ok, why does everyone hate my poem?

[paganangel]

it doesn'treally bother me, it's just that i've expected other pems of mine to get the response that stradavarious has gotten and i actually thought people would like this one. it's actually the favorite of all of mine.

but as i've said so many times...i don't know dick about poetry.

 

[WickedEve]

Which poem?

 

[paganangel]

stradavarious. i should have put that in quotes up top. i'll go do that now.

 

[WickedEve]

I read your poem yesterday and I liked it. I think it's definitely good enough that you may want to get some advice on revising it a little. I think it has potential to be an even better poem. I think your first stanza is probably the best.

"Dark wood curving finely
Cutouts and f holes
Strings to cage and catch me
She holds the bow
The precious wand
With fingertips
And arching palm
And draws across those singing strings"

 

[paganangel]

hanx, that's what i'm herefor. i'd also like to know how people intereperate it. do they see it as cut and dry as many do. do the think there's something more goingon? blahblah blah

 

[WickedEve]

hanx, that's what i'm herefor. i'd also like to know how people intereperate it. do they see it as cut and dry as many do. do the think there's something more goingon? blahblah blah

I envisioned a woman passionately playing the violin but at the same time I detected a slight undercurrent of eroticism that I simply could have been imagining.

 

[paganangel]

there's a girl who plays violin ferociosly at a local bar here. it is about watching her play. it is also a sort of comparison between her and the violin itself. ie "belly back and ribs" these are parts of a violin named after parts of the human body..how could i pass it up?!

and as far as an undercurrant of eroticism....oh yeah! you should see her! i cn't look awa. it is about that too. being so moved by themusic. watching her and the violin become one.

 

[WickedEve]

I was wondering what this part means, "Strings to cage and catch me."

 

[paganangel]

that's just a hint about being caught up, hypnotyzed by her.

 

[WickedEve]

okay, so why do you think people hate this poem? Did it get a low score? Did you get email that used the word stink? Or did you just say that to get attention? (You got my attention. I'm so easy. )

 

[JUDO]

Scoring

P -

I'm going to give you an answer that I've seen done by many, and most appropriately by Killermuffin (if you don't know the Muff, get to. She's great).

Anyway, readers of Lit will give your work a bad score for a lot of reasons:

1) They thought it was trite.
2) They thought it didn't rhyme.
3) They don't like rhymes.
4) They think all poetry rhymes.
5) They didn't understand it.
6) They couldn't relate.
7) They don't like people with the name of your character(s).
8) They didn't like your name.
9) They don't like poetry, but read it because the title was interesting.
10) They don't like the title.
11) They thought you could've done better.
12) It wasn't erotic.
13) It wasn't erotic enough.
14) It didn't have the word 'fuck' in it.
15) It didn't get them off.

These are their many and sundry reasons that readers will quote for voting something less than five.

Yeah, it sucks, but... Welcome.


- Judo

 

[Rybka]

Re: Scoring

P -
...
Anyway, readers of Lit will give your work a bad score for a lot of reasons:

1) They thought it was trite.
2) They thought it didn't rhyme.
3) They don't like rhymes.
4) They think all poetry rhymes.
5) They didn't understand it.
6) They couldn't relate.
7) They don't like people with the name of your character(s).
8) They didn't like your name.
9) They don't like poetry, but read it because the title was interesting.
10) They don't like the title.
11) They thought you could've done better.
12) It wasn't erotic.
13) It wasn't erotic enough.
14) It didn't have the word 'fuck' in it.
15) It didn't get them off.

These are their many and sundry variations are reasons that readers will quote for voting something less than five. ...

16. It is full of misspellings and/or grammatical errors.


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[OT]

paganangel,

I looked briefly at a couple of your others and I like Stradivarius better than those I have read so far. I'll echo Eve's question: Did you want to draw attention to it, or did someone leave turds in your feedback box ? (And since you used "hate" and "everyone", I'm even more curious.)

If we're making a list, I'd like to add a #17 to the list:

17. The poem is just plain bad and it received the score it deserved.

Oh, c'mon, don't cringe. We've all read (and written) at least one or several genuine stinkers.

 

[paganangel]

eve,
no one pmmed me, but it got the lowest score of any of my others AND the most votes at the same time. adding to that that i actually like it more than my others, i was surprised, so i was genuinly curious.

judo,
thank you for easing the blow, oh and then the blow..but hey, i asked for it.

rybka,
was that a hint?

ot,
i guess i've already answered your questions. ouch. but thankyou nonetheless.

 

[OT]

ot,
i guess i've already answered your questions. ouch. but thankyou nonetheless.

Just to clarify, I liked Stradivarius. My addition to the list
was to the generic list of why "some" people vote low
on "some" poems; It was not directed at yours.

 

[paganangel]

Just to clarify, I liked Stradivarius. My addition to the list
was to the generic list of why "some" people vote low
on "some" poems; It was not directed at yours.

OHHHHH...sorry, i misunderstood. well, thanx gain.

 

[Rybka]

...
rybka,
was that a hint?
...

Nope, just a pet peeve.


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[paganangel]

Nope, just a pet peeve.


Regards,                       Rybka

i'm reallly hypersensitive today. i must be on my manperiod.

 

[Senna Jawa]

it doesn'treally bother me, it's just that i've expected other pems of mine to get the response that stradavarious has gotten and i actually thought people would like this one. it's actually the favorite of all of mine.

but as i've said so many times...i don't know dick about poetry.

The year is still new, 2003, so I will be very gentle.

The 2nd line is interesting, even if "f holes" has a primitive connotation. The first line is ok but it already sounds cliched and not interesting. The rest is junk. (No, I don't "hate it", I just don't care for it).

BTW, the erotic comparison of female body to a musical instrument is horribly trite.

So, yes, indeed, you "don't know dick about poetry" but with a bit of enthusiasm and good will there is nothing to stop you from learning some instead of repeating that phrase. great recorded poetry is with us for more than two and a half millenia, a lot of profound fun.

Regards,

 

[paganangel]

Re: Re: ok, why does everyone hate my poem?

The year is still new, 2003, so I will be very gentle.

The 2nd line is interesting, even if "f holes" has a primitive connotation. The first line is ok but it already sounds cliched and not interesting. The rest is junk. (No, I don't "hate it", I just don't care for it).

BTW, the erotic comparison of female body to a musical instrument is horribly trite.

So, yes, indeed, you "don't know dick about poetry" but with a bit of enthusiasm and good will there is nothing to stop you from learning some instead of repeating that phrase. great recorded poetry is with us for more than two and a half millenia, a lot of profound fun.

Regards,

#1. they are called f-holes. get your mind out of the gutter.
#2. the word trite is trite, and it was hardly erotic.
#3. enthusiasm and goodwill? please.

 

[TheDR4KE]

I quite liked it, but I think that it would make a better song than poem in it's current incarnation. There were a few phrases I didn't like very much, e.g. "those" in "those singing strings"; the "they" in "legs, they lift her up."; etc

Think of the short stanzas as a chorus, and insert a few longer stanzas between them... Completely spur of the moment verses added below just to illustrate:



Dark wood curving finely
Cutouts and f holes
Strings to cage and catch me
She holds the bow
The precious wand
With fingertips
And arching palm
And draws across the singing strings

And this instrument is beautiful
It makes music like a songbird
Whose beating wings have found its soul

Audience enchanted
by improvisations of
hips, legs and song.
She catches melodies
She catches eyes
knowing her power is
her body, is
her song.

And the fingers fret ferociously
And the bow saws through eternity
Between belly, back, and ribs the song echoes

Her pumping legs lift her up
Until she is floating
above the floor
Yet her kicking heels still bang
loud upon
the stage
and our hearts beat a rhythm
with a sexual pulse

And she dances while she plays
Her hips and tummy sway
The bow blurring back and forth, biting like a blade

Other instruments
Play in time
But are washed
Away by this fine wine
Until all else disappears
For staring eyes
And straining ears
Can sense nothing but the violin




I like violin poetry and of course just because it is in the style of a song, doesn't mean it isn't poetry.

Oh, and ignore Senna

Quack

the D

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Re: ok, why does everyone hate my poem?

#1. they are called f-holes. get your mind out of the gutter.
#2. the word trite is trite, and it was hardly erotic.
#3. enthusiasm and goodwill? please.

How could I have missed out on the sexual connotation of f holes? I'm always the first one jumping naked into the gutter. I must be losing it.

Senna, it was kind of you to be gentle in January. But now I'm starting to feel really nervous about June.

Hi Drake! Where is the Quackette? I can hear Alannah Myles (Black Velvet) singing this.

 

[lickmyboot]

I rather liked "the fingers fret feriociously", but I like alluding alliteration.

 

[Angeline]

Eve you gave me a huge laugh with this line:

Senna, it was kind of you to be gentle in January. But now I'm starting to feel really nervous about June.


And we'll be runnin for the hills come November.

Hi Senna! Happy New Year, you gentle soul!
here is my first haiku of the new year:

steady melting drip
then falling, crashing, shattered
icicle cycles


(paganangel, you don't know this but a Senna review is an official requirement of the Literotica Society of Poets who have um been critiqued by Senna. So you're official. And in my experience--and trust me, if you think you've been roughed up all I can say is hahaha--behind Senna's sweet curmudgeonly demeanor lies insight and sound advice. Honest.)

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Eve you gave me a huge laugh with this line:

Senna, it was kind of you to be gentle in January. But now I'm starting to feel really nervous about June.


And we'll be runnin for the hills come November.

Hi Senna! Happy New Year, you gentle soul!
here is my first haiku of the new year:

steady melting drip
then falling, crashing, shattered
icicle cycles


(paganangel, you don't know this but a Senna review is an official requirement of the Literotica Society of Poets who have um been critiqued by Senna. So you're official. And in my experience--and trust me, if you think you've been roughed up all I can say is hahaha--behind Senna's sweet curmudgeonly demeanor lies insight and sound advice. Honest.)

Honestly, he grows on you. He's starts out like an annoying wart on your face that eventually turns into a beauty mark... or at least, something less... uh... wart-like. (By the way, this is sort of a compliment, SJ. )