numbers anyone?

[BiBunny]

I agree with what others have said; most people who claim to be dominant or submissive aren't. People use dominant and submissive instead of top and bottom for the same reason people call themselves slaves when they're single: it sounds cooler.

For the record, I group myself in with the not dominant and submissive people. I've given up describing myself these days, though I'd go back to it if I could find a label that fit worth a damn. It bothers me that I can't put myself into a box.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I agree with what others have said; most people who claim to be dominant or submissive aren't. People use dominant and submissive instead of top and bottom for the same reason people call themselves slaves when they're single: it sounds cooler.

For the record, I group myself in with the not dominant and submissive people. I've given up describing myself these days, though I'd go back to it if I could find a label that fit worth a damn. It bothers me that I can't put myself into a box.

I want to be adorable and say that I wish I could put you into a box...

Except that-- I know what you mean.

 

[Black_Bunny]

I agree with what others have said; most people who claim to be dominant or submissive aren't. People use dominant and submissive instead of top and bottom for the same reason people call themselves slaves when they're single: it sounds cooler.

Blurg. Every time a discussion goes into the territory of definitions my teeth start to hurt.

I call myself whatever feels good in the moment. I don't really give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks I "am".

Being new to BDSM, I have no idea what the differences of the labels are, (I've read many definitions but not sure if this is personal opinion or if there is some "rule" that says you are or aren't this or that) and no idea what I'd call myself or my partner if we were to introduce ourselves to others in the lifestyle. We call each other "Master" and "slave" in private because that's the titles we like, although we are both aware we are not actually in a M/s relationship. And for that reason I don't call him my Master, or myself His slave, on this forum or elsewhere, because I don't wish to offend others.

It comes down to, I don't need a label to define who I am, at least not at the moment when I have a suitable partner. Maybe if I was doing a personal ad looking for someone, then yeah I'd have to figure out what label I was. But for now, I think of myself as my Master's slave and that works for us.

 

[honoria]

Ok, (laughing I should have known that here it wouldn't be a simple question. I beg pardon for being too vague and I'll try to be a bit more specific.

Has anyone seen a study/poll that breaks out the ratio of tops/dominants/in-charge-types to bottoms/submissives/don't-want-to-be-in-charge-types?

And for the purposes of my question I am not including gay/lesbian couples. This relates back to a conversation with a friend and whether or not the majority of women who define themselves as submissive in a male/female dynamic are really just looking for men who are not beaten down and afraid to be assertive because of society "frowning" on the "alpha" male and taking great pains to remove those behaviors from our children.

I would love to see it broken out as far as submissive/bottom in a full relationship or submissive/bottom only in the bedroom. That may be a bit much to ask though.

Thank you all for responding.

H

 

[Stella_Omega]

I would say that yes, of course-- anyone who defines themselves as "submissive" is looking for partners that are not afraid to be dominant.

And absolutely, there is a lot of socialisation against domineering behavior. There has to be, if we want this incredibly complex society we enjoy to function even barely. The children I saw being raised "alpha" in the inner city area my kids grew up in-- Died. Young.

If you want explore why society might not reward alpha behavior so much-- why we need to have cooperation amongst groups-- that, too, is a worthwhile endeavor.

Has anyone seen a study/poll that breaks out the ratio of tops/dominants/in-charge-types to bottoms/submissives/don't-want-to-be-in-charge-types?

No...sorry. As someone pointed out back there somewhere... no money for those studies.