orgasm inept (sp?)

[Angelinarmr]

I have been on for a couple of months and have really appreciated the advice and humor of those people offering advice so I am now ready to expose my soul (tread gently).
I am unable to have an orgasm with a partner present and usually even on the phone (internet relationship). I am able to have one when I am totally alone by masterbating and can orgasm easily (in my opinion???). I did have some sexual abuse issues earlier on in my life but I have dealt with that (not enough in this aspect obviously).
I am willing to try anything... It frustrates me and also my partner a great deal. Who it affects more is another posting all together.
Thanks for any suggestions you might have!!
Angelinarmr

 

[Weird Harold]

I think that you should seriously consider the assistance of a professional counseler. The sexual abuse aspect of your situation, leads me to believe you've got a subconscious problem with relaxing (trusting) enough to let yourself go. A hypno-therapist might be a good choice in your case.

If you insist on trying to cure the problem yourself, then you might try a blindfold.

First when you're alone, and then in a situation where your partner may or may not be watching you masterbate. Gradually work your mind set around to where you're thinking about him watching you when you orgasm.

If you can get your subconscious to let you climax with the thought of someone watching you, you may be able to break through the block to enjoyment when you kknow he's there, and eventually even when he's actively involved.

I do NOT recommend you try building or showing your trust through a bondage situation. Trying something like that and having it fail would make matters worse.


It may just be you haven't found a partner your subconscious can trust enough to relax in what int he past has been a bad situation.

 

[Ravenloft]

You want humor??? But I just can't bring myself to find humor in sexual abuse/sexual distrust... Now! Give me a rubber chicken, a can of that squirty whipped cream and a heavy mallet... THEN I can give you a show!!!

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Thank you, Gallagher.

If you can't orgasm with a partner, but you can alone, it's, as you probably already know, more mental than physical, so counselling is probably a good idea.

Try role playing. Pretend to be someone else for a night...someone not you with all your problems. Take two weeks off and grow a beard, wear purple underwear to bed, use a new cologne -- re-invent yourself for a night, and see what happens.

 

[Lovely Latina]

Only four inches, Raven?

Ahhh...don't be so modest. http://geocities.com/r337m0nk3y/net/tongue.gif

Angel...I have to agree with everyone here. It is most likely more mental than physical, and you're probably putting way too much pressure on yourself (and possibly he is, too) to "perform" and come up with the big O when you're together...which, of course, could be making the situation worse. I had a friend with the exact same problem who had tried counseling with FANTASTIC results. The counselor helped her to delve deeper than she would have been able to on her own, and now she's the most multi gal (next to myself) I know! Anywayz...something to consider. Good luck to ya hon.

[This message has been edited by Lovely Latina (edited 04-30-2000).]

 

[Ravenloft]

Wanna see my sledge-o-mattic?!
I only let the girls I REALLY like see MY sledge-o-mattic you know...

 

[Ravenloft]

DON'T forget the inch hidden by the nut-sack, L.L.!

 

[Angelinarmr]

thanks harold for the wonderful suggestions I really appreciate it and will try them.

Raven~ I think i may have written something wrong... I too don't believe that ANY form of abuse is humorous... I was just mentioning te fact that i find so many postings in the past really funny. Which you definitly proved in your last posting. Hmmm sledge-o-matic huh?? Tempting to be sure... let me think it over..hmmm ok strut your stuff!!

DCL~ Thanks also for your sugesstions. I will use them although not exactly as you said (I don't think I have enough testosterone to grow any facial hair as I am female LOL

) sorry for the misunderstanding.
I will try to post my next topic more clearly.
Anyone else have any suggestions for the inept woman. I apreciate ALL the help I can get. Any female perspectives??
Angel

 

[Ravenloft]

My dear Angel, I knew what you were trying to say, no need to appologize.

Soo... To get down to the buisness of "Strutting my stuff" AKA "Showing you my Sledge-O-Mattic"...

Okay, a little PORN music please!

Havocman! You know the tune?!

Bow-chica-bow-bow!

8====D

 

[Angelinarmr]

Raven, no need to get defensive. I'm sure there is at LEAST another inch hiding around there somewhere. <wink wink nudge nudge> Want some help finding it? PLAY THE MUSIC what was it chick a bow bow.. LOL

Lovely,
Thanks for your feedback as well. As for your friend, none to multi?!?!? Really? Talk about your lofty aspirations! Sign me up with a therapist. Let the healing begin!!!

Oh and DCL your forgiven the sex change operation wasn't too horrible. Being a woman is much better!! LOL