Online bullies

[Djmac1031]

I've pretty much abandoned most social media.

I got tired of the cesspool it's become. Too many trolls and idiots ruining it for everyone else.

Unfortunately, it happens here, too.

Not happening to me. But to a friend.

And it sucks. And I hate it.

Because there's nothing I can do to help.

Words matter.

How we treat others matters.

We don't all have to get along. Or even like each other.

I just don't understand why some people thrive on intentionally attacking and hurting others.

Fucking cowards and bullies.

I've done my best to treat people here with kindness and respect. I'm sure I've had my moments though, we're all human.

I don't understand why it's so hard to just be kind to each other.

We don't know what other people have been through, are going through.

We're all human. We're gonna have our differences.

We're gonna disagree, argue, get upset. Shit happens.

But there are those who simply thrive on chaos. Who enjoy intentionally trying to hurt others.

Why? Apparently for their own amusement.

I'll never understand it.

 

[Differentendeavours]

I've pretty much abandoned most social media.

I got tired of the cesspool it's become. Too many trolls and idiots ruining it for everyone else.

Unfortunately, it happens here, too.

Not happening to me. But to a friend.

And it sucks. And I hate it.

Because there's nothing I can do to help.

Words matter.

How we treat others matters.

We don't all have to get along. Or even like each other.

I just don't understand why some people thrive on intentionally attacking and hurting others.

Fucking cowards and bullies.

I've done my best to treat people here with kindness and respect. I'm sure I've had my moments though, we're all human.

I don't understand why it's so hard to just be kind to each other.

We don't know what other people have been through, are going through.

We're all human. We're gonna have our differences.

We're gonna disagree, argue, get upset. Shit happens.

But there are those who simply thrive on chaos. Who enjoy intentionally trying to hurt others.

Why? Apparently for their own amusement.

I'll never understand it.

Well said. Haters thrive on hating and when they get a reaction they keep pushing, just because they can.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

People act like shit over the internet because there are no consequences and they know they can get away with almost anything. While it is a relatively polite place on average, we have it here in AH as well. The only thing we can do about it is to point it out and react accordingly.

 

[ronde]

The cause is the same as it's always been, from kindergarten bullies to here. They are all very insecure because they suffer from feelings of inferiority and have very low self esteem. By attacking someone anonymously, the get to feel like they've finally "won". I kind of feel sorry for them.

Of course, there will always be people who work at being assholes. I have zero respect for them.

 

[yowser]

Lowest common denominator behavior seems to thrive once your conversant is out of sight. Just like road-rage with cars, the barrier often encourages unpleasant interactions.

With some notable exceptions, the AH forum tends to exhibit the opposite, thoughtful people who find it possible to express themselves intelligently and respectfully.

 

[SimonDoom]

Well said. I've said this a number of times: disagreement and rancor are not the same thing. There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with what another person says, even in strong words. But there IS something wrong in a forum like this with getting nasty and personal with people--with accusing them of stupidity, or bad faith, or evil motives, or ignorance. The reality is we know much less about one another than we probably think we do. It's possible to make one's point without getting nasty, but some forum contributors seem to derive satisfaction from getting nasty and personal, or to think that mere disagreement justifies getting nasty and personal. It's too bad for them, and too bad for the rest of us.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

People are raging shit heads, there isn’t any doubt about that! To be on any kind of social media platform or forum these days mean you’ve got to be prepared to be met with abuse, trolls, or just straight up assholes. I hate to hear of bullying, but sadly, I don’t think its uncommon.

I’ll hope for the best for your friend, the potential for negative experiences is largely why I spend more time observing than engaging, personally. Literotica is massive and the door is wide open, anyone can just waltz in off the streets, so there’s never any telling the kind of people you’ll attract. The smartest thing to do is ignore the fuckers and focus on the good.

 

[PastMaster]

The problem, certainly here, is that there is no unbiased moderation. in fact one of the biggest bullies is now a moderator - so there really is no hope

 

[John_Vandermeer]

At the risk of making myself very unpopular, all the above observations should also apply when some unknown or new name shows up at AH starting a thread that violates "a code" they did not know about, and it earns in them a massive AH pile-on. Sure, the "I need a hot female author for..." threads are probably begging for a pile-on. Not all of them are that, though. The "woe is me..." threads seem to always earn a pile-on too. But just because somebody goes low, or naive, doesn't mean everybody else has to go lower. It is always possible to answer politely I believe, even impolite threads. Or not answer at all. OP of this thread does a pretty good job at that I've noticed. Just my two cents.

 

[Comshaw]

I try to treat people here just like I would in the real world if I met them face to face. Yes, I do trip over my own feet sometimes and get all butt hurt about nothing for I do not claim to be perfect. But I also try to apologize when I do get that way. That does not mean I won't tell someone I think they are wrong. But I won't call them names for being right either.

That said there are way too many people who hide behind the anonymity of the ether and revel in being assholes, in wanting to hurt others just for the fun of it.

I think Mike Tyson said it best, " "Social media made y'all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it."

A vast majority of the cowards who like to bully on the 'net would never do so face to face. I used to have, way back when I first got here to Lit (on the GB) a relatively thin skin. I don't let it bother me anymore because I realized those who delight in trying to hurt others here out here while hiding in the shadows aren't worth any of my time. Shrugging off a diatribe by a troll trying to hurt me took a lot of practice. But it was well worth it for my own peace and contentment.

Unfortunately, there are those people who are fragile, who can not find a way to laugh at and shut out such slimy behavior. In those instances I always wish I could know who those slimeballs are, could confront them face to face and see if they were brave enough to do it under those circumstances. As my old man would say, "Ten dollars against a hole in a doughnut" they would turn tail and run. Corwardly is as cowardly does.

Comshaw

 

[SimonDoom]

People are raging shit heads, there isn’t any doubt about that! To be on any kind of social media platform or forum these days mean you’ve got to be prepared to be met with abuse, trolls, or just straight up assholes. I hate to hear of bullying, but sadly, I don’t think its uncommon.

I’ll hope for the best for your friend, the potential for negative experiences is largely why I spend more time observing than engaging, personally. Literotica is massive and the door is wide open, anyone can just waltz in off the streets, so there’s never any telling the kind of people you’ll attract. The smartest thing to do is ignore the fuckers and focus on the good.

I'll add my wrinkle to this. I don't think all people are raging shit heads. Some people are. Most of us have a little shittiness inside us, and we try to keep it in check, but we probably have more of it than we think we do. The Internet is an extremely tempting place to let your inner shithole out, because there are so few consequences for doing so.

I find that most of the people in this forum are not at all shitty. Most people are civil and courteous most of the time. But it only takes a few bad applies to spoil the pie.

 

[Djmac1031]

At the risk of making myself very unpopular, all the above observations should also apply when some unknown or new name shows up at AH starting a thread that violates "a code" they did not know about, and it earns in them a massive AH pile-on. Sure, the "I need a hot female author for..." threads are probably begging for a pile-on. Not all of them are that, though. The "woe is me..." threads seem to always earn a pile-on too. But just because somebody goes low, or naive, doesn't mean everybody else has to go lower. It is always possible to answer politely I believe, even impolite threads. Or not answer at all. OP of this thread does a pretty good job at that I've noticed. Just my two cents.

No, I agree.

And while I appreciate your kind observation, I've probably been guilty of piling on sometimes myself.

It's not so much about the public faces in the forum here as it is about the trolls and lurkers who hide behind private messages and anonymous comments.

Some of us can just laugh that shit off.

But many can't. For them, it feels personal. And it hurts.

I know I can't do anything to stop that kind of behavior.

Or do much to help those who are dealing with it.

And that's frustrating.

I debated about whether to even bring it up here; I know it won't accomplish much, nor make it any better for those struggling with it.

All I can hope is maybe we all take a moment to think about what we say before we say it next time, and remember our words do matter.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

I'll add my wrinkle to this. I don't think all people are raging shit heads. Some people are. Most of us have a little shittiness inside us, and we try to keep it in check, but we probably have more of it than we think we do. The Internet is an extremely tempting place to let your inner shithole out, because there are so few consequences for doing so.

I find that most of the people in this forum are not at all shitty. Most people are civil and courteous most of the time. But it only takes a few bad applies to spoil the pie.

I certainly didn’t mean to imply that everyone is shitty, and I vehemently agree with you… most everyone I’ve encountered here have been very kind, friendly and helpful people. My blanketed term can be easily misconstrued, I apologize!

What I should say is that there are some miserable shitheads on here, and it’s anyone’s guess what might motivate bullies or trolls. It seems largely that it might just be fun for these sociopaths… which is precisely why I tend to tread in the kiddie pool; I avoid talking political issues or religion, and focus on the craft.

I’ve made some great friends here, but I think certain behaviors are likely to draw the “wrong kind of attention” as John_V suggested. All it would take to end up with a troll that might never leave you be is to poke the wrong bear, and the Mods aren’t liable to step in.

 

[Comshaw]

At the risk of making myself very unpopular, all the above observations should also apply when some unknown or new name shows up at AH starting a thread that violates "a code" they did not know about, and it earns in them a massive AH pile-on. Sure, the "I need a hot female author for..." threads are probably begging for a pile-on. Not all of them are that, though. The "woe is me..." threads seem to always earn a pile-on too. But just because somebody goes low, or naive, doesn't mean everybody else has to go lower. It is always possible to answer politely I believe, even impolite threads. Or not answer at all. OP of this thread does a pretty good job at that I've noticed. Just my two cents.

"You can easily judge the character of a person by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them."

"Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle." Charles Glassman

Comshaw

 

[djrip]

The problem, certainly here, is that there is no unbiased moderation. in fact one of the biggest bullies is now a moderator - so there really is no hope

Is Laurel not in charge of this? How do people become moderators here?

Can people be reported for harassment?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I debated about whether to even bring it up here; I know it won't accomplish much, nor make it any better for those struggling with it.

All I can hope is maybe we all take a moment to think about what we say before we say it next time, and remember our words do matter.

These threads can sometimes work as a support group. It feels good to hear regular forum dwellers supporting you after you've been abused in some thread or in PMs or emails. We need to understand that not everyone has the skin thickness needed to shrug off all the bullshit that gets flung our way. A friendly joke and a few kind words can go a long way. Just saying, in case your friend wants to voice his/her problems here

 

[SimonDoom]

At the risk of making myself very unpopular, all the above observations should also apply when some unknown or new name shows up at AH starting a thread that violates "a code" they did not know about, and it earns in them a massive AH pile-on. Sure, the "I need a hot female author for..." threads are probably begging for a pile-on. Not all of them are that, though. The "woe is me..." threads seem to always earn a pile-on too. But just because somebody goes low, or naive, doesn't mean everybody else has to go lower. It is always possible to answer politely I believe, even impolite threads. Or not answer at all. OP of this thread does a pretty good job at that I've noticed. Just my two cents.

I've been guilty of this, as have some others of us who should know better. Sometimes what happens is a newbie posts a thread without having done any homework about the site's rules, and some of this forum's denizens roll their eyes and respond sarcastically. The problem is that in an online forum what's meant as gentle sarcasm or unserious teasing can easily be mistaken for outright assholery.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

Is Laurel not in charge of this? How do people become moderators here?

Can people be reported for harassment?

I’m positive you can report people for harassing you, and they might even get booted from the site. I’ve seen it happen to a few trolls, some guy was running around posting really nasty things and spamming, and suggesting banned content/linking off site. They bounced him out of here so quickly.

In today’s world of technology it wouldn’t be hard at all for a banned asshole to be right back at it in a few days, though.

 

[PastMaster]

Is Laurel not in charge of this? How do people become moderators here?

Can people be reported for harassment?

All good questions. The answer is I don't know. I presume Laurel is in charge - if indeed she actually exists and is not just some fat old guy behind a curtain pulling levers and blowing smoke.
Yes you can report posts,(there is a tag in the bottom left of each post) and you can ignore people.

Funnily enough you CANT ignore mods. - so to the guy who asked, when he'd been being harassed by someone, why he couldn't ignore them, then answer was - he's a mod now. Not a very satisfying response.

 

[Djmac1031]

I've been guilty of this, as have some others of us who should know better. Sometimes what happens is a newbie posts a thread without having done any homework about the site's rules, and some of this forum's denizens roll their eyes and respond sarcastically. The problem is that in an online forum what's meant as gentle sarcasm or unserious teasing can easily be mistaken for outright assholery.

Ya gotta admit the "Looking for a hot FEMALE author!" guys deserve it, though.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

All good questions. The answer is I don't know. I presume Laurel is in charge - if indeed she actually exists and is not just some fat old guy behind a curtain pulling levers and blowing smoke.
Yes you can report posts,(there is a tag in the bottom left of each post) and you can ignore people.

Funnily enough you CANT ignore mods. - so to the guy who asked, when he'd been being harassed by someone, why he couldn't ignore them, then answer was - he's a mod now. Not a very satisfying response.

Your signature doesn't leave much space for guessing who it is

 

[PastMaster]

Your signature doesn't leave much space for guessing who it is

I have no idea what you mean - and I still dont understand why they banned that story.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

Ya gotta admit the "Looking for a hot FEMALE author!" guys deserve it, though.

These kind of guys get the least amount of my sympathy… along with the “I need a woman’s perspective on insert sexual act and would like her detailed thoughts on it don’t hold back I’ll write pr0n about you.”

I almost always advocate for being kind… but… guys, feel free to snark at your hearts content to these kinds.

 

[SimonDoom]

Ya gotta admit the "Looking for a hot FEMALE author!" guys deserve it, though.

Well, you're certainly inviting a little gentle digging, at least, when you post something like that.

 

[Euphony]

At the risk of making myself very unpopular, all the above observations should also apply when some unknown or new name shows up at AH starting a thread that violates "a code" they did not know about, and it earns in them a massive AH pile-on. Sure, the "I need a hot female author for..." threads are probably begging for a pile-on. Not all of them are that, though. The "woe is me..." threads seem to always earn a pile-on too. But just because somebody goes low, or naive, doesn't mean everybody else has to go lower. It is always possible to answer politely I believe, even impolite threads. Or not answer at all. OP of this thread does a pretty good job at that I've noticed. Just my two cents.

Fair.

Though you can't discuss the new user experience without also considering the long time AHer experience who have lived through every iteration of the exact same thread/scheming around the rules/general laziness/selfish unconcern for the AH other than how it can serve them and only THEM.

Were there some easy grand solution, it'd likely been tried by now. But it hasn't and that vacuum has left a space for some overzealous self policing to take place (some born of compounding interest frustration, other from anti-social personality types)

The story ideas section has a similar common low-effort post problem that is "write a story about my wife." There are cycles where it drags down the forum.

Anyone here should be adult and been interneting enough to know to read the rules of the house you are visiting.

So many posters don't or won't do that and, while the pushback can sometimes be outsized, there is a certain accountability that needs to be had for that behavior for the benefit of the operation/utility of the AH and its regular inhabitants.

A history here is not any sort of a free pass but it's not completely off base to defer to their lived experience of the place through time over the hypothetical the rules/moderation were built to engender.

TL: DR: It's complicated but those who show a general adult behavior and contributory nature are typically well received (in the end) even when they flub a few of the "rules of the road" here.