ok, me and my girlfriend have just started having sex for the first time recently. everything went fine except she's not getting any pleasure from the sex. We're both comfortable and relaxed while having sex and she's not nervous about it or anything, but she's just not feeling anything. Now, my basic question is, is this normal and what can I do to pleasure her? We're both at college and I'll be seeing her again in 2 weeks. I'd like to come back to some great sex, but I'm not sure what's wrong (if anything). Any recommendations or tips are greatly appreciated.
not pleasing her?
- Thread starter timdorr
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Pdxmwm
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Focus on her...
Forget focusing on the act of sex itself; focus instead on doing things that she finds physically pleasing. Take your time caressing her in a non intimate way, and progress to intimacy only as you feel her inviting you there. Try a warm oil massage starting with her hands and feet. A woman has many erogenous zones, and you have all the time in the world. Rent a hotel room with a bubble tub; snuggle together while the water caresses both of you. Lavender scented candles flickering in the background, sweet chocolates, and a rose on the pillow will add to the romantic mood. Focus on her pleasure, and yours will follow.
Forget focusing on the act of sex itself; focus instead on doing things that she finds physically pleasing. Take your time caressing her in a non intimate way, and progress to intimacy only as you feel her inviting you there. Try a warm oil massage starting with her hands and feet. A woman has many erogenous zones, and you have all the time in the world. Rent a hotel room with a bubble tub; snuggle together while the water caresses both of you. Lavender scented candles flickering in the background, sweet chocolates, and a rose on the pillow will add to the romantic mood. Focus on her pleasure, and yours will follow.
ilovewriting
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I agree, you need to find out what turns her and what she likes, that way it will obviously become more exciting for her. If she isinto the whole romantic leadup to sex than take the time to do that, and find out what she likes. Eventually you will become tunned to eachother and it will all all into place.
Cytra
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Talk to her
If you are both comfortable with your sexes, talking shouldn't be a problem. YOu are both new to sex however, so it may not be as open as you'd wish, and she could be holding stuff back. I know I did, but I'd hint. Eventually, you'll grow sexually together and really talk about anything. But baby steps is the key. Personally, i really like being rubbed all over, having him play with my breasts. Play with the clit, find out which way she likes it best, all girls are different..
If you are both comfortable with your sexes, talking shouldn't be a problem. YOu are both new to sex however, so it may not be as open as you'd wish, and she could be holding stuff back. I know I did, but I'd hint. Eventually, you'll grow sexually together and really talk about anything. But baby steps is the key. Personally, i really like being rubbed all over, having him play with my breasts. Play with the clit, find out which way she likes it best, all girls are different..
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MasterTheMind
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a bit of advice from someone whose been there
As someone whose been in your position before, the key is to go slowly.
Explore each other and find out what is pleasurable. If you start slow, and engage in lots of loveplay beforehand you'll both end up with a very satisfying experience.
Even if you find that she doesn't acheive orgasm the next time, continue to explore and you'll find that while she might not cum immediately, she'll apreciate the attention and it will be that much easier for her to get "the big O" in future attempts
Just remember, it's fun to explore and play!
As someone whose been in your position before, the key is to go slowly.
Explore each other and find out what is pleasurable. If you start slow, and engage in lots of loveplay beforehand you'll both end up with a very satisfying experience.
Even if you find that she doesn't acheive orgasm the next time, continue to explore and you'll find that while she might not cum immediately, she'll apreciate the attention and it will be that much easier for her to get "the big O" in future attempts
Just remember, it's fun to explore and play!
thank you all very much for the advice.
Emerald_eyed: only birth control as far as I know. And I would hope that wouldn't have any side effects 
I've tried as slowly as I believe I can (the pain thing was a big issue for both of us), but I think the atmosphere needs some improvment. The thing I suspect is that she's unwilling to allow herself pleasure; i know she has a problem with herself feeling "dirty". However, on the same count, I'm able to please her with hand jobs and oral sex as well... I"m just totally confused But, fear not, I'll figure a way.
Results posted soon
Emerald_eyed: only birth control as far as I know. And I would hope that wouldn't have any side effects
I've tried as slowly as I believe I can (the pain thing was a big issue for both of us), but I think the atmosphere needs some improvment. The thing I suspect is that she's unwilling to allow herself pleasure; i know she has a problem with herself feeling "dirty". However, on the same count, I'm able to please her with hand jobs and oral sex as well... I"m just totally confused
But, fear not, I'll figure a way.Results posted soon
curvacious
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Well congratulations on finding someone that you so much about. Some guys wouldn't care that their partner wasn't having as good a time as possible. Well I don't want to be a downer but not all women have orgasms. It may take a while before a women does with her partner. For some women, it takes a lot of trust for a woman to "lose" control around another person. Also, some women do not cum from intercourse. It maybe that oral sex or touching her with your fingers/hands/toys will be the thing that does it. I do agree with a lot of people here--focus on her. If she's not all that communicative during sex listen for other cues or watch for them. Listen to see if she sharply draws her breath in (can be good or bad), or for breathing increase, or moaning. Does she knead your skin (or dig nails into ya) when it feels go. Or maybe she grabs the sheet or pillow. I think she's a lucky women to have a guy that cares about her like you do. Just keep trying and hopefully you'll both make each other feel wonderful.
curvacious said:
no, she doesn't feel anything. she gets no pleasure from sex. according to her "it doesn't do anything for [her]" So, I'm a bit upset to say the least and I don't know what's wrong. I'd like her to enjoy it and not feel like she's doing it just to please me. I'd like it to be for the both of us, ya know?
thanks again for all the replyies.
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RawHumor
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Emerald_eyed said:
Let me speak for everyone here, when I say "Woo hoo!"
Unless you're thinking of posting naughty pics, you could just get some regular ones scanned in.
Unless you don't have too many good pics of yourself, which is also quite common.
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RawHumor
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Emerald_eyed said:
Ouch - I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. There IS a device (can't remember the name just now) that you can attach to your computer and your TV that will let you put pics from the TV onto your computer. I'm not sure if that'd be a better value for you than a digicam though.
(Damn, I was hoping you were going to tell me that you wanted the digicam so you could take/post naughty pics...)
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bad kitty
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Actually birthcontrol can have many many side effects... i had to stop taking it because it made me very depressed and totally not interested in sex or being touched at all.timdorr said:thank you all very much for the advice.
Emerald_eyed: only birth control as far as I know. And I would hope that wouldn't have any side effects
well, she's taking orthotricyclen (i'm sure that's spelt wrong...), so if anyone knows any side effects of that, feel free to inform me.
as for her not enjoying it becuase of her age, that could be a possibilty. I'd certainly like to stay with her until she can get to the age that she likes it
I suppose we can just wait at this point...
as for her not enjoying it becuase of her age, that could be a possibilty. I'd certainly like to stay with her until she can get to the age that she likes it
I suppose we can just wait at this point...
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bad kitty
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That is exactly what i was taking. When i was 19 i was absolutely loving it, and it gets better every year... Seriously though, birthcontrol can seriously mess you up.timdorr said:well, she's taking orthotricyclen (i'm sure that's spelt wrong...), so if anyone knows any side effects of that, feel free to inform me.
as for her not enjoying it becuase of her age, that could be a possibilty. I'd certainly like to stay with her until she can get to the age that she likes it
I suppose we can just wait at this point...
Hang in there.
For women its more about "Mood". ie Romantic / Hot and Horny / Voyure etc.
Sometimes its about setting the mood. Lighting, candles, music, warm oils, some fine wine in moderation. (Too much and the equpment may not want to cooperate).
Check out the Hitichi Magic Wand. Great for massages and other imagnitive ideas.
Suggestive movie's and no porn yet. Say "Wild Orchid" or "9 1/2 Weeks" leaves plenty to the imagination.
Also become a student of Higher Sex Education. Study, watch instructional videos.
Visit the board often. Continue to ask questions. Be Come the Tongue Master!
And communicate. Ask her what feels good and what doesn't. Ask her to give you instructions and guide you to places that make her feel good.
Best of Luck
For women its more about "Mood". ie Romantic / Hot and Horny / Voyure etc.
Sometimes its about setting the mood. Lighting, candles, music, warm oils, some fine wine in moderation. (Too much and the equpment may not want to cooperate).
Check out the Hitichi Magic Wand. Great for massages and other imagnitive ideas.
Suggestive movie's and no porn yet. Say "Wild Orchid" or "9 1/2 Weeks" leaves plenty to the imagination.
Also become a student of Higher Sex Education. Study, watch instructional videos.
Visit the board often. Continue to ask questions. Be Come the Tongue Master!
And communicate. Ask her what feels good and what doesn't. Ask her to give you instructions and guide you to places that make her feel good.
Best of Luck
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