Okay So I still haven't been able to attend a Munch Meeting.

[Mr. Bootie]

Although I did try to contact my nearest Munch Group and left messages with the organizers. I didn't get a response from either or them. I shall try to reach them again. I do want to attend a meeting, and just get more info about the organization. The problem is that I've been working on the nights that they meet. Should I just try to go to a meeting witout contacting them first. Your suggestions will be helpful to me. Thank You.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[WriterDom]

Many of them have a yahoo egroup and send out mailings about where the meetings are, and what's expected if you attend. I've always gotten the sense that more is merrier, and everyone is welcome. I'd just show up if I were you.

 

[MissTaken]

Just go.

 

[cymbidia]

Third time's the charm.

What they said: just go.

We have three a month in these parts. There have been new people at one or two of them, too. Some have emailed beforehand, some just show up. All are welcome.

Be prepared to feel kinda shy and hesitant at first. They'll all know each other, probably some of them rather intimately, and you won't. It can feel a little like being the stranger in a neighborhood bar for the first little while.

Be prepared to be a little weirded out at the fact that you know what these people like to do behind behind closed doors, at least generally, and they know that about you, at least generally. We're unused to people knowing much about us sexually, at least those we meet in a casual social context. But these people, well, heck! They'll know about stuff about you that you've probably not talked to many people (if anyone) about. It can feel like you're naked, kinda. Be ready for it.

Be prepared to meet real people, all shapes and colors and sizes and ages and sexual orientations. Fat, skinny, young, old, bald, hairy, glasses, mascara'ed, bare-faced: real people. They'll be real people, like the people in your grocery store when you're doing your weeks shopping, or the people in the movie theater when you go see any movie (except Spiderman or something that's gonna draw a particular crowd. If you're going there expecting porn star model types to play hot sexy games with the next day, don't even bother.

Go there expecting to meet some locals.
That's all.
Just that: go to meet them, some people like you.
Learn a few names.
Expect to feel awkward. It'll pass.
Get (maybe) one or two email addys so you can begin some small email conversations. Don't be pushy about this though.

And be honest.

I cannot stress the above too much: be totally honest about who you are with respect to your knowledge and skills and experiences with BDSM. If you pretend to knowledge you don't have, someone will find that out, eventually. It'll show when you begin getting invited to local play parties. Trust me on this. And when it's found out that you've lied about yourself with respect to this, people will not trust you. In the BDSM world, one's reputation as trustworthy or not is still of premier importance.

When you meet them, in response to questions, just tell them openly that you're new to all this but interested, openminded, and really looking for info and to get to know people in the local community. Explain that you tried to email first but didn't meet with success and so just decided to attend a munch anyway (cuz we said it would be okay ).

That said, in some places, local munch groups have all but disappeared and/or the locals are *very* wary of strangers. There's been a resurgence of anti-BDSM activity in some states and it scares us all. Please do not feel bad if they seem a bit distant. Just keep going, keep being open/honest/friendly, and it'll all work out.

We're not very far past the time when we had to do everything, all the time, in secret because what we do with each other, consensually and in an SSC way (and this whole SSC business is a new concept, relatively speaking, too), was illegal and was something one could most definitely be tossed in jail for, at least overnight. In small places, everyone would know and your life could be ruined: job gone, family gone, reputation in tatters.

It's better now - but that past isn't too far past and many long-timers are still wary of strangers. Don't take it personally.

I don't know where you are in the US but i do know that upstate NY and the wilds of MN seem to be munchless. There have to be other places, too.

Let us know how this goes for, okay? We're all interested. There are other here who are trying to work toward attending munches and will be eager to learn from you.

That's what we do, you know, we teach each other.

 

[WriterDom]

below are one group's rules. Others I've seen are very similar.




Fetishwear / cuffs / noticeable BDSM collars / kneeling is discouraged at the munches. The munches are for vanilla-wear. This will allow people who are just coming out a nice stepping stone into our world to help make our world be their world.

It's just like a group of friends/family getting together for dinner.

 

[DRxBlue]

i'm right there with you kgboot!

i'm one of the people cymbidia was referring to. One from the "Munchless wilds of MN".

i've had much better luck with my local online community than you it seems. They're as warm and intelligent as the people here at Lit.

Only minutes ago i found out (MUCH to my delight and relief) that there ARE munches just 60 miles from me. They went on a short hiatus about 2 months ago, but have just resumed monthly munches.

Kind of ironic that they chose that time to close down temporarily, because it still hasn't been 2 months since i first discovered what BDSM is. And it was a week or so later that i realized that i was interested.

i've been reading constantly on the subject and you can certainly believe everything you've been told here.You've collected a Blue Ribbon Panel of people who know.

At least i've never read a thing to contradict any of the "motive forces" here. cymbidia and WriterDom are true authorities on this subject and many more.

So i'm with Miss Taken...."just go", dress casual, try to relax. That's the mantra that'll be running through my mind until June 8 (i think) when i get to go to my first munch.

Good Luck

 

[btmbob]

I host two of the three munches that cymbidia mentioned.. part of our announcements:


This is *NOT* a play party, and we are not meeting on Folsom Street in
San Francisco, so please do not wear fetish clothes, demonstrate your
toys, punish your partner or demonstrate other behavior that will call
inappropriate attention to our group. We want this to as safe an
environment as possible for people interested in BDSM.

and another..

For first-timers: this is not a play party. It's a get-together for
folks who share a common interest in BDSM... (a common bond..) If you're
shy or unsure of yourself, this is the perfect place to be... everyone
is friendly and non-judgmental. See you there.
....

Overall, I believe that munches are a safe place for people to meet.

 

[cymbidia]

Thanks, bob.
I owe you.



As he said, i asked him to come here and post part of the actual real honest-to-god announcements that he sends out for the two monthly munches that he hosts (out of the three we have round here) so y'all could see the actual wording of the thing.

Munches are not, as has been repeated over and over, any kinda play party thing.

You just wear regular clothing.

You just go there as yourself.

It's purely a social "how are you" occasion.

It's also nothing at all to get nervous about.

So... go!

 

[btmbob]

Thanks, bob.
I owe you.



You just wear regular clothing.

[/QUOTE

Of course, no one needs to know what one wears underneath all that regular clothing....

 

[cymbidia]

And, uh, that "necklace" can look a lot like a collar in some situations...

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Thank You for all the infor. My Friends.

Actually Cym, I'm not too far from you babe. I only wish I had more experience Hon'. I'd love to play with you. *wink*


The next day that I'm available to go, I do plan to just show up. Thank you all for the responses.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Darn it! I finally get a chance to go to the munch meeting and.......

There wasn't a meeting. Darn!!!! I finally have the chance to go, and now I can't go. I'm not very happy about it. It will probably be another month till I get the opportunity. I'm not very happy right now. Darn!! Just Darn!!


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[cymbidia]

I've got one up in my neck of the woods on Sunday.
You're welcome to come to mine.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Cym, You sexy lady you. I may want to come.

I seriously wish I was more experienced. I would love to play with you. You may have to PM me with the directions. I would like to come. It sounds like fun. Plus I get the opportunity to meet you. Sounds fun to me. Although I have to check with a friend of mine. We have tentative plans. ( Celebrating her birthday )


Thank You for the invite. ((HUGS)) and 's to you.



kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[cymbidia]

Extra added bonus attraction: Glaive37 from here will be there, too. He's my movie buddy; we almost always go to the movies together after the munch.

I gotta tell you, though, we're full up with subs here. There are only a few Dominants who come to the munches, and *all* of them are in monogamous relationships, usually 24/7, with thier subs.

We need some Dom/mes up here. They'd get swelled heads (no! not that kind!) with all the subs that'd be vying for thier attention. Seriously. It's like this is some kinda bizarre Dom/me-free zone or something.

SF Bay area, up in the northwest part, for all you silent Dominant on-lookers. Come to the munches! We have three a month in these parts. You'll meet some nice people, almost all of them submissive.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Whoo Hoo!!! Now I just have to make it there Cym.

It sounds like just what I'm looking for. It gets even better, I get to meet another lit member. Whoo Hooo!!


I'll let you know by Saturday afternoon about my plans for Sunday. Thank You again Cym.






kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[btmbob]

We need some Dom/mes up here. They'd get swelled heads (no! not that kind!) with all the subs that'd be vying for thier attention. Seriously. It's like this is some kinda bizarre Dom/me-free zone or something.
[/B][/QUOTE]

Yea!! We need some *Fem* Domme's ..

 

[SpectreT]

Not quite "Munchless"..

But might as well be. I'm another one cym was referring to, the Upstate NY region. I think, as far as major cities go, it's just Syracuse and Watertown that are still in the "bad old days" mentally and emotionally, and with some cause. My home town is an arm-pit. I know everyone says that, but in my case, it's true. There's a thirty-mile zone of "suck" around this place in just about every way imaginable.

We have got a pretty damn cool Opera, though.

The Locals are insular to the point of xenophobia (if you're not in, or very connected to the right people, you don't even know the clubs exist, let alone get invited to a munch. Period.) There was a web presence, but I'll just bet that group got shut down hardcore by the local police. Syracuse is trying so hard to be that picture-perfect town, cookie-cutter, June and <Beep>ing Ward Cleaver.... <grumbling>

Sorry.

Must've gotten an extra dose of "cranky" in my Pepsi.

Or I might be worried about my job; I'm going on vacation for the week, and I always come back to a sinking ship.

The fact that I'm wound this tight is proof that I need this vacation; give myself the chance, and time, to work out a plan for what I want to do about my life; to make it mine instead of every-<beep>ing-body else's. I've been trying so hard, for so long, just to not let everybody in my life down, that I've never done anything.

sorry. long-winded, roundabout way to mention that I've got to go way the hell out of town to find a munch group.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Hugs and Kisses to Cymbidia. Thank You Sweetie!!

So I didn't get to go to the munch today. It was a lunch munch meeting that Cym's group had today. That's the bad news. The good news is that I may get the opportunity to go to the Dinner munch on Tuesday. How cool is that?? Thank You so much Cym. I am so glad for all of your help and encouragement.


Thank You Cym. You are a sweetheart. **MUAH**


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[cymbidia]

So I didn't get to go to the munch today. It was a lunch munch meeting that Cym's group had today. That's the bad news. The good news is that I may get the opportunity to go to the Dinner munch on Tuesday. How cool is that?? Thank You so much Cym. I am so glad for all of your help and encouragement.

Thanks but i didn't do anything yet except explain to you how you'd already missed the munch - but that we have another one on Tuesday night.

We've got two lunch munches and one dinner munch a month up here, every month, all of them open to whomever can make them. You're definitely welcome, kgboot.

Yea!! We need some *Fem* Domme's ..

Ahem.
Hey bob, you know that in addition to the FemDommes you're wanting, the basic all-American MDom model would be welcome, too. There are at least four unattached fsubs who regularly attend our munches, as *you* well know (you who host two of the three), and i think i can speak for us all when i say that we'd be delighted to welcome a few unattached MDom's to the mix. Oh yeh, and there was that new one person who showed up today, too... Damn! A new fsub to our group and yet more competition for our non-existant North Bay Dominant resources.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

I'm in , I'm in. Cym you have me excited.

I am looking forward to the meeting. I've left a couple of messages. I guess I'll have to leave home early. Well,.....Since we are having foul weather, is it still on??? I hope so. I'll have to leave early in order to get there in time.



kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[cymbidia]

It's the 4th Tuesday of the month, kgb. Sorry.

The munches up here are the 2nd and 3rd Sundays (both begin at 11AM) and the 4th Tuesday (starts at 7PM).

Next Tuesday...not tomorrow.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Okay Cym. Please don't forget to send me directions.

I will be able to make it Tues. Just get me the directions, and I'm there.



kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"