Orientation conflicts

[Marquis]

I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of tension between people of the same gender but opposite orientation. My sub has had Dommes go up to her in clubs and challenge her orientation, and the same scornful Domme tried to interfere with a scene we were doing.

I've also had my fair share of conflicts with the male subs. This is strictly limited to my experience of course, but I find that male subs often feel a lot of pressure to prove their masculinity to male topsiders. Could be I am subconsciously projecting disdain that they are responding to, but I'd like to think I'm more openminded than that.

Has anyone else noticed this kind of "orientationism"?

If so, in what forms do you see it?

 

[LunarKitten]

I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of tension between people of the same gender but opposite orientation. My sub has had Dommes go up to her in clubs and challenge her orientation, and the same scornful Domme tried to interfere with a scene we were doing.

I've also had my fair share of conflicts with the male subs. This is strictly limited to my experience of course, but I find that male subs often feel a lot of pressure to prove their masculinity to male topsiders. Could be I am subconsciously projecting disdain that they are responding to, but I'd like to think I'm more openminded than that.

Has anyone else noticed this kind of "orientationism"?

If so, in what forms do you see it?

Just my opinion, but if someone interupts a scene and they are not a dungeon monitor, then they should be kicked out of the establishment you are scening at. I would definately report the offenders, as interrupting a scene is not only rude, but not safe to the participants in the scene.

As for the question asked

I've personally never witnessed either happen. *shrugs* But then, I'm usually in my own little world when we attend events. But, before CP and I became collared, I was in the local scene for about five years or so on my own and was never once challenged by a Domme regarding my orientation. Maybe I just give off the pyl vibe lol

 

[coyotepondering]

I have heard of it from others but never run into it myself.

However, I don't think I could take a challenge from a guy who just had his balls run through with a nine penny nail all that seriously.

But, that's me.

 

[LunarKitten]

I have heard of it from others but never run into it myself.

However, I don't think I could take a challenge from a guy who just had his balls run through with a nine penny nail all that seriously.

But, that's me.

BTW...yes, we know a Domme who's specialty is driving nails through subbie's balls....

 

[shy slave]

I have come across some aspects of this.

Time and again I am challenged about being submissive, it becomes dull.

I am submissive and I am his slave.

I have views and I am happy to talk to people when in company but that does not give me an innate ability or desire to 'Dom' anyone.

 

[babiesmiles]

In my opinion it is always the same old story .. rivalry and marking the territory .

Maybe I am going to be too simplistic in my statement , but no matter if Dom/me or sub orientated a woman will always see another woman who is prettier or wittier than her like a threat, and in similar way a man will see another man better build or just more clever than him like a menace .

So I don't think it is a Dom /me - subs thing but just the usual same gender competition old like the world !

just my opinion though

 

[shy slave]

In my opinion it is always the same old story .. rivalry and marking the territory .

Maybe I am going to be too simplistic in my statement , but no matter if Dom/me or sub orientated a woman will always see another woman who is prettier or wittier than her like a threat, and in similar way a man will see another man better build or just more clever than him like a menace .

So I don't think it is a Dom /me - subs thing but just the usual same gender competition old like the world !

just my opinion though

Your probably right.

I was at a work exhibition recently and told a woman she could easily do my job, and do it very well with the right initial help. She was so shocked, no-one else at the exhibition had said that to her.
My reasoning, they were wary of the competition.

What a sad world

But, if people keep suggesting I am a Domme or that I have the potential to be one, I will bite them lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

Dunno, think this might be one of the downsides of clubbing. I have never come across it myself, but then we do not frequent public venues as such. I would say if people have an issue based on gender in terms of D/s orientation, they have much bigger problems than just this but it is a way of letting it show. For ourselves, we have never had any problems with male subs proving their masculinity to F or any other male PYL....some are happy to be submissive and feminine in that orientation, others are just as submissive but have a strong masculine personality which they still incorporate into their submission without it being a problem. Maybe some who feel they need to prove theior masculinity are not comfortable in their chosen role as yet, or have been pushed by PYL's in ways which are not necessary and perhaps aimed at making them feel less masculine because of their submission.

Catalina

 

[babiesmiles]

Your probably right.

I was at a work exhibition recently and told a woman she could easily do my job, and do it very well with the right initial help. She was so shocked, no-one else at the exhibition had said that to her.
My reasoning, they were wary of the competition.

What a sad world

But, if people keep suggesting I am a Domme or that I have the potential to be one, I will bite them lol

Competion is so tiring !

It seems to be a natural trait of human interactions though .

I left out the "work " side of the concept cause often workplaces are where people gives the worst of them , no matter the difference of positions sometimes makes it look just absurd . I withnessed some episode of rivalry among people so distant in position , field of work and interests which made me think that in those cases the competition was right an inscindible trait of a behaviour ending almost in a sociopathic desease . A compulsive need to affirm one own superiority despite the target of that behaviour was the first person to admit the competitive one's credits and not interested at all in that kind of "race ".

Ridicoulous in its childishness, and as Shy said very, very sad !

PS.Shy I never thought of you as a Domme although I could like the occasional biting !

 

[graceanne]

I have more troubles from subs than dommes. They continually question how submissive I am. *shrugs* Most dom/mes I know, when I mention this, laugh. They can tell I'm a sub.

 

[Netzach]

I seem to have more femsub friends and get along better with femsubs than any other orientation as a whole.

 

[Netzach]

I have heard of it from others but never run into it myself.

However, I don't think I could take a challenge from a guy who just had his balls run through with a nine penny nail all that seriously.

But, that's me.

I would take it very very VERY seriously.

 

[MechaBlade]

I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of tension between people of the same gender but opposite orientation. My sub has had Dommes go up to her in clubs and challenge her orientation, and the same scornful Domme tried to interfere with a scene we were doing.

I've also had my fair share of conflicts with the male subs. This is strictly limited to my experience of course, but I find that male subs often feel a lot of pressure to prove their masculinity to male topsiders. Could be I am subconsciously projecting disdain that they are responding to, but I'd like to think I'm more openminded than that.

Has anyone else noticed this kind of "orientationism"?

If so, in what forms do you see it?

The whole idea of male submission makes me uneasy. But no, I've never had any conflicts, and I respect their preferences.

 

[John Doe]

I'm sure it's just you.

 

[Marquis]

I would take it very very VERY seriously.

I wasn't sure if that was a typo myself.

Heavy masos terrify me.

 

[Marquis]

The whole idea of male submission makes me uneasy. But no, I've never had any conflicts, and I respect their preferences.

It's all a little surreal, I agree, but like you I do not judge.

 

[John Doe]

I judge.

Male subs are pussies. The only difference between them and most American men today is that thier Dommes are a little more obvious about carrying his balls around in her purse.

And yes, I know I changed pronounal tensification or some other stupid fucking grammar twaddle that no one important gives two steaming shits about.

 

[chris9]

No RL things to share, but it bothers me if people think that either the male or the female 'race' is superior. I've seen posts that seem to say all women are better than men (F/m) or that all women exist only to serve men, that they have a lower status (M/f). And a persuasion that this is the case will certainly lead to behaviour that's hostile towards others who don't share that believe.

 

[ScarlettRose]

I don't see what inferiority and superiority have to do with dominance and submission. From what I've seen its more to do with insecurity. However, with those sentiments around its not too surprising that the situation that started this thread occur...

 

[Pure]

Well, stupon,

I'd simply say they (m subs) make you uncomfortable.

All the rest is rationalization or self-promoting bloviation.

Whether they resemble typical American PW'd Men or you resemble Donald Rumsfeld is neither here nor there.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

First of all Marquis I thank you for this thread. I was trying to determine how to word a thread I had in mimd about this very thing but as it should be the Dom in you was one step ahead of me.

Very recently my orientation was questioned by a very intense dominant man. His reason? While out together the other evening I was able to navigate a crowd of loud drunken souls without being touched. He asked what gave me the confidence to do so. When I responded that after years of either tending bar, waiting tables or navigating a psych ward it was easy for me to be rather fearless and know how to move around groups of violent people. After which he took me home and corrected me repeatedly for not being able to keep my eyes closed for long periods of time,telling me I don't follow direction well. But that didn't stop him from using me repeatedly for his pleasure.

Now I don't think that being frealess is dominant but he continued to question my orientation as well as my committment to submission. My submission is not 24/7 and I do what I told to the best of my ability being rather under trained. Do this make me less submissive?

d

 

[Netzach]

No RL things to share, but it bothers me if people think that either the male or the female 'race' is superior. I've seen posts that seem to say all women are better than men (F/m) or that all women exist only to serve men, that they have a lower status (M/f). And a persuasion that this is the case will certainly lead to behaviour that's hostile towards others who don't share that believe.

Thank you, I've always found this kind of idiotic. I'm capable of using this as the basis for a whole heap of humiliation, and I can get off on the sheer absurdity - like asking a guy if north south east or west is the best direction and then punishing him no matter what the answer.

But I don't enjoy male slaves who are hugely motivated by feminine superiority. It means they see women as so hugely vastly incomprehensibly *different* and *other* that I don't really believe they are anything but heavy objectifiers, some kind of weird virgin/whore complex thing going on and they protest too much.

The slaves I enjoy more believe in Netz. superiority, end of discussion.

 

[Netzach]

I'd simply say they (m subs) make you uncomfortable.

All the rest is rationalization or self-promoting bloviation.

Whether they resemble typical American PW'd Men or you resemble Donald Rumsfeld is neither here nor there.

No outing on the boards, remember?

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[Netzach]

When I responded that after years of either tending bar, waiting tables or navigating a psych ward it was easy for me to be rather fearless and know how to move around groups of violent people.

If one is not insecure, one might recognize in this your *potential to be trained to do things.*