Offer up your best defenses

[Calamity Jane]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly?

Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

 

[LacyLady]

Yes to all of the above......are you a mind reader?.....lol

 

[lavender]

 

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

I can't really comment on the topic, but I did want to say hi, I still have your books and your mailing address and haven't forgotten about getting them back to you.

life is teasing me everytime i get something a head a monkey wrench is thrown in the mix

 

[lost]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly?

Yep the first time i got hit

Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

Yes

Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

I'm not sure

 

[Calamity Jane]

You ok?

Mostly.

For me, I think I stopped being a little kid when I was 5 and my dad through me against the wall for knocking over his beer. I remember mom taking me to a friend's house to have my shoulder put back in the socket because she didn't have the money to take me to the doctor. She coached me on what to say to people who asked what happened. We never lived in the same house as my father again.

 

[christcat69]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly?

Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

I think it was when I gave my first blowjob when I realized. Trust was gone when that hand shoved my face further down on his cock but that was inevitable. As far as feeling love, I think you have to experience the devil to truly realize you are with an angel.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly?

I don't think I truly lost my innocence until I was 19 years old, and brutally raped by my 'bf' at the time. I had lost my virginity to rape (with my ex-fiance) before that, but this was different. This landed me in the hospital, and I realized how horrible people could be.


Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

However, I don't think I lost the childlike wonder. I have always believed, and even after some of the more yucky experiences I've had, will always believe that people are inherently good. And I believe that goodness will always win over evil. Maybe it's a futile hope, but it's what keeps me going. As far as trusting again... The only man I've been able to fully trust since all that happened is my current SO. I never lost trust in those that pulled me through the situations, but as far as trusting new people goes, it's been really difficult. My honey is the first.



Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

I think so. Just like a little trust is needed.

 

[DarkAngel]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly?

When I was born.

Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

Childlike what?

Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

Hell No! Just 100 bucks.

 

[MunchinMark]

I don't there there was any moment at which my innocence left me. There was a long drawn out process that probably still hasn't finished. So since I was 11 to now (22).

I say 11 because I got everything my way until I went to high school and started getting homework- which I didn't do and got in trouble for not doing, the cheek of those teachers eh? Since then various setbacks have taught me more and more about the side of life that we never want to hear about. But I know that even now I've had a damn good life.

You kind of forget what that childhood wonder was like. I thought I still had it, but then when you watch a child as they explore the world around them and you get a sense of what you have really lost.

I'm pretty trusting anyway. That's one personality flaw that gets me in trouble sometimes. I'll trust anyone except a politician.

As for needing innocence to truly experience love. If that were true, then I am innocent of it and want to stay that way.

 

[Calamity Jane]

But I know that even now I've had a damn good life.

I'm not saying that I haven't had a swell life. I really have. Yeah, there have been things that I fervently hope my children never experience... but I wouldn't necessarily undo them at the risk of turning out to be a different person than I am today.

You kind of forget what that childhood wonder was like. I thought I still had it, but then when you watch a child as they explore the world around them and you get a sense of what you have really lost.

I think that 'wonder' sneaks back in when we least expect it. My close friends will tell you that I'm pretty damn cynical. They'd be shocked to know that the first time I saw the ocean (at the age of 25) I sat on the beach and cried for an hour. Just because it was so damn big and amazing. I took an entire roll of pictures of the first palm tree I ever saw. (on that same trip)

I'm pretty trusting anyway. That's one personality flaw that gets me in trouble sometimes. I'll trust anyone except a politician.

I don't trust easily. It's probably a flaw. If I make the decision to trust you, and you break, or in some cases, even bend that trust, you're out. There's no way back in.

As for needing innocence to truly experience love. If that were true, then I am innocent of it and want to stay that way.

At the risk of this becoming a poor pitiful Jane thread...

The love thing just confuses the hell out of me. I don't think I've ever experienced what I read about others experiencing when they talk about love. I'm caught somewhere between envy and complete disbelief.

 

[LukkyKnight]

The end of the innocence

11 September 2001 - there is no going back for me, ever.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: The end of the innocence

11 September 2001 - there is no going back for me, ever.

Nor for any of us.

And the rest of it?

 

[horny_giraffe]

Is there one defining moment when you realized your innocence was gone? Or, looking back, can you see that moment clearly? [/Q]

I can't say there was really one clearly-defined moment--but a series of events. But I can name many of the events: when my mother died, when I became an atheist, when I got sucked into some minor crime, when I lied the first time. When I realized what I was capable of--the sheer magnitude of evil that was available at the snap of my fingers--I realized also that others were also capable of this. As I grew into my power, I was fortunate to have parents influence to guide me toward a consistent value of human life and the welfare of others. I know, however, that there are those among us that are not so scrupulous. There are those that do not value the lives and welfare of others. It is not surprising that I rarely trust the words of strangers, and that I value loyalty in my friends and relatives.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. MATTHEW 10:16

Do you ever wish you could have that childlike wonder back? Or that you could trust wholly and completely again?

And risk experiencing the pain once again? No. For most, the world is unfair, at best. For others, it is unspeakably harsh. I don't wish for that naivete to return. That doesn't mean that I cannot trust people. Trust can be a calculated risk--it need not be a blind leap of faith into completely unknown territory.

Is a little bit of innocence required in order to really feel love?

I don't think so. I feel that romantic infatuation may no longer be possible for me--but the love I feel for my friends and relatives is much deeper and much less selfish than that blind, headlong rush that comes with romantic love. The love that inspires one's loyalty to trusted friends and relatives is one of commitment. It is based on conscious decisions to love that are far stronger than the schoolboy's crushes that I once felt.

 

[Ishmael]

No, there was no single moment.

It eroded. With every betrayal and unfullfilled expectation.

I did as much do myself as was ever done to me.

That erosion continues today, but I still love. I have no idea why, but I still love.

Ishmael