Oddities

[~Dacendaran~]

The Charge of the Light brigade


Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
'Forward, the Light brigade!
Charge for the guns!' he said;
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the solder knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the gunners there,
Charing an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not,
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Hell,
All that was left of them,
left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!


Lord Tennyson


One of my fav's

 

[~Dacendaran~]

The Ballard of William Bloat



In a mean abode on the Shankill Road
Lived a man called William Bloat.
He Had a wife, the curse of his life,
Who continually got his goat.
So one day at dawn, with her nightdress on,
he cut her bloody throat.

With a razor gash he settled her hash,
Oh never was a crime so quick,
But the steady drip on the pillow slip
Of her lifeblood made him sick,
And the pool of gore on the bedroom floor
Grew clotted cold and thick.

And yet he was glad that he'd done what he had,
When she lay there stiff and still,
But a sudden awe of the angry law
Struck his soul with an icy chill.
So to finish the fun so well begun,
he resolved himself to kill.

Then he took the sheet off his wife's cold feet,
And twisted it into a rope,
And he hanged himself from the pantry shelf.
'Twas an easy end, lets hope.
In the face of death with his latest breath,
He solemnly cursed the Pope.

But the strangest turn to the whole concern
Is only just beginnin'.
he went to hell but his wife got well,
And she's still alive and sinnin',
For the razor was german made,
But the sheet was Irish linen.

Raymond Calvert

 

[~Dacendaran~]

The man From God Knows Where

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Into our townlan', on a night of snow,
Rode a man from God'knows-where:
None of us bade him stay or go,
Nor deemed him friend, nor damned him foe,
But we stabled his big roan mare:
For in our townlan' we're a decent folk,
And if he didn't speak, why none of us spoke,
And we sat till the fire burned low.

We're a civil sort in our wee place:
So we made the circle wide
Round Andy Lemon's cheerful blaze,
And wished the man his length o' days,
And a good end to his ride,
He smiled in under his slouchy hat -
Says he; 'There's a bit of a joke in that,
For we ride different ways.'

The whiles we smoked we watched him stare,
From his seat fornenst the glow.
I nudged Joe Moore, 'You wouldn't dare
To ask him, who he's meeting there,
And how far he has got to go.'
But Joe wouldn't dare, nor Wully Scott,
And he took no drink - neither cold nor hot -
This man from God-knows-where.

it was closin' time an' late forbye,
When us ones braved the air -
I never saw worse (may I live or die)
Than the sleet that night, an' I says, says I,
'You'll find he's fopr stoppin' there.'
But at skreek o' day, through the gable pane,
I watched him spur in the peltin' rain,
And I juked from his rovin' eye.

Well, 'twas gettin' on past the heat o' the year
When i rode to Newtown fair:
I sold as I could (the dealers were near -
Only three pounds eight for the mare!)
I met McKee in the throng o' the street,
Says he, 'The grass has grown under our feet
Since tey hanged young Warwick here.'

And he told me that Boney had promised help
To the man in Dublin town.
Say's he, 'If ye've laid the pike on the shelf,
Ye'd better go home hot-fut by yerself,
An' once more take it down.'
So by Comber Road I trotted the gray
And never cut corn until Killyleagh
Stood plain on the rising groun'.

For a wheen o' days we sat waitin' the word
To rise and go at it like men.
But no french ships sailed into Cloughey bay,
And we heard the black news pn a harvest day
That the cause was lost again;
And joey and me and Wully Scott,
We agreed to ourselves we'd as lief as not
Ha' been found in the thick o' the slain.

By Downpatrick gaol I was bound to fare
On a day I'll remember, feth;
For when I came to the prison square
The people were waitin' in hundreds there,
An' you wouldn't hear stir nor breath!
For the sodgers were standing, grim an' tall,
Round a scaffold built there fornenst the wall,
An' a man stepped out for death.

I was brave an' near the end of the throng,
Yet I knowed the face again,
An' I knowed the set, an' I knowed the walk
An the sound of his strange up-country talk,
For he spoke out right an' plain.
Then he bowed his head to the swinging rope,
Whiles I said, 'Please God' to his dying hope
And 'Amen' to his dying prayer,
That the WRONG would cease and the RIGHT prevail,
For the man that they hanged at Downpatrick gaol
Was the man from GOD-KNOWS-WHERE!




Florence M. Wilson

 

[~Dacendaran~]

1/1/1999 – The Euro was introduced as common currency.
2/1/1968 – Dr Christiaan Barnard peformed the first Successful heart transplant.
3/1/1925 – Benito Mussolini announced that he was taking dictorial powers over Italy
4/1/1643 – Sir Isaac Newton, scientist, was born.
5/1/1956 – Elvis Presley recorded Heartbreak Hotel.
6/1/1412 – Roman Catholic saint, Joan of Arc, was born at Domremy, France.
7/1/1584 - This was the last day of the Julian calendar in Bohemia & Holy Roman empire.
8/1/1916 – Allied forces withdrew from Gallipoli during World War 1.
9/1/1768 – The first modern circus was staged, in London, by Philip Astley.
10/1/1929- Tintin, the comic book character created by Herge, made his debut.
11/1/1938 – British trade union leader Arthur Scargill was born in Yorkshire, England.
12/1/1866 – The Royal Aeronautical Society was formed in London.
13/1/1929 – The death of western legend, Wyatt Earp.
14/1/1985 – Martina Navratilova won her 100th tennis tournament
15/1/1552 - France signed a secret treaty with German Protestants.
16/1/1547 – Ivan the Terrible became Tsar of Russia.
19/1/1928 – The birth of influential English hair stylist, Vidal Sassoon.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

the 18th of January.......

1/18/1701 Frederick III, the elector of Brandenburg, became the king of Prussia.
1/18/1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands, which he dubbed the "Sandwich Islands" after the First Lord of the Admiralty, Lord Sandwich. About 350,000 Hawaiians inhabited them.
1/18/1782 Daniel Webster (d.1852, aka Black Dan) American political leader, Senator and orator, lawyer, statesman, administrator and diplomat, was born in Salisbury, N.H. In 1830 he proclaimed “Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable!” He was Secretary of State before the Civil War.
1/18/1788 Australia was officially founded when the first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The first convicts from Great Britain arrived at Sidney Cove. England sent the first sheep along with convicts to Australia.
1/18/1813 Joseph Farwell Glidden, inventor of barbed wire, was born.
1/18/1836 Knife aficionado Jim Bowie arrived at the Alamo to assist its Texas defenders.
1/18/1858 Daniel Hale Williams, the first physician to perform open heart surgery and founder of Provident Hospital in Chicago, Ill., was born.
1/18/1862 The 10th president of the United States, John Tyler (71), was buried at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Va. He drank a mint julep every morning for breakfast. Tyler had joined the Confederacy after his presidency and was designated a "sworn enemy of the United States."
1/18/1882 A.A. [Alan Alexander] Milne, novelist, humorist and journalist who wrote Winnie the Pooh, was born.
1/18/1892 Oliver Hardy, member of Laurel and Hardy comedy duo who starred in numerous films, was born in Harlem, Ga.
1/18/1902 The Isthmus Canal Commission in Washington shifted its support to Panama as the canal site.
1/18/1904 Cary Grant, U.S. actor, was born in England. He was famous for his roles in “Gunga Din,” “Bringing Up Baby,” “The Philadelphia Story” and “North by Northwest.”
1/18/1905 Joseph Bonanno (d.2002), later NYC mafia boss, was born in Castellmmare del Golfo, Sicily.
1/18/1910 Aviator Eugene Ely performed his first successful take off and landing from a ship in San Francisco.
1/18/1911 Naval aviation was born when pilot Eugene B. Ely flew a Curtis Pusher biplane onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor.
1/18/1912 A team of British Royal Navy Captain Robert Falcon Scott, and four others intended to be the first to reach the South Pole, but when they arrived, they found a letter from Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen--he had been there 36 days before. Scott and his group had set out from a camp in Antarctica 81 days earlier, and on their way back, their supplies ran out. Scott wrote in a diary during the trek, which a search party discovered with the team's frozen bodies in November. Part of Scott's March 29 entry reads, "We shall stick it out to the end, but we are getting weaker, of course, and the end cannot be far." The team had made it to within 11 miles of the camp. Scott's diary ended with, "Last Entry: For God's sake look after our people."
1/18/1915 The HMS Endurance, under Sir Ernest Shackleton and his 27 man crew, froze into the ice of Antarctica. In 1999 Caroline Alexander published "The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition."
1/18/1916 The Russians forced the Turkish 3rd Army back to Erzurum.
1/18/1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France.
1/18/1936 Author Rudyard Kipling (70) died in Burwash, England. His work included “Plain Tales from the Hills,” “Barrack-Room Ballads,” and the novel “Kim.” In 2000 Harry Ricketts authored the biography “Rudyard Kipling: A Life.”
1/18/1942 General MacArthur repelled the Japanese in Bataan. The United States took the lead in the Far East war criminal trials.
1/18/1943 A wartime ban on the sale of pre-sliced bread in the United States—aimed at reducing bakeries’ demand for metal replacement parts—went into effect.
1/18/1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced they’d broken the long Nazi siege of Leningrad.
1/18/1945 The German Army launched its second attempt to relieve the besieged city of Budapest from the advancing Red Army.
1/18/1948 Ghandi broke a 121-hour fast after halting Moslem-Hindu riots.
1/18/1962 The U.S. sprayed foliage with pesticide in South Vietnam, in order to reveal the whereabouts of Vietcong guerrillas.
1/18/1964 Plans were disclosed for the World Trade Center in New York.
1/18/1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, Mass., of armed robbery, assault and sex offenses. Sentenced to life, DeSalvo was killed by a fellow inmate in 1973. DeSalvo had confessed to being the Boston Strangler and killing 13 women. He was never convicted of murder. A portrait of him with police interviews was made in 1996 for TV show Biography. In 1999 DNA evidence was sought to confirm DeSalvo's claims.
1/18/1970 Mormon president David McKay died at age 96.
1/18/1971 Two Standard Oil tankers collided in the fog a quarter mile west of the Golden Gate Bridge. The Arizona Standard ripped into the Oregon Standard and caused the spill of some 1.9 million gallons of heavy bunker oil.
1/18/1978 Center for Disease Control isolated the cause of Legionnaire's disease.
1/18/1985 President Reagan declared that the U.S. would not take part in the World Court ruling on Nicaraguan charges.
1/18/1988 An airliner crashed in southwestern China, killing all 108 people on board, according to the official Xinhua news agency.
1/18/1989 The Supreme Court upheld a tough, year-old sentencing system for people convicted of federal crimes, overruling more than 150 trial judges who had struck down the guidelines.
1/18/1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor.
1/18/1990 A jury in Los Angeles acquitted former preschool operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey, of 52 child molestation charges.
1/18/1991 Round-the-clock bombing of Iraqi targets continued in Operation Desert Storm.
1/18/1991 Financially strapped Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business.
1/18/1991 Former New York Congressman Hamilton Fish Senior died in Cold Spring, New York, at age 102.
1/18/1991 Three young people were crushed to death at an AC-DC concert in Salt Lake City.
1/18/1991 Iraq fired more Scud missiles at Israeli cities. Israel refrains from responding at the request of President Bush.
1/18/1992 The Hollywood Foreign Press Association presented its Golden Globe awards, considered a forerunner of the Academy Awards; no clear favorite emerged as the Walt Disney animated film “Beauty and the Beast,” “Bugsy,” “JFK” and “The Prince of Tides” were honored.
1/18/1993 Allied warplanes attacked targets in "no fly" zones in southern and northern Iraq.
1/18/1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50 states for the first time.
1/18/1994 Retired Adm. Bobby Inman withdrew his nomination to be defense secretary, denouncing what he called attacks on his character and reputation.
1/18/1994 Iran-Contra prosecutor Lawrence Walsh released his final report in which he said former President Reagan had acquiesced in a cover-up of the scandal. Reagan called the accusation "baseless."
1/18/1995 The new San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, designed by Swiss architect Mario Botta, opened. It’s cost is $63 million and it’s size is 225,000 sq. ft.
1/18/1995 The death toll climbed past 6,000 in the earthquake in Kobe, Japan.
1/18/1995 South African President Nelson Mandela's cabinet denied amnesty sought by 3,500 police officers in apartheid's waning days.
1/18/1996 Lisa Marie Presley-Jackson filed for divorce from Michael Jackson.
1/18/1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin announced that 82 hostages were freed when his forces wiped out Chechen fighters in Pervomayskaya, ending a weeklong standoff; however, he said 18 other hostages were missing.
1/18/1997 Former Massachusetts Sen. Paul Tsongas, who rebounded from cancer to briefly become the Democratic front-runner for president in 1992, died in Boston of pneumonia at age 55.
1/18/1997 Norwegian Boerge Ousland completed a solo crossing of Antarctica that began Nov 15. He used a parachute and skies to help pull himself across the 1695 miles from Berkner Island to Scott Base.
1/18/1997 In Tanzania it was reported that the lion population had fallen by about a third in the Serengeti National park due to distemper in dogs that transmitted up the food chain. More than 1,000 lions had died over the last 2 years.
1/18/1998 The annual Golden Globes awards in Beverly Hills awarded “Titanic” the best drama, best director for James Cameron, best score and best original song. “As Good as it Gets” won as best film comedy/musical, best actor for Jack Nicholson, and best actress for Helen Hunt. "Ally McBeal" beat "Seinfeld" as best TV comedy.
1/18/1998 Pope John Paul II named 22 new cardinals, including Archbishop Francis Eugene George of Chicago and James Francis Stafford, the former archbishop of Denver.
1/18/1998 The Bosnian Serb Parliament named a coalition government led by Milorad Dodik, a pro-western leader of the Independent Social Democrats.
1/18/1998 Five US college students were raped after their bus was ambushed and robbed. 4 suspects were later arrested and another 3 were sought by police.
1/18/1998 In Jordan assailants assassinated 8 people in a hilltop villa that included a top Iraqi diplomat, Hikmet Hajou, and Iraqi businessman Namir Ochi, who handled food imports to Iraq for Saddam Hussein.
1/18/1998 In Northern Ireland Fergal McCusker (28) was killed by the Loyalist Volunteer Force in Maghera.
1/18/1999 The UN reported that the Parliament of Senegal banned the tradition of female genital mutilation.
1/18/1999 UN leader Kofi Annan recommended that UN military observers leave Angola due to their targeting by the warring sides.
1/18/1999 In Brazil the real was allowed to float and interest rates were raised from 29 to 41%.
1/18/1999 In Grenada Keith Mitchell's New National party won all 15 parliamentary seats. His government had collapsed 7 weeks previous under allegations of corruption.
1/18/1999 The end of Ramadan was marked by prisoner releases in Egypt, Palestine and Afghanistan.
1/18/1999 In Kosovo defying global outrage over the massacre of 45 ethnic Albanian civilians, Serb forces pounded villages with artillery. Pres. Milosevic also ordered the expulsion of Ambassador William Walker within 48 hours. Walker had accused Serbian forces in the recent massacre of 45 people in Kosovo.
1/18/1999 In Zimbabwe former Pres. Canaan Banana was sentenced to 10 years in jail for sodomy and indecent assault. Nine of the years were suspended.
1/18/2000 A US test missile fired from the Marshall Islands failed to shoot down a mock warhead fired from a California air base. In a blow to the Pentagon’s push to develop a national missile defense by 2005, officials announced that a prototype missile interceptor had roared into space in search of a mock warhead over the Pacific, but had failed to hit it.
1/18/2000 In Chechnya Russian troops began moving through the streets of Grozny in the most intense ground attack in 4 months.
1/18/2000 In Chechnya Russian Gen. Mikhail Malofeyev went missing in Grozny following an ambush and rebel commanders later reported that they had him captured.
1/18/2000 In China the Intermediate People's Court in Urumqi, the capital of Xinjiang, convicted 13 Uigher defendants of separatism, murder, robbery and illegally dealing in weapons. 5 of the convicted were sentenced to death.
1/18/2000 In Indonesia Muslim mobs attacked the Christian minority for a 2nd day in Lombok.
1/18/2001 President Clinton, in a farewell from the Oval Office, told the nation that “America has done well” during his presidency, with record-breaking prosperity and a cleaner environment.
1/18/2001 SF sued 13 energy providers for collusion to fix prices and restrict the energy supply.
1/18/2001 Rev. Jesse Jackson acknowledged that he had fathered a daughter in 1999 through an extramarital affair with Karin Stanford, former head of the Rainbow/PUSH Washington office.
1/18/2001 In Algeria 23 shepherds and farmers were killed in the Dahra region by armed assailants.
1/18/2001 The Congo government announced the death of Laurent Kabila.
1/18/2001 Ofir Rafum (16) of Israel was murdered in the West Bank after being lured over by a woman via an internet relationship.
1/18/2001 In Romania there was a cyanide spill in the Siret River. 72 people were later hospitalized after eating river fish.
1/18/2001 Pavel Borodin (54), secretary of the Russia-Belarus Union, was arrested at JFK airport by FBI agents on a Swiss warrant for money laundering.
1/18/2001 In Thailand a court agreed to hear a corruption case against Prime Minister-elect Thakson Shinawatra.
1/18/2001 In Thailand 2 bombs exploded in Bangkok and at least 8 people were killed.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but
have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller
families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less
sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems,
more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our
possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to
life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but
have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer
space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,
but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but
accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more
computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we
communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small
character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of
two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are
days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night
stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to
quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and
nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to
you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just
hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going
to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your
side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is
the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most
of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak,
and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Dr. Bob Moorehead, former pastor of Seattle's Overlake Christian Church

 

[~Dacendaran~]

I Can't Believe We Made It!

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those
of us who were kids in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's,
70's or even the 80's, probably shouldn't have
survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored
lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids or locks
on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when
we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention
the risks we took hitchhiking ...

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts
or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on
a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a
bottle. Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter,
and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were
never overweight because we were always outside
playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends ,
from one bottle, and no one actually died from
this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of
scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out
we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a
few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would
leave home in the morning and play all day , as long
as we were back when the street lights came on. No one
was able to reach us all day. No cell phones.
Unthinkable! We did not have Playstations, Nintendo
64, X-Boxes, no video games at all(or at the best a
Commodore 64), no 99 channels on cable, video tape
movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal
computers, or Internet chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.
We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball
would really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and
broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from
these accidents. They were accidents. No one was
to blame but us. Remember accidents? We had fights
and punched each other and got black and blue and
learned to get over it. We made up games with sticks
and tennis balls and, although we were told it would
happen, we did not put out any eyes. We rode bikes
or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door,
or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made
the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with
disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as
others, so they failed a grade and were held back
to repeat the same grade. Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Our actions
were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of
parents bailing us out if we got in trouble in school
or broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided
with the school or the law. Imagine that! This
generation has produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers, and inventors, ever. We had freedom,
failure, success, and responsibility--- and we learned
how to deal with it. And you're
one of them!

Congratulations.

Please pass this on to others who have had the
luck to grow up as kids before lawyers and government
regulated our lives for our own good !!!

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Hard to beat a smart woman


There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the
afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would do as he asked and put all his money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" "I sure did," said the wife "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

[~Dacendaran~]

HOME REMEDIES AND RULES OF LIFE

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic!
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and --- presto! The blockage will be almost instantly
removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them ,
and chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes thus, reducing
the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what The Rules Of
Life really are...

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape,
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40;
If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

TAKE time . . .

Good one! Please read it all!!
READ THIS VERY SLOWLY...

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, it looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." ...She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained.

We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older.

The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to,” "I plan on,” and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list.


If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, whom would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Andy Rooney on Oil:

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we
came to have an oil shortage here in the USA.
Well, there's a very simple answer:

Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know
that we were getting low. .....The reason for this is
purely geographical......

All the oil is in Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana,
Wyoming, New Mexico, Alaska, etc.

All the dipsticks are in Washington, DC

 

[~Dacendaran~]

The American government today announced that it is changing it's emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

From Daily Mail, Saturday, December 6, 2003 by Nevil Drury

Modern followers of the occult claim their controversial beliefs go back centuries. But a new book reveals many of their rites were invented 50 years ago by a sex-obsessed con-man fixated with nudism
One night in the summer of 1940, as Britain faced the threat of Nazi invasion, an extraordinary ceremony is said to have taken place in the New Forest. In an ancient ritual invoked only in times of acute national crisis, and staged in the past to repulse the Spanish Armada and Napoleon, witches from covens across the south of England gathered by darkness in a bid to thwart Hitler's plans.

The date was August 1, Lammas Day, a pagan festival to mark the start of the corn harvest and one of the eight sabbats or celebrations on the witches' calendar.

The covens are reported to have gathered in a circle, danced naked and chanted in unison to create 'a great cone of power' - a field of psychic energy which was directed across the Channel towards Germany.

Its aim was to implant in the mind of Hitler and his generals a simple thought: 'You cannot cross the sea. You are not able to come.'

Unfortunately, this act of mass telepathy proved a serious drain on the life force of the assembled witches, especially the more elderly among them. It is said to have been repeated only four times before fatalities forced the project to be abandoned.

'I am not saying they stopped Hitler,' wrote witchcraft devotee Gerald Gardner, who claimed to have helped in the event. 'All I say is that I say a very interesting ceremony performed with the intention of putting a certain idea into his mind, and this was repeated several times afterwards.

'And though all the invasion barges were ready, the fact was Hitler never even tried to come.'

Sceptics, of course, will react to this tale with scorn. But it is a key moment in the history of modern witchcraft, or Wicca as it is known to believers.

Bizarre as it may seem to outsiders, witchcraft has enjoyed a remarkable resurgence in recent years, amid the boom in interest in New Age faiths and paganism.

Websites about it crowd the internet; books fill the High Street shelves. By one estimate (although such figures are inevitably controversial) there are at least 10,000 practising witches in Britain.

According to its advocates, Wicca is a peaceful, wholesome religion based on reverence for nature and a belief in the divinity of all living things - far removed from the traditional images of wizened hags in pointy hats, casting evil spells over boiling cauldrons.

Above all, despite the insistent claims of Christian opponents, modern witches stress that their faith has nothing to do with devil worship - although, as we will see, this too has its contemporary
proponents, with at least two satanic 'Churches' vying for influence in America.

With conventional religion in apparent decline, many remain deeply concerned about this occult revival. So how did it come about and what were the motives of those behind it?

The answers, as we are about to see, are controversial - mixing magic with farce and folly.

Some self-styled hereditary witches claim a direct lineage to the shamans of Neolithic times - healers and sorceresses who were probably the world's earliest spiritual healers.

Others, while less ambitious, still maintain that they stand in an unbroken tradition dating back to the witch-burning craze that began in the Middle Ages.

The persecution of witches in medieval days was closely associated with attempts by the Church to suppress religious heretics, taking as its justification a quotation in the Book of Exodus: 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.'

Women whose spiritual outlook differed from the prevailing orthodoxy, however innocently, found themselves accused not merely of being witches, but of cannibalism, sex orgies and child murder.

One notorious treatise charged witches with creating magic ointments by combining the flesh of toads, the blood of slaughtered children, the bones of exhumed bodies and mentrual blood, and then 'mixing well'.

Witches were said to show their abominable loyalties by kissing the Devil on the buttocks or genitals. it was also said that the Devil marked his devotees by touching them with his finger or toe, leaving a tell-tale red mark the size of a pea.

In all countries except England, where they were hanged, victims of the anti-witch craze were executed by burning.

In Spain and Italy, they were burnt alive; elsewhere, they were strangled before the fire was lit, provided they did not recant the confesion previously extracted under torture. For the unco-operative, strangling was denied and the fire laid with green wood to prolong the agony.

Many spokesmen for modern witchcraft claim that as many as nine million witches were killed across Europe and America, in what amounted to a holocaust worse than the persecution of the Jews, climaxing in the Salem Witch trials in New England in 1692.

Others strongly dispute the figure, dismissing it as an attempt to wallow in victimhood, and say a more realistic estimate is 400,000 - still shocking by any standards.

But is there any substantial connection between these unfortunate individuals suffering on the gallows or at the stake and the witches of today?

Some would say that the answer is 'No'. For astonishing as it may seem, the rituals and beliefs of modern witchcraft were invented almost entirely in the middle of the 20th century.

The person chiefly responsible was none other than our witness to the 'cone of power' supposedly raised against Hitler - Gerald Gardner, a man hailed by supporters as a spiritual visionary, and dismissed by others as a fantasist, liar and pervert.

Gardner, who died in 1964 at the age of 80, came to witchcraft late in life. Born at Blundellsands, near Liverpool, of wealthy Scottish descent, he suffered so badly from childhood asthma that he was sent to live abroad.

According to the paranormal writer Colin Wilson, it was during these boyhood travels in the Middle East, accompanied by 'a buxom Irish nurse', that he developed a penchant for being spanked that would last the rest of his life.

Gardner made his fortune as a rubber planter in Malaya - where he is said to have become interested in magic while studying local religions - before working as a Customs officer.

After his retirement, he settled in Hampshire, where friends are said to have put him in contact with a witches' coven that met secretly in the New Forest.

Gardner claimed to have been initiated into the coven by a witch named 'Old Dorothy' Clutterbuck, who passed on her secrets to him.

After the historic laws proscribing witchcraft were repealed in 1951, following a campaign by spiritualists, he drew on his experiences for a hugely successful book, Witchcraft Today.

The lore he expounded has formed the basis of the so-called Gardnerian tradition of modern witchcraft and was adopted by new covens that sprang up across the country in the wake of publicity for his book.

However, debate rages to this day about how much of it was really passed down by 'Old Dorothy' - and how much Gardner made up to suit his own apetites.

In the past, some have even disputed whether 'Old Dorothy' ever existed. Subsequent research suggests that she did, but she was hardly the crone her name suggests, being the well-to-do daughter of a captain in the Indian army.

There remains no proof of the antiquity of her coven, nor that she initiated Gardner. He, however, insisted she was the main source of his Book Of Shadows in which he recorded Wiccan ritual.

As laid down by Gardner, witches worship the Great Goddess and the male Horned God, who personifies fertility.

Convens usually have 13 members - six men, six women and a High Priestess - who take magical names and undergo three levels of initiation.

The highest of these is the so-called Great Rite, involving the real or symbolic sexual union of the High Priestess and her consort, the High Priest.

Other crucial ceremonies include 'drawing down the moon', in which the High Priest invokes the Goddess to incarnate in the High Priestess.

This often begins with the 'five-fold kiss' in which he ceremoniously kisses her from her feet to her head, stopping along the way at the knees, 'womb', breasts and lips.

Gardner was particularly insistent that such rituals should be carried out naked or 'skyclad', arguing that clothes could impeded the trasfer of magical power.

He also placed great emphasis on the ceremonial importance of 'scourging' or whipping. Some of this raised eyebrows among his fellow believers.

In the words of Colin Wilson: 'Readers of Witchcraft Today observed a certain gusto in the accounts of torture and flogging, and may have concluded that Gardner's brand of magic had strong sexual overtones'.

Another expert on the subject, the writer Francis King, put it more bluntly. Gardner, he wrote, was a sado-masochist with 'a taste for flagellation' and 'marked voyeuristic tendencies'.

This, King suggested, helped to explain his enthusiasm for the High Priest and High Priestess having sex while the rest of the coven looked on.

Certainly, Gardner had a passion for nudity that extended far beyond his interest in witchcraft.

According to Colin Wilson, he inherited this from his father, an eccentric timber merchant who used to remove all his clothes and sit on them whenever it rained.

Gardner belonged to a naturist club, and was said by one of his followers, Doreen Valiente, to have 'a deep-rooted belief in the value of going naked when circumstances favoured'.

For him, 'communal nakedness, sunshine and fresh air were natural and beneficial, both physically and psychologically.

Nudity continues to be practised by most modern witches, but many experts believe the whole skyclad tradition was introduced purely on Gardner's whim.

Valiente, whom he initiated into his own coven, was one of many fellow witches who came to doubt his credibility and the pretensions to scholarship that underlay his work.

She noted, for example, that Gardner encouraged newspaper reporters to state that he had been made a Doctor of Philosopby in Singapore and a Doctor of Literature in Toulouse.

But when she contacted the universities in question, they emphatically denied having granted such honours to anyone of Gardner's name. Indeed, the University of Singapore did not even exist at the time it allegedly honoured him.

Anomalies such as these raise questions about Gardner's veracity in other respects. Perhaps the ritual to thwart Hitler never took place at all.

Certianly, much of what GArdner presented as ancient witchcraft lore - dressed up in quaintly archaic language such as 'thee', 'ye', 'hearken' and 'so more it be' - is now thought to have been borrowed from Freemasonry, the work of the 19th-century American folklorist Charles Leland and the writings of Rudyard Kipling.

Another crucial influence was almost certainly Aleister Crowley, the notorious black magician known in his heyday as 'the wickedest man in the world'.

Crowley was a sadistic, sex-obsessed black magician who believed himself to be the Great Beast 666 - the Anti-Christ referred to in the Book of Revelation.

In his own words, his interests included 'blasphemy, murder, rape, revolution - anything, bad or good, but strong.' He believed that orgies and uninhibited sex offered a path to transcendental consciousness: he took countless lovers from both sexes, all of whom he treated with casual cruelty.

His most notorious activities (which included encouraging his long-time partner, Leah Hirsig, to have sex with a billy goat) were conducted at a disused abbey in Sicily, its walls covered in pornographic paintings, where he lorded over a motely band of followers.

To encourage these acolytes to suppress their egos, only Crowley was allowed to use the pronoun 'I', with offenders required to slash their bodies with a razor ever time they forgot the rule.

One young admirer, RAoul Loveday, ended up covered in cuts and died after drinking blood from a silver cup following the ritual sacrifice of the abbey's cat.

The ensuing scandal made Crowley's name synonymous with bestiality and depravity.

Gardner met him in 1946, after Crowley had retired to lodgings in Hastings. They had several discussions before Crowley's death the following year, and he made Gardner an honorary member of hte Mysteria Maystica Maxima - his secret order devoted to sexual magic.

Quotations from Crowley's writings began to appear in Gardener's rites, and it is likely that they formed the basis of substantial sections of his magical credo - including the idea of ritual sex in front of the rest of the coven.

Although Gardner was more respectful of women than Crowley, whose idea of the perfect mate was the Whore of Babylon, this remains an unlikely source of inspiration for Wicca, a movement that has since become closely associated with feminism.

A significant modifying influence seems to have been provided by Doreen Valiente, who felt that some of the Crowley material was too 'modern' and persuaded him to remove it from their ceremonial procedures.

Gardner died at sea, collapsing at the table after finishing his breakfast toast and jam on a boat bringing him back from Lebanon.

Soon, however, a new figure emerged to take his place - boasting an interest in sex, and a flair for publicity, even stronger than Gardner's.

His name was Alex Sanders, and by his own account he was born in Manchester in 1916. His mother was a cleaner and his father an itinerant musician who was often drunk. It was an impoverished upbringing, with Sanders surviving much of the time on bread and dripping.
It was his Welsh grandmother, Grandma Bibby, who determined his occult career. One day when he was seven, so Sanders claimed, he discovered her in the kitchen, stark naked and performing a magic ritual involving swords and knives.

Swearing the frightened boy to secrecy, she ordered him to remove his clothes, step into a magic circle and bend over with his head between his thighs.

She then nicked his body with a sickle-shaped knife, drawing blood. 'You're one of us now,' she told him.
Later, according to Sanders, she explained that she came from a line of witches dating back to the 14th-century Welsh chieftain Owen Glendower, who was a guardian of ancient Celtic magical traditions.

Over the next few years, she apparently instructed Sanders in making potions and good luck charms, helped him compile a book of spells and showed him the ceremony of 'drawing down the moon'.

Most importantly, according to Sanders, she initiated him into witchcraft's third degree, which included what is described as 'token sexual intercourse' with her.

This was two steps up from the basic initiation Gardner claimed to have received from Old Dorothy - creating a distinction between the two men that continues to tankle in some occult circles, where questions of pedigree and 'authenticity' are hotly disputed.

Indeed, there are many followers of Wicca who regarded the flamboyant Sanders- and his claims about his life story - with great suspicion and hostility, claiming that he plagiarised Gardner's ideas and then cheapened them by his lust of the limelight.

By his own admission, Sanders initially engaged in ritual magic to attain prosperity and sexual success. He acquired wealthy patrons and fell in with a clique of promiscuous party-goers.

Later, he concentrated his energies on building up several covens in the Manchester area. It was at this time that he met Maxine Morris, a young woman raised as a devout Roman Catholic who nevertheless shared his occult interests.

They married in 1967 and moved to Notting Hill, West Longon, establishing a coven there. Like Gardner before him, Sanders was keen on skyclad rituals - though he sometimes wore a loincloth to preserve his own modesty while surrounded by naked followers.

By then, Sanders had been endorsed by a group of 1,623 practising Wiccans as 'King of the Witches' - with Maxine as 'Witch Queen' - and he turned into a media celebrity.

There were TV appearances, late-night talks on radio, a sympathetic biography, record albums of his rituals and a film, The Legend of The Witches, based on his exploits.

These were said to include healing people of warts by 'wishing them on someone else, who's already ugly'.

He also claimed to have cured a man of heroin addiction and a woman of cystitis by laying his hands on her head and willing the illness away.

Another woman was supposedly cured of cander by Sanders sitting with her in hospital for three days and nights, holding her feet and pouring 'healing energy' into her.

He also claimed to be able to perform abortions by pointing at a woman's belly and commanding the pregnancy to end.

Sanders and Maxine parted in 1973 and he drifted into semi-retirement before moving to Bexhill in East Sussex, where he died in 1988.

Like Gardner, his legacy was his own tradition of ritual and belief within the Wicca movement - dubbed 'Alexandrian' in a play on his first name.

In more recent years, many of the leading lights of Wicca have been feminists, drawn to the idea of goddess worship as an alternative to 'patriachal' mainstream religion.

Some, in fact, exclude men from their ceremonies altogether. Modern witchcraft has come a long way from the days of Gardner and Sanders - but for good or ill, its debt to them remains.

Note: Well that helps our case doesn't it!

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Tickle a girl....


go on try it

 

[~Dacendaran~]

I'm not canadian either

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About Americans

1. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.

2. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.

3. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.

4. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"

5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"

6. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot

7. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan

8. Two words: "Weird Al"

9. Get all confused when we ask a question that ends with "eh?"

10. Not enough guys named "Gordie"

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Astrological Correspondances
These are just a small sampling of various correspondances as related to Astrological (Sun) signs. This is by no means a total listing.
Astrological Sign & DatesAngel PlanetElementStoneFlower/HerbColorDay o.t. Week
ARIES March 21 - April 19SamaelMarsFireRuby, Garnet, Bloodstone, DiamondThistle, Wild Rose, GroseRed, bright colorsTuesday
TAURUS April 20 - May 21AnaelVenusEarthSapphire, Emerald, Jade, OpalViolet, Wild & Red Roses, ColtsfootBlues, GreensFriday
GEMINI May 22 - June 20RaphaelMercuryAirDiamond, Jade, Topaz, AquamarineParsley, Dill, Snapdragons, IrisWhite, Spr. Green, Silver,YellowWednesday
CANCER June 21 - July 22GabrielMoonWaterEmerald, Cat's Eye, Pearl, MoonstonePoppy, Water Lily, White Rose, MoonwortPale Blue, Silver, Pearl, WhiteMonday
LEO July 23 - August 22MichaelSunFireAmber, Topaz, Ruby, DiamondMarigold, Sunflower, Hops, CowslipGold, Red, Yellow, OrangeSunday
VIRGO August 23 - Sept 22RaphaelMercuryEarthDiamond, Jade, Jasper, AquamarineRosemary, Cornflower, ValerianPastel Blue, Gold, PeachWednesday
LIBRA Sept 23 - Oct 22AnaelVenusAirOpal, Lapis Lazuli, Emerald, JadeViolet, White Rose, Love-in-the-MistCerulean Blue, Royal Blue, AmethystFriday
SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21Samael, AzraelMars, PlutoWaterRuby, Garnet, Bloodstone, TopazBasil, Heather, ChrysanthemumDark Red, Brown, Black, GrayTuesday
SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21SachielJupiterFireSapphire, Amethyst, DiamondCarnation, Wallflower, Clovepink, SageLilac, Mauve, Purple, AmethystThursday
CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19CassielSaturnEarthOnyx, Obsidian, Jet, GarnetNightshade, Snowdrop, RueBlack, Grey, Violet, Dk BrownSaturday
AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18Uriel, CassielSaturn, UranusAirZircon, Amber Amethyst, GarnetSnowdrop, Foxglove, Gr. ValerianAll ColorsSaturday
PISCES Feb 19 - Mar 20Sachiel, AsarielJupiter, NeptuneWaterSapphire, Amethyst, CoralHeliotrope, Carnation, Opium PoppyPurple, Violet, Sea GreenThursday​

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Oil and Essence Magickal Intentions
Magickal IntentionOil/Essence
Courage Black Pepper, Frankincense, Geranium, Thyme
Divination Camphor, Clove, Orange
Happiness Lavender, Meadowsweet
Healing/HealthBay, Cedarwood, Cinnamon, Coriander, Eucalyptus, Juniper, Lemon Balm, LIme, Palmarosa, Peppermint, Pine, Rose, Rosemary, Sandalwood, Spearmint, Violet​

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Things...you didn't know about Ulster~Scots

1... Did you know that the first great seal of America was Designed by an Ulster~Scot?

Charles Thomson From Maghera, Co Londonderry, was Secretary of the American Continental Congress between 1774 & 1789

He was also dispatched by the Continental Congress to inform George Washington that he was to be the first American president.

More to follow...when i can be arsed to post

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan more than you can do, then do it.​

What matters in life is not what you are, but what you do...​

 

[HappyMisha]

10. Not enough guys named "Gordie"

But can you name the most popular ''Gordie'' ? Eh?

 

[~Dacendaran~]

But can you name the most popular ''Gordie'' ? Eh?

Hmmm, maybe you shall enlighten me

 

[HappyMisha]

Hmmm, maybe you shall enlighten me

Gordie Downie. Lead singer of The Tragically Hip.

The Hip are classic Canadiana.

Judging by your choice of music, you'd like them... Check it out!

 

[~Dacendaran~]

Hmmm I shall, thanks for the tip