Not sure?

[MackenzieRae]

So, first of all, hi. I'm new on Lit, and not used to talking about this stuff openly. So if I seem hesitant, just ignore it xD

I've been into BDSM somewhat for a long time (for Freudian reasons I won't discuss,) and my boyfriend (who is also somewhat interested) and I have been trying out a little bit of it recently. It's turned out well so far, but I don't know where to go from here.
I don't know if I want to take it farther (away from simple spanking/tying up), because I'm a little scared of it (some things I've seen go waaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.) Also, I'm scared that he'll take it too far (because he is always trying to make me give him oral when i don't want to,) or that he'll think I'm a freak afterwards.

But sometimes I honestly can't get off with just the normal foreplay/sex/cuddle/sleep scenario. It's just not for me.

Any advice?

 

[Daxaeha]

When you say that you're scared of it, do you mean that you're scared of it leading to more taboo things?
I can certainly understand that fear.
Taking it slow and steady is all I can suggest, besides, who says you need to go any further than a simple spanking and tying up?
Sounds just wonderful to me.

 

[Numerical_Value]

I can't give you an answer as to where you can take it.
But I will tel you that you need to establish boundaries for yourself, and talk to him, seeing what he wants, or how far he wants to go. He may be a closet freak himself, but going through the same thing, just scared to ask you to go too far.

Communication is the key.

 

[Loverskitten]

So, first of all, hi. I'm new on Lit, and not used to talking about this stuff openly. So if I seem hesitant, just ignore it xD

I've been into BDSM somewhat for a long time (for Freudian reasons I won't discuss,) and my boyfriend (who is also somewhat interested) and I have been trying out a little bit of it recently. It's turned out well so far, but I don't know where to go from here.
I don't know if I want to take it farther (away from simple spanking/tying up), because I'm a little scared of it (some things I've seen go waaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.) Also, I'm scared that he'll take it too far (because he is always trying to make me give him oral when i don't want to,) or that he'll think I'm a freak afterwards.

But sometimes I honestly can't get off with just the normal foreplay/sex/cuddle/sleep scenario. It's just not for me.

Any advice?

You sound very young. Take your time, don't be forced into something you don't want to do. There will be plenty of guys willing to hold your hand, respect limits, and be patient while you experiment. Yes, communicate, communicate, communicate.

If you want to know if your kinks/limits match up with your boyfriend's you both can fill out BDSM checklists.
I'm too lazy to search right now but there are a few lists in the stickies at the top of the page.

That's all I can muster with this cold/flu thing I've got goin on.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

So, first of all, hi. I'm new on Lit, and not used to talking about this stuff openly. So if I seem hesitant, just ignore it xD

Hesitant is okay, and natural. Failing to be honest - with us and with *yourself* - is not. With us, because we wouldn't have proper input to respond to; with yourself, because you need to face yourself and your fears in order to overcome or adapt to them, and you can't do that if you're not honest with yourself about what you want and/or need in your life.

I've been into BDSM somewhat for a long time (for Freudian reasons I won't discuss,) and my boyfriend (who is also somewhat interested) and I have been trying out a little bit of it recently. It's turned out well so far, but I don't know where to go from here.

Where to go from here is "the next step," whether that step is further in or a step away. That may sound simplistic and patronizing, but it really isn't intended to be that way. It's simply a truth that too many of us too often don't want to see, or just don't see.

I don't know if I want to take it farther (away from simple spanking/tying up), because I'm a little scared of it (some things I've seen go waaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.)

MacRae, *I've* seen some things that go waaaaaaay out of MY comfort zone... and I've been doing this for more than 40 years, 25+ years in actually knowing somewhat of what I'm doing, and I'm considered to be fairly well along the sadist end of the BDSM spectrum by most people in the culture.

There are things that are out of just about *any*body's comfort zone. You (plural) just need to discuss and determine what things are in *your* (plural) comfort zone, and agree to stick to those things until and unless your (plural) comfort zone expands.

Also, I'm scared that he'll take it too far (because he is always trying to make me give him oral when i don't want to,) or that he'll think I'm a freak afterwards.

This is actually the first portion of your post that makes me uncomfortable: "Because he is always trying to make me give him oral when i don't want to." The core of any good relationship - BDSM, vanilla, or purple with chartreuse polkadots - is trust and mutual consent concerning the activities in which they engage, even in most Master/slave relationships. (The slave usually will have trusted the Master enough to consent to surrender control.)

This, therefore, is one of the first areas you need to discuss with your boyfriend. You also need to set up, unless you decide go into a Master/slave relationship, safewords, (both) agree to use and follow them, and then do so. He will need to build trust in you, and you will need to build trust in him that you will use safewords appropriately, and not try to "tough it out" if things start to get too much. Especially for people just getting into the BDSM culture, there is often a fear that using safewords is "wimping out" or being used to manipulate the PYL. I've seen people who had what I considered a *lot* of potential in the culture burn out because they didn't want to be seen as "weak" or "unable to take it," and thus refused to use safewords.

If dealing with someone relatively new to the culture and not accustomed to my preferred level of play, I would much, much, much rather they yellowed or red-ed *before* they became too uncomfortable rather than waiting until they simply couldn't stand it any more and I was risking the possibility of "second thoughts" leading to a battery or sexual assault arrest the next morning or next week.

You also need to discuss with him your concern that "he'll think [you're] a freak afterwards." There is a good chance, though, that if you (plural) have discussed your (plural) wants and projected activities beforehand, that this concern will fade away, because you'll (singular) realize that he is as involved - and therefore just as much a "freak" - as you are.

But sometimes I honestly can't get off with just the normal foreplay/sex/cuddle/sleep scenario. It's just not for me.

Yeah, most of us have been there, done that. It's good that you have faced up to that realization, and come to one of the best places in the Netiverse to discuss it and learn about your options.

Any advice?

You just got it.