Not what you thought they were? Relationship changes...

[cnfulangel]

I feel ur pain!

 

[HottieMama]

Well after a heated argument on Saturday night, and a more productive discussion yesterday morning, some interesting things were revealed.

First, his reluctance to really "hurt" me is in part because he loves me and doesn't want to damage me in any way or damage our relationship. He admitted that if he "breaks me to a sniveling mess on the floor" he is worried that I will be angry/upset with him when it is all over and won't love him anymore. I tried to explain to him that yes, I might be upset but I think that I will love him more when all is said and done. I also reminded him that even if I get angry with him it doesn't mean I stop loving him. (If I stopped loving him, I wouldn't get angry... I would simply not care.)

I told him that I was strongly considering bottoming for other men, and while he didn't say no, he didn't give his permission either. He asked me to give him a chance to meet my needs, and to guide him in meeting those needs. As much as some small part of me likes to cling to the fantasy of the all-knowing Dom, I have to realize that if this is going to get better it is going to require work on both of our parts.

So that's pretty much where we are at for now. I will say honestly that we have been in this same place before. Things get better for a short time and then go back to the way they were. That said, I am cautiously optimistic.

 

[StrayKat]

Well after a heated argument on Saturday night, and a more productive discussion yesterday morning, some interesting things were revealed.

First, his reluctance to really "hurt" me is in part because he loves me and doesn't want to damage me in any way or damage our relationship. He admitted that if he "breaks me to a sniveling mess on the floor" he is worried that I will be angry/upset with him when it is all over and won't love him anymore. I tried to explain to him that yes, I might be upset but I think that I will love him more when all is said and done. I also reminded him that even if I get angry with him it doesn't mean I stop loving him. (If I stopped loving him, I wouldn't get angry... I would simply not care.)

I told him that I was strongly considering bottoming for other men, and while he didn't say no, he didn't give his permission either. He asked me to give him a chance to meet my needs, and to guide him in meeting those needs. As much as some small part of me likes to cling to the fantasy of the all-knowing Dom, I have to realize that if this is going to get better it is going to require work on both of our parts.

So that's pretty much where we are at for now. I will say honestly that we have been in this same place before. Things get better for a short time and then go back to the way they were. That said, I am cautiously optimistic.

What you wrote here does sound optimistic.
Mind, such things rarely change overnight or in big leaps, sometimes it takes literally years and small steps you hardly notice at the time.

 

[intothewoods]

I have been reading along, but haven't had much to add. Hottie, you and your D have experienced a lot of changes in a short period of time. You guys met, fell in love, got married and had a baby in 18 months, is that correct? That's a lot for anyone to process, man or woman. I would continue to speak up for what you need, but to keep in mind that men sometimes struggle during these transitions. Best of luck.

 

[sb2009]

oh my, there's a new baby in the picture? Well...it may not be true for everyone, but it was for us, that having children changed our lives so profoundly (we had two, five years apart - if you want another, do it sooner than that!) that I looking back, I feel like we should have had one of those warnings that you get when you have anesthesia: don't make any serious decisions for a while, etc.

Our girls are 12 and 7 and only in the last two years have we began to reclaim ourselves as a couple. I think we took longer than "normal" because we dealt with long term separations (year at a time) for his job.

What my rambling is trying to say is that having a baby is like changing all the wiring in your computer, tv and gameing system set up. It takes a while to get it back together, and some stuff may need to be upgraded before it's running again.

Talk, talk,talk, listen,listen, listen.

And post-partum "whoremoans" - they can fuck with perception of reality on a huge scale. For somepeople. I felt as if the world were coming to an end and I'd never have a non-mom part of my life again.

I do, it's not the same, but it's cool.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hottie... Toldja talk to him about it. I hope things get better going forward!

 

[SubKekiLee]

Wow, after reading everyone's comments I do not think I could say it better.

I hope it will get better for a longer period of time I am sorry to hear you are struggling in your relationship as far as your not getting your needs met.

I will send positive vibes your way and hope for the best..

HUGS.. I Miss you