Novice Domme, sub or switch?

[MissTaken]

I don't really know what to call myself these days and frankly, don't care.

I just thought I would share my feelings on the matter so that anyone reading my posts may understand what seems to be conflicting info.

I may post on a sub thread from a sub perspective or add my two cents into a Dom thread.

Whatever I am, I am happier than I have ever been in my life and that is what counts.

So, my thinking is that BDSMers can get too concerned and too stressed about labels and who is what to whom.

Just find your comfort and happiness and enjoy.

 

[AvaAdore]

it's not just BDSMers who get stressed over labels. it happens in every sort of group. i think people would be much happier if they stopped worrying about categorizing themselves.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't really know what to call myself these days and frankly, don't care.

I just thought I would share my feelings on the matter so that anyone reading my posts may understand what seems to be conflicting info.

I may post on a sub thread from a sub perspective or add my two cents into a Dom thread.

Whatever I am, I am happier than I have ever been in my life and that is what counts.

So, my thinking is that BDSMers can get too concerned and too stressed about labels and who is what to whom.

Just find your comfort and happiness and enjoy.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us Miss T. As you know, I initially had difficulty understanding how you and others could switch so apparently easily, and at times thought you might just be a bit confused in your need to explore both sides of the coin. Your openness and honesty have helped me understand where you are coming from more and appreciate it is who you are and where you are happiest. Being the eternal optomist and romantic, I am over the moon you seem to have found your bliss with one who can fulfil the needs you had and began at times to feel may never be realised fully. Dreams can really come true if we only dare to believe.

Catalina

 

[sifer]

How well I know your situation.

At most munches they want you to be one or the other. When in fact we are both.

Only those who know the other side can truly please their partner.

Sifer

 

[Netzach]

Finding my place was not a neat trajectory, either. I don't think it is for everyone.

I basically went in viewing myself as Dominant, but found I liked the experiences I had while training. (Which began with bottoming.)

I then defined myself as a switch which felt right for a while.

I then met the right person, and after that, the thought of submitting is kind of like the thought of last night's fries. He's definitely the right man for me, and definitely submissive.

Interestingly, I know a lot of Dommes who have come up through this kind of development, and fewer Doms. Some even wind up switching orientations with an initially Top/Dom partner and find that things work much better the other way around. Perhaps women are more prone to project their desires or or submit first out of socialization, I'm not really sure.

I'd still bottom if I found myself with a really hot woman to Top me and a free dance card, but it's not something I've found myself doing in the last three years, clearly not a priority. My ass is woefully sensitive to whacking these days, I feel wimpy.

I have no problem considering myself Dominant in orientation, even if I'm able to speak of bottoming, even submitting, from my various experiences doing that.

To those who take issue with my right to that label, a hearty up yours.

 

[catalina_francisco]

To those who take issue with my right to that label, a hearty up yours.

I think in all honesty everyone has a label of some kind regardless of what they say or feel. It only need become a negative experience when used to try and make others feel inferior. Reality is we all have to label ourselves by gender, profession, and a multiitude of other labels everyday just to fin\ction in the world in a productive and acceptable (acceptable to the powers that be) manner. Is like the judgement argument...everyone makes judgements everyday otherwise they woud be dead most likely...it only becomes negative when used to oppress others.

Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

it's not just BDSMers who get stressed over labels. it happens in every sort of group. i think people would be much happier if they stopped worrying about categorizing themselves.

So true.

In fact, if it weren't true, garbage men would still be garbage men and not "sanitation engineers."

 

[MissTaken]

How well I know your situation.

At most munches they want you to be one or the other. When in fact we are both.

Only those who know the other side can truly please their partner.

Sifer

Thank you for posting.

I would say that those who know the "other side" may have some advantages when it comes to pleasing their partner, but from another angle, if Dom X meets sub Y and their interests match, being able to say, "I used to love getting a flogging" isn't going to matter.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Novice Domme, sub or switch?

Thanks for sharing your journey with us Miss T.
Catalina

Thank you, Catalina.



I remember when I first began reading about BDSM and read many references to the "journey." I thought, then, that people were simply romanticizing getting into kink.

Silly me.

It is a journey and like any journey, there are unscheduled stops, detours and sometimes, you find yourself at a destination altogether different than you originally planned!

And other times, the journey is much like a rollercoaster ride

 

[MissTaken]

I'd still bottom if I found myself with a really hot woman to Top me and a free dance card, but it's not something I've found myself doing in the last three years, clearly not a priority. My ass is woefully sensitive to whacking these days, I feel wimpy.

.

I can't say I won't ever submit again, but my arse is rather tender these days!

I was talking with a dear friend the other day who suggested, tongue in cheek, I needed a spanking. I told him, "Possibly, but I say WHEN!" *smirks*

So, seriously, I don't know where, if, when or how deep submission may play a role in my future, but I do know I am very happy with where my life is now. I still enjoy certain activities and yes, do enjoy bringing my guy pleasure in the context of our relationship.

We have talked a lot about my past as well as our present and future. We both agree that what we call ourselves isn't nearly as important that we love each other.

 

[sifer]

Misstaken

You certanly have a grip on whats important.

Dont wory be happy.

Sifer

 

[WriterDom]

My Domme friend has had an interesting journey. When I met her she was nilla. I could tell she wasn't submissive, but it surprised me when she told me about a year later that she was now Domme. A couple of years went by, and just recently I learned that she is lesbian now. She wants to turn her submissive girlfriend into a Domme so they can be entertained by her boys together.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Misstaken

You certanly have a grip on whats important.

Dont wory be happy.

Sifer

Thank you.

 

[MissTaken]

My Domme friend has had an interesting journey. When I met her she was nilla. I could tell she wasn't submissive, but it surprised me when she told me about a year later that she was now Domme. A couple of years went by, and just recently I learned that she is lesbian now. She wants to turn her submissive girlfriend into a Domme so they can be entertained by her boys together.

Now this is a gal who has the best of both worlds? Three worlds? ERrr I don't know.

But perhaps rather than try to turn her girlfriend into anything, she may simply say, "I want you to do this and find enjoyment in it." Labelling the act is good for clarity, at times, but othertimes, isn't it just better to let it happen?