignored).

I've also done a lot of reading and research. Asked questions and learned a lot. Still only touched the surface I know. In the other thread a lot of peoples intial fears when first getting started in the life seem to be about opening up, being accepted, trusting, not losing yourself in finding something new. Actually seem very similar to the concerns in starting any relationship, but in the context of bdsm seem a bit more. These are the concerns that reading and research don't really cover. At least not that I've found yet. As I said I've got a long way to go.

Rox.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've also done a lot of reading and research. Asked questions and learned a lot. Still only touched the surface I know. In the other thread a lot of peoples intial fears when first getting started in the life seem to be about opening up, being accepted, trusting, not losing yourself in finding something new. Actually seem very similar to the concerns in starting any relationship, but in the context of bdsm seem a bit more. These are the concerns that reading and research don't really cover. At least not that I've found yet. As I said I've got a long way to go.

Rox.

Here's a link that could really help you. it's one of my favorites and the section i'm sending you is the page entitled "overcoming fears" but if you look on the left side of the page there are alot more things to learn *smiles* hope this helps : http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/overcoming_fears.htm

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Here's a link that could really help you. it's one of my favorites and the section i'm sending you is the page entitled "overcoming fears" but if you look on the left side of the page there are alot more things to learn *smiles* hope this helps : http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/overcoming_fears.htm

Thank you. This is great link. I've looked at a couple topics and will read through more. If you have any others I'd love to take a look. While I know I haven't utilized everything available here yet I'm always looking for other sources of information.

Thanks again,
Rox.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Thank you. This is great link. I've looked at a couple topics and will read through more. If you have any others I'd love to take a look. While I know I haven't utilized everything available here yet I'm always looking for other sources of information.

Thanks again,
Rox.

i have lots of links. i was 'vanilla' when i first met Master, and before He would let me answer whether i wanted Him to be my Master He made me research, research,research..and in doing so i still have all of those sites. i'll look for some more good ones that i learned alot from and post them...i'll be back

 

[Bredon]

whatever you do it has to feel "natural" if it doesn't you aren't ready for that phase... take your time and there isn't ever a "script"... remember you need to get as much out of whatever your doing as your partner is...

Exellent advise, not just for BDSM

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I read. And research. A lot.

Something that really helped me to calm down about all of it is something that Master Phoenix (did I spell that right?) said to me when I voiced a similar concern: "The lifestyle is a journey, not a sprint." ... or something along those lines. Take your time, no one's forcing you (pun officially ignored).

Yep, you did spell it right.

To the original poster: Take your time and test the waters... start with something light and work up from there....

Thats just My suggestion, anyway.

 

[Cheshire D]

I read, researched, and lurked on these forums.

Yet when I had the opportunity, I took it by diving in head first and deep. And I loved it. But plunging in isn't for everyone. Know thyself, and you'll know what is best for you.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I lurked here awhile, read everything I could get my hands on, and then started posting here. Once I felt ready to give it a try, I was lucky enough to meet someone who was very patient with me. The relationship ended, but I was glad to have him to introduce me to the lifestyle. In my second relationship, I was much more confident and daring, so was able to push my limits even further - but I had also grown a bit reckless, too, and made some mistakes - didn't read those red flags snapping right in my face. That relationship ended very badly. But it taught me a lot about myself and what I truly want in a D/s relationship.

My advice to you is to take your time and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Move slowly. Trust your instincts. And pay attention to the red flags.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Thanks everybody for all your wonderful replies and advice. I will keep them in mind, although to be honest I'm not much of a jump right in type person. I'm a stay in my comfort zone, not take chances type and have talked myself out of things in my life because I was too afraid to reach for it if I didn't know what the outcome might be. All in all I think the biggest fear I have is that I won't let myself take that first step, go to a local munch, or try to meet someone I can share this with.

While I don't think there's a magic cure for being shy and uncertain I guess I thought maybe in reading how others got past some of their fears it would help with mine. I suppose though, when you get right down to it, the willingness to try for something you want, despite being afraid, has to come from inside.

Thanks again for all the input, I really appreciate the words of wisdom.

Rox.

 

[Netzach]

I honestly think that a lot of the battle is in knowing and defining what it is you want anyway. I found that my early 20's were actually kind of a crappy time to start doing SM in some ways, because what I wanted was so suceptible to what other people wanted FOR me. A lot of my growth was just that - normal growing pains and self-awareness.

 

[myinnerslut]

my biggest step, was telling my then bf, now Sir, about my intrest in this. after that was done with, and he was very accepting, t was lots of research before trying anything. we learned together, which has proved very healthy for us.

 

[WriterDom]

The hardest part is getting the courage to knock on the door for the first time. After that, it pretty much falls into place. If you've done a good job of selecting the right PYL for you.

 

[HottieMama]

The hardest part is getting the courage to knock on the door for the first time. After that, it pretty much falls into place. If you've done a good job of selecting the right PYL for you.

Totally agree with this, and agree with all those that have said to take your time and research. No matter who your PYL is trust and comfortability take time to develop. It is not something that will happen overnight. The right One for you, will understand that and help you along that journey.

 

[ShyVixen]

I'm in the process of overcoming 'fears', I'm finding that research, reading, speaking with other subs and some Doms is helping calm those fears.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Wow, haven’t seen this thread for a while, thanks for the bump.

What has helped me a lot over the last six months has been hanging around on the boards. Seeing so many people with some of the same concerns, seeing the interactions among the people here, the insightful answers to questions, but probably just seeing the relative calm acceptance of each other’s quirks has been one of the things that helped the most. When I fist started researching, even knowing I was at someplace designated for such things, I still expected to get the shocked and what’s wrong with you type reactions.

I’ve also talked to a few people individually that were very welcoming and understanding. As well as one in particular that has been incredibly patient, answered umpteen questions and has never tried to push or coerce me in any way past what I was ready for or comfortable with.

Not that all my concerns are gone, but now they are less focused on the initial acceptance and more on the next step. And I think that’s actually more a nervousness in trying something new and probably to be expected.