Orgasms -- OMG another "thread" by shay..

[SheDevilShay]

(sorry for the sarcasm I am sure ill get smacked for it later haha)

Anyways, so, I cannot get off with out a vibrator... I can ejaculate, I can have somewhat of an inside orgasm (i.e. the muscle walls spasmin) and it feels GREAT... but with out a clitoral orgasm, eventually, especially if I am turned on for.. you know like 4 days straight.. I start getting the female version of blue balls and I get so sensitive down there, I can't even be touched...

Now, I KNOW my body is sensitive... why the fuck can I NOT have a fucking clit orgasm with out a vibrator... my Dom can sue his fingers or his tongue,, and it will keep bringing me to the edge like 50000 times.. and I just can't cum... I can't make myself cumw ith my fingers either.. I can rub myself untill I rub the skin off... and I just can't cum... The vibrator... well.. that always gets me off.. and fairly quickly too as long as I have inside penetration...

I don't understand the whole process of "retraining" my body to cum with out it... because I can have sex for hours and not cum and Im just fine I don't really care... but eventually my body just... goes hyper sensitive because it needs to "cum"... I guess.. I don't really know how to describe it...

But does anyone have any suggestions on this? because i've literally read.. hundreds of sex books on female anatomy.. and they all say the same thing... "don't use toys, retrain your body"... and... well I can not use toys, that not aproblem.,.... but is it possible to just not be able to cum with out a vibrator?

 

[Luvkitty33]

I can feel your frustration

I'm sorry for your frustration, and I wish I had something to offer in the form of advice. Unfortunately, I don't. I actually have the opposite problem, LOL.

I've ONLY been able to cum TWICE in my entire sexual life through intercourse alone, and they were very weak orgasms. As I'm currently single, I decided to buy my first toy. After a ton of research, I finally chose the purple rabbit, and......well, lets just say I've been extremely disappointed. I even emailed the customer support people to ask advice to make sure I was using it right (how difficult can it be, right, lol?). Anyway, same thing happened with the rabbit as did with actual intercourse........after an extremely long time, I finally had a very weak orgasm. Wouldn't it be nice if you and I could switch places for a little bit so we could experience what the other one has?

Everything I've read as far as not being able to cum without a vibrator says the same thing. They talk about the fact that vibrators can desensitize the clit, thus making it more difficult to cum without it. I'm wondering if you're relaxed when not using it or if you're too tense out of determination to cum without a toy? If I come across anything that can be of help, I'll certainly post it here for you, but in the meantime, try to have fun retraining your body.

Hugs!

 

[SheDevilShay]

I'm sorry for your frustration, and I wish I had something to offer in the form of advice. Unfortunately, I don't. I actually have the opposite problem, LOL.

I've ONLY been able to cum TWICE in my entire sexual life through intercourse alone, and they were very weak orgasms. As I'm currently single, I decided to buy my first toy. After a ton of research, I finally chose the purple rabbit, and......well, lets just say I've been extremely disappointed. I even emailed the customer support people to ask advice to make sure I was using it right (how difficult can it be, right, lol?). Anyway, same thing happened with the rabbit as did with actual intercourse........after an extremely long time, I finally had a very weak orgasm. Wouldn't it be nice if you and I could switch places for a little bit so we could experience what the other one has?

Everything I've read as far as not being able to cum without a vibrator says the same thing. They talk about the fact that vibrators can desensitize the clit, thus making it more difficult to cum without it. I'm wondering if you're relaxed when not using it or if you're too tense out of determination to cum without a toy? If I come across anything that can be of help, I'll certainly post it here for you, but in the meantime, try to have fun retraining your body.

Hugs!

My Dom can bring me to near orgasm, but I am so senstive my body squirms even when I try and hold it still, I think over sensitivity is the problem...he gets rythym I get so close.. and then he hits just the right nerve and my body jerks and he loses the spot... and its not his fault... I am just so sensitive that I can't handle anything touching my clit


when I masterbate I only use a pocket rocket, its from the side and never direct clit contact...

If I use something like a plug in magic wand, were talking, underwear, and 4inches of thick blanket padding between "me" and the toy.

 

[Guest]

contrary

Sorry for barging in, for I don't usually post here.

I could not come with a vibrator, because it felt much too strong and I did not like the sensation.

You can retrain yourself, but for that you need put the vibrator aside. There will be tears, blue balls, missed orgasms, the works.

To achieve orgasms without the vibe, the entire mindset needs to change. It is hard to explain.

In find that if I want big Os I have to make the stimulation last as long as possible, and to start mild. I have to build on the sensation slowly, bit by bit. I don't always have that kind of time.

It was only a few months ago that I got my first vibe. Fun toy is broken now and I am unhappy ...

All in all, even if the individual orgasms achieved with the vibe are stronger, the overall experience of multiple orgasms without it can be overwhelming.


Maharat

 

[LordKalgalath]

I'm sorry for your frustration, and I wish I had something to offer in the form of advice. Unfortunately, I don't. I actually have the opposite problem, LOL.

I've ONLY been able to cum TWICE in my entire sexual life through intercourse alone, and they were very weak orgasms. As I'm currently single, I decided to buy my first toy. After a ton of research, I finally chose the purple rabbit, and......well, lets just say I've been extremely disappointed. I even emailed the customer support people to ask advice to make sure I was using it right (how difficult can it be, right, lol?). Anyway, same thing happened with the rabbit as did with actual intercourse........after an extremely long time, I finally had a very weak orgasm. Wouldn't it be nice if you and I could switch places for a little bit so we could experience what the other one has?

Everything I've read as far as not being able to cum without a vibrator says the same thing. They talk about the fact that vibrators can desensitize the clit, thus making it more difficult to cum without it. I'm wondering if you're relaxed when not using it or if you're too tense out of determination to cum without a toy? If I come across anything that can be of help, I'll certainly post it here for you, but in the meantime, try to have fun retraining your body.

Hugs!

I have some advice for you dearie. try using something like ambesol or anal-eze and apply it to your labia and clit for about a week, regularly so you are almost constantly pretty numb down there.. when you stop doing this you will likely be over-sensitive.

and if all else fails, see a doctor. sometimes a health issue can cause such a problem, and a healthy sex life is key to a healthy life in general

 

[Netzach]

I have some advice for you dearie. try using something like ambesol or anal-eze and apply it to your labia and clit for about a week, regularly so you are almost constantly pretty numb down there.. when you stop doing this you will likely be over-sensitive.

and if all else fails, see a doctor. sometimes a health issue can cause such a problem, and a healthy sex life is key to a healthy life in general

This may win a prize for the worst sex advice.


Yeah, if your girl parts are broken throw a little clorox on them and see a doctor while at it.

Etoile? Paging Etoile...

 

[Netzach]

I at least will venture that I don't know what will solve this, but trying different stuff could be key. It sounds like you need diffuse attention - has he ever tried kneading your vulva with a hand or have you tried humping an object that isn't targeted totally to your clit?

Mindset is a huge part of it - it's really annoying to be told not to be too goal oriented over something that makes you feel really goal oriented. I also find that I don't get off if I'm too blase about it.

 

[SheDevilShay]

I at least will venture that I don't know what will solve this, but trying different stuff could be key. It sounds like you need diffuse attention - has he ever tried kneading your vulva with a hand or have you tried humping an object that isn't targeted totally to your clit?

Mindset is a huge part of it - it's really annoying to be told not to be too goal oriented over something that makes you feel really goal oriented. I also find that I don't get off if I'm too blase about it.

If I am not focusing on sex I will space out and meditate naturally its something I have to activity participate in.

 

[LordKalgalath]

This may win a prize for the worst sex advice.


Yeah, if your girl parts are broken throw a little clorox on them and see a doctor while at it.

Etoile? Paging Etoile...

Clorox? are you mentally deficient, or simply uninformed?

Both products I mentiond wer topical analgesics... wait, let me use plain english so you dont have to look it up. They numb whtever you rub them on, be it tooth, toe, anus or clit.

Now, on to the reasoning. It has already been established that removing stimuli from a subject increases thier sensitivity, and reception.
That applies to any sense, to a certain extent. No one that I have hear of has worn noseplugs for a month and then been able to identify the chemical makeup of someones lunch.

However, those deprived of light, or sound, or taste, or touch for a long period, become hypersensitive when that input is restored. The body continues straining for the date afrom the sense, even when it is absent, and continues to reach for it more agressively even after it is restored.

Now toddle off.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

(sorry for the sarcasm I am sure ill get smacked for it later haha)

Anyways, so, I cannot get off with out a vibrator... I can ejaculate, I can have somewhat of an inside orgasm (i.e. the muscle walls spasmin) and it feels GREAT... but with out a clitoral orgasm, eventually, especially if I am turned on for.. you know like 4 days straight.. I start getting the female version of blue balls and I get so sensitive down there, I can't even be touched...

Now, I KNOW my body is sensitive... why the fuck can I NOT have a fucking clit orgasm with out a vibrator... my Dom can sue his fingers or his tongue,, and it will keep bringing me to the edge like 50000 times.. and I just can't cum... I can't make myself cumw ith my fingers either.. I can rub myself untill I rub the skin off... and I just can't cum... The vibrator... well.. that always gets me off.. and fairly quickly too as long as I have inside penetration...

I don't understand the whole process of "retraining" my body to cum with out it... because I can have sex for hours and not cum and Im just fine I don't really care... but eventually my body just... goes hyper sensitive because it needs to "cum"... I guess.. I don't really know how to describe it...

But does anyone have any suggestions on this? because i've literally read.. hundreds of sex books on female anatomy.. and they all say the same thing... "don't use toys, retrain your body"... and... well I can not use toys, that not aproblem.,.... but is it possible to just not be able to cum with out a vibrator?

I dunno get the clitoral orgasm either. Only way how i can cum on my own is to fuck myself with my toy just as u do it probably.

I was watching lots of porns and saw all those women to get off while they stimulated their clit, erm it doesnt work on me. My clit is sensitive it really is, but i wouldn't cum if i just rubed it like those women in porns. I need to be filled so i could get off when i play with myself.

The only time when i can climax while the clit stimulation is for my Master on his command, but its more mental thing cuz of the mindfuck at the same time i think. I am very easy to cum while the mindfuck. Guess my brain is one devious factory and my body just respond very well while the mindfuck stimulation, but without it i am fucked lol. Guess thats why i've never cum with my man.

Try talk more to your Dom, open up to him. Thing that helped me to get those intense orgasms i am getting is that i was very open with my Master. He knows everything about me. Every little secret, every dream, every fear, every wish i have, he knows it all. It makes me feel so naked and vulnearble infront of him. I never alowed anyone to know me so well and to see into me so deeply as he does. Its both scary and exciting as well.

The knowing he knows me so well and the feeling of being so naked and exposed to him makes me very responisve to his words. I can cum for him even without touching my body now, but i can't cum with my man whos touching me for real. How ironic....

I think its about sharing. The more u will share with your Dom the more you will be able to open up to him and please him and get pleased back, at least thats how it works for me.

Now i am so responsive to my Master's word and look that i feel like it would kill me if i ever get his touch. I love how strong and deeply i am able to feel him. Its special and i never felt this with any other men.

 

[Netzach]

Clorox? are you mentally deficient, or simply uninformed?

Both products I mentiond wer topical analgesics... wait, let me use plain english so you dont have to look it up. They numb whtever you rub them on, be it tooth, toe, anus or clit.

Now, on to the reasoning. It has already been established that removing stimuli from a subject increases thier sensitivity, and reception.
That applies to any sense, to a certain extent. No one that I have hear of has worn noseplugs for a month and then been able to identify the chemical makeup of someones lunch.

However, those deprived of light, or sound, or taste, or touch for a long period, become hypersensitive when that input is restored. The body continues straining for the date afrom the sense, even when it is absent, and continues to reach for it more agressively even after it is restored.

Now toddle off.

Hyperbole. Maybe you've heard of it. Perhaps you'd like to soak your alleged cock in some anbesol, pay particular attention to the urethral opening. It's got to be great for you.

And I maintain that responding to a psychological/neurological issue with analgesic is moronic. Dulling the sensation thinking you're going to have a "hot in cold water" kind of reaction when you reintroduce it is reducing orgasm to sticking your hand in an ice tray.

There's a lot going on. Most of which you clearly can't imagine.

 

[LordKalgalath]

Hyperbole. Maybe you've heard of it. Perhaps you'd like to soak your alleged cock in some anbesol, pay particular attention to the urethral opening. It's got to be great for you.

And I maintain that responding to a psychological/neurological issue with analgesic is moronic. Dulling the sensation thinking you're going to have a "hot in cold water" kind of reaction when you reintroduce it is reducing orgasm to sticking your hand in an ice tray.

There's a lot going on. Most of which you clearly can't imagine.

And you clearly missed the point of my post as well as the fact that i was speaking not to Shay, but to luvkitty.

I was suggesting sensdep and then stopping that to see if it would affect her similarly to hwat studies have shown to be the normal response, IE hieghtened sensitivity.

However I notice that you had nothing better to suggest in either case, so why attack my suggestion, when it at least has something to back it up.

I am not trying to sell snake-oil miracles, or suggest that I am infallible. I was giving advice to the best of my knowledge, whether she tries it or not, or whether is works for her is unknown.

Now unless you can completely disprove my advice as bunk and cite facts to support your claim, or you can give luvkitty something better to go on, go soak your head, and shut your faceas you are clearly simply looking for an argument at this point, i will not give you the satisfaction.

pardon the poor typing, a squirming infant on your lap maks typing difficult.

 

[ecstaticsub]

(sorry for the sarcasm I am sure ill get smacked for it later haha)

Anyways, so, I cannot get off with out a vibrator... I can ejaculate, I can have somewhat of an inside orgasm (i.e. the muscle walls spasmin) and it feels GREAT... but with out a clitoral orgasm, eventually, especially if I am turned on for.. you know like 4 days straight.. I start getting the female version of blue balls and I get so sensitive down there, I can't even be touched...

Now, I KNOW my body is sensitive... why the fuck can I NOT have a fucking clit orgasm with out a vibrator... my Dom can sue his fingers or his tongue,, and it will keep bringing me to the edge like 50000 times.. and I just can't cum... I can't make myself cumw ith my fingers either.. I can rub myself untill I rub the skin off... and I just can't cum... The vibrator... well.. that always gets me off.. and fairly quickly too as long as I have inside penetration...

I don't understand the whole process of "retraining" my body to cum with out it... because I can have sex for hours and not cum and Im just fine I don't really care... but eventually my body just... goes hyper sensitive because it needs to "cum"... I guess.. I don't really know how to describe it...

But does anyone have any suggestions on this? because i've literally read.. hundreds of sex books on female anatomy.. and they all say the same thing... "don't use toys, retrain your body"... and... well I can not use toys, that not aproblem.,.... but is it possible to just not be able to cum with out a vibrator?

Do you do kegels regularly? And do you do them correctly? It is improtant when you do them that you put as much emphasis on the relaxation phase as the tightening phase. Medically speaking some women have difficuly with having an orgasm because their pelvic muscles are too tight. Years of being told to suck in our tummies and our asses have made our pelvic muscles too tight (some of us) When the muscles are tight blood flow is reduced. and nerve damage over time can occur. You may not even realize that you are keeping those muscles too tight. If this is the case two or three time daily kegel exercises that emphasis relaxation can help. The full relaxation should almost feal like the inside out feeling during childbirth.

I lwas taught this by a physical therapist specializing in women's pelvic muscle issues. (mine were made worse by trauma due to surgery) The exercises have increased my ability to orgasm dramatically.

 

[Netzach]

The full relaxation should almost feal like the inside out feeling during childbirth.

Cool beans, cool post. Can you maybe describe this bit for those of us who aren't kid endowed and wanna play along at home? (I do)

 

[LordKalgalath]

Indeed, I would love more info to give my pet. Everything helps, and one can never know everything.

 

[CutieMouse]

Cool beans, cool post. Can you maybe describe this bit for those of us who aren't kid endowed and wanna play along at home? (I do)

The perennium is actually a "fan folded" muscle that goes up into the vagina (sort of). When giving birth, the perinnium (pelvic floor) has to fully relax in order to completely unfold and help ease a baby's head through the birth canal. When this happens, it's similar to the pressing down feeling of having a bowel movement. The best way I can describe it, is when you do a kegel and tighten up, you should feel a slight "lift" to the pelvic floor; when you fully relax the pelvic floor might feel slightly bulged out. My Bradley instructors always said to do kegels as if you were operating an elevator in your vagina - control the tension as you tighten, with the peak of the tension being the "top floor", then control the tension as you relac, until you get to the "ground floor" and the vaginal walls/pelvic floor is completely relaxed.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Cool beans, cool post. Can you maybe describe this bit for those of us who aren't kid endowed and wanna play along at home? (I do)

It is a realy weird feeling but I'll try to describe it. You know what it feels like to really tighten up your vaginal and anal muscles like everything is being pulled up, right? Well relaxation isn't just letting go to resting state it the reverse of that pulled up feeling. Push out like you are going to have a BM out of your vagina. I know that sounds weird. It is also very important that you don't hold your breath. This will make you tighten up. Another thing to watch for is if you are standing for long periods ( doing dishes, waiting in line etc) stand with your toes slightly pointing inwards, your pelvic muscles won't be as tight then.

I went through 12 weeks of vaginal biofeedback. Very very interesting to see how different movements and positions changed the strength reading.


Edited to add--I think CM described it better than me...thanks

 

[Luvkitty33]

Now, on to the reasoning. It has already been established that removing stimuli from a subject increases thier sensitivity, and reception.
That applies to any sense, to a certain extent. No one that I have hear of has worn noseplugs for a month and then been able to identify the chemical makeup of someones lunch.

However, those deprived of light, or sound, or taste, or touch for a long period, become hypersensitive when that input is restored. The body continues straining for the date afrom the sense, even when it is absent, and continues to reach for it more agressively even after it is restored.

Now toddle off.

Thank you for the advice, LordKalgalath, but I think I didn't explain my situation very well. In trying to offer advice to Shay, I was saying that I have the opposite problem as her. At least the way I understood her explanation, she can't cum with clit stimulation, and I can ONLY cum with clit stimulation..........and it seems like it has to be ONLY clit stimulation, nothing inside me, for me to have good orgasms. Now this could be because I've never had a good sexual partner in the right circumstances, but I don't know.

Also, in order to have the BEST orgasms I can have, I have to draw it out and take a lot of time. The bestest of the best ones are when I tease myself over and over until I finally let myself go over the edge. I just wish that I could do this with something inside of me, whether it be a toy or a man, because I feel I'm missing out on something wonderful.

Sorry for the confusion.

 

[TheBlackDahlia]

Someone's made quite an entrance, now haven't they.

 

[Netzach]

It is a realy weird feeling but I'll try to describe it. You know what it feels like to really tighten up your vaginal and anal muscles like everything is being pulled up, right? Well relaxation isn't just letting go to resting state it the reverse of that pulled up feeling. Push out like you are going to have a BM out of your vagina. I know that sounds weird. It is also very important that you don't hold your breath. This will make you tighten up. Another thing to watch for is if you are standing for long periods ( doing dishes, waiting in line etc) stand with your toes slightly pointing inwards, your pelvic muscles won't be as tight then.

I went through 12 weeks of vaginal biofeedback. Very very interesting to see how different movements and positions changed the strength reading.


Edited to add--I think CM described it better than me...thanks

Ok, no you both make total sense. I know my interpretation of "relax" was "release tension" I guess, and so that makes more sense.

 

[His_pita]

I was one of those so hooked on the vibrator that I couldn't come any other way. This lasted for years. Then my circumstances changed when I got a new partner. NO, I'm not suggesting that! We didn't use the vibe as I was used to, so my body adjusted to other forms of stimulation.

Since being with my Dom there has been a completely new layer to having orgasms. Over the last year, he has trained me to come when he orders it. He has also trained my inner left thigh to react and even orgasm when he tells me. That is so awesome and we're working on my palm now. I can even come through nipple stimulation and through vaginal penetration, which I was never able to do before.

For me, it's been about not taking charge of my orgasms, which I always did in the past. I now give that power to my Dom and I just relax and enjoy the ride. Have you tried that?

Just because I'm fortunate to be able to come in multiple ways, doesn't mean that mine or anyone else's advice will or can help you. No two women are the same. I do agree with the advice given so far and think it's all worth a try, even the desensitizing stuff could work for you, but I certainly wouldn't use it as a permanent remedy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Like His_pita, there was a time when I chose not to date for a time and arrived at the point where nothing and no-one could do it for me but the vibrator. I was not a happy bunny as it had never been an issue for me before so I made the decision to throw the thing out and get my body back to working normally and reacting to human touch, not an over powerful machine. It didn't happen overnight, but perserverance did work and when I did begin to date again it was no longer an issue. These days vibrators are lucky to even be in the same room with me.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Poor vibes. So maligned. Mine haven't ruined partner sex yet, but they sure are fun for thinking of special someones not present sometimes.

I can see how they might "spoil" a person, though.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Do you do kegels regularly? And do you do them correctly? It is improtant when you do them that you put as much emphasis on the relaxation phase as the tightening phase. Medically speaking some women have difficuly with having an orgasm because their pelvic muscles are too tight. Years of being told to suck in our tummies and our asses have made our pelvic muscles too tight (some of us) When the muscles are tight blood flow is reduced. and nerve damage over time can occur. You may not even realize that you are keeping those muscles too tight. If this is the case two or three time daily kegel exercises that emphasis relaxation can help. The full relaxation should almost feal like the inside out feeling during childbirth.

I lwas taught this by a physical therapist specializing in women's pelvic muscle issues. (mine were made worse by trauma due to surgery) The exercises have increased my ability to orgasm dramatically.

I orgasm so intenstly I pulled a stomache msucle.. i do hundreds of kegals a day naturally and have since I was a kid.. I also did them routinely during pregnancy and after.. blood flow isn't an issue...

I am OVER sensitive... like I can't handle direct clit contact because its to intense...

 

[SheDevilShay]

I was one of those so hooked on the vibrator that I couldn't come any other way. This lasted for years. Then my circumstances changed when I got a new partner. NO, I'm not suggesting that! We didn't use the vibe as I was used to, so my body adjusted to other forms of stimulation.

Since being with my Dom there has been a completely new layer to having orgasms. Over the last year, he has trained me to come when he orders it. He has also trained my inner left thigh to react and even orgasm when he tells me. That is so awesome and we're working on my palm now. I can even come through nipple stimulation and through vaginal penetration, which I was never able to do before.

For me, it's been about not taking charge of my orgasms, which I always did in the past. I now give that power to my Dom and I just relax and enjoy the ride. Have you tried that?

Just because I'm fortunate to be able to come in multiple ways, doesn't mean that mine or anyone else's advice will or can help you. No two women are the same. I do agree with the advice given so far and think it's all worth a try, even the desensitizing stuff could work for you, but I certainly wouldn't use it as a permanent remedy.

See I think it might be a mental issue and not a phsyical issue...

This post hit the closest to home....