Orgasming Without My Vibrator

[Emstar202]

Betty, I am in my twenties. If it gets better the older you get, then that is amazing!

Yes, my boyfriend feels like he can't please me and only my vibrator can and I don't want him to feel that way. A lot of it has to do with the way I present it. I always ask for the vibrator after we have sex because he cums and I haven't yet, and I'm always jealous. I think if I start presenting it more as a tool to help me rather than the only thing that gets me off our sex will be more fun and less of me trying to order him around

 

[JKHemming]

I'm with Belle_Nuit - ingenious thought -
Everyone has an ego and if you can work with it and still find that common method to get off - the better for both of you. I never thought of using a less stimulating method solo and an enhanced method together - but now I will. My partner and I have much better sex using toys - dildo and cock ring - she likes the cock ring because we feel more intimate.

 

[Bettyspages]

Betty, I am in my twenties. If it gets better the older you get, then that is amazing!

Yes, my boyfriend feels like he can't please me and only my vibrator can and I don't want him to feel that way. A lot of it has to do with the way I present it. I always ask for the vibrator after we have sex because he cums and I haven't yet, and I'm always jealous. I think if I start presenting it more as a tool to help me rather than the only thing that gets me off our sex will be more fun and less of me trying to order him around

He needs to learn that a real man makes sure his woman has an O first! That's so wrong. Does he expect you to not have an orgasm? Sorry but he is either really selfish or very inept. Or both.

Yes as you get older most women have a change in orgasmic response. Does he even try to give an O before inter course?

 

[MmmMadam]

(Apologies if my response is covered by others already, it's late and I'm being lazy but really wanted to respond to this.)

Just before my current partner and I got together, I had a long time of just me and my vibrator giving me some amazing pleasure. At first our sex life was great but because I didn't get to see him every day I still used my vibrator to satisfy my needs when he wasn't there, I slipped back into to having to use my vibrator to orgasm. Don't get me wrong, I love pleasing my boyfriend but for me, I just couldn't get off without my vibrator anymore. I think it's simply because it is such an intense stimulation and you know how to please yourself. When I started to feel like I couldn't cum with my boyfriend anymore, I cut out using my vibrator for a couple of months because I knew it was that - especially after a documentary I saw about a man who masturbated so much that a real woman didn't do anything for him sexually anymore. Once I deprived myself of the toys because I have needs, I persevered and although it took me a long time to cum, my boyfriend knew how to work my body up into a frantic sexual state and the sex for me was amazing again. I did have little tutorials with my boyfriend like how I like to be touched, licked, etc. because that IS important - everyone is different, we can't assume all people tick the same way. You can't always assume that someone just knows about a woman's needs either and, as much as I enjoy watching porn, I am all too aware that some men take porn as the gospel and don't understand why they aren't getting the desired results they see online.

There are times where my partner cums before I do and can't continue for whatever reason, mainly because it actually takes me longer to cum because of my history using toys so much but I do get there in the end with the right stimulation. My boyfriend will use a vibrator on me, whilst kissing, caressing, licking, etc. and it feels a lot different to just using the vibe. It totally brings us together; he gets me just on the edge of an orgasm and as he's worked up again because he can see I'm worked up, he will stop using the vibrator and fuck me and I orgasm intensely. Even if he cums and then uses the vibe on you while stimulating your body, you both get the pleasure you deserve then.

Alternatively, get him to start with the vibrator as foreplay, possibly coupled with oral or touching your body. My boyfriend did have a problem with my toy collection at first, especially when I had problems orgasming with him. On a few occasions I have demanded that he pass me my vibrator (also because I felt a bit upset by the scenario) and he just gave it to me and walked out. I think that it's important to understand that he's probably frustrated too and feels slightly emasculated. I guess some men feel redundant or hopeless but when I showed my boyfriend it wasn't that I wanted the toys instead of him and I wanted him very much included in it all, he got very turned on by it all. As a matter of fact, I would probably be perfectly happy not to use vibes at all any more. I'm sure it is possibly for you but your boyfriend needs to invest the time in you (sexually) to allow you to get to the point where you no longer need a vibe - which isn't an overnight thing either.

Just remember, men are constantly being fed the fact that vibrators are a substitute and that somehow makes them think they're inadequate. Even if they are, if you make it part of your sexual activity, both of you are being pleased.

 

[xjasminex]

*eyes really rolling* All I asked if she had consulted her gynecologist, I didn't ask her to cut anything off, I just wanted to make sure she eliminated this as a medical situation. Do you have problems with checking with doctors?

Well seeing as I've been sitting in on gynecology clinics for the past 3 months now as a medical student (with 4 and a half years of medical training behind me as well), being taught one on one by a good number of doctors, I can say with confidence that all she'd get from that avenue is "You don't have a medical problem, we can refer you to a sex therapist/counselor or a psychologist if you want." From the information she's given thus far there's no medical issue apparent.

No, I don't have problems with checking with doctors at all thanks.

 

[GrrlFriday]

The other thing that might be helpful to try would be to give yourself an orgasm with the vibe, and then immediately replace your sex toy with your bf - grinding against his cock or face, etc. That way, you've primed the pump, and hopefully it'll be easier for you to keep on going, so to speak.

Sex is a learning process - don't beat yourself up because you have your orgasms from a vibe.

One of my favourite resources is http://www.the-clitoris.com/ - it has a guide on how to orgasm that you might like to check out, as well as a broad underpinning of information.