Older Male Seeking Female Friends Who Can Tolerate "Dad Jokes"

[hugh_jarce69]

I’m gonna have to return the camouflage jacket I bought last week.

Just can’t see myself wearing it

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone,

especially when I'm driving

....or, in a parallel universe:

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers."

 

[NCneedslove_18]

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

 

[Shygentleman2]

My wife asked if I had heard a word she said

What a strange way to start a conversation

 

[Shygentleman2]

I told a joke on a zoom meeting but nobody laughed…

…turns out I’m not remotely funny.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

I feed my dog regularly. Today he bit my hand.

He must not have got the memo.

 

[DryRottingHusk]

We’re not married yet, just engaged, but she still laughs at all my dad jokes. Even after dating for so long, she never seems to get tired of them. I really love her — I guess this just turned into a little appreciation post for her.

 

[Shygentleman2]

The only trustworthy person to keep a secret is your husband:

He can't repeat it, since he didn't listen in the first place.

 

[Lichen2CU]

The most fatal aspect of geometry?

(The hypotenoose)

 

[Lichen2CU]

A bicyclist's least favorite type of music?

(Heavy pedal)

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Similar to a weightlifter's, then.

 

[Lichen2CU]

Similar to a weightlifter's, then.

Huh... you make a good point...

 

[hugh_jarce69]

Guy walks into a bar, his head down & shoulders slumped.
Barman says cheerfully “what can I get yer, fella?”
Man replies, hardly lifting his head off his chest “double whiskey, please”
Barman pours it, puts it on the bar in front of the guy, who drinks it straight down.
Concerned, the barman asks “Are you alright, mate?”
Man replies “I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got”
“Oh no! What have you got?”

“£1.10”

 

[tugger1987]

Did you hear about the explosion at a French cheese factory?….. they had de-Brie everywhere

 

[Lichen2CU]

Guy walks into a bar, his head down & shoulders slumped.
Barman says cheerfully “what can I get yer, fella?”
Man replies, hardly lifting his head off his chest “double whiskey, please”
Barman pours it, puts it on the bar in front of the guy, who drinks it straight down.
Concerned, the barman asks “Are you alright, mate?”
Man replies “I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got”
“Oh no! What have you got?”

“£1.10”

I think in dollars - but I'm guessing that's not enough...

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

$1·38

 

[Shygentleman2]

I just met identical twin witches!

I don't know which witch is which!

 

[Shygentleman2]

How did I get so good at telling Dad jokes? I actually studied Dad jokes in university.

I majored in sighcology.

 

[jonnoback]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.

 

[jonnoback]

And the God said to John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

 

[jonnoback]

My builder was going to tell me a Dad joke last month.

But he's still working on it.

 

[Shygentleman2]

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

Frostbite