Old Scars (closed)

[DrStein]

By the end of the movie, Mark pursed his lips and decided that it was time to do something. But he had to be honest. He couldn't tell her the whole truth, God no! She had only known him two days and if she found out now she'd turn her back on him like everyone else had. But she needed to know... something at least.

"Lily..." He had started, he would finish. But damn if this wasn't difficult. "I don't know what to call... whatever it is we've had between us these last two days... but I'd like to try and see where it goes."

He struggled with the words, unable to make eye contact. He stood up and paced the room, raking his hand back through his hair. "I... Today started off kind of awkward, but that's my fault. I... I have baggage that I'm still sorting out. It's hard for me to get close to people." At this point Mark finally steeled himself and looked her in the eye. His face was haunted. In every feature, especially in his eyes, there was a lot of pain. Sorrow. Guilt. Regret. For the first time since Lily had met him, he looked scared and vulnerable.

"But I want to. I really want to see you again... It's just..." His voice choked up a bit. He swallowed the lump back down and started again. "It's just that I need to take this slow. Please understand. I'm trying, I really am." At this point he was starting to feel frightened. The pain he worked so hard to conceal was coming up against his will. What would she think of him seeing him in this state? Would she see him for the damaged, lonely wreck of a man he himself thought he was when he looked in the mirror after a sleepless night? Would she see him as something else?

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Oh, dear. Baggage.

You sure can pick 'em, can't you?

"Well...." she said after a while, licking her lips. Before she spoke, she took a long drink of water to help gather her thoughts together. The face she just saw was one of an anguished man, and she couldn't walk away from that. One of Lily's traits was that she couldn't turn away from people who obviously needed her help. It was why she was such a phenomenal teacher, and why she was, on occasion, taken advantage of.

"I'm sorry; I came on too strong too," and she set down her glass. "Look, I understand where you're coming from, or at least what you're trying to show me. Do...you want to take some time apart so you can work things out?" She didn't want to hang around him if he wanted some distance. "We can take things as slow as you need to."

Everything in her screamed at her to go to his side, comfort him, but she found herself standing up to clear the plates. She was the one that kissed him - god, she felt awful. She had backed him into a corner that he didn't want to be in. Setting the dishes in the sink, she began to run the water, squeezing out a little dish soap. It seemed odd to do dishes by hand when the dishwasher was around, but this would help her clear her head. Of course she wanted to stay, help him work through whatever he was going through however she could. But she had learned the hard way that she had to let him do things on his own as well. She couldn't just hover over him.

"Maybe some distance will give us both perspective - this did move pretty fast, huh?" and she forced a cheerful note into her voice. She didn't want him to think that she had taken offense to something that he said.

 

[DrStein]

"Maybe not distance," Mark said. "I moved to this town because of distance." What could he tell her that would make her understand? What could he tell her that wouldn't make her see him as an animal? "I made a mistake seven years ago. And I came here because I wanted the chance to start over. You... y-you don't know how easy it is to hurt people when you're bigger than they are." He almost squeaked out the last word as he choked back a sob.

"I want to take this one day at a time. Please, just stay and watch another movie with me. You can leave after that if you want. But... you've been so nice to me. I-I want you to know this isn't your fault."

 

[Apollo Wilde]

"Mark," and she stopped washing the dishes to turn to look at him. She had an eyebrow raised, and her mouth twisted to the side. "How long are you going to run? Everyone fucks up." There, she said it. Wiping her hands on a dish towel, she picked it up and shook it at him.

"What did you do that was so bad? Beat someone to death? Got a girl pregnant? Hit a kid? Look at the world we live in. It's filled with terrible people that hurt each other because they CAN - they play mind games because it's the only way to feel like they have power. I've seen some stuff come in and out of my school that's made my stomach turn. But you know what? Everyone, at the end of the day, is just a person. We make mistakes. But what makes us what we are is how we handle them."

Leaning back against the sink, she looked up at him, her brown eyes holding his without so much as a waver. "You're a big guy. You're strong. So what? Are you going to let a mistake from your past turn you into a coward that can no longer reach out for the simple comfort of being with someone else?"

 

[DrStein]

Mark collapsed back onto the couch, causing it to groan under his weight. "That's the thing. You're right. I know that. But there are still nights I wake up with nightmares. I keep playing it back in my head. I can't stop it." Not a day went by that it didn't cross his mind at least once. Lily wasn't there. She couldn't know what it was like to see the whole thing, much less through his eyes. She couldn't know the aftermath. She couldn't know what it was like to go out in public and see the way people looked at him. He came here to get away from that, but you can't outrun a memory.

"I don't want to live like this." His voice had dropped to a soft murmur. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands to hide the tears that started to escape. "I don't want to die alone."

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Brows knitting, she set the towel down to come out of the kitchen. Sitting down next to him, she put a hand on one of his massive shoulders. It was somewhat strange, such a small woman trying to comfort such a large man.

Not many times in Lily's life had she really wished to be anything else but herself. Now, she wished she was as large as a house, she wished that she could just take this giant of a man into her and ease all of his fears, make his life easier. But she couldn't. All she could do was try to make herself as big as possible, moving to her knees so she could try and wrap her arms around him.

"Shhh, shh..." she whispered into his ear, her lips lightly brushing against it. "It's okay....I'm not going anywhere." And there was a steel undercurrent in her voice that said that she meant it.

 

[DrStein]

Mark blindly reached out and pulled Lily to him. She slid easily into his lap and he held her, grateful for a person who saw him weak and damaged but didn't judge him. She still didn't know the whole story, but it gave him hope that she wouldn't see a monster when she learned the truth. He knew it was less what he had done and to who that scared people. It was what it meant he was capable of. How he had done it. And how hard it had been to stop him. They saw how he pulled back, but instead of seeing a guilty conscience they saw something sinister. They saw a predator biding its time. He would give anything to feel normal again.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Caught by surprise, she squeaked a little as he pulled her into his arms. For a stunned moment, she sat there, resting her chin on his shoulder. Then her arms went about him, and she pulled him close to her, running her fingers through his fine blonde hair.

"It's okay, it's okay..." she cooed into his ear, trying to calm him much as she would one of her younger students. Whatever desire that she had felt for him prior had cooled, and for a moment, she felt ashamed that she had decided to wear such sexy underwear. That's just the way it was sometimes.

 

[DrStein]

Mark drew back a little and looked Lily in the eyes. Tears stained his cheeks and there was still a lot of pain in his face. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips to hers. It was only a ghost of a kiss, but it lasted a long while. When he pulled away, some of that loneliness had vanished from his face. "Thank you," he whispered. "I really do want to give this a chance. You're smart, fun, beautiful... and you look pretty stunning naked, too." He said the last part with a slight up turn of the corners of his mouth. "I'm just trying to come to terms with what I did and what I'm capable of. I see you and I want to protect you. As corny as it sounds, I want to be your knight in shining armor. There's a part of me that's afraid of hurting you. And it's hard to make it go away."

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Shoot. She had almost forgotten, just that quick, that he had seen her naked.

She let the kiss end on its own, though she wanted more. Much more. The gentleness in which he had kissed her begged for something, something that she longed to pull out and give him. She could feel the depth of his despair, his loneliness, and she wanted so much to ease that. But it was like painting a picture - she could only be able to do a little bit at a time, no matter how much she wanted to take the entire thing.

"It's a noble thing to want to protect," and her voice was a whisper. "But a far braver thing to know and understand that to be human means hurting people, even the people you love the most. That's just how we are," and her eyes found his, giving him a small smile.

"Wherever you want this to go, I'll try my best to be around." Untangling herself from him, she went to the DVD player to select another movie. "But that's enough of that. I came over to have fun and watch movies with a pretty cool guy....and if it's not too late, I'd like to finish that."

 

[DrStein]

Mark smiled softly in gratitude. When Lily came back to the couch, he held a hand out to her and softly pulled her to sit down beside him. A steely arm went around her petite frame, pulling her closer. They watched the movie together in silence, his fingertips sometimes brushing a feather-light touch in circles around her hip or reaching up to run through her short hair. As time went on, the tension slowly left him. She would be able to feel him relaxing.

By the time the movie was over, it was almost 11. "You up for one more? Or would you like me to take you home?"

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Half-way through the second movie, under the soft motions of his hands, she had fallen asleep. Snuggled against him, her arms had fallen to hold onto his waist, pulling him close to her as if he was a giant stuffed animal.

His voice awakened her, and she rubbed at her eyes. "I didn't drool on you, did I?"

She had been so comfortable, so full from the dinner, it was hard not to have wanted to fall asleep on him. It was hard for her now to attempt to bring herself back to full wakefulness, and she stretched. "I don't want to move, Mark. Can I sleep here, with you, just like this?" She was joking - but only a little. Since she lived alone, no one would be waiting up for her. And with it being the weekend, she had no school for the next day, and it didn't take her very long to come up with lesson plans. A night out and away would do her some good.

 

[DrStein]

Mark's lips parted as his mind first told him that familiar message. But no. Lily was right. If he ran he'd be a coward. "Hang on," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. He loaded another DVD in, this one an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The movie was Werewolf. As the familiar theme song played, Mark went into the bedroom and came back a minute later wearing only a pair of flannel lounge pants. In his arm was a pair of pillows and in his opposite hand a pair of sheets and one of his T-shirts. He set everything down on the couch and handed Lily the shirt. "You can get changed in the bathroom while I set everything up. Through the bedroom on the left."

The sofa was actually a futon. He had bought it specifically because of his tendency to fall asleep watching movies. He drew it out and set up the sheets and pillows before turning off the lights so that the only light came from the TV screen, bathing the room in a soft glow of shifting colors.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Far too tired to appreciate his shirtless form, she took his shirt with a murmur of thanks, heading into the bathroom. It would not take long for her to strip herself of all of her clothes.

Her panties were a conundrum. She could sleep in them, true...but then she'd have to wear them again until she got home. Eh. Without much more thought, she peeled off her bra and her panties, folding them neatly and tucking them within the confines of her clothes. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and at this rate, she doubted anything would happen any time soon between them anyway.

Opening the door, she hefted her clothes under her arm, before setting them down in front of the couch. His shirt dwarfed her - she looked like she had on a long dress, not a shirt. Climbing onto the futon beside him, she curled up against him again, her eyes drifting shut.

 

[DrStein]

Mark laid back and waited for Lily to re-emerge. He smiled a little at the sight of her. Even wearing his ridiculously over-sized shirt she still looked good. "Thank you," he whispered when she curled up beside him before kissing the top of her head. He just laid there and watched the episode until finally sleep overtook him as well.

The morning sun filtered in through the balcony doors hours later. The DVD menu was still playing on the screen of the TV and Mark was splayed out on his back looking for all the world like a male pinup model. The only detail that made it too racey for that was the large tent in the sheets from his morning wood. He was usually quick to wake, but weekends he preferred to sleep in a little and his internal clock was set to that rhythm.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

So, she may have started off sleeping in a cute ball, but Lily was a bed-hog. Somehow, over the course of the night, she ended up sprawled across him. And like him, she preferred to sleep late on the weekends. Usually she had to wake up obscenely early to get ready for school, do some last minute adjustments, all the things that came with being a teacher.

"Mmerrmmm...." grumbling, she flopped over on him, her face buried in his chest and her arms and legs spread against him.

Slowly, though, she would wake up....and register that she was not at home. Panic etched on her features, before she began to remember where she was. And who she was laying on top of. Making a face, she wondered what was the best way to handle herself. Her bed hog habits meant that her borrowed shirt was wadded above her waist, leaving the rest of her body bare to the morning and to his eyes.

What was the best way to handle this? If she moved too much, she ran the risk of waking him up. If she sat there and played 'possum, she could have written it off as normal sleeping dishevelment.

 

[DrStein]

Mark groaned as he stirred and reflexively draped a heavy, muscular arm across the warm feeling on his body. Funny, he couldn't remember that happening on any morning in recent memory. Memory... uh oh. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before opening and saw Lily laying against his chest. He felt the material of the shirt he gave her wadded up and soon realized he could feel warm, naked flesh pressed against his stomach. His face flushed something fierce and his mouth went dry. He was struck by a sense of irony that he had seen her naked and managed to avoid getting a hard-on but now he could only feel her and it was just making his existing erection that much worse.

He stared at the ceiling and tried to think of something. It was a given at this point that they both found each other very attractive. But was he ready to be intimate with someone? He set his jaw and came to two conclusions. The first being that he would have to bite the bullet and sleep with Lily sometime soon or he'd never do it. The second being that she deserved to know the whole story first. She had been so good to him that it wasn't fair to keep her in the dark. He just needed a few days to work up his courage.

He reached down and gently tried to pull the shirt down to help her cover up. That she had gone to bed with no underwear just made him even hotter but he reminded himself again and again that he had made his decision and he would follow through on it.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Still as a statue, she let him pull down the shirt.

Well, problem solved.

Laying there for a bit longer (or at least long enough for him to feel like she hadn't been awake), she moved against him, opening her eyes. Stifling a yawn, she gave him a small smile, pulling her legs together and fighting off embarrassment. God. He could have seen everything.

"Thanks for letting me sleep over," she said softly. The only sound in the apartment now was the repeat of the DVD menu and the birds outside. The peacefulness of it all made Lily reluctant to speak. She just wanted to enjoy the moment with him...but it was time for her to get up and be on her way. She'd already inconvenienced him enough.

"Here, lemme get up and get dressed, and I can head on home."

 

[DrStein]

"I'll drive you," Mark offered. He gave it a second of thought and realized that she had already drawn him nude and there was no way he'd be able to get soft again before she saw. So he just resigned himself to the fact that she was going to see. When she climbed off him, he sat up and stood with a stretch caused the muscles in his upper body to ripple. He tucked his hard-on into the elastic band of his boxers, though that did cause the head to stick out past the top of his lounge pants. Again, he had resigned himself to the fact that she was going to see one way or the other.

"Do you want to stop for breakfast on the way back? I'm buying." He needed a moment to talk to her and he'd really rather do it after they were both fully awake.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

Her back was turned to him for the moment - sliding off of him, she wanted to go ahead and get dressed. She was torn. On one hand, she wished he would make a move already, and on the other, she sort of understood that he was scared of hurting her. It was killing her. Didn't he know that he was some sort of Greek god made flesh? Or maybe he was just dicking with her.

Ugh.

"That sounds good, tell you wh-" and she stopped mid-sentence, turning to face him. Her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes grew as big as saucers. True, she had drawn him naked, but for her, nudity didn't automatically mean sexuality. Blame it on her being an artist.

However, seeing him erect was something completely different. Her mouth went dry, then watered.

"Well," she managed after an awkward silence, "I totally could say something lewd about sausage being on the breakfast menu, but I think I'll pass," and she cracked up, out of embarrassment, want, and just...well, it was a little ridiculous.

 

[DrStein]

Mark looked down at his package and smiled guiltily. "Yeah, I know. Awkward. I figure there's no way I was going to hide this thing, so..."

He looked up at the ceiling nervously and raked his hair back out of his eyes. "Look... I want to take you to breakfast because I'd like to talk to you. I really want to see you again. And I'd rather talk about this on a full stomach. Cool?" He looked to her hopefully. He knew at this point he must have seemed like an asshole stringing her along. He only hoped she had enough patience to hear him out.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

"You know, I could help you with that,"

It took a second for her to realize what she had just said. Turning a darker shade of brown, she laughed harder, tears starting to form in her eyes. If she stopped laughing, she was just going to curl up and die on the floor.

"I mean, I didn't mean it like that, but yeah, well, I did, I'm sorry, you're.." and she just dissolved into another fit of giggles. In the middle of her laughter, she reached down and tugged his shirt off, tossing it nonchalantly to the floor.

"Now we're even." She stood in front of him, letting her arms drop to her side. It was a little different with women - she couldn't really show him physically how much she was attracted to him. If he would just touch her....it would become all too clear. Her nipples were firm nubs in the cool air of the apartment, and she rubbed at one of her arms.

"So, with all of this awkwardness of the way, do you like pancakes?"

 

[DrStein]

Mark's cock visibly throbbed at the sight of her body. He swallowed to try and bring some moisture back to his mouth. He wanted to pinch and kiss and nibble those nipples. His eyes flicked down between her legs and he fantasized about her taste, the feeling of those slender legs wrapped around his neck or his waist, what she would sound like screaming underneath him.

He shook his head and swallowed again. "There's a little place I like to go not far from here. You take the bathroom first. I'm gonna... dump some ice down my pants." He laughed as he said it, needing something to help break the tension. Lily was quick to laugh and she seemed to be adapting a lot quicker than him.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

She would have to be blind not to notice the way his cock twitched. Idly, her hand drifted to her breasts, running across the smooth flesh.

Damn.

"You and me both," she muttered as she headed into the bathroom. Grabbing her clothes on the way in, she closed the door behind her. Stepping into the shower and turning on the water, she pressed her head against the tile as the hot water cascaded over her body. Sure, it wasn't the cold shower that was going to help her relieve some of this tension, but she needed to wake up, get her head on straight.

Calm down, Lily, she mentally rebuked herself. The man was crying in front of you the other night and you see his dick and you just turn into a slobbering teenager!

This was horrible. Maybe she should keep her distance. She was getting to the point where she wasn't sure if she could trust herself around him, let alone be the person that he needed to get through his problems. She wanted him too badly, and it was really starting to screw with her head.

Damn. No lotion.

With a grumble, she toweled off, and got dressed. Stepping out of the bathroom surrounded by a cloud of steam, she attempted to continually towel her short hair. "All yours!"

 

[DrStein]

Mark waited until she went into the bathroom. He decided to shower when he got back. He needed to get out the door and get his proposal out on the table. He reapplied his deodorant and changed into a pair of jeans and a Cramps T-shirt bearing the album cover for Bad Music for Bad People. He pulled his hair into a ponytail and pocketed his wallet and keys.

When Lily emerged from the bathroom he shook his head. "I'll take care of it when I get back." He took her hand and kissed it before leading her out of the apartment.

The restaurant was a small bistro called The Tin Roof. The atmosphere was cozy and they were the only ones around. Nevertheless, Mark dropped his voice to a whisper as he leaned in after they placed their orders. "Alright, I'm not going to lie to you. When you took my shirt off, I was badly tempted to throw you down onto the bed, put you on all fours and fuck you silly." Was there any polite way to say it?

"But... I don't think it's fair to you when you don't know the whole story. See, I'm scared shitless that you're going to find out about me and... you won't look at me the same way." His mouth dried out again and he sipped his glass of water to try and fix it. "But you deserve to know. It wouldn't be fair to sleep with you and then tell you after the fact that..." He stopped. "That I've spent time in prison for what I did."

He leaned back in his seat and steeled himself. "Give me a few days to work up my courage. Come to my place on Friday night as soon as you can. I'll be waiting. I'll tell you the whole story then. If you can still respect me after that... please... stay the night with me? Otherwise, you can leave. No strings attached." Mark looked Lily directly in the eye and held one of her dainty hands in both of his, awaiting her answer.