One Woman Finally Gets It!

[Guest]

Other thread titles I considered :

• Vindication!
• One Woman Reached - 3 billion to go
• Hah!

A woman writes on Craigslist :

Guys, I ow you an apology
Date: 2006-01-13, 7:13PM EST


I used to scoff and roll my eyes when you went on and on about how women were so different and complicated. I probably even told a few of you to fuck off when you got going on that. I wrote it off as simple chauvinism. But then I had an experience that changed my perspective: I tried to have sex with a woman.

My first experience was with a life-long lesbian, and, given her experience and comfort with the whole thing, she took the lead. I wasn't really aware of that because, as a life-long heterosexual, it didn't play out all that differently from the encounters I'd had with men (until we started touching each other, that is). A few months later I met Jen through a mutual friend. Jen and I had a lot in common and as we chatted we learned we had something very interesting in common: we both wanted to have sex with another woman. This revelation came very early in our friendship, and we were obviously attracted to each other, so it seemed inevitable we would end up in bed together. Jen had never been with a woman before, though, so as the more experienced person I ended up taking the lead, taking the male role.

So there we were, two young, healthy, horny women, hot for each other. I figured getting her naked would be no big deal. Was I fucking mistaken. We went on date after date, talking endlessly about who knows what. The whole time I couldn't relax - I kept trying to read her signals, what she said, her body language, trying to figure out if tonight would be the night. It was very strange - I usually loved talking with girlfriends, but this just made me feel exhausted and stupid. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn't I make it happen? And then it dawned on me: this is what guys do ALL THE TIME.

So we did eventually do it, and we had a great time. I thought after that I would be more relaxed, but I was wrong again. It did get easier with each successive encounter, but only slightly. I still felt that pressure to read her mind. Only after 3 or 4 times did I finally feel comfortable with her, and then she moved out of town. We still email and see each other occasionally.

So guys, I have seen into your world, and I can say now, you definitely have it tougher than we do. I feel your pain. And ladies, if you're reading this, go easy on them. If you want to get it on, just let them know. They're killing themselves trying to figure it out. And that's just getting in the way of some potentially good fucking.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

To quote Eddie Murphy as Michael Jackson on an old SNL skit

"I just go up to a woman and ask if they want to do it. and 9 times out of 10 I get slapped in the face, but that tenth time, its magical."

 

[Stella_Omega]

To quote Eddie Murphy as Michael Jackson on an old SNL skit

"I just go up to a woman and ask if they want to do it. and 9 times out of 10 I get slapped in the face, but that tenth time, its magical."

HAH! Michael Jackson?

That woman is so very right, though, and I do wish more woman would read her CL post and take it a bit to heart.

Here are some very random observations on my part;

As a teen, I sometimes scared boys away by being forthright- eventually I figured out that it was better to invite a guy back to my place to smoke a little, rather than say "let's ball"
But with other girls, I used to do it that fumbling, wishing way. It was always a guessing game. It totally sucked, and since I don't, in fact, have the Testosterone load that would keep me bulling forward- I just kept on fucking boys, because it was so much easier to do.

As an adult, I've spent my time in the queer, rather than the Lesbian, community. Leather women-- for the most part-- don't play that game, you tend to get a yes or no answer. But the times I wandered into a Lesbian bar- I felt as if I were in a room full of no sex. That's not true, of course, it was just that these women used a different set of signals than I did- or do. But this lady was lucky with her first dyke experience, because that woman did the work for her- and, I wonder, how much game-playing did that experienced lesbian have to go through before this woman got in the sack with her the first time?

I've been the object of bi-curious women. And It's a bit scary, because I am never sure of how it will go. It's the dyke that gets blamed if anything goes wrong, like, for instance, if the woman falls in love with her experimental partner...

Eh, well.

 

[rgraham666]

If sex was simple it wouldn't be as much fun.

 

[LadyCibelle]

If sex was simple it wouldn't be as much fun.

you have something here, methinks.

Sometimes I wonder if sex isn't good just it's so complicated too.

 

[3113]

So guys, I have seen into your world, and I can say now, you definitely have it tougher than we do.

Yeah. Guys just want to fuck, and the girls want something more, which makes it so easy on the girls. All they have to do is put up with guy after guy who just wants to fuck them and nothing more. I mean, how easy is that?

Ted, if you think this woman got it, fine. But I'd sure love it if, for one day, you were the object of gay, male lust. I'd like to see if you'd still think it "less tough" handling guys who just want to fuck you, over and over again. It might change your perspective as much as this lesbian experienced changed this woman's.

 

[rgraham666]

If you ever want to see a woman confuzzled, tell her to phone some guy she likes to ask him out on a date.

It's almost as sadistic as telling a woman you don't gain weight.

 

[rgraham666]

Yeah. Guys just want to fuck, and the girls want something more, which makes it so easy on the girls. All they have to do is put up with guy after guy who just wants to fuck them and nothing more. I mean, how easy is that?

The corollary of that is when you're a guy and you don't just want to fuck, a lot of women will treat you like you do.

 

[Guest]

Yeah. Guys just want to fuck, and the girls want something more, which makes it so easy on the girls. All they have to do is put up with guy after guy who just wants to fuck them and nothing more. I mean, how easy is that?

Ted, if you think this woman got it, fine. But I'd sure love it if, for one day, you were the object of gay, male lust. I'd like to see if you'd still think it "less tough" handling guys who just want to fuck you, over and over again. It might change your perspective as much as this lesbian experienced changed this woman's.

What makes you think I'm not the object of gay, male lust?

I put this out there because it was interesting and a unique point of view, and that it would trigger an interesting conversation here.

Should sex be easy? I am not sure.

Could it be easier? Yeah, I'm all for that.

 

[Vermilion]

I usually scare men away by being too forthright. With women I am much more scared because there's a double chance they'll tell you to fuck off - not only might they not fancy *you* in particular, but they might not fancy *women* in general and then you're really in trouble...
That's how the world works in my head anyway which is why, despite being about 60/40 I have only had one f/f experience and many many m/f ones... <sigh> and now I'm engaged to a man, so I guess that one, rather lame experience will have to last me a good, long time.

</sort of threadjack>

x
V

 

[jomar]

As a teen, I sometimes scared boys away by being forthright- eventually I figured out that it was better to invite a guy back to my place to smoke a little, rather than say "let's ball"

I always liked the "let's ball" gals for the recreational partners. Even the "I had an erotic dream about you" approach or the slightly less direct "do you think friends can be lovers" approach kept things clear and on track.

 

[Sherry Hawk]

I always liked the "let's ball" gals for the recreational partners.

You're illustrating something quite clearly, though, whether it was intentional or not.

Some women want more than just recreation. If I said "let's ball," there's not a doubt in my mind that the guy (whoever it was) would immediately reject any possibility that I could be anything more to him than just "recreation."

So, we can be forthright, and put firmly in the "recreation only" category, or we can play the game and take a chance on really getting what we want.

Doesn't sound like we have it all that easy to me.

 

[jomar]

Ted, if you think this woman got it, fine. But I'd sure love it if, for one day, you were the object of gay, male lust. I'd like to see if you'd still think it "less tough" handling guys who just want to fuck you, over and over again. It might change your perspective as much as this lesbian experienced changed this woman's.

The most uncomfortable party I've ever been to was a party that was mostly gay males with a few hetero folks and lesbians. Getting checked out and eyeballed didn't bother me and was sort of funny. What was uncomfortable was the atmosphere - thick, thick, thick with bitchiness, pettiness and catty remarks. It was weird - of course I learned that most of the people there had slept together at one time or another so everybody had "issues." I spent most of my time near the keg with the dykes.

I had a lot more fun at the parties hosted by my lesbian friends. Mixed gay crowd there plus a few token heteros.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You're illustrating something quite clearly, though, whether it was intentional or not.

Some women want more than just recreation. If I said "let's ball," there's not a doubt in my mind that the guy (whoever it was) would immediately reject any possibility that I could be anything more to him than just "recreation."

So, we can be forthright, and put firmly in the "recreation only" category, or we can play the game and take a chance on really getting what we want.

Doesn't sound like we have it all that easy to me.

well, recreation is very, VERY high on a man's priority list. They'll keep coming back for more. And then there are other ways to have fun, if he and you have the imagination- like the walks in the park, the home-cooked meals. Lots of fun together is a great bonding experience.

That's probably how I ended up being married, lo these thirty years- something, I assure you, that I never wanted to do!

 

[3113]

I put this out there because it was interesting and a unique point of view, and that it would trigger an interesting conversation here.

It's hardly a unique point of view here, is it? You've got tons of women here who like fucking and are prefectly willing to do just that and nothing else. So how special and different is this "one woman" compared to all the ladies here?

And there are plenty of women here (bi-sexual or otherwise) who feel for men who just want to fuck and can't get a girl to do it...but the really unique point of view isn't that. The really unique point of view would be the guy who figures out what he doesn't really *just* want to fuck. Because really, if that was all he wanted to do, then, indeed, he could do it. The unique point of view would be a guy realizing that he usually wants to fuck only a certain woman (or certain type of women). And his frustration is that that type of woman doesn't usually want to fuck him.

In this day and age, getting laid isn't impossible. Getting laid by someone you find sexy and really want, that's hard and will always be hard, because the sexy ones, male or female, can pick whom they like when and if they feel like it.

Putting it another way, I've known too many fat or otherwise conventionally unattractive girls who have wandered up to guys, ready and willing to give them sex all night long. And in most instances, they didn't get a second glance, let alone taken up on it. So don't give me this bullshit about how tough it is on guys to get laid. It's only tough for them to get laid by the sexy girl they and every other guy in that room wants.

Or if they pick the girl who has issues, which guys tend to do no matter how obvious it is that she has issues...I've never yet figured out why.

It's nice that this little girl finally had her eyes open, and it's very clever of her to announce it on CL where lots of gullable men will see it and contact her. For most of us here, however, been there, done that. Sorry if you didn't know we existed till now.

 

[jomar]

You're illustrating something quite clearly, though, whether it was intentional or not.

Some women want more than just recreation. If I said "let's ball," there's not a doubt in my mind that the guy (whoever it was) would immediately reject any possibility that I could be anything more to him than just "recreation."

So, we can be forthright, and put firmly in the "recreation only" category, or we can play the game and take a chance on really getting what we want.

Doesn't sound like we have it all that easy to me.

It was purposeful and I think most if not all women want more than recreational sex, men do too. But if sex is recreational, and women can want that too, I vote for keeping it simple. It's the potential partner thing and getting what both sexes really want that's tricky. Although I do know of one couple that met in a bar, hooked up that same night and ended up getting married - probably quite rare though.

ETA: Just so you know, the recreational stuff was in my single days. I've been married for 20 years and only have sex, recreational and otherwise, with one woman.

 

[Sherry Hawk]

It was purposeful and I think most if not all women want more than recreational sex, men do too. But if sex is recreational, and women can want that too, I vote for keeping it simple. It's the potential partner thing and getting what both sexes really want that's tricky. Although I do know of one couple that met in a bar, hooked up that same night and ended up getting married - probably quite rare though.

I'm not saying that women can't want no-strings sex, too. I think you're missing my point.

1) If we're forthright, we get the sex, but we get labeled "recreation only" (that old double standard rears it's ugly head - and to deny it exists is just silly)

2) if we aren't forthright, we're being deliberately dense, playing with a guy's feelings, blah, blah, blah.

It's a no win situation. Whichever route we choose, we're "bad."

Please don't misunderstand me...I'm not saying that we have it tougher than guys, I'm just pointing out that guys most certainly don't have it tougher than women.

 

[jomar]

I'm not saying that women can't want no-strings sex, too. I think you're missing my point.

1) If we're forthright, we get the sex, but we get labeled "recreation only" (that old double standard rears it's ugly head - and to deny it exists is just silly)

2) if we aren't forthright, we're being deliberately dense, playing with a guy's feelings, blah, blah, blah.

It's a no win situation. Whichever route we choose, we're "bad."

Please don't misunderstand me...I'm not saying that we have it tougher than guys, I'm just pointing out that guys most certainly don't have it tougher than women.

I think we agree. I edited my post in that light, I hope.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm not saying that women can't want no-strings sex, too. I think you're missing my point.

1) If we're forthright, we get the sex, but we get labeled "recreation only" (that old double standard rears it's ugly head - and to deny it exists is just silly)

2) if we aren't forthright, we're being deliberately dense, playing with a guy's feelings, blah, blah, blah.

It's a no win situation. Whichever route we choose, we're "bad."

Please don't misunderstand me...I'm not saying that we have it tougher than guys, I'm just pointing out that guys most certainly don't have it tougher than women.

I hope you had a chance to read my post above, Sherry- just my point of view from my own experience.

 

[Vermilion]

I'm not saying that women can't want no-strings sex, too. I think you're missing my point.

1) If we're forthright, we get the sex, but we get labeled "recreation only" (that old double standard rears it's ugly head - and to deny it exists is just silly)

2) if we aren't forthright, we're being deliberately dense, playing with a guy's feelings, blah, blah, blah.

It's a no win situation. Whichever route we choose, we're "bad."

Please don't misunderstand me...I'm not saying that we have it tougher than guys, I'm just pointing out that guys most certainly don't have it tougher than women.

depends on the guy and the connection between you though... I must, shamefacedly, admit that the Fiance and I were on a kind of... erm... no strings basis initially...
x
V

 

[Stella_Omega]

depends on the guy and the connection between you though... I must, shamefacedly, admit that the Fiance and I were on a kind of... erm... no strings basis initially...
x
V

Why "shamefacedly", godammit? Whose shame? Not yours, I hope!

 

[Sherry Hawk]

I hope you had a chance to read my post above, Sherry- just my point of view from my own experience.

Yeah, it can happen that way, no doubt. And, it's also been a good while since I was on the market, so to speak.

I just don't think that either gender has it any easier.

*shrug*

 

[Guest]

Why "shamefacedly", godammit? Whose shame? Not yours, I hope!

Yeah, you initial attraction just had more layers than you knew at first.

 

[jomar]

depends on the guy and the connection between you though... I must, shamefacedly, admit that the Fiance and I were on a kind of... erm... no strings basis initially...
x
V

Yeah. I agree with Stella.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, it can happen that way, no doubt. And, it's also been a good while since I was on the market, so to speak.

I just don't think that either gender has it any easier.

*shrug*

Well, 3113's post is a damn good example of how women don't have it easier. But pretty women can make things very hard on themselves. And my old man, talking with me about this just now, says that, in his small North Georgia town (Marietta, Salvor!) -- in the '50'ws-- the girls that fucked around all got married. His recollection is that some of those were the prettiest, smartest ones- and aggressive, too, that's how he lost his virginity. You should see the reminiscent smile on his face...