Once upon a Time...

[Angustia]

Once upon a time, I belonged here (no I don't want to share my username from back then) . I had friends here. I was solidly part of the Lit community for several years,and then it happened.
I met someone here.
I fell in love. He fell in love with me.
There were obstacles. There are always obstacles.
He is married. I am married, obviously not happily.
Like everyone else it started innocently enough, just harmless fun.
You can judge if you want/need to. I can't feel worse.
We stayed together, somehow throughout all the obstacles until now.
Years and years worth of obstacles and chaos.
And now I have to miss him every day for the rest of my life because not all obstacles can be overcome and I don't know how to move forward.
I don't have anyone I can talk to about a secret I've hidden for the better part of a decade and so I come full circle to where it started, in the hope that somehow I can find a path to wanting to get out of bed in the morning again. I'm so broken now.
If nothing else, I need a place to chronicle my heartbreak and say the things that I might have said to him, when I have nowhere to say them.

 

[beachbaby179]

Not trying to be harsh, but just letting you know you're not alone. That's a story that's been told over and over again around here, and most come back to the land of the living.

Best of luck to you. If you had friends, and they're still here, reach out to them.

 

[kcRollins]

Once upon a time, I belonged here (no I don't want to share my username from back then) . I had friends here. I was solidly part of the Lit community for several years,and then it happened.
I met someone here.
I fell in love. He fell in love with me.
There were obstacles. There are always obstacles.
He is married. I am married, obviously not happily.
Like everyone else it started innocently enough, just harmless fun.
You can judge if you want/need to. I can't feel worse.
We stayed together, somehow throughout all the obstacles until now.
Years and years worth of obstacles and chaos.
And now I have to miss him every day for the rest of my life because not all obstacles can be overcome and I don't know how to move forward.
I don't have anyone I can talk to about a secret I've hidden for the better part of a decade and so I come full circle to where it started, in the hope that somehow I can find a path to wanting to get out of bed in the morning again. I'm so broken now.
If nothing else, I need a place to chronicle my heartbreak and say the things that I might have said to him, when I have nowhere to say them.

First, allow me to welcome you back and send you a comforting cyber hug.

No earthly being has the right to judge. No one has walked in your shoes...hopefully. (You don't lend out your shoes right?) Things happen and whilst intellectually we know better, the heart drowns out common sense.

This too shall pass and until it does you just have to go through the motions until once again your heart sings, even though you feel at this point it never will.

I've learned that this community, at least those in the playground, are a caring bunch of people. So keep us posted on your daily thoughts and how you're doing. And ditto @ beachbaby...reach out to those old friends.

 

[Angustia]

I probably still have friends here, but I pulled away when I left Lit.
It feels crappy to show up and be all "Hey, I know it's been 9 years but can I cry on your shoulder?"


Thank you.
Fuck this is hard. I'm not even sure it's a good idea being here. I sure as hell am not trying to replace him. Somehow it makes me feel better to be in the place where we were once filled with hope?
Maybe I'm obsessing. I don't know.

 

[pcookie]

The two ladies above are spot on, don't be afraid to reach out. Majority in the PG are friendly and would be willing to listen. It's tough having to go through that, just take each day as it comes. It will eventually get easier day by day. Just keep thinking of the positives in your life and try to smile.
Hugs

 

[Angustia]

Dear Sweetheart,
I woke up this morning longing to hear your voice, missing you so badly it physically hurts.
I think the hardest part is that along with losing the love of my life, I've lost my best friend. Who do I talk to about the things that are important. Who do I sit and talk about everything... and nothing with, for hours for days, for the rest of my life?
I miss you.
Those words are so small for the way I feel right now.
I fucking miss you.
Always feels a lot shorter than I thought it was going to be.
The end of us just feels a lot like silent begging you're never even going to hear.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

Losing someone you love is always hard. To love someone in the first place is hard, knowing that you risk losing them. We can never replace those people we lose. But when the people we have dwindle to nothing, leaving us alone and bereft, it's time to rejoin the world. To go on living, even if we don't really want to. Because to do otherwise would tarnish the gift those people gave us.

Make new friends. Find other reasons to get up and live. Mostly, keep breathing. Hold onto something solid when the world tilts and spins off it's axis. And breathe. Through the pain and the shock, the numbness that spreads.

If you can do that, you will wake up one day and things will be slightly better. You learn to live with that pain, that loss. You adapt to the hole in your heart. Eventually, life brings you something else to fill it. Even though part of you feels like it's a betrayal to ever even consider that it might be filled.

 

[MaryanneB]

If you never take a chance at loving you never have to grieve the loss of it. It's the price we pay. Hang in there.

 

[vibes]

We can only welcome you back ... with your old handle and with your new one, whatever makes you feel more at ease