Online bullies

[Djmac1031]

These kind of guys get the least amount of my sympathy… along with the “I need a woman’s perspective on insert sexual act and would like her detailed thoughts on it don’t hold back I’ll write pr0n about you.”

I almost always advocate for being kind… but… guys, feel free to snark at your hearts content to these kinds.

I made one of those kinds of posts early on when I joined.

While my intentions were sincere, boy did I get hammered for it.

But after being here awhile, I understand why.

Too many guys assuming "woman = sex chat target" here.

So I absolutely understand the caution and the doubt of "pure" intent when it comes to stuff like that.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Were there some easy grand solution, it'd likely been tried by now. But it hasn't and that vacuum has left a space for some overzealous self policing to take place (some born of compounding interest frustration, other from anti-social personality types)

I think there is a third reason at play. Some AHers see that pilling on as an opportunity to bond with other AHers at the expense of some fool that probably wont be around for long. Which brings us back to:

"You can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them."

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Fair.

Though you can't discuss the new user experience without also considering the long time AHer experience who have lived through every iteration of the exact same thread/scheming around the rules/general laziness/selfish unconcern for the AH other than how it can serve them and only THEM.

Were there some easy grand solution, it'd likely been tried by now. But it hasn't and that vacuum has left a space for some overzealous self policing to take place (some born of compounding interest frustration, other from anti-social personality types)

The story ideas section has a similar common low-effort post problem that is "write a story about my wife." There are cycles where it drags down the forum.

Anyone here should be adult and been interneting enough to know to read the rules of the house you are visiting.

So many posters don't or won't do that and, while the pushback can sometimes be outsized, there is a certain accountability that needs to be had for that behavior for the benefit of the operation/utility of the AH and its regular inhabitants.

A history here is not any sort of a free pass but it's not completely off base to defer to their lived experience of the place through time over the hypothetical the rules/moderation were built to engender.

TL: DR: It's complicated but those who show a general adult behavior and contributory nature are typically well received (in the end) even when they flub a few of the "rules of the road" here.

No offense, but I couldn't disagree more with your post. You are practically justifying that particular behavior because there are reasons for it. Also, if you were a newcomer to AH, would you just take someone's word for anything?
Once again, I don't even mind the standpoint of some long-time AH dwellers, the one where they already tried everything and fought every battle, and how there is nothing any new guy or girl can try to do because they have already thought of it and tried it. I don't believe that is true, but I can understand that attitude because it is born out of experience, long time experience probably. Yet it is the snarkiness with which it is often delivered that is the problem. You can offer your experienced opinion politely and then just ignore the topic if the newcomer still wants to pursue something.

 

[Euphony]

You are practically justifying that particular behavior because there are reasons for it.

Not at all. I illuminated there are many sides to this particular coin and a leap was then made that speaking to other's user experience than the hypothetical "newcomer" is some blanket justification for whatever an old hat deems is "how things are really done around here."

In fact:

A history here is not any sort of a free pass but it's not completely off base to defer to their lived experience of the place through time over the hypothetical the rules/moderation were built to engender.

I find it odd there is a blanket immunity to newcomers. My experience has been honest mistakes aren't usually punished but obvious low effort, selfish, or flouting of the rules posters are far more likely to see overzealous "correcting."

Add in plenty of those "innocents" continue displaying negative intent, anti-social traits, etc. and the monster starts feeding on itself.

Why are we valuing a newcomers experience above all others? Why is them reading the rules, showing earnest effort, acting in accordance with the community such a grand ask? (seems very much like being an adult and internet forums aren't so new as to be a wild west so anyone alive recently has a decent understanding every forum has its own community guidelines and rules and you should probably brush up on them.

Also, if you were a newcomer to AH, would you just take someone's word for anything?

No, I'd read the rules/community guidelines. I'd also hang back and get a lay of the land for any conflicts with those that may crop up.

Did so here. Done it for many forums. Even did so after a longish AH absence. It seems pretty common sense.

It boggles that there are some who sidestep any accountability for newcomers to engage in basic internet community understanding. It's not even that hard and is certainly not out of the internet "norm."

Once again, I don't even mind the standpoint of some long-time AH dwellers, the one where they already tried everything and fought every battle, and how there is nothing any new guy or girl can try to do because they have already thought of it and tried it. I don't believe that is true, but I can understand that attitude because it is born out of experience, long time experience probably. Yet it is the snarkiness with which it is often delivered that is the problem. You can offer your experienced opinion politely and then just ignore the topic if the newcomer still wants to pursue something.

It sets up for an impossible to defend side of the argument when I'm tasked with validating/reasoning every established AHer's behavior. I mean, we have ignore functions for a reason.

There's often a defense of/assumption that there is a large contingent of doe eyed, well meaning new AH/Lit contributors who get beat downs or spirits crushed by some old hats with axes to grind.

Again that has not been my general experience.

Low effort, overtly lazy, or rule flaunting/argumentative newcomers are the ones who generally have the horde problem crop up.

Until we can agree to this being the fundamental understanding of this place, feels like we're just spinning our wheels and arguing for nothing but argument's sake.

Both new and old AHers have (differing) responsibilities. When one or both of those aren't addressed, the garbage gumbo this place devolves into sometimes, is served.

 

[yowser]

Many times I get the impression that a negative poster hasn't read their post well enough to know what they sound like.

A good reminder to review (maybe out loud?) before sending.

 

[alohadave]

The story ideas section has a similar common low-effort post problem that is "write a story about my wife." There are cycles where it drags down the forum.

Much of the time it feels like they got lost going the Personals forum and are looking to hookup.

 

[onehitwanda]

Too many guys assuming "woman = sex chat target" here.

The messages can be educational, let me just put it like that.

 

[Euphony]

Much of the time it feels like they got lost going the Personals forum and are looking to hookup.

The more nefarious read like they don't want to get lost in the volume of the personals (due to their posts showing incredibly low effort for the personals forum) and try to find a way around that by using other forums but for hooking up purposes.

 

[Euphony]

The messages can be educational, let me just put it like that.

I suppose penis puppetry is technically educational.

I know it's impossible to forget that's for sure.

#2012-2020RIPmyDMs
#HelpMeLacuna

 

[ElectricBlue]

Is Laurel not in charge of this? How do people become moderators here?

Can people be reported for harassment?

Yes. If you see a post that you think goes beyond the pale, report it (bell icon, bottom left of each post).

Some people think if you do that, you're appointing yourself as some kind of morality police, but in my experiences, on this forum, they're the assholes we're talking about. I think it's self-policing the community we're in, and we have a responsibility to each other to do it. It's our street, after all.

The AHMod takes a light touch, but don't assume they're not watching, and don't assume Laurel isn't aware, either.

Edit: Oz time zone delay - I have a bad habit of responding to an early post without reading the rest of the thread, and I see that others have already pointed out the report button. mea culpa

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Any forum which gets above a certain size will get the 'piling on' problem, simply because people cross-post, not seeing all the other replies written at the same time.

I've not seen a good solution to that, apart from a huge sweeping delete-hammer for mods.

 

[stickygirl]

Anyone over the age of Reddit knows you scope out a forum first before posting something you'll immediately regret. Posters new and old forget that their words can be mis-interpreted and I'm as guilty as anyone for making poker faced comments but forgetting the obligatory to show it was ironic.

I've also redirected innumerable newbs to the Find a Story section, which is hard to find and a design failure. The site layout is like a Jenga tower of sub-forums to sub-forums with random permalinks to obscure pages of forum rules. Look how individual users have created explanations to the index pages. Lit's design is a labyrinth.... Turn left/a goblin is holding an axe/there is a box to your right/open the box? <Y/N>

Would I go anywhere else? No, and I kinda like the cranky design and Aunt March logic. What we need are more Mr Laurence's with a little more courtesy and thoughtfulness. Time for us all to draw breath and realise it should be fun, not a bear-pit. The only cure for trolls is to starve them of the oxygen they crave with <ignore>

 

[nice90sguy]

Anyone over the age of Reddit knows you scope out a forum first before posting something you'll immediately regret. Posters new and old forget that their words can be mis-interpreted and I'm as guilty as anyone for making poker faced comments but forgetting the obligatory to show it was ironic.

I refuse to cater for the hard of irony by adding emojis.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I've pretty much abandoned most social media.

I got tired of the cesspool it's become. Too many trolls and idiots ruining it for everyone else.

Unfortunately, it happens here, too.

Not happening to me. But to a friend.

And it sucks. And I hate it.

Because there's nothing I can do to help.

Words matter.

How we treat others matters.

We don't all have to get along. Or even like each other.

I just don't understand why some people thrive on intentionally attacking and hurting others.

Fucking cowards and bullies.

I've done my best to treat people here with kindness and respect. I'm sure I've had my moments though, we're all human.

I don't understand why it's so hard to just be kind to each other.

We don't know what other people have been through, are going through.

We're all human. We're gonna have our differences.

We're gonna disagree, argue, get upset. Shit happens.

But there are those who simply thrive on chaos. Who enjoy intentionally trying to hurt others.

Why? Apparently for their own amusement.

I'll never understand it.

No, I don’t get that enjoyment of hurting others and sadly I think social media has helped cultivate this culture through the use of reaction buttons, and as we become more click-bait prone this will only get worse.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I've been guilty of this, as have some others of us who should know better. Sometimes what happens is a newbie posts a thread without having done any homework about the site's rules, and some of this forum's denizens roll their eyes and respond sarcastically. The problem is that in an online forum what's meant as gentle sarcasm or unserious teasing can easily be mistaken for outright assholery.

You snarky? No?

Next thing you’ll be accusing me of being a sarcastic grump.

 

[SimonDoom]

These kind of guys get the least amount of my sympathy… along with the “I need a woman’s perspective on insert sexual act and would like her detailed thoughts on it don’t hold back I’ll write pr0n about you.”

I almost always advocate for being kind… but… guys, feel free to snark at your hearts content to these kinds.

Reminds me of the scene from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Mac is "commiserating" with the woman friend who's been the victim of revenge porn, and he's saying, "That's terrible, what's the website? I know there are a lot of them but which one is it?"

 

[SeraphNocturne]

Reminds me of the scene from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where Mac is "commiserating" with the woman friend who's been the victim of revenge porn, and he's saying, "That's terrible, what's the website? I know there are a lot of them but which one is it?"

I love Always Sunny... I'm gonna have to que up this episode now.

 

[Seadog777]

I want ALL you people here to understand and let this sink in.

I will NEVER say anything on here that I wouldn't say STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE.

I don't talk shit behind people's backs either.

If I say something you don't like, you are MORE than welcome to my home and we can settle it.

Bullies and Chatty Cathy's are cowardly cunts with no balls.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

I want ALL you people here to understand and let this sink in.

I will NEVER say anything on here that I wouldn't say STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE.

I don't talk shit behind people's backs either.

If I say something you don't like, you are MORE than welcome to my home and we can settle it.

Bullies and Chatty Cathy's are cowardly cunts with no balls.

Didn't you see you have a lot of guns? Is that how you plan to settle it?

 

[Seadog777]

Didn't you see you have a lot of guns? Is that how you plan to settle it?

I do, but no.

I ALWAYS leave it up to the person with the problem.

We can talk it out, or you can get an express trip to see my friends at County Hospital.

I prefer talking though, because I learn information that I more than likely did not know.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I want ALL you people here to understand and let this sink in.

I will NEVER say anything on here that I wouldn't say STRAIGHT TO YOUR FACE.

I don't talk shit behind people's backs either.

If I say something you don't like, you are MORE than welcome to my home and we can settle it.

Bullies and Chatty Cathy's are cowardly cunts with no balls.

Don't hold back there, Dawg .

 

[Seadog777]

Don't hold back there, Dawg .

I never do.

 

[stickygirl]

Is double spacing on a thread

The same as man-spreading

On public transport

Because your balls

are too big?



( obligatory emoji )

 

[onehitwanda]

Is double spacing on a thread

The same as man-spreading

On public transport

Because your balls

are too big?



( obligatory emoji )

Elephantisis or inflamation of the foreskin?

(At least it's not a septic Prince Albert.)

 

[nice90sguy]

Is double spacing on a thread

No,

The same as man-spreading

It's

On public transport

So the teacher

Because your balls

Can

are too big?

Provide comments.

( obligatory emoji )

Emoji's aren't necessary here.