Opinions appreciated -- "Awakening Eve"

[Cherie2]

Hi. I posted my story a couple of weeks ago. Am working on Part II, but I will have a hard time posting it because I can't log in, and no one seems to be getting back to me about the problem. (Sigh!)
But, in the meantime, I would love your honest opinions about part I. The title is "Awakening Eve" and my author name is myantonia.
Thanks!

 

[kbate]

Good story, but I nearly backed out on reading the first paragraph. You could delete the first paragraph and add one tiny line in para 3 ( where she talks to the stranger ) "my parents just died, I'm leaving to start a new life" or some such thing..

You have some mispunctuations in dialogue.

Overall I liked it. The errors are few and not major enough to ruin the story.

Perhaps it isn't strong enough, more on her feelings would be appropriate, in non-consent (in my opinion) the victim should either clearly display her horror, or her reluctant acceptance of the forced sex. She barely touches on either in this one.

Good luck getting chapter 2 posted.

 

[Hotcappucino]

Link to Awakening Eve Ch. 01

I liked the richness of your vocabulary; I thought it was above average.

To me, the dialogue seems too formal and melodramatic, especially for a woman as young as Eve. It's hard for me to imagine a young 20-ish girl saying things like:

"I beg your pardon! And just what in the world makes you think that I would go along with this plan?"
...
"Just what makes you think that you can force me to go along with this insanity?"
...
"It's going to take more than the two of you to keep me here, mister!"
​

And, personally, I don't particularly enjoy Nonconsent stories where the "victim" responds with pleasure, such as orgasming. Somehow, it just makes the story less believeable, especially in this story where the victim is a young virgin, and especially during her first encounter with her abuser. Maybe in later scenes or chapters, I could possibly see Eve responding in this fashion if she learns to accept her role as Claude's sexual plaything, but I would agree with kbate: Eve doesn't show enough "nonconsent" in this initial encounter to make it realistic. I think the best (i.e., more realistic) nonconsent stories emphasize that the abuser takes sexual gratification not by bringing about sexual pleasure in his victim, but by inflicting pain, inspiring fear, and imposing control.