Ok......I am feeling motherly...and I don't mean it that way

[Queenofhismind]

Hi
I have to say something and maybe its because I am a mom and I just can't stop this but I have noticed something in the threads that is worrying me. I don't know why it doesn't in the vanilla threads but it does here.

I have seen several posts by young girls who are advertising as wanting to be Dominated. They have never done anything like this ... it seems they are asking for trouble. I love Lit and personally have not met anyone I couldn't handle..but thats what I do..handle people and I am 41 years old. Unfortunately there are people that will take advantage of them.

The replies to the ads were wonderful and I wanted to compliment the people of
Lit for their common sense and good advice to these young ones.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think probably the reason it doesn't send up a red flag for you if they are asking for vanilla sex is because that is more expected and acceptable to most people. Some people, actually it seems most of us here, have had these desires since early childhood years, and I think with the openness of todays society interms of inflrmation and discussion of sexuality, some of our younger posters are starting out on the path they want to pursue instead of doing what most of us did way back then, and went along with the mainstream out of ignorance, lack of knowledge and/or opportunity, or fear of the unknown. I think most here do take the time to make sure newbies, especially the younger ones, do not fall into any traps without being warned or perhaps encouraged to look for the predators beneath the seemingly friendly overtures. I only wish I had been enlightened enough to follow this path from my teens instead of going through a few decades of frustration and heartache. My own daughter has been dabbling in it (without my input in the beginning, now with guidance when asked) since she was around 15-16 yo.....we are at the moment strongly encouraging her to follow up the opportunities offered to become a prodomme, hopefully she will.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I dunno. I'm really glad I wasn't trying to do this stuff when I was 18, 19. I was a very late bloomer and I think I had a hard enough time navigating basic rejection, heartbreak, overeagerness, and all that 101 stuff without adding power dynamics to the mix in the form of BDSM. By the time I *did* begin to add some of that, when I was 23, 24, and by the time I was fully involved and committed at the age of 25, 26, I was much more capable of making good decisions and I knew myself more. The bottom line is that there *is* a biological component of development, and there *is* a huge spurt of development between your early and late 20's and in your later 20's you are less subject to outside influence in how you decide things.

 

[Queenofhismind]

I did not start exploring outside of Vanilladom until I was in my 30's....
I made so many stupid choices from 18 and honestly could have been seriously hurt but luck/God whatever protected me for the most part
I worry about the young ones who think this D/s is what they want......then next post say well maybe not. They could be so taken advantage of.

 

[Kailey_86]

i am one of the youngins here being only 19. As Catalina said, i have had these submissive and masochistic tendencies since i was about 7 or 8. i have done LOTS of research and i know how to be safe. My parents, like you, worry too but i keep them informed and i make sure to research as much as possible. Knowledge is power.

i am glad that i was able to get so much support and guidance from the people here at Lit. They have showed me the reality of what i am doing. This isn't a game or a fantasy. i am trusting someone with my heart, body, mind, and soul. Not something to be handled lightly. Without them and this site i still probably wouldn't have a clear image of the lifestyle. They have helped me gain confidence in myself and my decision to choose this lifestyle. They have helped me realize that this is what i have been missing. This is what i have been reaching for but could never grasp. Thank you all.

 

[Montana_Roze]

i am one of the youngins here being only 19. As Catalina said, i have had these submissive and masochistic tendencies since i was about 7 or 8. i have done LOTS of research and i know how to be safe. My parents, like you, worry too but i keep them informed and i make sure to research as much as possible. Knowledge is power.

i am glad that i was able to get so much support and guidance from the people here at Lit. They have showed me the reality of what i am doing. This isn't a game or a fantasy. i am trusting someone with my heart, body, mind, and soul. Not something to be handled lightly. Without them and this site i still probably wouldn't have a clear image of the lifestyle. They have helped me gain confidence in myself and my decision to choose this lifestyle. They have helped me realize that this is what i have been missing. This is what i have been reaching for but could never grasp. Thank you all.

Well Huggz to you Kailey...
We will be here for you and anyone else. Just like I know there are people here for me

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it depends on the person in question as to whether you are going to be taken advantage of or not, and whether you are ready for the intricasies of D/s. I seem to recall Shadowsdream saying she began in her early teens, and I know for a fact my own daughter does what she wants, not what most people think one should do. The good thing about that is not only does she have a strong will, but as she is human she sometimes doesn't make the best decision but is mature enough to own it and accept that responsibility...IOW, in her words, she would prefer to stuff up and find out for herself as opposed to living her life according to how everyone else thinks she should. She was definately not naive at 15 (think it was around that time she bought herself her first flogger), and has learned well from the few decisions she has made which she now admits might have been better done otherwise. She does tell me I am responsible for her being able to survive and thrive where many would have failed simply because I brought them up with their eyes open and a good knowledge of sexuality, especially those areas outside the average heterosexual mainstream household.

There are some people who come to this lifestyle at 30 or 40 and make far more mistakes and very bad decisions simply because that is who they are, not so much because of age. It is not for everyone to begin early, especially those who are inexperienced and very tied to fantasy images of how it will be...in those circumstances it is easy for them to be brainwashed or programmed in a way which does not necessarily give them a full picture of the world or allow them to cope on their own if and when the day comes. Fortunately my own daughter was already coping in the world on her own when she got more involved with exploring the D/s world, was capable of making decisions and was taking care of herself as well as others (and still is at 24), and was not afraid to ask me anything sexual or otherwise....lol, she did say recently we have some very interesting and unconventional mother/daughter conversations. Now if only she lived closer and I could fit into her enormous wardrobe of latex, leather, corsets and shoes....and look as good!!!

Catalina

 

[myinnerslut]

i knew i was a masochist at about 7 or 8, knew i was submissive (though without knowing its sexual connotations) at about 11. i discovered BDSM at 17, and felt so at home with it. i created my lit profile shortly after my 18th birthday. i suppose its a little different since i am not asking to be dominated by someone i dont know. for the past year and a half ive had a wonderful boyfriend. as time went by our relationship developed into a D/s relationship, to my absolute delight. i may be young, but i can say without a question in my mind that i am submissive.

 

[MelancholyBaby]

Queenofhismind,

I feel motherly toward many of the posters desiring a Dom as well. I know some of them are extraordinarily bright, have done their homework, know themselves well, etc. But yet I also know what *I* was like when I was 19 getting into the lifestyle and the heartbreak and humiliation I suffered at the hands of some very uncaring and abusive men. Granted it wasn't on lit but I know these types of guys exist everywhere, unfortunately. I take full responsibility that I didn't approach things the right way. I really identify with your words.

Fortunately I also see the bright and self-aware young women who have done the research and know themselves and that makes me feel better that they are all not as naive as me. Also, anyone who finds their way onto this thread is extremely fortunate to have a group of caring, friendly, and intelligent people here who enjoy sharing with others. I've learned much from just lurking here.

 

[pandoravampire]

I see vulnerability in members, not confined to the young. Not even to the unexperienced, but some people just are, vulnerable. Unwise, or just plain unsafe.

I too can feel very protective and motherly to my friends, that i see as heading full steam for disaster, but its their disaster, not mine. I can point certain things out, that concern me with their decisions, but how they learn themselves, is the crux.

We each in life, have a responsibility for all of our actions. And we are accountable. As a person, you must grow with what you have learnt, from other peoples mistakes, from making your own, and from successes too.

some people fit that victim role time and time again. They appear to learn nothing from previous encounters. Even to court it. Yes, people are a strange animal.

pandora