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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Now this was really funny

Very nice AA, just to bad that the last picture is fake :p
Didn't think we would notice, did you. ;)
 
Kitty Haiku

Someone sent this to me - and given the number of people here that have cats......

Oh and anyone that thinks this has nothing to do with D/s has obviously never owned a cat.

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat throwup hairball somewhere
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds-
Your foot just squashed one

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if
I Can hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Shouldn't leave around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My cries will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
Inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
Has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?
 
Texas Sex

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your woman down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.' Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
 
A man escapes from prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.


He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his cloths! He probably spent a lot of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably damned dangerous. If he gets angry, hell kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds. "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
 
This is a true story.

A friend of mine was playing Boggle with his wife and an elderly couple. The couple were retired missionaries. As they were playing, my friend saw the word "crap."
She looked at her husband, and saw that he had seen it too. So they knew not to put it down, since they both would have it.
Well, the missionary wife, a dear sweet woman, said, “I have a word, but I probably shouldnt say it.”
“Oh, go on, said my friend...
“Ok”, said the wife.

(pause)



"Fuck"
 
For WD and my other fellow golfer friends...

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing
golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
 
Thanks kara

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for
90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

No taxes,
No debt,
Plenty buffalo,
Plenty beaver,
Women did all the work,
Medicine man free,
Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing,
All night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled.

"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
 
WARNING TO ALL WOMEN

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While that was an "urban legend" this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd , four years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal! Who would have done such a cruel thing? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again! My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity.

Then my poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of.

This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town every night.

Warn all your friends!!!!!

PS.... Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone. As I sprang from my bed I was relieved to see that they were just hiding in my pajama bottoms. I now keep them tucked in my waistband.

i've got to read my mail more often.
 
Re: WARNING TO ALL WOMEN

AngelicAssassin said:
Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While that was an "urban legend" this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd , four years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal! Who would have done such a cruel thing? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again! My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity.

Then my poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of.

This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town every night.

Warn all your friends!!!!!

PS.... Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone. As I sprang from my bed I was relieved to see that they were just hiding in my pajama bottoms. I now keep them tucked in my waistband.

i've got to read my mail more often.
Click to expand...

i feel her... my breasts have been under my waistband since i was 15
 
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