OK, pop culture, that's enough TED-stuff for me.

[CHNOPS]

-Talks. -Radio hour. -Conference.

You Youtube-spamming, "Listen to me, this is very important"-whispering, Toastmasters-on-Kellog's-Nuclear-Ego-ChunksTM, soft-focus pieces of sincerely expressed shit have used up your 15 dramatically scored and emotionally heartfelt minutes. The only thing you've done that's even mildly redeeming is the movie about the talking bear, and that's only because you were smart enough to put Mila Kunis, aka the future Mrs. Limatina, in it.

TED, listen to me, this is very important: [whispers] you can go away now. You can! It can be done. Try it and see. TRY IT AND SEE!

[Applause, bows, hugs, swelling strings, etc., soft-focus freeze on young children crying tears of wonder and joy.]

 

[Disgustipated]

Tedist!

 

[Wings]

You will marry Mila over my cold, dead body. She's mine.

 

[CHNOPS]

You will marry Mila over my cold, dead body. She's mine.

I just asked her and she said that's not the vibe she had in mind for a wedding, but that it might make for a kinky honeymoon.

 

[CHNOPS]

Tedist!

Hey, at least I admit that I'd rather cross to the other side of the Internet than to come into contact with a TED.

 

[Wings]

I just asked her and she said that's not the vibe she had in mind for a wedding, but that it might make for a kinky honeymoon.

Wouldn't be the first wedding to end in a snuff film.

 

[CHNOPS]

Wouldn't be the first wedding to end in a snuff film.

Usually it's the marriage that turns us homicidal.

 

[Wings]

Usually it's the marriage that turns us homicidal.

You've clearly never heard the story of my wedding day.

 

[CHNOPS]

You've clearly never heard the story of my wedding day.

You should do a TED talk about it!

 

[Disgustipated]

If I finish this post, something bad will

 

[CHNOPS]

If I finish this post, something bad will

Texiera typed that.