On-line D/s relationships???

[Loverskitten]

Ok I've been here a few months and still can't wrap my brain around the on-line only D/s relationships.
What do you get out of them? Is it pretty much role playing? Does it ever go real life?

Sure I have close friends I've only known on-line but a relationship? I don't get it?

I have been trying Internet dating and it seems people often chat you up but won't meet IRL. A couple guys finally admitted to "using a friends photo" SO FRUSTRATING! I can only come to the conclusion that there are lies involved in on-line only stuff. Am I way off base?

 

[TexasWife25]

Ok I've been here a few months and still can't wrap my brain around the on-line only D/s relationships.
What do you get out of them? Is it pretty much role playing? Does it ever go real life?

Sure I have close friends I've only known on-line but a relationship? I don't get it?

I have been trying Internet dating and it seems people often chat you up but won't meet IRL. A couple guys finally admitted to "using a friends photo" SO FRUSTRATING! I can only come to the conclusion that there are lies involved in on-line only stuff. Am I way off base?

Umm
You cant get real into the dom/sub relationship
with a strictly online relationship(in my expierence)
However you can play with control..

Having your Dom give you tasks to complete
and all things along those lines

online dating i would suggest using a
well known site, not personals or
ne thing like that
Ive had friends who met people though a dating site
and it worked out really well for them...

 

[Loverskitten]

I better make it clear that I am not interested in HAVING an on-line relationship. I do read the personals here and am trying to understand why someone would want this.

 

[WajaLover]

They do it because it's fun and entertaining. I've managed to make guys jack off without even meaning to! And Masters usually do require proof of your task completion, usually in photos or videos. Plus it's fun to see who can make you cum if you want to cum or who you like to chat with. You can usually find guys within your area.

 

[firenzi]

I haven't done on-line dating, but what from I've heard what you've described is a common problem (D/s or no D/s). It just might be a matter of patience with wading through all that. I'm sure the good ones are there, they're just fewer and far between so it will take a bit of time to find them.

I'm with you regarding online relationships. Especially online D/s relationships. Lots of people obviously enjoy them, but it's not for me and I don't really understand what sort of D/s or BDSM fulfillment can be gotten online.

 

[WajaLover]

And you're not alone. I may understand it, but it's not for everyone. I certainly wouldn't want it to become real.

D/s works great for the people who get it, it can be confusing for those who don't.

 

[CutieMouse]

I was going to respond to what WajaLover said, but couldn't find a way to do so without A) begin cruel and B) insulting people on Lit who have successful LDR relationships that are primarily online.

Having said that - online may offer an "outlet" for people who might not be ready for the realities of an actual D/s (or otherwise) relationship. It can be looked at as a "safe" place to experiment, or pretend, or explore. Unfortunately, I've seen waaaaaaaaaaaay too many situations where people don't look before they leap (because it's just online), or move too quickly (because it's just online), or loose all pretense of common sense (because OMG he's my MASTER!!!!).

 

[CutieMouse]

And you're not alone. I may understand it, but it's not for everyone. I certainly wouldn't want it to become real.

D/s works great for the people who get it, it can be confusing for those who don't.

The bolded part - WHY?

 

[His_pet_slut]

And you're not alone. I may understand it, but it's not for everyone. I certainly wouldn't want it to become real.

D/s works great for the people who get it, it can be confusing for those who don't.

And what? You 'get' it after your 3 weeks of online with your sire and anyone else you have role-played with? Seriously?

 

[Bandit58]

I "get" online as a means to an end i.e. getting to know someone before you take it to real time. Sir and I met here on Lit and we were online as friends for about a year before we took it to a relationship level.

I can also understand people using it to get what they can't get in their real time relationships. For instance, there are a lot of threads here from people who want to explore their Dom or sub side but either can't or won't tell their partner.

There is a very long thread here called Distance Domination Support Thread which will give you some ideas as to what people get out of being in an online relationship. Some of them have been in these relationships for years, some have met and others haven't.

 

[Loverskitten]

I "get" online as a means to an end i.e. getting to know someone before you take it to real time. Sir and I met here on Lit and we were online as friends for about a year before we took it to a relationship level.

I can also understand people using it to get what they can't get in their real time relationships. For instance, there are a lot of threads here from people who want to explore their Dom or sub side but either can't or won't tell their partner.

There is a very long thread here called Distance Domination Support Thread which will give you some ideas as to what people get out of being in an online relationship. Some of them have been in these relationships for years, some have met and others haven't.

Have you met your Sir in real life?
I see LDR and on-line only relationships as different. I could play on-line with a partner who was away for a while, with the promise of seeing them again but not never...
Maybe I'm just too old fashioned, I need REAL.

 

[firenzi]

And you're not alone. I may understand it, but it's not for everyone. I certainly wouldn't want it to become real.

D/s works great for the people who get it, it can be confusing for those who don't.

Oh, I get D/s. It's the online thing that wouldn't work for me.

But I'd never begrudge anyone else doing what makes them happy.

 

[CutieMouse]

Have you met your Sir in real life?
I see LDR and on-line only relationships as different. I could play on-line with a partner who was away for a while, with the promise of seeing them again but not never...
Maybe I'm just too old fashioned, I need REAL.

Psst! Bandit & Gil have been married for a few years now.

 

[Loverskitten]

Psst! Bandit & Gil have been married for a few years now.

Yep, new here don't know too many... but that answers "Does it ever go real life?" I am curious if there are others with this story.
See I can EASILY see striking up a friendship through these forums and it BECOMES a relationship (sometimes a D/s one)
BUT when I read the BDSM personals I keep reading "online only" and that's the one I struggle with understanding. Sounds like sexual frustration for me.

 

[StrayKat]

What do you get out of them?

Usually what we cant get for real for whatever reason.

Is it pretty much role playing? Does it ever go real life?

For me it is anything but role playing. If I want to play games I play MMOs (and even then I dont roleplay).
Does it go real life depends on lot of things. Sometimes it does and sometimes it better stays online.

Sure I have close friends I've only known on-line but a relationship? I don't get it?

What exactly do you mean by relationship? Friendship is a relationship as well, and there are so many shades of gray from chat buddies to being truly in love.
A disclaimer - I do not believe in "truly in love" part being possible exclusively online, but I sure felt "in love" a few times.

I have been trying Internet dating and it seems people often chat you up but won't meet IRL. A couple guys finally admitted to "using a friends photo" SO FRUSTRATING! I can only come to the conclusion that there are lies involved in on-line only stuff. Am I way off base?

If it is possible I prefer meeting irl, even if its just friends having drink. I never had a problem with someone refusing or not showing. I met about 50 people irl I met online first, including my present husband and my maid of honor.

That said, I generally do not propose any meeting with somebody I dont trust to be exactly what they say they are. It takes time to get there.


Now let me explain myself a bit. I am mostly looking for chat, talk with people who I believe know a bit more than I do about certain subjects that interest me.
Sometimes there is a "spark" and then I dont mind going into more "fun" voice chat. It is bit more than solo masturbating and a bit less than one night stand. If you take it as a love relationship its frustrating, yes, and goes nowhere unless you are both willing to make it "real". I had such situations in the past and I am doing my best to avoid them now.

If you see it as casual, mostly shallow fun and do not expect anything else, nothing wrong with that.
If you are looking for a life partner, then it is possible but it takes quite a bit of time, patience and open mind.

In the end of the day it depends on you, your expectations and your capability to recognize what you are dealing with.

 

[dragonkin112]

I met my current boyfriend on a video game about four and a half years ago. We hung out and played on the game, there was a voice chat server available to the players so we and other started talking in there and on messenger services and ended up getting pretty close. We started exploring the possibility of working on an online relationship and before it even began I expressed an interest in a BDSM type relationship which he also enjoyed the idea of. Web cams help a lot and not just for sex stuff but talking and getting to know each other, see each others facial expressions and body language. Oh...he lives on another continent. About six months after beginning our online relationship we met in person and spent a week together. We've been back and forth since then waiting for me to finish college before we move in together. For us we have an online relationship because that's currently all we can have, but we take the in person moments when we can, because as hard as the LDR is it's worth it. Also, I probably see him (on webcam) more often than a couple that live in the same town but don't share a house. We make the time for each other.

 

[FurryFury]

When I was doing online, I got out of them, an edgy excitement that fed my need for D/s and kink. Since my husband isn't interested in being a Dom and gave me permission do online if I wanted, it was also a great free feeling.

Yes. It can go to real life but it rarely does because often the people who do online do it because they don't want to go into real life for whatever reason. Some do meet and go to real life though. We have some here that have!

For me it wasn't just role playing. I felt real power dynamics between the two of us in a few relationships. What wrecked the whole thing for me was being so limited. When I give I want to give my all. Also when someone couldn't maintain his/her interest (very common for online relationships) and/or was too emotionally immature, those things wrecked it as well in so many sad, sick ways.

I've also done role play. That's how I started out. It can be great fun too. I really miss these things but not enough to do them again right now.

Yes. There are lies involved in online dating. There is the lie of who you want to be that you might tell someone. There is the lies you tell yourself and half believe. So many lies. But a few gems are not lying in any way. You still have to kiss a lot of frogs . . .

Good luck in your online dating! It's the thing these days. So I've heard.

Ok I've been here a few months and still can't wrap my brain around the on-line only D/s relationships.
What do you get out of them? Is it pretty much role playing? Does it ever go real life?

Sure I have close friends I've only known on-line but a relationship? I don't get it?

I have been trying Internet dating and it seems people often chat you up but won't meet IRL. A couple guys finally admitted to "using a friends photo" SO FRUSTRATING! I can only come to the conclusion that there are lies involved in on-line only stuff. Am I way off base?

Actually, in my experiences, that wasn't true. I made that shit one of my hard limits. I'd like to make it clear to others that might be considering online play or relationships that they don't have to compromise themselves, their values or their privacy to have an online relationship that makes them excited about checking their e-mail each day.

I considered anyone wanting "proof" to not understand the dynamic of D/s, relationships or trust. I was trusting them and they'd have to trust me otherwise there was no point to it. It had no value to me if I lied to them or they lied to me. Anyone who demanded any "proof", I instantly put in the category of asshat or horny net geek and wrote the hell off.

They do it because it's fun and entertaining. I've managed to make guys jack off without even meaning to! And Masters usually do require proof of your task completion, usually in photos or videos. Plus it's fun to see who can make you cum if you want to cum or who you like to chat with. You can usually find guys within your area.

 

[Lilac_Sky]

Mistress and I met here at lit. We played casually online for a bit. Then as we got to know each other, that relationship deepened. We spend so much time together now, even though we are dependent on the internet. Video-chatting helps a bunch. In fact, I think that being able to talk on video changes an "online" relationship to something else. Mistress and I see each other every day. We have been together in person and will be permanently together soon.

Yes, there are a lot of dangers to meeting people online ... but there are also dangers to picking up people in a bar. Common sense should rule supreme regardless of the situation.

 

[the captians wench]

Yep, new here don't know too many... but that answers "Does it ever go real life?" I am curious if there are others with this story.
See I can EASILY see striking up a friendship through these forums and it BECOMES a relationship (sometimes a D/s one)
BUT when I read the BDSM personals I keep reading "online only" and that's the one I struggle with understanding. Sounds like sexual frustration for me.

There are actually quite a few. Some that don't post as often here anymore have moved countries and married. The Distance Domination thread that Bandit sited is a very good resourse for that aspect. Most posters there have been at it for a while, and have met in fleshie world.

Actually, in my experiences, that wasn't true. I made that shit one of my hard limits. I'd like to make it clear to others that might be considering online play or relationships that they don't have to compromise themselves, their values or their privacy to have an online relationship that makes them excited about checking their e-mail each day.

I considered anyone wanting "proof" to not understand the dynamic of D/s, relationships or trust. I was trusting them and they'd have to trust me otherwise there was no point to it. It had no value to me if I lied to them or they lied to me. Anyone who demanded any "proof", I instantly put in the category of asshat or horny net geek and wrote the hell off.

This is so true. While I do share a lot of photos with Jounar, because it's really our main form of comunication, he rarely if ever asks for photos of a task he gives me. He trusts that I will do what I'm told, because he said to do it, and that is his expectation. And I follow because it's what is expected of me.

 

[BiBunny]

<snip>

We have been together in person....

<snip>

And this is what distinguishes you from the ones who annoy the shit out of all of us.

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with meeting people online. There's nothing wrong with talking to them online until you're able to meet them. The problem lies in knowing "Master" for 3 days over Yahoo messenger and then proceeding to come and tell the rest of us that we're doing it wrong.

 

[Loverskitten]

And this is what distinguishes you from the ones who annoy the shit out of all of us.

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with meeting people online. There's nothing wrong with talking to them online until you're able to meet them. The problem lies in knowing "Master" for 3 days over Yahoo messenger and then proceeding to come and tell the rest of us that we're doing it wrong.

YES YES YES this is what I have been explaining in almost all my posts in this thread!

I am willing to bet that the people who have met on here and built a successful relationship IRL met through getting to know one another by posts and discussions not through the BDSM personals.

What I have issue with and don't understand are the ONLINE ONLY Doms. I would pull some ads in the personals but I don't want to single anyone out. However they mostly go like this..,
Must be available all the time, must complete tasks, must..... blah blah blah
And all I can think is.... some middle-aged fucktard in his parent's basement isn't going to tell me squat! And that's the sub in me talking

 

[StrayKat]

What I have issue with and don't understand are the ONLINE ONLY Doms. I would pull some ads in the personals but I don't want to single anyone out. However they mostly go like this..,
Must be available all the time, must complete tasks, must..... blah blah blah
And all I can think is.... some middle-aged fucktard in his parent's basement isn't going to tell me squat! And that's the sub in me talking

Some guys will do just about anything to jerk off.
What is there to understand? Why even waste any mental effort on understanding them?
I put them in the same category as online "subs" who tell me exactly what I should do to them, (possibly NOW).... trash bin.
/shrug

 

[Loverskitten]

You're in a filing mood today huh! (just read your reply in the HT forum) giggles

 

[StrayKat]

Eh, life is too short to bother yourself with bullshit

 

[Loverskitten]

Eh, life is too short to bother yourself with bullshit

Well this doesn't keep me up at night. My insomnia on the other hand ...