graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Now this was really funny
- Thread starter Wizard
- Start date
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
Grace, how did you miss this?graceanne said:
http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a929/a929_bm.gif
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him
to death.
AMEN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him
to death.
AMEN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
and
red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy
lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at
it,
add
some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar
from
the
cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14
"Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons,
and
garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
olive
oil
in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak
so
big
it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his
cholesterol
went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel
Food Cake"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might
lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have
to
toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue
light
and
gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming
with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center
into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
and
still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger.
Then
said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
and
red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy
lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at
it,
add
some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar
from
the
cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14
"Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons,
and
garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
olive
oil
in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak
so
big
it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his
cholesterol
went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel
Food Cake"
and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might
lose
those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have
to
toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue
light
and
gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming
with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center
into chips and deep-fried them.
And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
and
still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger.
Then
said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
This has got to be one of the most clever
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Yelp! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Yelp! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
1975 : Long hair
2006 : Longing for hair
1975: KEG
2006: EKG 1
975 : Acid rock
2006: Acid reflux
1975 : Moving to California because it's cool
2006 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1975 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2006: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1975 : Seeds and stems
2006: Roughage
1975 : Hoping for a BMW
2006: Hoping for a BM 1975 : Going to a new, hip joint
2006: Receiving a new hip joint
1975 : Rolling Stones
2006: Kidney Stones
1975 : Being called into the principal's office
2006 : Calling the principal's office
1975 : Screw the system
2006: Upgrade the system
1975 : Disco
2006: Costco
1975 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1975 : Passing the drivers' test
2006: Passing the vision test
1975 : Whatever
2006 : Depends
2006 : Longing for hair
1975: KEG
2006: EKG 1
975 : Acid rock
2006: Acid reflux
1975 : Moving to California because it's cool
2006 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1975 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2006: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1975 : Seeds and stems
2006: Roughage
1975 : Hoping for a BMW
2006: Hoping for a BM 1975 : Going to a new, hip joint
2006: Receiving a new hip joint
1975 : Rolling Stones
2006: Kidney Stones
1975 : Being called into the principal's office
2006 : Calling the principal's office
1975 : Screw the system
2006: Upgrade the system
1975 : Disco
2006: Costco
1975 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1975 : Passing the drivers' test
2006: Passing the vision test
1975 : Whatever
2006 : Depends
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
And once again, the kink world makes it into the Sunday Comix!
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/lcrspe070624.gif
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/lcrspe070624.gif
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
(From Readers Digest) My friend Allison adopted a stray cat and took it to the vet to be neutered.
"i'm about 90 percent certain he's been fixed," the vet said.
"How can I be 100 percent?" Allison asked.
"Watch to see if he does any 'male' things."
"He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts hogging the remote I'll bring him in."
"i'm about 90 percent certain he's been fixed," the vet said.
"How can I be 100 percent?" Allison asked.
"Watch to see if he does any 'male' things."
"He already lies on the couch all day," she said. "If he starts hogging the remote I'll bring him in."
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Wookies have private parts? 
Chewbacca Assaults Marilyn At Kodak Theater
(CBS) HOLLYWOOD, Calif.
A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.
According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress's hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.
The sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theater, which is part of the Hollywood at Highland complex, is often crowded with characters that pose for tourist cameras and tips. On occasion, police have been sent to the complex to separate feuding actors.
Earlier in the year, police arrested an actor in a Chewbacca costume after a tour guide told him to stop harassing a pair of Japanese tourists. Police are unsure if the same wookie is involved in today's assault.
The premiere of the new "Harry Potter" movie was under way during the alleged altercation, said Los Angeles police Sgt. David Torres.
Chewbacca, whose real name was not available, fled before police arrived, Torres said.
However, Torres is sure the hairy assailant would be caught soon.
"He's always there (at the theater)," he said.
(CBS) HOLLYWOOD, Calif.
A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.
According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress's hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.
The sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theater, which is part of the Hollywood at Highland complex, is often crowded with characters that pose for tourist cameras and tips. On occasion, police have been sent to the complex to separate feuding actors.
Earlier in the year, police arrested an actor in a Chewbacca costume after a tour guide told him to stop harassing a pair of Japanese tourists. Police are unsure if the same wookie is involved in today's assault.
The premiere of the new "Harry Potter" movie was under way during the alleged altercation, said Los Angeles police Sgt. David Torres.
Chewbacca, whose real name was not available, fled before police arrived, Torres said.
However, Torres is sure the hairy assailant would be caught soon.
"He's always there (at the theater)," he said.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Dear Shrink,
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn�t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that horrid little phrase, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."
Why couldn�t they just give the innocent, little, white rabbit some cereal? Why? Does the fact that he is a rabbit automatically deprive him of the democratic and patriotic notion, the freedom, of eating cereal?
I can vaguely recollect the times when he was this close to getting some of that, that CEREAL.
There was the time when he dressed as a human and went to that secret meeting but was given away by the exposure of his fluffy white tail (I am still wondering how they accepted the ears).
Then there was the time he went to space and ancient times and even the jungle, but to no avail. You cannot even imagine the rabbits pain.
There are times when you don�t get what you want but you survive; now think of the rabbit. Over 50 YEARS of chasing his only hearts desire, the reason he lives, and NEVER getting it.
Can you even begin to understand his pain, his utter grief? He is such a funny little rabbit, not silly, as those demonic little children accuse him of being.
Despite all his efforts he never got any cereal; not even when the flavor berry-blue was added to the ever-so-popular flavors of orange. Cherry. Grape. Lemon. Lime. WHY?
Those heartless little children had so much cereal and they wouldn�t share. Even one little spoonful would have satisfied my little white friend�s craving for those delicious six flavors. But no!
"Trix aren�t for rabbits. Trix are for kids. Oh! The unbearable agonizing pain it has cost me. That one simple phrase "silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."
For the fourteen antagonizing years of my short but cruel life I have watched helplessly as those evil little children refused to share. I�ve seen the pain in his eyes grow from when he was a black and white toon to the five-color symbol of melancholy, infinite sadness he is now.
No More! In a matter of moments I will be taken up into the ship following the glorious Hale-Bopp and with the help of some friends I. WILL. FEED. THE. RABBIT! Feed him to his hearts desire so he can finally enjoy the pleasure of the orange, cherry, grape, lemon, lime, and new wildberry blue.
I can�t wait to see the look on their moronic little faces as I feed the rabbit! He will be happy as I, when I give Trix to the rabbit and kill the kids! Who�s with me?
Sianara,
You Know Who
P.S. If you happen to find 496 Trix cereal tops and over 2,546 Betty Cocker points. You will know that I haven�t failed. Oh yeah, trade them in for a 7� by 4� by 2� life size replica of the Trix Rabbit.
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn�t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that horrid little phrase, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."
Why couldn�t they just give the innocent, little, white rabbit some cereal? Why? Does the fact that he is a rabbit automatically deprive him of the democratic and patriotic notion, the freedom, of eating cereal?
I can vaguely recollect the times when he was this close to getting some of that, that CEREAL.
There was the time when he dressed as a human and went to that secret meeting but was given away by the exposure of his fluffy white tail (I am still wondering how they accepted the ears).
Then there was the time he went to space and ancient times and even the jungle, but to no avail. You cannot even imagine the rabbits pain.
There are times when you don�t get what you want but you survive; now think of the rabbit. Over 50 YEARS of chasing his only hearts desire, the reason he lives, and NEVER getting it.
Can you even begin to understand his pain, his utter grief? He is such a funny little rabbit, not silly, as those demonic little children accuse him of being.
Despite all his efforts he never got any cereal; not even when the flavor berry-blue was added to the ever-so-popular flavors of orange. Cherry. Grape. Lemon. Lime. WHY?
Those heartless little children had so much cereal and they wouldn�t share. Even one little spoonful would have satisfied my little white friend�s craving for those delicious six flavors. But no!
"Trix aren�t for rabbits. Trix are for kids. Oh! The unbearable agonizing pain it has cost me. That one simple phrase "silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."
For the fourteen antagonizing years of my short but cruel life I have watched helplessly as those evil little children refused to share. I�ve seen the pain in his eyes grow from when he was a black and white toon to the five-color symbol of melancholy, infinite sadness he is now.
No More! In a matter of moments I will be taken up into the ship following the glorious Hale-Bopp and with the help of some friends I. WILL. FEED. THE. RABBIT! Feed him to his hearts desire so he can finally enjoy the pleasure of the orange, cherry, grape, lemon, lime, and new wildberry blue.
I can�t wait to see the look on their moronic little faces as I feed the rabbit! He will be happy as I, when I give Trix to the rabbit and kill the kids! Who�s with me?
Sianara,
You Know Who
P.S. If you happen to find 496 Trix cereal tops and over 2,546 Betty Cocker points. You will know that I haven�t failed. Oh yeah, trade them in for a 7� by 4� by 2� life size replica of the Trix Rabbit.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Real newspaper headlines
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Dictionary for women
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
As supposedly reported on CNN:
Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend).
The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward.
The long-sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"
Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend).
The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward.
The long-sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
199 ways to get rid of a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
1. When talking to your roommate, alternate the pitch of your voice.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Buy a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Pretend to type in the middle of the air. Complain about how slow the computer has been recently.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man, "Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
15. Carry an unplugged phone around your room pretending to talk to people.
16. Carry old orange juice around with you everywhere you go.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Move your mouth when you're silent and move your mouth as little as possible when you talk.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat only lemons. Every five minutes, offer your roommate a lemon.
23. Whenever your roommate turns your way, begin frowning.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Cover up your mouht before talking to anyone.
26. Write your roommate's name in big print on hundreds of pages of paper. Leave pages all over the room. If he asks about it, say you didn't write it.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Apoligze to your roommate. If he asks why, tell him that he should know better than you.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
36. Leave a marble in your roommate's bed every day.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horse radish in your roommate's shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. While you're roommate is there and you are not, secretly order a pizza up to him using his name.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
53. Talk to yourself loudly in front of your roommate. After a while, begin discussing your roommate with yourself.
54. Complain of having a terrible virus in your system and cough at your roommate frequently.
55. Tell your roommate that it's your birthday--every day.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Take your roommate's pillow and put a water ballon inside of it.
58. Play blackjack with yourself and scream loudly about your losses when you bust.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
61. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
62. Call safety and security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
63. Follow him/her around on weekends.
64. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
65. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
66. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
67. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
68. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
69. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
70. Let mice loose in his/her room.
71. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
72. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
73. Skip to the bathroom.
74. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
75. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage.
76. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave.
77. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.
78. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
79. Burn incense.
80. Eat moths.
81. Collect Chia-Pets.
82. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
83. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
84. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
85. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
86. Don't ever flush the toilet.
87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
88. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
89. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
90. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again."
91. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.
92. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
93. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.
94. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Where am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
95. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
96. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
97. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
98. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
99. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
100. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
101. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
102. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.
103. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
104. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
105. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
106. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then hide the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here, somewhere."
107. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
108. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.
109. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
110. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
111. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.
112. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
113. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.
114. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
116. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
117. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bullseye.
118. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
119. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
120. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
121. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
122. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."
123. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."
124. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, "What do you think you are? A king?"
125. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
126. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
127. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
128. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
129. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
130. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his/her side of the room. Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.
131. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, peer tutoring).
132. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native- American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
133. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
134. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
135. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don't do that."
136. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
137. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say, "The people have a right to know!"
138. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
139. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell, "Oh, you're here!" Walk away yelling and complaining.
140. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
141. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
142. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
143. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
144. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Stupid road runner...."
145. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did," and "Don't think you can fool me."
146. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
147. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.
148. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!
149. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
151. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
152. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
153. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
154. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.
155. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe...."
156. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.
157. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
158. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator has been taking steroids.
159. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.
160. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
161. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about an hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.
162. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."
163. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going to be an earthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.
164. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.
165. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
166. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologize to the camel.
167. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they're for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks look like and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the room.
168. Steal a tire from a fraternity lawn. Bring it to your room. Bathe it. Name it. Sleep in it.
169. Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door, screaming, "Let me in." Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.
170. Talk on the phone a lot. Don't pick up the receiver.
171. Talk to your roommate but don't let any sound come out. Get mad at him/her for not listening to you.
172. Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.
173. Ask your roommate if s/he can turn down the music. Explain that Bob has a headache.
174. Constantly slip and fall--on your carpet.
175. Invite the Dean to sleepover.
176. Invite the school President to sleepover.
177. Invite your roommate to sleepover.
178. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate commets, pretend not to hear anything.
179. Walk into walls.
180. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
181. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watching you."
183. Move very stiffly and grin. Tell your roommate that you've turned into Gumby.
184. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robots taking over the world.
185. Sleep with a banana (or lemon) and refuse to throw it out even after it rots.
186. Wear a silly hat.
187. Leave lots of pills in your drawer, and walk around like a zombie.
188. Move your bed around the room once a day, and leave it in a new position every night.
189. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that you�re afraid of aliens.
190. Eat raw pasta for dinner.
191. Put bricks in the middle of the room, and explain to him/her that you intend to make a fireplace to save electricity.
192. Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself.
193. Arrange your pillows and blankets every night to make it look like you are asleep. Do this for three weeks. Buy a cantalope and a knife. Stick the knife in the cantalope. Lay it on the pillow where your head should be.
194. Spend hours in your room on personal hygiene. Spend at least an hour a day clipping your nails, another hour combing your hair, yet another hour washing your face and hands, etc.
195. Talk on the phone in gibberish. Use a high-pitched, squeaky tone.
196. Leave strange outgoing messages on your answering machine. Be creative.
197. When your roommate is about to come home, hide in the closet. Five minutes after he gets home, walk out. If he comments, act as if you don't know what he's talking about.
198. Take up cooking. Cook exotic foods from scratch without using any cookbooks or recipes.
199. Come home at three in the morning wearing shredded jeans and no shirt. Dive into the room and under your bed. Tell your roommate that you were being held captive by ten foot soldiers in full battle array.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
1. When talking to your roommate, alternate the pitch of your voice.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Buy a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Pretend to type in the middle of the air. Complain about how slow the computer has been recently.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man, "Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
15. Carry an unplugged phone around your room pretending to talk to people.
16. Carry old orange juice around with you everywhere you go.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Move your mouth when you're silent and move your mouth as little as possible when you talk.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat only lemons. Every five minutes, offer your roommate a lemon.
23. Whenever your roommate turns your way, begin frowning.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Cover up your mouht before talking to anyone.
26. Write your roommate's name in big print on hundreds of pages of paper. Leave pages all over the room. If he asks about it, say you didn't write it.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
29. Apoligze to your roommate. If he asks why, tell him that he should know better than you.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
36. Leave a marble in your roommate's bed every day.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horse radish in your roommate's shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. While you're roommate is there and you are not, secretly order a pizza up to him using his name.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
53. Talk to yourself loudly in front of your roommate. After a while, begin discussing your roommate with yourself.
54. Complain of having a terrible virus in your system and cough at your roommate frequently.
55. Tell your roommate that it's your birthday--every day.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Take your roommate's pillow and put a water ballon inside of it.
58. Play blackjack with yourself and scream loudly about your losses when you bust.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
61. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
62. Call safety and security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
63. Follow him/her around on weekends.
64. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
65. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
66. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
67. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
68. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
69. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
70. Let mice loose in his/her room.
71. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
72. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
73. Skip to the bathroom.
74. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
75. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foiliage.
76. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave.
77. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.
78. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
79. Burn incense.
80. Eat moths.
81. Collect Chia-Pets.
82. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
83. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
84. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
85. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
86. Don't ever flush the toilet.
87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
88. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
89. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
90. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again."
91. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.
92. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
93. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.
94. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Where am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
95. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
96. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
97. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
98. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
99. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
100. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
101. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
102. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.
103. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
104. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
105. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
106. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then hide the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here, somewhere."
107. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
108. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.
109. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
110. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
111. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.
112. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
113. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.
114. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
116. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
117. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bullseye.
118. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
119. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
120. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
121. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
122. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."
123. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."
124. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, "What do you think you are? A king?"
125. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
126. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
127. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
128. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
129. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
130. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his/her side of the room. Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.
131. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, peer tutoring).
132. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native- American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
133. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
134. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
135. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don't do that."
136. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
137. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say, "The people have a right to know!"
138. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
139. When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and yell, "Oh, you're here!" Walk away yelling and complaining.
140. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
141. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
142. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
143. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
144. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Stupid road runner...."
145. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did," and "Don't think you can fool me."
146. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
147. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.
148. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!
149. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
151. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
152. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
153. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
154. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.
155. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe...."
156. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.
157. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
158. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator has been taking steroids.
159. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.
160. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
161. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about an hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.
162. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."
163. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going to be an earthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.
164. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.
165. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
166. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologize to the camel.
167. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they're for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks look like and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the room.
168. Steal a tire from a fraternity lawn. Bring it to your room. Bathe it. Name it. Sleep in it.
169. Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door, screaming, "Let me in." Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.
170. Talk on the phone a lot. Don't pick up the receiver.
171. Talk to your roommate but don't let any sound come out. Get mad at him/her for not listening to you.
172. Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.
173. Ask your roommate if s/he can turn down the music. Explain that Bob has a headache.
174. Constantly slip and fall--on your carpet.
175. Invite the Dean to sleepover.
176. Invite the school President to sleepover.
177. Invite your roommate to sleepover.
178. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate commets, pretend not to hear anything.
179. Walk into walls.
180. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
181. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
182. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watching you."
183. Move very stiffly and grin. Tell your roommate that you've turned into Gumby.
184. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robots taking over the world.
185. Sleep with a banana (or lemon) and refuse to throw it out even after it rots.
186. Wear a silly hat.
187. Leave lots of pills in your drawer, and walk around like a zombie.
188. Move your bed around the room once a day, and leave it in a new position every night.
189. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that you�re afraid of aliens.
190. Eat raw pasta for dinner.
191. Put bricks in the middle of the room, and explain to him/her that you intend to make a fireplace to save electricity.
192. Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself.
193. Arrange your pillows and blankets every night to make it look like you are asleep. Do this for three weeks. Buy a cantalope and a knife. Stick the knife in the cantalope. Lay it on the pillow where your head should be.
194. Spend hours in your room on personal hygiene. Spend at least an hour a day clipping your nails, another hour combing your hair, yet another hour washing your face and hands, etc.
195. Talk on the phone in gibberish. Use a high-pitched, squeaky tone.
196. Leave strange outgoing messages on your answering machine. Be creative.
197. When your roommate is about to come home, hide in the closet. Five minutes after he gets home, walk out. If he comments, act as if you don't know what he's talking about.
198. Take up cooking. Cook exotic foods from scratch without using any cookbooks or recipes.
199. Come home at three in the morning wearing shredded jeans and no shirt. Dive into the room and under your bed. Tell your roommate that you were being held captive by ten foot soldiers in full battle array.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Can you imagine having someone on the interstate pass you going about 90 with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate...............
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of ....
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/ATT32858.jpg
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate...............
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of ....
Step 3. Watch people freak out!!!!
http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/ATT32858.jpg
sutherngent985
Rebel Pride
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2007
- Posts
- 1,640
You and me both graceanne...that would be just too good on the afternoon drive home in fast traffic LOLgraceanne said:
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Mere Coincidence?
Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed an unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.
This is a well-known incident many say has long been covered up by the United States Air Force and the federal government.
However, what you may NOT know, is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all
born.
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This information may clear up a lot of questions.
Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed an unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.
This is a well-known incident many say has long been covered up by the United States Air Force and the federal government.
However, what you may NOT know, is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all
born.
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This information may clear up a lot of questions.
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Clearly the Air Force should be doing a better job protecting our sheep.graceanne said:
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Did you hear that the Postal Service had to recall their latest issue of stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't decide which side to spit on.
They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't decide which side to spit on.
