orgasming

[BrevilleMonkey]

my girlfriend never lets my masturbate her to orgasm, and always just wants sex after a little bit of fondling.
should i just tell her i want her to climax through masturbation befor we have sex or let her just do it her way?

sorry if it does'nt make sense

 

[ewopper]

I once went with a woman like that so I can relate to your frustration. Unfortunately I have no advice, except if you're really into her and she's into you talk to her and try getting her to yield to your advances, and best wishes

 

[rick_oh]

My Advice: do it her way. Things might change after a while and she may be more amenable to your way then.

 

[EJFan]

do you know WHY she doesn't want to climax from manual stimulation? maybe that's something you could talk with her about... if nothing else, she'll respect you for caring enough to ask.

aside from knowing the reason, i have to agree with rick_oh... she's got the majority vote on how she climaxes. yes, you're both participants, but you can't control her to such an extent that you're dictating her orgasm. so talk about it.

another thing i have fuond that can work in situations like these... try a compromise. maybe she'll be receptive to your idea if you'll accept something SHE wants but YOU'RE not too keen on. make a little trade off.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Does she climax from PIV (penis in vagina) sex? If so, then go with what she wants.

I can understand how you would want to explore other ways she can come - either by touching or through oral sex - does she let you lick her to orgasm?

I don't understand why she wouldn't want to climax that way - you should really talk to her and get her to tell you what's on her mind.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I dated a girl for a while who honestly thought an orgasm didn't count unless it came from penetration. Now we were young, but even at that age I prided myself on my oral skills and I wanted to make her cum from oral sex. Selfish maybe, but I find it incredibly rewarding to make a woman orgasm from oral sex. Still, she just wasn't budging, so I just let it go.

Now, I was too young then to realize the brilliance of communication and how wonderful it is to your sex life. I would suggest talking to her about it and find out why she doesn't want you to. It's entirely possible that she has never experienced multiple orgasms and thinks that once she cums from none PIV stimulation, she won't be able to cum during intercourse. Maybe like my ex she thinks it doesn't count as an orgasm (as silly as that sounds now). Either way at least you'll know why. Just make sure she knows you are asking because you want to give her more pleasure, not because you see it as a fault of hers. If she still resists, don't push her because you'll just upset her if you do.

EDITED: OK I just repeated what everyone else said, didn't I. Damn I gotta read the whole thread before I respond.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I dated a girl for a while who honestly thought an orgasm didn't count unless it came from penetration.

Count? Are we supposed to be keeping track?



Damn, where's my spreadsheet....

 

[CorsetLvr]

Count? Are we supposed to be keeping track?



Damn, where's my spreadsheet....

Sometimes I'd have to hire someone to keep count.

 

[Kpooh]

Definitely communicate with her!!! Tell her what you want, and listen to what she wants. Maybe you can both get what you want in the long run.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Count? Are we supposed to be keeping track?



Damn, where's my spreadsheet....

Hey those were her exact words, not mine! 15 years later I STILL don't get it.

 

[lady_sensuous]

 

[devils_daughter]

Maybe she CAN'T cum from masturbation and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. My bf used to feel shit when I didn't cum through fingering until he realised that even I can't make myself cum that way. Maybe it's something similar for your gf.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Maybe she CAN'T cum from masturbation and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. My bf used to feel shit when I didn't cum through fingering until he realised that even I can't make myself cum that way. Maybe it's something similar for your gf.

Oooo - excellent point! It's entirely possible she can't come that way. It's also possible that the way he's fingering her isn't really turning her on and she doesn't know how to tell him or doesn't want to. I once dated a guy who put way too much pressure on my clit when he touched me, and I told him, gentler, softer, less pressure, but he never quite got it right. It was just better to move on to something else than for me to keep trying to explain and totally kill my sex groove.

So, going back to the original question, don't approach it by telling her you want her to come that way. Tell her how much you love touching her there and how much it turns you on, and ask her to tell you how she likes to be touched. Play the "cold, hot, wow" game, where you stroke or tickle and she tells you if it feels cold, hot, or, wow!

And then keep praciticing what you learn over time and you might one day help her come that way. Good luck!

 

[BrevilleMonkey]

thanks a lot. just managed to get back in the site today but unfortunatly its that particular time of the month. ging to try and converge a couple of the methods suggested. thanks again fr all the tips x

 

[CorsetLvr]

Sometimes guys are to a littlew to rough or don't have the technique that we need to get off. Mybe it turns her on or not enough to get her off and she wants to move on to something else that she enjoys more.

Have you tried oral with her? A tongue on her clit and a finger inside might be a good way to warm her up.

 

[Eilan]

my girlfriend never lets my masturbate her to orgasm, and always just wants sex after a little bit of fondling.

should i just tell her i want her to climax through masturbation befor we have sex or let her just do it her way?

I've been accused of reading too deeply into some people's posts in the past, so I apologize in advance if that's what I'm doing now.

However, I'm reading these two sentences you wrote, and I'm noticing that they seem to be all about you. She never lets you masturbate her to orgasm. You want her to climax before intercourse. I'm sure that you don't intend for it to come across this way, but the impression that I get from your post is that you want her to have an orgasm for the sake of your ego rather than for her pleasure.

Most women don't keep score. Though my husband tends to be a ladies first kind of guy, I can have mindblowing sex and not have an orgasm. For me, it's more about the physical and emotional closeness that my husband and I share. As others have said, respect her wishes and go from there.

My experience has been that sex is more about the journey than it is about the destination, if that makes any sense at all.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Though my husband tends to be a ladies first kind of guy, I can have mindblowing sex and not have an orgasm.

See I'm the same way, and I'll admit it, maybe it is for a selfish reason. If I know my wife has orgasmed I don't have to worry about it during intercourse, and that takes the stress off me and I can enjoy it more. I'm not sure if that's being sensitive or selfish.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

I'm the same way, and up until now I thought I was being sensitive.

Me too! Thanks alot Eilan!

 

[Eilan]

Me too! Thanks alot Eilan!

Oh, now, that's not what I meant and y'all know it!

The wording of the original post makes the thread starter's motives seem less than altruistic. Again, this is probably a flaw in my interpretation, since I have this tendency to read too much into what people post here. As you've seen, it gets me into trouble.

And I DID apologize in advance.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Admittedly, some men's interest in their partner's orgasm is more about fulfilling their own ego then it is about a genuine concern for her pleasure. I'm not saying that is necessarily always a bad thing, as long as its kept in control.

In this case I think Eilan is right. Its all about the guy. What he wants. A lover that expects his partner to be some sort of sex pet, outside of a BDSM relationship, isn't necessarily a good thing. My first thought was what does she want and what pleases her? Not all women get off on the full repotoire' of sexual activity. What may be a turn on for one that leads to mind blowing, full body orgasms may just be annoying to another. Unfortunately our porn saturated society has led a lot of young men to have some unreasonable expectations about sex and sexual response from their partners. Remember guys, porn is just make believe and the person that share's her body with you is a real woman. Get to know her and what she enjoys and don't expect her to be Jenna Jamison.

 

[YellowShirt]

It's also possible that the way he's fingering her isn't really turning her on and she doesn't know how to tell him or doesn't want to. I once dated a guy who put way too much pressure on my clit when he touched me, and I told him, gentler, softer, less pressure, but he never quite got it right. It was just better to move on to something else than for me to keep trying to explain and totally kill my sex groove.

Totally agree! When it comes to me and getting off to masturbation, that's how I get myself off! There are very specific things that I like and that I need done in order to cum that way, and my husband, as hard as he tries, is always just a little off. Very rarely can I finish that way with him. My clit is entirely too sensitive when touched by another. But, I do enjoy the feelings of his hands roaming without that purpose. It helps with the foreplay. It's just the same as me using my hands on him but without the intent to get him off. Maybe she enjoys it just as it is, and you should let her stay that way. If you didn't want to do something and she kept insisting despite your protests, how would you feel?

 

[LadyJeanne]

Get to know her and what she enjoys and don't expect her to be Jenna Jamison.

Unless you want her to fake orgasm, fake loving your dick, fake wanting to lick and suck, fake wanting to fuck, fake everything each and every time. Cause porn is FAKE! Jemma is, ahem, an actress and she is not getting off on anything she does.

You know, I have nothing against porn at all, but it really bugs me that guys form their expectations from it. These aren't sex ed movies!

 

[TBKahuna123]

Alright I'll admit it, I was just pickingon Eilan, and she very well may be right. That said, I'm not sure if that's the case or not, because I understand what the orginal poster was saying by wanting to make her cum in different ways. It may be partially ego, it may be partially wanting to give her other avenues of pleasure.

This is a tough one for me, because I personally get a ton of satisfaction and fulfillment from making my partner orgasm in a myriad of ways. It might be ego, but to me there's nothing more rewarding than seeing my partner in the throes of passion and knowing that I caused that. So I can understand his desires, but I would still tell him to not get pushy, because it's her choice. If you are forcing someone to do something it taints the pleasure you ahve given them, and that saps all the enjoyment from both of you.

As for Porn, well you're right. I totally agree that pornography has ruined more young men as lovers than anything else. Just rememer guys, not everyone has a huge cock, big fake tits, or screams when them cum every 10 seconds. It just ain't real!

 

[jaded_lily]

I don't understand why she wouldn't want to climax that way - you should really talk to her and get her to tell you what's on her mind.

Some women just don't like it.