Ok for all the ppl that have rad my other posts about me and my girlfriend having a hard time. Well igot sick of it and i told her off to pick me or him. Well she picked him and said that she doesnt want to talk to me and that well never be again. I said fine w/e because i know she wouldnt be like this for long and she sent me a message yesterday. Any how what should i do i got friends tell me to go out meet a bunch of different girl and sleep with them if possible ( Dont go ranting on my friends about sleeping with them) I got other ppl tell me just stay singel for awhile and just have fun. Also i am only 19 and i have notice that guys that are kinda mean to there girlfriends have it better with them all the time. Do girls like when guys are kinda mean to them? It always seems like the girl is trying so hard. I am a really nice guy to women and never mean like they are and i think thats why this always happens. Like when she would call i was there for her and anything shit need should i hold back abit. I also aint poor and i like to buy girlfriends shit. Like my ex never payed for anything and spent alot over the 2 years (little stuff ,trips) Should i not do all those nice things for them so much. Like how should i treat the women because i thought i was doing it the right way but it seems not at all. I just dont know! Tell me what you think
Now what!
- Thread starter SIC
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fgarvb1
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Well, I don't know about all of that.
I do know you can find plenty of people who will be happy to use you and toss you aside... if thats what you want.
If you have a serious relationship going on it might be OK to pay for most everything, most of the time.
Until it gets to that point "going halves" unless you know they are of good character is a damned good way to weed out some "sponges".
Get together a plan like you are going to be single for a long while and are not looking to dive off into a relationship anytime soon.
It drives them crazy.!
I do know you can find plenty of people who will be happy to use you and toss you aside... if thats what you want.
If you have a serious relationship going on it might be OK to pay for most everything, most of the time.
Until it gets to that point "going halves" unless you know they are of good character is a damned good way to weed out some "sponges".
Get together a plan like you are going to be single for a long while and are not looking to dive off into a relationship anytime soon.
It drives them crazy.!
white_mage_goddess
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Don't be mean to girls...but don't be a push over either.That usually turns us off. We want a guy who isn't afraid to tell us when we're wrong or when we're being too demanding...but we also DO want to be wined/dined/loved to death.
Just try again...there's a lot of women who just use men. Find a girl, don't sleep with her....become her friend. Once you really like her, THEN start dating her, and remember to be yourself.
Just try again...there's a lot of women who just use men. Find a girl, don't sleep with her....become her friend. Once you really like her, THEN start dating her, and remember to be yourself.
SIC said:
Tell you what I think. Okay. Here goes.
1. Drop the contact with the ex. ALL contact. Don't give her the time of day. Change your phone number. Let HER deal with HER demons. It isn't your problem.
2. Be yourself. If you don't know how to be yourself, it's time to learn. Pay attention to what YOU think and feel, and stop trying to figure out anybody else until you know what YOU want.
3. Remember that money does not buy love. It might buy you the companionship of a shallow airhead who wants nothing more than flash, but that isn't good for the long haul.
4. Get laid if you want. But do not mistake sex for love.
5. Stay out of a relationship until you can have a meaningful relationship with yourself. KNOW who you are.
So, that's what I think.
S.
shelleb4
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I hope you feel better soon, coz it hurts when a relationship ends.
Personally, i have found that for me and any friends ive been close enough to share problems with, plus the hundreds of psych patients i come into contact through work:
people will treat you the way you accept being treated.
Set a higher standard if you dont like the standard your getting. They can then only mistreat you once before you say thankyou but no thankyou.
Perhaps you could write a list of things you will not accept from a partner to help you spot them when they occur, with a consequences part to the list. Dont make excuses, dont accept excuses. There are no excuses for poor behaviour.
Personally, i have found that for me and any friends ive been close enough to share problems with, plus the hundreds of psych patients i come into contact through work:
people will treat you the way you accept being treated.
Set a higher standard if you dont like the standard your getting. They can then only mistreat you once before you say thankyou but no thankyou.
Perhaps you could write a list of things you will not accept from a partner to help you spot them when they occur, with a consequences part to the list. Dont make excuses, dont accept excuses. There are no excuses for poor behaviour.
frustratedpoodle
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I think that Sheath said it best, SIC.
And I just want to emphasize a point that's been made already by several-and made well, because it's highly important.
Women don't like to be treated like shit. They allow themselves to be treated like shit when they themselves are not happy with who they are, and seek to define themselves through someone else. This phenomena is an equal opportunity employer, though, and men can be this way too.
You will never be happy on either side of that scenario. When you meet someone and share something more profound than being hot for one another, you will see that all it takes is being yourself.
Remember, being respectful to others commands respect from them. Not allowing others to disrespect you also commands respect. This does not require turning into an asshole. This does not require being a selfish person's emotional slave.
When someone treats you like you are worthless, you make them worthless by cutting ties and moving on with your life, because you are the one you have to ultimately live with.
Lastly, women really aren't from a different planet. If you continue to view them as some alien beings, they will be alien to you.
Best of luck.
The Poodle
And I just want to emphasize a point that's been made already by several-and made well, because it's highly important.
Women don't like to be treated like shit. They allow themselves to be treated like shit when they themselves are not happy with who they are, and seek to define themselves through someone else. This phenomena is an equal opportunity employer, though, and men can be this way too.
You will never be happy on either side of that scenario. When you meet someone and share something more profound than being hot for one another, you will see that all it takes is being yourself.
Remember, being respectful to others commands respect from them. Not allowing others to disrespect you also commands respect. This does not require turning into an asshole. This does not require being a selfish person's emotional slave.
When someone treats you like you are worthless, you make them worthless by cutting ties and moving on with your life, because you are the one you have to ultimately live with.
Lastly, women really aren't from a different planet. If you continue to view them as some alien beings, they will be alien to you.
Best of luck.
The Poodle
soapstar
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Rejection hurts. There is no way around it. It sucks, but the good news is, IF you are smart, you will choose not to involve your emotions with similar people in the future.
Hold out for what you really want, and you will find it.
That's MY story and Im sticking to it
Hold out for what you really want, and you will find it.
That's MY story and Im sticking to it
G
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Re: Re: Now what!
frustratedpoodle
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Re: Re: Re: Now what!
Just a note on that.
This is not 1894, and as a man, you are not expected to shower your lady love with gifts all the time. Nor are you required to pay every time you go out. While a first date, I feel, should be on the guy, because I am traditional in some sense, when a certain comfort level is reached, you can go dutch or take turns paying.
Sometimes, too, when a woman is overwhelmed with gifts, it can be a turn off if she is not looking for that in a relationship, and most decent women aren't.
And just because, I am going to use an example from when I was just past puppyhood, in my senior year of high school. I began to date this guy during my senior year that was probably one of the nicer guys I've ever known. He and I got along real well, and we enjoyed hanging out well before we ever began to date. However, once we were dating, I couldn't mention that I liked something I saw in the store without him buying it for me within 24 hours. Now, this guy worked, and he didn't make a whole lot of money. In fact, he had begun working at a pizza place across from school in order to save up for a car. Yet, every time he got paid, he blew the entire paycheck on me.
Our dating relationship went on for about a month before I broke up with him. Why? It wasn't because he was "nice", because I have never tolerated assholes. In fact, breaking up with him pained me greatly because he was a good guy with a good heart. What bothered me was that he believed he had to buy me things all the time, and he was hurting himself financially by doing so. Despite talking to him about it, he did not listen, and I grew exceedingly tired of feeling like I was holding him back. I also felt that if I was to pursue something serious, that money would be an issue because he was irresponsible with it, which is a huge turn off with me. I'm sure the perception was that I was more interested in an asshole, though I did not date anyone else until I met my husband six months after graduation.
A gift is always appreciated, but to overdo things like that will put anyone with a sense of practicality off.
The Poodle
raventale said:
Just a note on that.
This is not 1894, and as a man, you are not expected to shower your lady love with gifts all the time. Nor are you required to pay every time you go out. While a first date, I feel, should be on the guy, because I am traditional in some sense, when a certain comfort level is reached, you can go dutch or take turns paying.
Sometimes, too, when a woman is overwhelmed with gifts, it can be a turn off if she is not looking for that in a relationship, and most decent women aren't.
And just because, I am going to use an example from when I was just past puppyhood, in my senior year of high school. I began to date this guy during my senior year that was probably one of the nicer guys I've ever known. He and I got along real well, and we enjoyed hanging out well before we ever began to date. However, once we were dating, I couldn't mention that I liked something I saw in the store without him buying it for me within 24 hours. Now, this guy worked, and he didn't make a whole lot of money. In fact, he had begun working at a pizza place across from school in order to save up for a car. Yet, every time he got paid, he blew the entire paycheck on me.
Our dating relationship went on for about a month before I broke up with him. Why? It wasn't because he was "nice", because I have never tolerated assholes. In fact, breaking up with him pained me greatly because he was a good guy with a good heart. What bothered me was that he believed he had to buy me things all the time, and he was hurting himself financially by doing so. Despite talking to him about it, he did not listen, and I grew exceedingly tired of feeling like I was holding him back. I also felt that if I was to pursue something serious, that money would be an issue because he was irresponsible with it, which is a huge turn off with me. I'm sure the perception was that I was more interested in an asshole, though I did not date anyone else until I met my husband six months after graduation.
A gift is always appreciated, but to overdo things like that will put anyone with a sense of practicality off.
The Poodle
lorddragonwolf
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Re: Re: Now what!
i agree with sheath . find yourself and dont let the ex come around to use your shoulder to "cry on" it just makes it worse for you. thinking that there still might be a chance as she goes out with others. I have been there and done that. damn i still care for her but am glade i cut it off all together. i am now with a beautiful woman who is sexy and all i need and want in a relationship.
sheath said:Tell you what I think. Okay. Here goes.
1. Drop the contact with the ex. ALL contact. Don't give her the time of day. Change your phone number. Let HER deal with HER demons. It isn't your problem.
2. Be yourself. If you don't know how to be yourself, it's time to learn. Pay attention to what YOU think and feel, and stop trying to figure out anybody else until you know what YOU want.
3. Remember that money does not buy love. It might buy you the companionship of a shallow airhead who wants nothing more than flash, but that isn't good for the long haul.
4. Get laid if you want. But do not mistake sex for love.
5. Stay out of a relationship until you can have a meaningful relationship with yourself. KNOW who you are.
So, that's what I think.
S.
i agree with sheath . find yourself and dont let the ex come around to use your shoulder to "cry on" it just makes it worse for you. thinking that there still might be a chance as she goes out with others. I have been there and done that. damn i still care for her but am glade i cut it off all together. i am now with a beautiful woman who is sexy and all i need and want in a relationship.
crazybbwgirl
Dirty Grandma...
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Stop dating 'girls' and start dating WOMEN!
ok well i wasnt that she didnt like me spend money on her at all. Like who would like goto dominica repulic or barbadoss fpr a couple of weeks at a time? Well wish i would havent takin her to my grandparents house in barbadoss and spent all that money but there are alot of good things that ill never forget about that. Now i really didnt have anything to do with the money because i love her so who cares. I didnt talk to her for about 4days now and then yesterday she called me because she want to know why i didnt want to goto a social if she was there. Then she was like i still care about you and i would like to c you there, I was like sorry but i dont want to c you there with another guy ? What is she trying to pull her ?
And yes i am done dating little girl and want a women now. Just got to find one
And yes i am done dating little girl and want a women now. Just got to find one
frustratedpoodle
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SIC said:
I would seriously tell this girl to leave you alone. She can't have it both ways, she made her choice, make it clear to her that she has to deal with the consequences of that choice, one being that you aren't going to go watch while she has fun with another guy, or care about where she is at any given time. That should shut her up, dude.
The Poodle
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