Not feeling practical or prudent...

[ShyVixen]

I suppose it's always difficult when you meet someone online - knowing what kind of person they are etc etc, but as everyone else said, you are an intelligent woman.

The only advice I can give is take it slowly and have him come to you for the first time. Dinner in Dallas, and if you hit it off, maybe an extended stay for him. Just be careful.

 

[minx1]

Hey Cutiemouse, As you know my initial reaction was wow and to an extent it still is......a wow with a little caution.

I think he sounds wonderful and its great that you already feel some kind of connection. I completely understand other people reservations however and think that you have been offered a lot of good advice. I will say however that just because he has been open so quickly about his personal circumstances and wealth may be a bad sign but it could also be that simply he is an openbook.....I know I am. He could very easily be someone who has worked every hour god sent, retired early and found themselves settled in the DR and unable to meet a SO. Hell I'm in London and find it difficult lol.

I hope he is all the things he appears to be.

As people have already said on here CM you are a mature, levelheaded woman, who gives great perspective and advice to people and their problems. Its sometimes just not that easy to self prescribe!

I would most definitely listen to whats been said here and imagine that you are advising someone else in that situation....what would you suggest they did?

I think dinner is a great idea, followed by a visit to Dallas or a stay in a hotel for you. I don't know, maybe you could go for a shorter visit initially, staying locally to him and maybe even taking a friend? I don't know how possible that is. When I was going to OZ to meet my M, I was fortunate enough to be going with a good mate.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and happy times.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I hope I didn't upset or offend you Cutie as it was not my intention, your safety and happiness are. The money thing is a concern for me (as in if it were me, not necessarily you), as my experience was all who mentioned they were well off, wealthy, had independent means while I was looking did so because they first thought it gave them an advantage in getting a sub, and secondly they also actually felt it deserved a certain respect which came down to thinking they were doing me a favour to even dangle it in my face. What they were all shocked to find was that I didn't bite and actually moved further away from considering them. The one person I did communicate with who was wealthy and I respected highly (and he has since found and married his slave) never mentioned his wealth, never even gave clues to it but I worked out over time he had to be to be able to live the lifestyle he did, and where he did, and offer the things he was prepared to.

Like EG said, there are some out there who can fool the best of us, and that is not what we want happening to you. One of the reasons I knew before meeting F that I did not need to have any concerns in that direction were not only did I have copies or actual original documents of his such as birth certificates, passports, etc., (oh and a marriage licence application he had authorised), I also had contact details for everyone in his life including his employer. These were further verified in that he would talk on webcam from work at times and I would see those people he worked with and who were posted on the company website he had given me, and they actually waved to me online as did his mother and others. It sort of went a step beyond the providing of documents and such which can be forged by a very clever person, and added security in knowing others knew what was going on, that he was meeting me, etc.

That being said, I never would have considered taking a friend to any meeting I had as that is just not me. I have been fairly much a loner all my life and handled things on my own, so taking someone with me would have spoilt it for me, and not represented me well as who I was. It is a safety option, but can also be used to provide you with false security if they choose to behave because the friend is around and wait until they are no longer a problem...or worse, they find a way to take care of the friend without you realising. All anyone wants here is your safety, and you know this is what we tell everyone asking the same question as you.....it does not mean you are smarter or dumber than anyone else, it is just what we do in the interests of offering advice asked for when we do not have the advantage of personally connecting with the other person ourselves to check for any gaps in the persona. Boring I know, but always with your best interests in our hearts. I hope he turns out to make us all look like over anxious chaperones and your Prince Charming to a big T.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Two words: Suzette Trouten - My friend. Who did all the right things, who had safe calls, who built a relationship over time, who investigated this "wonderful man" she met off the internet...

Three words: John Edward Robinson - The man who killed her. The man who said all the right things. The man who had references and ID's and a job waiting for her...

I'm not saying this fellow is anything at all like Robinson. He may be all that and a box of cookies. I'm just asking you to be very very careful, dear Cutie.

I lost one friend to someone who was too good to be true... I don't want to lose another.

Yes, you can Google both names and find the whole story...

Oh God EG, I remember all about that case. And one of his victims was a friend of yours. What a terrible thing to have happened. I remember thinking at the time, if it could have been avoided, and decided that sociopaths are much more motivated than someone who is not.

Sometimes we just have bad luck.

I am so sorry for you loss.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Honest to god- money isn't at the top of the list as to why I'm even interested. Obviously there is money there, to be retired at a younger age, but I'm digging on his mind and wit- which isn't a guarantee of chemistry, but it's a nice start.

Add to that, that in terms of relationship structure, his views are almost exactly what I was envisioning, as I wrote my personals ad. I chose my words very carefully, with the hope that the right person would read them, see all the unspoken stuff between the lines, and think "I want ABCD in a relationship, I wonder if those are the things she wants too..." I didn't expect that to happen, and I'd never make a snap decision based off a few phonecalls, but it's surreal that it (so far) seems to have happened.

I've decided i need a dinner date before we make any serious decisions regarding visiting/spending signifigant time together...

Good luck, be careful and have fun. And make sure your cell phone is fully charged at all times!

 

[neonflux]

Two words: Suzette Trouten - My friend. Who did all the right things, who had safe calls, who built a relationship over time, who investigated this "wonderful man" she met off the internet...

Three words: John Edward Robinson - The man who killed her. The man who said all the right things. The man who had references and ID's and a job waiting for her...

I'm not saying this fellow is anything at all like Robinson. He may be all that and a box of cookies. I'm just asking you to be very very careful, dear Cutie.

I lost one friend to someone who was too good to be true... I don't want to lose another.

Yes, you can Google both names and find the whole story...

I don't remember the story, but it is certainly more than a cautionary tale. I am deeply sorry for your friend and your loss of her, EG. Neon

 

[CutieMouse]

Cat I'm not offended... I don't believe it would have been possible to be up front and honest about living where he is, and ask about relocation possibilities, without mentioning that he retired early/etc. I'd be seriously pissed off if I'd talked to the guy for a week or two, then he said "oh btw, I live in such and such country, yadayadayada." The only allusion to money was that he was fortunate enough to have cahsed in a reasonable portfolio at age 50, and retired to the DR. He says he's comfortable but "not well off"; everyone who has said that in my life, has had a different definition of "not well off" than me. LOL

I have to consider *if* we click, *if* this is real, *if* a decision to move forward is made, how will I be protected? I would be financially dependent on someone else. What happens if 5 months down the road he loses interest? What happens if 5-15 years down the road things aren't working out? Relationships rarely last forever anymore... The fact that I'm 35 with no investments, no savings, etc, means something as wild as this possibility actually leaves me in a more vulnerable position than someone who had their financial life in order. What happens to me if the relationship ends? am I on the street in the DR, with no savings, no investments, and another enormous gap in my resume? I know how damaging it can be to give up a career/occupation, to run a household... that demands an added layer of financial security, to compensate for the risk. It sounds cold to say that, but it's prudent to recognize the facts of how such a decision could impact me years down the road. I did that once when I got married, which left me with teh struggles I have today; I don't care to repeat those poor decisions. (See? capable of being a bit giddy and still stay practical... amazing, eh?)

I will be sure to have copies of all legal documents before doing anything, and he's offered that I can talk to various friends, his rabbi, etc if it makes me more comfortable. I'm also still being me, still calling bullshit when I feel like it, being a smart ass if he leaves himself wide open for a shot, not agreeing to anything that hints at D/s dynamics, voicing my concerns as they arise so we can discuss them, and am keeping my collarme profile active.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cat I'm not offended... I don't believe it would have been possible to be up front and honest about living where he is, and ask about relocation possibilities, without mentioning that he retired early/etc. I'd be seriously pissed off if I'd talked to the guy for a week or two, then he said "oh btw, I live in such and such country, yadayadayada." The only allusion to money was that he was fortunate enough to have cahsed in a reasonable portfolio at age 50, and retired to the DR. He says he's comfortable but "not well off"; everyone who has said that in my life, has had a different definition of "not well off" than me. LOL

I have to consider *if* we click, *if* this is real, *if* a decision to move forward is made, how will I be protected? I would be financially dependent on someone else. What happens if 5 months down the road he loses interest? What happens if 5-15 years down the road things aren't working out? Relationships rarely last forever anymore... The fact that I'm 35 with no investments, no savings, etc, means something as wild as this possibility actually leaves me in a more vulnerable position than someone who had their financial life in order. What happens to me if the relationship ends? am I on the street in the DR, with no savings, no investments, and another enormous gap in my resume? I know how damaging it can be to give up a career/occupation, to run a household... that demands an added layer of financial security, to compensate for the risk. It sounds cold to say that, but it's prudent to recognize the facts of how such a decision could impact me years down the road. I did that once when I got married, which left me with teh struggles I have today; I don't care to repeat those poor decisions. (See? capable of being a bit giddy and still stay practical... amazing, eh?)

I will be sure to have copies of all legal documents before doing anything, and he's offered that I can talk to various friends, his rabbi, etc if it makes me more comfortable. I'm also still being me, still calling bullshit when I feel like it, being a smart ass if he leaves himself wide open for a shot, not agreeing to anything that hints at D/s dynamics, voicing my concerns as they arise so we can discuss them, and am keeping my collarme profile active.

LOL, ain't nothing wrong with being practical, pretty smart if you ask me. Like you, I also got caught by the giving up work to stay home with children and then divorced witha huge gap in the work history to deal with...it ain't pretty and it gets worse with age so you are wise to consider it.

Catalina

 

[DVS]

Oh God EG, I remember all about that case. And one of his victims was a friend of yours. What a terrible thing to have happened. I remember thinking at the time, if it could have been avoided, and decided that sociopaths are much more motivated than someone who is not.

Sometimes we just have bad luck.

I am so sorry for you loss.

Unfortunately, I remember the Robinson case quite well. I had no friends who were victims, but friends of friends. Because it all took place here, it was on the news daily and it was interesting, sad and disturbing all at the same time.

Because he had victim's bodies hidden on both sides of the state line he was tried in both Missouri and Kansas. He got the death penalty in Kansas and has been in prison there since 2001, I think. There was a short time when the death penalty was being disputed and it was thought by many that his sentence might be commuted to life in prison, but that all recently changed, when the death sentence was again found as constitutional.

He was as slick as they come, a master forger who could lie to his best friends and family and have them believe him. But, this is Cutie's thread, and the last thing I want to do is confuse the direction she wants it to go.

Cutie, please be safe in your persuit to be happy.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

[Snip] I'm also still being me [/Snip]

As if we'd expect anything different? CutieMouse not feeling practical or prudent, no surprise there - it can happen to anyone. CutieMouse not being practical and/or prudent - not in THIS lifetime! LOL

 

[CutieMouse]

As if we'd expect anything different? CutieMouse not feeling practical or prudent, no surprise there - it can happen to anyone. CutieMouse not being practical and/or prudent - not in THIS lifetime! LOL

So far today, I've been informed that I am insulting, rude, unintelligent, stubborn headed, ill mannered, socially inept, and that I have control issues... most of which occured after I responded to (inappropriate) initial contact emails with a single sentence:

"It is inappropriate and rude to address a lady by a term of endearment or familiarity, without first obtaining her permission."

Yep. Still me.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

So far today, I've been informed that I am insulting, rude, unintelligent, stubborn headed, ill mannered, socially inept, and that I have control issues... most of which occured after I responded to (inappropriate) initial contact emails with a single sentence:

"It is inappropriate and rude to address a lady by a term of endearment or familiarity, without first obtaining her permission."

Yep. Still me.

<Sigh> So the asshats outnumber people with working brain cells to rub together. You're surprised?

 

[inmyanonymity]

Cutie Mouse, you've gotten great advice on here.

I'm cheering for you.

Dare to take the chance, but bring a bodyguard.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Two years ago I took a risky chance that when I really think of it was insane. I had met a man on line, 5 months later was collared, and 2 months after that met him in real life for the first time. The frirst time I met him we met in a hotel bar and after about 1 minute I was on my way up to his room. After an hour or so of conversation etc I allowed him to blindfold me and strap me down to the bed...

Thus began the most sexually, physically, and emotionally awesome night of my life. Two years later I still belong to him. We see each other a few times a year and each time has been wonderful.

I am so thankful I took this chance. Of course, I took precautions.
I had met him on a message board and watched his interactions with others closely. We chatted by IM, email and phone for hours every day. He sent me many many pictures of himself with family members. (when I first saw him I mentally noted that he looked exactly like his pictures..) He was first to bring up the subject of safecalls which I did to both my husband and my sister at regular intervals through that night. I sent my sister and husband copies of his pictures, home and cell phone numbers,etc, etc...But most of all I trusted my instinct which has never failed me. He was also very concerned with making sure that I felt safe. Every time I go to see him I still forward to both my sister and my husband the hotel reservation notice that he has emailed me, just as habit.

Sometimes people you meet on-line are wonderful, fun, exciting, loving and SAFE. Sometimes taking a risk is worth it.

Meeting someone you meet on the internet is not necessarily less risky than meeting someone a in a bar, at a party, even at work or through friends.

If you want to really live life sometimes you have to take educated informed risks. I wish you luck and happiness.

 

[CutieMouse]

I thought I'd update y'all (understanding it may result in being thwapped upside the head )...

We've been talking... a lot (we were on the phone until 4am last night). Not even really discussing D/s specifically, more discussing our lives, our decisions, successes, failures, what we both need in a relationship, goofy shit, failed marriages, our parents, best friends, volunteer work, hobbies, logistics, stupid anectdotes, etc.

It's very very strange... we use the same language styles, and both of us are getting this really odd feeling because we know what the other one is going to say before they say it- we think the same way about a lot of normal everyday life stuff. He gets how my brain ticks, in the same way my best friend of 10 years does. We both use the same language/descriptors for what we are seeking in a Life Partner. We have the exact same structural concepts in mind, regarding the framework of a D/s relationship... He's very respectful of my time and my attention (always asks permission to call later, makes sure he's not interrupting anything when he does call), and very very sensitive and respectful about how he approaches any sort of intimate subject with me- which is *huge* for me. So he has all these great qualities wrapped up in the personality of a powerful, goofy, arrogant, irreverent asshole. I haven't laughed this much in months. I haven't smiles this much in years. And he thinks I'm the most amazing person he's ever met.

I have all contact information (DR address, Canadian address, business address, all land lines, cell phone, the v.i.o.p line, the Canadian Embassy in the DR, etc), freedom to chat with his ex-wife and sons if I like (with whom he's staying in Canada, while he gets the boys ready for summer camp), images of the house, Google Earth images of the property, and contact information for his Rabbi and the Board of Directors he's on for a charity organization.

I'm going to go see him in a few weeks; he purchased insurance on the flight so it can be cancelled at any time. While there he wants me to check in with my roommate by phone at a specific time every day, as well as be online checking in with any friends (or here), and he supports me in continuing to keep a collarme profile up, and respond to inquiries while I'm there- as wonderful as we both think this might be, he doesn't want me to make a commitment if there is any doubts or concerns that I might be settling. We've both agreed that at any point, even if it's only 2 hours after I arrive, either one of us can sit down, explain it isn't working, and he'll cover all expenses to send me home on the next flight out.

If we do click, I'll need to come back home to deal with some things here, and we'll move forward from there...

 

[naxalite0906]

I thought I'd update y'all (understanding it may result in being thwapped upside the head )...

We've been talking... a lot (we were on the phone until 4am last night). Not even really discussing D/s specifically, more discussing our lives, our decisions, successes, failures, what we both need in a relationship, goofy shit, failed marriages, our parents, best friends, volunteer work, hobbies, logistics, stupid anectdotes, etc.

It's very very strange... we use the same language styles, and both of us are getting this really odd feeling because we know what the other one is going to say before they say it- we think the same way about a lot of normal everyday life stuff. He gets how my brain ticks, in the same way my best friend of 10 years does. We both use the same language/descriptors for what we are seeking in a Life Partner. We have the exact same structural concepts in mind, regarding the framework of a D/s relationship... He's very respectful of my time and my attention (always asks permission to call later, makes sure he's not interrupting anything when he does call), and very very sensitive and respectful about how he approaches any sort of intimate subject with me- which is *huge* for me. So he has all these great qualities wrapped up in the personality of a powerful, goofy, arrogant, irreverent asshole. I haven't laughed this much in months. I haven't smiles this much in years. And he thinks I'm the most amazing person he's ever met.

I have all contact information (DR address, Canadian address, business address, all land lines, cell phone, the v.i.o.p line, the Canadian Embassy in the DR, etc), freedom to chat with his ex-wife and sons if I like (with whom he's staying in Canada, while he gets the boys ready for summer camp), images of the house, Google Earth images of the property, and contact information for his Rabbi and the Board of Directors he's on for a charity organization.

I'm going to go see him in a few weeks; he purchased insurance on the flight so it can be cancelled at any time. While there he wants me to check in with my roommate by phone at a specific time every day, as well as be online checking in with any friends (or here), and he supports me in continuing to keep a collarme profile up, and respond to inquiries while I'm there- as wonderful as we both think this might be, he doesn't want me to make a commitment if there is any doubts or concerns that I might be settling. We've both agreed that at any point, even if it's only 2 hours after I arrive, either one of us can sit down, explain it isn't working, and he'll cover all expenses to send me home on the next flight out.

If we do click, I'll need to come back home to deal with some things here, and we'll move forward from there...

Wow... good luck CM

(maybe find a bodyguard mouse to stick in your case to look after you )

It sounds like a rapid thing, but you are sensible enough to be careful and I admire that. My only concern is you are still going alone. I hope things work well for you, it is nice to hear you are happy

 

[DVS]

I thought I'd update y'all (understanding it may result in being thwapped upside the head )...

We've been talking... a lot (we were on the phone until 4am last night). Not even really discussing D/s specifically, more discussing our lives, our decisions, successes, failures, what we both need in a relationship, goofy shit, failed marriages, our parents, best friends, volunteer work, hobbies, logistics, stupid anectdotes, etc.

It's very very strange... we use the same language styles, and both of us are getting this really odd feeling because we know what the other one is going to say before they say it- we think the same way about a lot of normal everyday life stuff. He gets how my brain ticks, in the same way my best friend of 10 years does. We both use the same language/descriptors for what we are seeking in a Life Partner. We have the exact same structural concepts in mind, regarding the framework of a D/s relationship... He's very respectful of my time and my attention (always asks permission to call later, makes sure he's not interrupting anything when he does call), and very very sensitive and respectful about how he approaches any sort of intimate subject with me- which is *huge* for me. So he has all these great qualities wrapped up in the personality of a powerful, goofy, arrogant, irreverent asshole. I haven't laughed this much in months. I haven't smiles this much in years. And he thinks I'm the most amazing person he's ever met.

I have all contact information (DR address, Canadian address, business address, all land lines, cell phone, the v.i.o.p line, the Canadian Embassy in the DR, etc), freedom to chat with his ex-wife and sons if I like (with whom he's staying in Canada, while he gets the boys ready for summer camp), images of the house, Google Earth images of the property, and contact information for his Rabbi and the Board of Directors he's on for a charity organization.

I'm going to go see him in a few weeks; he purchased insurance on the flight so it can be cancelled at any time. While there he wants me to check in with my roommate by phone at a specific time every day, as well as be online checking in with any friends (or here), and he supports me in continuing to keep a collarme profile up, and respond to inquiries while I'm there- as wonderful as we both think this might be, he doesn't want me to make a commitment if there is any doubts or concerns that I might be settling. We've both agreed that at any point, even if it's only 2 hours after I arrive, either one of us can sit down, explain it isn't working, and he'll cover all expenses to send me home on the next flight out.

If we do click, I'll need to come back home to deal with some things here, and we'll move forward from there...

I don't know...maybe I'm a die-hard pessimist or maybe I just want to thwap you upside the head. It seems and sounds great, but that's just what's bothering me. Maybe I've seen too many Hitchcock or Stephen King movies. As strange as it seems, I feel like a worrying mom. Even though it seems like he's an OK guy and your world is about to change for the better...just watch it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We've both agreed that at any point, even if it's only 2 hours after I arrive, either one of us can sit down, explain it isn't working, and he'll cover all expenses to send me home on the next flight out.

It sounds great, and I do believe these things are possible, but still want you to be extra careful. I know you say he has agreed to cover expenses if for any reason it doesn't work and you need to come back home, but it is still a situation of anyone can say anything, doing can be another situation entirely and not one you would have any leverage in enforcing so please try and have an alternative option incase the worst scenario plays out and he won't cover your trip home. For me I would want the return ticket up front with options to change the return booking date if needed...you never know, you might be like me when I first came to NL for 3 weeks and couldn't bear to go home for 3 months so had to change the ticket. Could also be as goofy as him being so certain it is going to be great that he feels comfortable offering that option without really considering it might actually be asked for. I am so happy you are this happy, but just want to make sure you cover your own arse even when he has offered. I think we should arrange a Lit chaperone group to escort you and watch over events to make sure your honour is not taken advantage of.

Catalina

 

[HottieMama]

While there he wants me to check in with my roommate by phone at a specific time every day, as well as be online checking in with any friends (or here),

Cutie...would you be willing to call one of us so that we could update Lit for you? After all....He could post under your name and we would never know the difference...(Just a thought...feel free to tell me to shove it...)

i'm worried....but i wish you luck... And please realize that the extent of our worry only speaks to the extent of our love for you.

 

[satindesire]

Have you two spoken via webcam yet?

 

[CutieMouse]

It sounds great, and I do believe these things are possible, but still want you to be extra careful. I know you say he has agreed to cover expenses if for any reason it doesn't work and you need to come back home, but it is still a situation of anyone can say anything, doing can be another situation entirely and not one you would have any leverage in enforcing so please try and have an alternative option incase the worst scenario plays out and he won't cover your trip home. For me I would want the return ticket up front with options to change the return booking date if needed...you never know, you might be like me when I first came to NL for 3 weeks and couldn't bear to go home for 3 months so had to change the ticket. Could also be as goofy as him being so certain it is going to be great that he feels comfortable offering that option without really considering it might actually be asked for. I am so happy you are this happy, but just want to make sure you cover your own arse even when he has offered. I think we should arrange a Lit chaperone group to escort you and watch over events to make sure your honour is not taken advantage of.

Catalina

Cat, I have the entire e-ticked in my inbox- both flight out and back, and I know how much the fee is to have the ticket changed, and will be sure to ahve that amount in my bank account. It's an AA flight, which goes in and out of the DR daily.

 

[CutieMouse]

Cutie...would you be willing to call one of us so that we could update Lit for you? After all....He could post under your name and we would never know the difference...(Just a thought...feel free to tell me to shove it...)

i'm worried....but i wish you luck... And please realize that the extent of our worry only speaks to the extent of our love for you.

I'd be happy to do so, and based on our conversations, I'm sure he'd agree it was a wise and prudent thing to do.

 

[CutieMouse]

Have you two spoken via webcam yet?

We've spent umm... about 15+ hours on the phone in the last 5 days. LOL

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Have you two spoken via webcam yet?

We've spent umm... about 15+ hours on the phone in the last 5 days. LOL

I think the operative phrase in there is "via webcam?" As in actually seeing each other while talking...

 

[ecstaticsub]

I think webcam is a wonderful idea. Big difference between camming and phone, and I don't mean preforming sex acts by cam. Being able to see each others expressions while talking can be quite revealing.